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Acknowledge poster or pretend not to know?

Polabowla

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Nov 15, 2019
Messages
1,023
I read recently on a different forum that it is not etiquette to bring information from one thread to another.
So for example if a mom makes a post about problem ABC (child/husband/ whatever) and then creates a post about a different issue, it is wrong to bring in any information you know from their previous post.
So for example nif in the first post they say oh my husband is out of a job & is lazy blah blah.
Then makes another post about her child acting up, it's rude to say well they see daddy home all day being lazy & that might be why they act out.

Do you agree? Disagree?
I never heard this before & now I wonder if I've broken all sorts of rules.
 

mellowyellowgirl

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
May 17, 2014
Messages
4,031
If it's been posted publicly I think it's perfectly fine to bring it up, especially if you need the information in the context of explaining/providing advice.

I do think it's wrong if it was done in a manner to harass or to nitpick things about someone.

Say Z posted that Z hates blue coloured gems. Then Z starts a thread trying to buy a cornflower sapphire. I don't it's nice to say: You just said in such and such thread that you hate blue. Why are you buying a blue sapphire? Are you lying to us?

But then if you said: Are you sure you want to buy a blue sapphire? You've mentioned that you don't like blue in the past.

That would be perfectly helpful.

As with everything it depends on the tone and intent I guess.
 

Polabowla

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Nov 15, 2019
Messages
1,023
Yes I could see tone & intent would matter.
Idk what thread they were referring to (It was not directed at me) so I'm not sure if it was done in a mean way.

But I'm in a support group online & I feel like it would be weird to not acknowledge ppl's previous posts if you remember it. (Not that I expect them to.)

What if you recognize someone's on another forum? Do you acknowledge that? like if I realize someone from here is on xyz forum?
 

AllAboardTheBlingTrain

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Apr 22, 2020
Messages
786
Yes I could see tone & intent would matter.
Idk what thread they were referring to (It was not directed at me) so I'm not sure if it was done in a mean way.

But I'm in a support group online & I feel like it would be weird to not acknowledge ppl's previous posts if you remember it. (Not that I expect them to.)

What if you recognize someone's on another forum? Do you acknowledge that? like if I realize someone from here is on xyz forum?
I think in-forum referencing is ok, especially if it’s done in a helpful and non antagonistic manner as the example earlier. After all, people can change their minds and grow :) but I don’t think you should point out if you recognise someone on a different forum if you spot them in the wild unless they say “I’m XYZ on PS, shoot me a message if you recognise me from there!” Just my $0.02.
 

Karl_K

Super_Ideal_Rock
Trade
Joined
Aug 4, 2008
Messages
10,480
What if you recognize someone's on another forum? Do you acknowledge that? like if I realize someone from here is on xyz forum?
I would let them approach me if they wanted to.
It has happened several times.
It could be an issue being a guy and in the trade if I approached them. That has happened to other male trade members who said hi to someone on a another board and a complaint was made here on this board because the person thought it creepy.
 

Big Fat Facets

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jun 7, 2019
Messages
1,283
I dont know and am unaware of forum etiquette. This is the only forum that i am on. And im quite new to posting but have been a reader for about a decade. I sense ive broken lots of forum etiquette...
 
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Polabowla

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Nov 15, 2019
Messages
1,023
ok so my instinct not to say I recognize them was correct. I thought it might sound stalkerish.

I was thinking though I mean if you say in 1 post little timmy is bouncing off the walls & wreaking havoc. 2 days later you post timmy has adhd. It seems like ppl thought it would be rude to refer to thread 1 and say well maybe that's why he is out of control.
But to me it's logical to connect threads.
 

Karl_K

Super_Ideal_Rock
Trade
Joined
Aug 4, 2008
Messages
10,480
I dont know and am unaware of forum etiquette. This is the only forum that i am on. And im quite new to posting but have been a reader for about a decade. Im sense ive broken lots of forum etiquette...
There are not a lot of them here for consumers that are not documented.
The only one I can think of right off is that in "Show Me the Bling!" if you dont have something nice to say about the bling then say nothing.

Trade members on the other hand have it much harder:
 

missy

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 8, 2008
Messages
40,861
I read recently on a different forum that it is not etiquette to bring information from one thread to another.
I think it depends.

On the person, on the forum and on the circumstances. I always feel if one's intentions are good and one cares it comes through if you kwim.

I am unaware of the forum etiquette that dictates one cannot bring info from one thread into another. That is done here often. Often we are in one thread and then someone thinks about a beautiful ring the poster showed in another thread and mentions it for instance. Or one's family member is ill and another poster wishes her/him well in another thread because it came to mind.

All OK IMO. If one posts it publicly it isn't a secret.
Life is fluid and situations change. And if knowledge about a situation helps one give valuable advice it is helpful to have and evaluate the entire picture so I don't see that as a negative.
 

missy

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Messages
40,861
There are not a lot of them here for consumers that are not documented.
The only one I can think of right off is that in "Show Me the Bling!" if you dont have something nice to say about the bling then say nothing.

Trade members on the other hand have it much harder:
I agree. The one etiquette rule I am aware of (and it should be common sense anyway IMO) is do not say anything negative about the piece being showcased in Show Me The Bling. That section is for oohing and aawwing and if one has nothing nice to say one should keep one's mouth closed.
 

