Addressing Invitations for single friends

[tanyak]

Date: 3/14/2007 10:21:11 AM
Author: *~Sweetpea~*

I will invite the BM's with guest, even though the single ones are probably unlikely to bring a guest just because they'll be busy.

Alot of my (and FI's) single friends have already made comments that they don't want to bring anyone b/c they think the others are 'hot' haha, definately bound to make for an interesting night to see who ends up with whom.

I'm glad you're inviting the BMs with guests.

But I do have to say, I never understand why people think the BP will be so busy they won't have time for dates. I got married in August and I've been a bridesmaid twice. Sure, you race around all day before the wedding, but in most cases, after you introduce the wedding party at the reception, the BP's duties are done. There are another three or four hours of eating and dancing and carrying on. I would hate to think that people don't invite the BP with guests simply because they think they will be "too busy" to be with one at all over the course of the evening.

 

[winternight]

Date: 3/14/2007 4:46:43 AM
Author: swingirl
Since you are inviting a single person to come see you get married and celebrate your happiness I think it is common curtiousy that he/she have the option to bring someone to enjoy it with? I don''t think it''s a lot of fun to eat dinner with a table full of couples who are all chatting with their spouses. Or to not be able to dance or talk to anyone the know.

It used to be considered appropriate that an adult could bring an escort to social events and not have to be alone. And the idea that you have to personally know everyone at your wedding means that if you work with someone but have never met their spouse you wouldn''t want the spouse at your wedding?

I totally agree. Sorry but its poor manners to invite singles and not let them bring a date - frankly its especially rude because you''re sort of rubbing the fact that you''re engaged and they aren''t in their face. Believe me some people take it this way, I''ve talked to alot of my single friends (well I''m engaged now) and we all think its super rude to be getting married and not let someone bring a date. Who are you going to dance with? And the last wedding I was at the seating got confused and we ended up at the wrong table - I was with a very good friend (fiance couldn''t make it) otherwise I would have been miserable.

 

[Pandora II]

So would you be more offended if you weren''t invited at all?

I totally don''t see why if I''m made to invite a bunch of cousins I see maybe 3 times in a decade because they are "family" that I should also have to have all their dates as well instead of friends who are close to me.

Personally I have gone to plenty of weddings alone and with a partner and it makes no difference to me. Frankly I''d regard someone who couldn''t cope for an evening without a sidekick as pretty pathetic.

 

[larussel03]

wow, I didn''t realize this would be so controversial! I think that, just based on what people have said, it depends on you and your group of friends and if there will be alot of slow dancing or not. At my wedding, we''re all in our early 20''s to mid 20''s, all know each other (my friends and FI''s friends) and get along and everything.

I still haven''t made a definate decision yet aside from inviting the BM''s with guest, but I''ll probably discuss with my mom. If she says we can only do guests for people dating someone, I''ll be sure to call up close friends who are single and ask them if there is anyone in particular they''d like me to address the envelope to along with their name, and let them know that if they would like to bring a guest it is ok, I just want to know how to write out the envelope. For single relatives, they''ll get and & guest just b/c I''m not close enough with them to ask if they''re seeing anyone, and they''re more likely to be more uncomfortable if they don''t know anyone else but like their mom.

We''re not having a lot of slow dancing, probably just FI''s and mine, our father daughter, and last dance mainly b/c I just don''t find slow dancing fun, with or without a partner. It kind of kills the tempo of the party atmosphere a little bit, for me.

 

[amileegirl]

What I did was this:

Married/committed couples got one response card with both their names on it.
Singles with a steady significant other got two response cards, their names separate on each one.
Singles with family/friends already at the wedding got one response card with their name on it. (there were several of those under the age of 23)
Singles who knew no one but either me or my FI got two response cards one with their name and one with M _______ so they could fill it in if they desired. (there were 4 of those)


Some people might find it rude to let some people bring a date and not others, but there was little we could do about the numbers or our budget and we had to make decisions like no children. The reason for names on the response cards was that we wanted no confusion as to who was invited. I''m sure Miss Manners wouldn''t approve but she isn''t paying for the wedding

 

[Siamese Kitty]

Wow- this thread has started to get a bit heated!

