Absolute Newb: Where to start?

[Jmlleiva]

All of these will look exactly the same size... I would go with the one that is the least expensive.

My choice (1.7 HCA) ... I also feel this is the cleanest stone, but they all should be eye clean.

http://www.jamesallen.com/loose-diamonds/round-cut/1.34-carat-i-color-vs2-clarity-excellent-cut-sku-1063540 $8010


Others (all are AGS Ideal, so no need to run HCA)... They are in order of price, not my preference.

http://www.jamesallen.com/loose-diamonds/round-cut/1.31-carat-i-color-vs2-clarity-ideal-cut-sku-1006241

http://www.jamesallen.com/loose-diamonds/round-cut/1.32-carat-i-color-vs1-clarity-ideal-cut-sku-940755

http://www.jamesallen.com/loose-diamonds/round-cut/1.32-carat-i-color-vs2-clarity-ideal-cut-sku-1006239

http://www.jamesallen.com/loose-diamonds/round-cut/1.32-carat-i-color-vs2-clarity-ideal-cut-sku-1006245

Thanks

 

[Jmlleiva]

Color sensitivity is just a term we use on Pricescope to mean that some people don't mind lower colored white diamonds vs. people who prefer higher colors. Some people really can see color more than other people. If your girlfriend isn't color sensitive, or a lower color won't bother her, then the lower end of the colorless range can be your friend in terms of getting a larger stone in the I-J-K color range vs. paying for a D-E-F colored stone. All of these grades are technically 'white' in terms of diamonds (vs. fancy colored yellow stones), but some people really prefer higher colors vs. lower colors.

Thanks

 

[Jmlleiva]

How many diamonds can you put on hold at James Allen? I found another one I like but I already have one on hold.

 

[msop04]

How many diamonds can you put on hold at James Allen? I found another one I like but I already have one on hold.

I'm thinking 3? Just ask the sales rep, and they can tell you..

 

[Jmlleiva]

How many diamonds can you put on hold at James Allen? I found another one I like but I already have one on hold.

I'm thinking 3? Just ask the sales rep, and they can tell you..

They let me hold onto it.

 

[msop04]

Jml, let us know what you decide -- I'm excited for you!

 

[Jmlleiva]

Jml, let us know what you decide -- I'm excited for you!

Will do, going to think about it tonight.

 

[Jmlleiva]

Jml, let us know what you decide -- I'm excited for you!

Will do, going to think about it tonight.

What Solitaire do you recommend for that diamond?

This the diamond I am aiming for.
http://www.jamesallen.com/loose-diamonds/round-cut/1.34-carat-i-color-vs2-clarity-excellent-cut-sku-1063540

 

[msop04]

Jml, let us know what you decide -- I'm excited for you!

Will do, going to think about it tonight.

What Solitaire do you recommend for that diamond?

This the diamond I am aiming for.
http://www.jamesallen.com/loose-diamonds/round-cut/1.34-carat-i-color-vs2-clarity-excellent-cut-sku-1063540

Very nice diamond! I recommend this setting in platinum. It is beautiful and on sale.

http://www.jamesallen.com/engagement-rings/solitaire/platinum-six-prong-knife-edged-solitaire-engagement-ring-handmade-item-2426

 

[Gypsy]

So, lots of issues.
Eyeclean and HCA issue you asked about. You are confusing clarity and cut. It's like confusing mittens and boots. If it's snowing out you need both. Not just one or the other. Just because you have boots on, doesn't mean your hands won't be cold. Clarity is very different than performance. I will post a diamond 101 for you next. Please read it, study it, and follow the links. You should understand that basic information at a minimum.


NO to IGI. Stick to GIA or AGS only. Whoever told you that is giving you great advice. I like the stone you picked but a stone with a 35 crown angle needs and ASET or an IS image so get one.


I don't really care for JA's finishing on their settings or their prong work. You have a great budget, and I don't think you are getting the best value here. A solitiare showcases the diamond. But it also means that the setting needs to be perfect. None of those are.

BGD really does have the nicest stock settings, period. Three stone or solitaire. WF also has nice ones. If you want the JA stone, get an idealscope image of it or an ASET. You shouldn't buy without one. The HCA is not enough.

And then I would send the diamond to WF or BGD for setting. I would not advise you to buy one of the JA settings.

 

[Gypsy]

Round Diamonds 101:

The entire purpose of faceting a diamond is to reflect light.
How well or how poorly a diamond does this determines how beautiful it is.
How well a diamond performs is determined by the angles and cutting. This is why we say cut is king.
No other factor: not color, not clarity has as much of an impact on the appearance of a diamond as its cut. An ideal H will out white a poorly cut F. With round diamonds even a GIA triple Excellent is not enough. And you must stick to GIA and AGS only (HPD in Europe is good as well). EGL is a bad option: [URL='https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/egl-certification-are-any-of-them-ok.142863/']https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/egl-certification-are-any-of-them-ok.142863/[/URL]
So how to we ensure that we have the right angles and cutting to get the light performance we want?
https://www.pricescope.com/wiki/diamonds/diamond-cut
Well one method is to start with a GIA Ex, and then apply the HCA to it. YOU DO NOT USE HCA for AGS0 stones generally, though you can. In general, AGS0 trumps HCA though as one examines the actual stone and the other does not.
https://www.pricescope.com/wiki/diamonds/holloway-cut-advisor
The HCA is a rejection tool. Not a selection tool. It uses 4 data points to make a rudimentary call on how the diamond may perform.
If the diamond passes then you know that you are in the right zone in terms of angles for light performance. Under 2 is a pass. Under 2.5-2.1 is a maybe. 2.6 and over is a no. No score 2 and under is better than any other.
Is that enough? Not really.