Daisys and Diamonds

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Apr 30, 2019
Messages
6,235
I would let them approach me if they wanted to.
It has happened several times.
It could be an issue being a guy and in the trade if I approached them. That has happened to other male trade members who said hi to someone on a another board and a complaint was made here on this board because the person thought it creepy.
Oh that's so sad
Ive had two people say hello to me from my Springsteen forum here and it was really nice
 

Daisys and Diamonds

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Apr 30, 2019
Messages
6,235
I agree. The one etiquette rule I am aware of (and it should be common sense anyway IMO) is do not say anything negative about the piece being showcased in Show Me The Bling. That section is for oohing and aawwing and if one has nothing nice to say one should keep one's mouth closed.
Oh absoltluly
And that's what so nice about PS

I think its one thing to give an opinion if someone asks before they buy it but once its one their finger its about admiring their beautuful new purchase/ gift or what ever
 

YadaYadaYada

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Feb 2, 2016
Messages
6,838
I have seen other forums where this approach you're asking about is used like a weapon. The poster will say she is having problems with her husband and the respondents will look through her previous posts and pull things from them and then say "well five years ago you posted that he cheated on you so how did you expect t to get better".

I see less of that here, PS folk seem to have (in general) a lot of respect for each other and are sensitive to the feelings of the OP IMO.
 

seaurchin

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Nov 2, 2012
Messages
1,363
I read recently on a different forum that it is not etiquette to bring information from one thread to another.

So for example if a mom makes a post about problem ABC (child/husband/ whatever) and then creates a post about a different issue, it is wrong to bring in any information you know from their previous post.

So for example if in the first post they say oh my husband is out of a job & is lazy blah blah.
Then makes another post about her child acting up, it's rude to say well they see daddy home all day being lazy & that might be why they act out.

Do you agree? Disagree?
I never heard this before & now I wonder if I've broken all sorts of rules.
I think it just depends. Sometimes people do "weaponize" a poster's earlier posts where they don't fit that neatly with the current one, and their reply seems unnecessarily harsh. Other times, a poster asks for advice but really only wants sympathy, then looks for BS reasons to play the victim when they aren't told what they want to hear.

So it could be you just walked into a trap. It reminds me of when people post a piece of jewelry on here and ask "What do you think this is?" If the poster secretly dreams that the glass and brass piece they inherited from their great auntie is the next Hope Diamond and you tell them otherwise, you are a-gonna get it lol.
 
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TooPatient

Ideal_Rock
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Sep 1, 2009
Messages
9,296
I think it depends on the forum. Here, people get to know each other after awhile. You certainly don't know everything and probably forget various bits that were posted, but there is a lot of talking about things so we can't help but get to know each other. I see people bring information from one post to another routinely. In a chatty sort of environment where conversation flows and shifts and drifts off topic, it would be impossible to keep things contained to exactly the thread they were mentioned in.

How it is said and brought up makes a big difference. Kindly meant is usually/mostly great. Nitpicking would be sad to see.

As to mentioning you recognize someone, it depends on the context. Most people in my life don't know I am a member here and I want to keep it that way. If we were in person and someone recognized me, I would be thrilled to stop and chat and meet them even if I was out with DH or someone. If it was on FB or something and they posted for all to see what forum I am a member of and what my user name is, I would be less happy. (Long story and less of an issue than it had been. I will eventually be at a point where I don't mind at all, but I still feel it is a security issue at this point.) So, I guess, in a world where people have cyber stalking and use various online places to learn enough to target people in robberies (or worse) I think allowing people to keep different online forums separated and as anonymous as they choose is polite. If someone posted in LT or somewhere that they were X from PS feel free to reach out, then that is great too and I would happily reach out. It just needs to be at the choosing of each person and not one person publicly identifying another.
 

OoohShiny

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Apr 25, 2014
Messages
8,084
ok so my instinct not to say I recognize them was correct. I thought it might sound stalkerish.

I was thinking though I mean if you say in 1 post little timmy is bouncing off the walls & wreaking havoc. 2 days later you post timmy has adhd. It seems like ppl thought it would be rude to refer to thread 1 and say well maybe that's why he is out of control.
But to me it's logical to connect threads.
Logic has no place on the internet ;-)
 

dk168

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jul 7, 2013
Messages
7,084
Get use to it I'd say, don't participate in message boards or social media if one does not wish to have the information shared or cross-referenced.

Some people are good at remembering what others have said in the past, and would not hesitate to pick up on any inconsistencies, lies or errors.

DK :))
 

missy

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 8, 2008
Messages
40,861
Get use to it I'd say, don't participate in message boards or social media if one does not wish to have the information shared or cross-referenced.

Some people are good at remembering what others have said in the past, and would not hesitate to pick up on any inconsistencies, lies or errors.

DK :))
I always say if one sticks with the truth one has no need to worry about inconsistencies. :)
 

dk168

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jul 7, 2013
Messages
7,084
I always say if one sticks with the truth one has no need to worry about inconsistencies. :)
Indeed, in that I stick with the truth so that I don't have to remember the lies I tell.

DK :))
 

GliderPoss

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Sep 25, 2008
Messages
2,639
I think it's fine to reference other threads and honestly sometimes I get frustrated by Posters starting a billion different threads on only slightly differing topics - feels like seeking approval/sympathy/validation etc... :roll:
 
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