Date: 3/14/2007 7:46:52 PM
Author: Pandora II
So would you be more offended if you weren''t invited at all?

I totally don''t see why if I''m made to invite a bunch of cousins I see maybe 3 times in a decade because they are ''family'' that I should also have to have all their dates as well instead of friends who are close to me.

Personally I have gone to plenty of weddings alone and with a partner and it makes no difference to me. Frankly I''d regard someone who couldn''t cope for an evening without a sidekick as pretty pathetic.

To answer this question honestly-no. One of my very best male friends from HS got married out of state and invited all of my married HS friends and me "sans date" to his wedding. With the 400 guests he invited to his wedding, I thought it was pretty crazy that he couldn''t squeeze a date in for me since I was: 1. one of his best friends 2. out of state and traveling alone and 3. among all married couples. I didn''t go. It ruined our friendship. I wish he had never invited me in the first place.
As for an "evening w/o a sidekick"-would you feel the same if FI had to stay home? It is a romantic setting after all. I wouldn''t feel the same about taking a research trip alone. I hope I don''t sound argumentative b/c I don''t mean it that way. I think what some of us are debating here is that it is good form to give someone who might be uncomfortable the "option" to bring someone. This has been done for me in the past, and it was always greatly appreciated and made me feel like the bride respected my single status. In a few instances, I "brought" another single female friend who was already on the guest list and we sat together. (an idea btw) In one case, I brought my mother who knew the bride very well. In some cases, I brought no one. BTW-all of these situations were with prior approval of the bride-I wouldn''t have done this w/o asking!
Another angle-just food for thought. When you DO invite the one serious boyfriend in a group of mostly single friends w/o dates, that can be weird, too. I went to a beautiful wedding two years ago where all of us grad students sat together at a table. No one had a date with the exception of one girl''s live-in BF. I think he felt really out of place.
I don''t envy you ladies having big weddings! Truth is, like others have said, there probably is no way to make everyone happy. I think as long as you make an honest effort to make sure your guests are comfortable and that YOU are happy, that''s all you can ask for!

 

[larussel03]

Date: 3/15/2007 1:35:58 PM
Author: Siamese Kitty
Wow- this thread has started to get a bit heated!

Date: 3/14/2007 7:46:52 PM
Author: Pandora II
So would you be more offended if you weren''t invited at all?

I totally don''t see why if I''m made to invite a bunch of cousins I see maybe 3 times in a decade because they are ''family'' that I should also have to have all their dates as well instead of friends who are close to me.

Personally I have gone to plenty of weddings alone and with a partner and it makes no difference to me. Frankly I''d regard someone who couldn''t cope for an evening without a sidekick as pretty pathetic.

To answer this question honestly-no. One of my very best male friends from HS got married out of state and invited all of my married HS friends and me ''sans date'' to his wedding. With the 400 guests he invited to his wedding, I thought it was pretty crazy that he couldn''t squeeze a date in for me since I was: 1. one of his best friends 2. out of state and traveling alone and 3. among all married couples. I didn''t go. It ruined our friendship. I wish he had never invited me in the first place.
As for an ''evening w/o a sidekick''-would you feel the same if FI had to stay home? It is a romantic setting after all. I wouldn''t feel the same about taking a research trip alone. I hope I don''t sound argumentative b/c I don''t mean it that way. I think what some of us are debating here is that it is good form to give someone who might be uncomfortable the ''option'' to bring someone. This has been done for me in the past, and it was always greatly appreciated and made me feel like the bride respected my single status. In a few instances, I ''brought'' another single female friend who was already on the guest list and we sat together. (an idea btw) In one case, I brought my mother who knew the bride very well. In some cases, I brought no one. BTW-all of these situations were with prior approval of the bride-I wouldn''t have done this w/o asking!
Another angle-just food for thought. When you DO invite the one serious boyfriend in a group of mostly single friends w/o dates, that can be weird, too. I went to a beautiful wedding two years ago where all of us grad students sat together at a table. No one had a date with the exception of one girl''s live-in BF. I think he felt really out of place.
I don''t envy you ladies having big weddings! Truth is, like others have said, there probably is no way to make everyone happy. I think as long as you make an honest effort to make sure your guests are comfortable and that YOU are happy, that''s all you can ask for!

Oh, no--I''m sorry to hear this had such a bad impact on your relationship, although if I were him, inviting a friend from out of state who didn''t really know anyone, I''d have invited you with a date, or at least with teh option to bring one.

I agree with your last statment here, also--I''m going to try to do my best to make sure everyone is comfortable without breaking the bank or going over our limit (which I don''t think we will).

 

[biblobaggins23]

It's just good wedding etiquette to put "so-and-so and guest" on a single person's wedding invitation.

You should ask a person to bring a date regardless of their single/dating status even if you don't really know the person. ESPECIALLY if you PERSONALLY know the person AND know that that person is exclusively and/or seriously dating someone. A good rule of thumb that I am using at my wedding is that if a guest is under 18 (unless they are family and extended family AND they are dating someone), we are not putting "and guest" on their invitations.

If you are concerned about finances because people would bring a date, I wouldn't worry too much. Some non-dating singles or people dating might not bring a date even if they have the option to because a) they can't find a person to bring b) inviting someone to a wedding when you aren't exclusively dating might frighten a girl/guy and send up flags for some people c) they would rather chat it up with or meet a girl/guy there d) they don't want to bring someone you don't know e) they may feel it is bad manners and/or guilty.

Oftentimes you will know AHEAD of time if a person is bringing a date because on the RSVP card it will ask the guests who have the option to bring dates to either fill in "1" person is attending or "2" people will attend.

There is always a good amount of singles at weddings. Even if a person doesn't bring a date, weddings can be great places for match-making. It's often good when people don't bring dates because you can fix people up if you know they would get along and be a good match.

If they do bring a date, I would expect that guest's date to personally thank you for inviting them to the wedding or if their date knows you well, buy you a wedding gift.

Just my two cents.

 

[Siamese Kitty]

That''s the thing Sweetpea-I think any of us would agree that it is always obvious when the bride and groom had good intentions, and regardless of the outcome, that''s what counts. Well, at least that''s my opinion.

I hope that those of us from the "single w/dates" camp aren''t clouding the issue too much-please don''t drive yourself crazy over this! It is crucial to not lose sight about what is really important here-you getting married to the man you love.

 

[amileegirl]

I think it is also important when dealing with singles sans date that you make sure they are seated at an appropriate table. I have been to weddings sans date and I was always seated at a table that either had the rest of my family, one person whom I knew, or at a table with people the bride knew would make me feel comfortable. That way I knew that the person who invited me was thinking of me and took that extra care. Even if they are allowed to bring a date they still should be seated at a table that would make them comfortable even if their date bailed on them last minute.

I never took offense to those weddings where I wasn''t given a date option because I never saw it as rudeness but one of practicality on the part of the couple. Even a wedding of 400 people has its cut offs (not to mention familial tension at having to invited 100 cousins 4th removed) and even if I felt like the only single person in a room of hundreds and a bit uncomfortable, I would still have been honored to be included. I did make the cut after all in a wedding saturated with relatives and I''m not related. That certainly counts for a lot in my opinion.

 

[Pandora II]

Just to reply here, my irritation was actually with winternight''s comments on how super-rude some of us apparently are. Most of the posters who felt that "and guests" should be included managed to say so without being quite so insulting.

I think it is inappropriate to invite someone without their FI or husband or a live-in partner, and I think if it''s a DW or out of town you need to make sure that your single guests will be comfortable. However I don''t think it''s rude or unreasonable to not invite someone''s new bf/gf or random date if you are restricted on numbers.

I have often attended weddings on my own and have never had a miserable time - I have talked and danced with the other single people there. (Even when I''m at parties with FI now, we don''t exclusively dance with each other.)

For me a sign of maturity is being able to cope on your own in social situations and not having to be glued at the hip with your SO. I often travel alone and attend a lot of dinners and events alone as FI and I have a lot of evening commitments which we often can''t attend together.

I find the idea that people will think that you are rubbing the fact that you''re engaged and they aren''t in their face extraordinary - how incredibily paranoid and small-minded.

Perhaps the age of the couple influences all this - all our friends are in their mid-30''s.

 

[cara]

Date: 3/15/2007 1:10:02 PM
Author: amileegirl
I'm sure Miss Manners wouldn't approve but she isn't paying for the wedding

Ah, but Miss Manners does approve of inviting single guests alone.

Miss Manners does not approve of "and guest" invitations because if you are inviting someone to something as personal and intimate as your wedding, you should at least know their name. And single guests that you care about enough to invite to your wedding are expected to be able to socialize with others at the joyous occasion without needing a crutch of a companion that is unknown to the happy couple. The techincally correct thing to do is to track down the proper names of all the people you want to invite and issue invitations to specific individuals using their names.

Check out Emily Post or Judith Martin (the Washington Post's Miss Manners) if you don't believe me.

Now I'm not going to criticize someone for issuing "and guest" invites as a courtesy to their single friends for all the reasons mentioned by others above. But if for space or budgetary of even intimacy reasons, you don't want random people at your wedding, you are not required to issue "and guest" invites and shouldn't let your misinformed single friends or winternight guilt you into it.

 

[amileegirl]

My humblest apologies to Miss Manners

 

[winternight]

Well maybe my tone was too harsh, that I do apologize to the OP for, but honestly I''d rather not be invited at all. I''ve only been invited to one wedding (of a college friend) without the ''and guest'' and frankly in the end they told me I could bring a guest - it never occured to be that I would be expected to fly out of state, get a hotel room, and go to the wedding alone, so I had asked. I wouldn''t have asked if I knew it was common - I would have declined the invite and just sent a gift. Frankly my cost in going was alot more than their cost in having me - if this is about cost.

Do people usually throw parties and expect everyone to come alone? As for flirting with people there I had a boyfriend that my college friend vaguely knew about- so I imagine if other significant others were invited I would have been upset and felt somewhat slighted. I''m just not that comfortable going to large parties alone and when invited I bring a friend/date/group as long as the invite allows which it always does - I don''t see how a wedding is different with the exception that a single date is expected.

Besides if you''re only inviting people who live together/are engaged that can be upsetting for those of us who won''t live together until married. My current fiance and I won''t and I think other serious couple don''t. Or gay couples who can''t get married. I don''t know, I think line drawing can lead to hurt feelings. Besides for me seriously there is nothing worse than sitting alone during a bunch of couples dances.

 

[goldenstar]

Date: 3/15/2007 2:39:52 PM
Author: Pandora II

For me a sign of maturity is being able to cope on your own in social situations and not having to be glued at the hip with your SO. I often travel alone and attend a lot of dinners and events alone as FI and I have a lot of evening commitments which we often can''t attend together.

I agree with this. This past weekend my best friend (single) flew out of state to attend the wedding of her college roommate. She was not invited with a date, nor she did care. She got her own hotel room and enjoyed every minute of it. She toured the downtown area by herself and relaxed in her room. At the wedding, she was seated at a table with 2 other college friends who were there with their SO''s. She spent the night sending me text messages about how amazing the wedding was and chatting with her friends and their SO''s. It can be done. I think weddings are different, and can have different rules. They are much more significant than a regular party.

That being said, I don''t think there''s anything wrong with inviting guests on a case-by-case basis. You don''t need a bright-line rule saying "only engaged couples or people living together are invited". I would assume most people are reasonable enough to also include other long term partners. Just think about each person and decide based on their circumstances.

The only problem is that things might get sticky if someone got upset because they were not allowed to bring a date and other people were. But frankly, the couple should do what they want and not worry too much about people throwing a fit. If a guest doesn''t like they way the couple decided to do the guest list, its their prerogative to decline if its really that big of a deal. Furthermore: A) if the couple knew or knew of your date, s/he would have been invited, B) if the couple didn''t know you were dating someone then how close are you anyway? you obviously don''t keep in touch, C) if you cannot put aside your own insecurity to attend a wedding of someone who values you enough to invite you, then perhaps you''re not close enough to the couple to begin with. If the couple were truly close to your heart, you would want to be there, date or no date. I''m not saying this to be argumentative, its just logical in my mind. All of this is my personal opinion, and everyone should do what feels right for them. I just wanted to share my thoughts.

Singles can be seated at tables where they will have people to have fun with. If someone is not going to know anyone at the wedding, then it makes sense for them to have a date. As far as dancing and stuff, I''m sure there will be both male and female single people and they can dance together. Everyone I know dances in one massive group anyway, not coupled off.

whew, I have no idea why I rambled on. I must be bored...

 

[amileegirl]

Do people usually throw parties and expect everyone to come alone?

I expect that if I invite one person they come alone. If I intended for them to bring a guest I would have mentioned as such or the could always call me and ask and I could explain why they can not. IE. girls night only, space issues, party intended for a certain number of people. If I get an invitation to any party with only my name on it I would never feel slighted. I was invited!! Even though I do not especially like to go to places alone especially when I know I don't know people I button up and deal with it. No one is responsible for my personality traits and there are times that if I don't go alone then it doens't get done. I also don't do well with very large crowds but I have learned from experience that you will find at least one or two people who make you feel welcome. I traveled all the way across four states alone, by bus, to a wedding in which I only new the bride. I got a cheap motel room, stayed several days, and I had a good time and would have regreted not going.

As for flirting with people there I had a boyfriend that my college friend vaguely knew about- so I imagine if other significant others were invited I would have been upset and felt somewhat slighted. I'm just not that comfortable going to large parties alone and when invited I bring a friend/date/group as long as the invite allows which it always does - I don't see how a wedding is different with the exception that a single date is expected.

If the bride hardly knew the boyfriends or your personal attachements why would you feel slighted? I could see if she deliberatly invited someone she knew you hated and sat you at the same table. Whether or not a host or hostess allows extra guests at a party depends entirely on the party, the space, the intention of the party; you've just been fortunate. No host or hostess is obligated in allowing you to bring a guest.

Besides if you're only inviting people who live together/are engaged that can be upsetting for those of us who won't live together until married. My current fiance and I won't and I think other serious couple don't. Or gay couples who can't get married. I don't know, I think line drawing can lead to hurt feelings. Besides for me seriously there is nothing worse than sitting alone during a bunch of couples dances.

I'm a little flabergasted. How is another couples happiness, egagement, living arrangements more upsetting to you at a wedding!? You made your choices and they made theirs they have nothing to do with you. You are at a wedding it stands to reason that the main event is two engaged people getting married and they are going to know people who are coupled. You are surrounded by people like that every day! I was single for ages and it never occured to me to be upset at someone's wedding because there were married people there and coupled people. There are couples everywhere. At work, at the supermarket, at the library, at restaurants. Why is it the brides and grooms responsibility that I'm single? Yes, it did make me sad to be the third wheel or to see happily attached people from time to time but that was my issue and I never projected it on the happiness of my friends. I expect a good friend that I've invited as a single to understand and if they really desire to bring a date they can always ask me nicely and I expect that if I say no for any reason they'd accept that answer with grace. If they stop being my friend because of that then they weren't really my friend in the first place.

 

[mrsotob]

Unfortunately our wedding budget doesn''t allow us to invite guests that we don''t know as we''re having a small wedding. We''re only inviting fiances, spouses, or live-in SO''s. I''ve just been honest about it. We''ll sit all singles together so they can mingle. Even if BP brought dates, they''d wouldn''t be sitting with them b/c they''ll be at the head table and it seems to me that he''d still feel alone. We simply can''t afford it, family and closest friends only. True friends understand. It''s just 5/6 hrs so their whole day shouldn''t be ruined at the fact that they don''t have a date that they''re not even seriously committed to attending with them.

 

[enbcfsobe]

I think this is not so much an issue of "ettiquite" as one of guests'' feelings of entitlement. How is expecting everything to revolve around you as a guest proper ettiquite? I think there are some circumstances in which inviting someone "and guest" is appropriate. It should not, however, be a requirement. The people you would invite with a guest are not 14-year-olds who might be scarred for life by being alone for 5 minutes during a social event. They are not going to go "Carrie" on you because they might not have someone to dance with or might have to talk to strangers. You are not running a dating events service. This is not a prom you''re planning. It is a wedding. You are throwing a party and inviting the people you want to spend time with. It is for you, and for them, but not for Joe/Jane Shmoe they took home from the bar last weekend. It should be a decision made based on priorities you set for what you want your wedding to be like, who you want to be there, and how you think your guests will respond. If people can''t respect your decisions or aren''t willing to have a frank discussion about them, they aren''t the kind of friends you need. It is amazing how weddings bring out the worst not just in couples, but in their friends.

 

[Nicrez]

Date: 3/29/2007 2:56:16 PM
Author: enbcfsobe
I think this is not so much an issue of 'ettiquite' as one of guests' feelings of entitlement. How is expecting everything to revolve around you as a guest proper ettiquite? I think there are some circumstances in which inviting someone 'and guest' is appropriate. It should not, however, be a requirement. The people you would invite with a guest are not 14-year-olds who might be scarred for life by being alone for 5 minutes during a social event. They are not going to go 'Carrie' on you because they might not have someone to dance with or might have to talk to strangers. You are not running a dating events service. This is not a prom you're planning. It is a wedding. You are throwing a party and inviting the people you want to spend time with. It is for you, and for them, but not for Joe/Jane Shmoe they took home from the bar last weekend. It should be a decision made based on priorities you set for what you want your wedding to be like, who you want to be there, and how you think your guests will respond. If people can't respect your decisions or aren't willing to have a frank discussion about them, they aren't the kind of friends you need. It is amazing how weddings bring out the worst not just in couples, but in their friends.

Amen. Wow, I can't believe people's reactions...

In cases of budgets you should never feel pressured into inviting total strangers for your guests convenience. IMHO, if it is a "without guest" function, and they can not possibly be there without one, they can either get over the phobia for a night if they are a good friend, or they can decide to not go. Remember why you were invited. To celebrate someone's union, not specifically to socialize.

I have kindly said no to wedding invitations where I didn't feel I was very close to the bride or groom and once where I felt uncomfortable with their roster of guests. And having been in 8 weddings so far, I would say the duties of MOH/BM are always too much to bring a date. When I have, I only saw them at slow dances, and even then the weddings goes by so fast, you are always enlisted for yet another photo/video/PR duty. Watch the bride, keep the crazy uncle from the bar, watch the 16yr old cousin who wants to drink, dance with widowed grandpa. As a BM your job function is solely to the bride. Instead of sitting there lonely, go out there and make sure you help HER and her guests have a great time, not just for yourself.

 

[tanyak]

I have kindly said no to wedding invitations where I didn't feel I was very close to the bride or groom and once where I felt uncomfortable with their roster of guests. And having been in 8 weddings so far, I would say the duties of MOH/BM are always too much to bring a date. When I have, I only saw them at slow dances, and even then the weddings goes by so fast, you are always enlisted for yet another photo/video/PR duty. Watch the bride, keep the crazy uncle from the bar, watch the 16yr old cousin who wants to drink, dance with widowed grandpa. As a BM your job function is solely to the bride. Instead of sitting there lonely, go out there and make sure you help HER and her guests have a great time, not just for yourself.

Wow. While I agree that couples shouldn't feel force to include a "plus 1" on every invite, I've also never been to these weddings where the BP was busy the entire night. At my own wedding, no one had to "watch me," nor did I expect them to keep my guests entertained or work the entire night. More than anyone else, they had put out time and money to help ME celebrate, so of course I wanted them to have a fabulous time. And when I've been in the bridal party, it was the same way. After the ceremony, I took a few pictures and then it was time to party. I wasn't anyone's bouncer. I guess people have different expectations about the role of the BP. My BP all had SOs that were invited, but if they hadn't, they would have gotten a plus 1 - it was the least I could do.

 

[FireGoddess]

I did not write 'and guest' if an invitee was not seriously dating anyone. One of them rsvp'ed that she was bringing a FRIEND, which I thought was pretty rude. People don't 'get it' if they haven't planned a wedding for themselves already (and seen how expensive it can get).

 

[akw94]

I didn''t realize this was controversial either.. makes me re-think my stance, sort of, if I actually had the extra money! My wedding will be very small: family and close friends and that''s about it, a few others if many out of towners say no. There are only a few singles in our guest list: 2 bm''s, 1 other bm is getting a divorce, one gm, one close friend of FI''s and one step-brother.. that may be it. But when I consider who is a single, I figure anyone not in a relationship. If someone were in one, I''d invite the gf or bf. The first bm isn''t, so I was just inviting her. The second is coming from out of town and isn''t seeing anyone, so again, just her. The third is divorcing so not bringing the husband and not dating so just her. The gm and close friend are coming from out of town and aren''t seeing anyone so just them. The step-brother might be seeing someone so I might have to adjust regarding him. I''ve been back and forth about it b/c I haven''t ever met her but since his 2 brothers will be there w/their wives, I wouldn''t want him to feel bad in any way... especially given everything I''m reading on here!
As someone else said, I just can''t afford to invite "and guest" even if it''s just a few. If I have any wiggle room on my guest list, it''s for addtl guests that I know, not those that I don''t. We''ve had to cut back on our guest list so much that I would love some addtl room to invite more friends.
Also, 3 of the 4 bm''s know each other and know my immediate family so they wouldn''t just be sitting alone w/no one to talk to. The other bm knows the FI''s family since it''s his sister so I''m not worried about her.
Honestly, I think it will be fine. If I could afford it, I''d add the guest but I prefer to invite people by name and if there isn''t a particular guest they want to invite, it just doesn''t make sense to me... not given the small guestlist we''re having, probably very little dancing and the fact that no one there will not know anyone. If one of them approached me and said it would make them feel more comf., then sure, I''d add that person and deal w/the cost but only if that is done.

Sorry if I rambled and this is just what I''m doing.. makes no difference to me what others do or don''t do.

 

[iheartscience]

"Besides for me seriously there is nothing worse than sitting alone during a bunch of couples dances."

Really? Because I can think of hundreds of things that are worse than this...not trying to throw fuel on the fire, but come on. I can''t believe anyone over the age of 14 really thinks this. It''s only a wedding, you know? Just trying to put it into perspective...

As far as inviting "and guests," if the budget doesn''t allow it, don''t do it. It''s not proper etiquette, like enbcfsobe said, it''s about the entitlement of guests. Everyone thinks they are owed everything these days, you know? I sound like an old person, but it''s totally true.

Since when are a wedding and reception all about the guests? Last time I checked it was a party to celebrate two people''s love and commitment for each other.

 

[Siamese Kitty]

Date: 3/30/2007 11:47:00 PM
Author: thing2of2
''Besides for me seriously there is nothing worse than sitting alone during a bunch of couples dances.''

Really? Because I can think of hundreds of things that are worse than this...not trying to throw fuel on the fire, but come on. I can''t believe anyone over the age of 14 really thinks this. It''s only a wedding, you know? Just trying to put it into perspective...

As far as inviting ''and guests,'' if the budget doesn''t allow it, don''t do it. It''s not proper etiquette, like enbcfsobe said, it''s about the entitlement of guests. Everyone thinks they are owed everything these days, you know? I sound like an old person, but it''s totally true.

Since when are a wedding and reception all about the guests? Last time I checked it was a party to celebrate two people''s love and commitment for each other.

This comment really rubs me the wrong way and belittles those who don''t agree with you.

I replied earlier on this thread, and obviously everyone has a different opinion on how this should be handled, and everyone is entitled to that opinion. That''s one reason why there is no real answer to this question. Some will think it''s right, others will think it''s wrong, so everyone is probably best off doing what makes them happy and what their budget allows. I really don''t prefer going to weddings alone where there are all couples (especially long distance), but I also don''t like the idea of one of my best friends overextending themself financially so that I can. Double-edge sword.

I don''t believe I''m "owed" anything as a guest, but I do think weddings and receptions are about the guests to the extend that these should be people whom you care care something about, and that would include wanting them to have a good time, too. Isn''t this the argument for not inviting the randoms?

 

[iheartscience]

As I stated before, I''m just trying to put it into perspective, I''m not trying to rile anyone up anymore than this topic already has.

In a perfect world, everyone could be invited to weddings with a guest. But because of budget restraints, space restraints, etc., it''s just not always possible. I just think guests should be understanding of this-I know I am when I have been invited to weddings sans guest, and I hope my guests will be if I invite them to my wedding sans guest.

I do agree that out of town guests should be given the option to bring someone, but again, if the bride and groom can''t afford it, what can you do? A wedding invitation isn''t a subpoena...if an out of towner doesn''t want to come without a guest, they don''t have to come!