So what you need is a way to check actual light performance of your actual stone.
That's what an idealscope image does. https://www.pricescope.com/wiki/diamonds/firescope-idealscope
It shows you how and wear your diamond is reflecting light, how well it is going at it, and where you are losing light return. That is why you won't see us recommending Blue Nile, as they do not provide idealscope images for their diamonds. BGD,BE, James Allen, GOG, HPD, ERD and WF do.

The Idealscope is the 'selection tool'. Not the HCA.
So yes, with a GIA stone you need the idealscope images. Or you can buy an idealscope yourself and take it in to the jeweler you are working with to check the stones yourself. Or if you have a good return policy (full refund minimum 7 days) then you can buy the idealscope, buy the stone, and do it at home.

Now if you want to skip all that... stick to AGS0 stones and then all you have to do is pick color and clarity and you know you have a great performing diamond. Because AGS has already done the checking for you. That's why they trade at a premium. Some AGS0's are better than others though, so pay attention to any ASET or IS provided.

In general with rounds, you will want a table 60% or less. A depth between 59 and 62.4. Crown angle 33.5-35. Pavilion Angle: 40.6-40.8 (there is a little give on this. If the crown angle is near 34 you can go to 41 in some cases). And the crown and pavilion angles must be complimentary which is what the HCA checks for you.

ON COLOR:

It is important to remember is that color is graded FACE DOWN. Where there is NO light return. Not face up where there is light return and refraction. You wear diamonds set. FACE UP.

Within one color grade, even the labs can't agree on the color grades of stones and something could be a "high" H or a "low" E. So... no. Not really. Within 2 color grades it is hard. Not impossible. But very hard. And it gets harder once set. If you are talking ideal rounds, or any stone with ideal light return and no sharp corners it gets harder still because the ideal light return masks body color.

Generally we say to be conservative stay above H in a round. But MANY people have happily bought white I or even J diamonds when trying to eek out a little more size.

This is how I think of it.

Ever gotten one of those HUGE paint fan decks? Where there are literally 100s of colors of whites? And when they are RIGHT next to each other you can TOTALLY tell that one is bluer/colder and one is a bit warmer and which one is one is TOTALLY warmer. One there's one that's slightly greener. One that's slightly pinker? But really. They are all white?

Then you pick one after agonizing over this white or that white and when it's on the walls and people are like: Oh. You painted again. And it's STILL white. Great.

And you're all... BUT it's BLUE white. Or it's a WARM white now. It used to be ____ white. It's TOTALLY different.

It's like that. You are talking about shades of white. D is colder... J is warmer. But it's all white.

YES. If you have an accurately graded F and an H THAT HAVE THE SAME PERFORMANCE you are going to be able to tell them apart when you compare them. Just like you would be able to tell if you painted your walls a warm white, but painted the crown molding a cold/straight white. But both are STILL white.


I want you notice all the qualifiers thought. I'm talking about stones with the SAME performance. An ideal H will out white an F that has compromised light performance from a poor cut.

NOTHING impacts the appearance of a diamond as much as cut. CUT is king.

You want the shinest whitest and brightest diamond out there: Cut is King. No other factor, not color or clarity or anything else impacts how white bright an shiny a stone is.

ON CLARITY:
http://www.goodoldgold.com/4Cs/Clarity/SI/ and http://www.goodoldgold.com/4Cs/Clarity/VS/ Generally we say that eyeclean SI1 and VS2 are as high as you need to go with round brilliants, have your vendor check the diamond for this. VS1 will always be eyeclean, but they do cost more and an eyeclean SI1 and a VS1 will look the same to the unaided eye.

 

[msop04]

I don't really care for JA's finishing on their settings or their prong work. You have a great budget, and I don't think you are getting the best value here. A solitiare showcases the diamond. But it also means that the setting needs to be perfect. None of those are.

Although I would not use just any JA setting, I disagree with you regarding that particular one. It is a very nice solitaire setting and everyone who has it raves about it. They used to advertise that it was hand forged, and although that is not mentioned on their site now, I was told that it was hand forged when I considered it for myself. The only reason that I did not get it for myself is because they wouldn't accept my stone due to it not being from their inventory.

 

[Jmlleiva]

I've been slowly lowering my budget every time. I never really analyzed how much I should spent. I just put a number out there. At first I thought 15K, then I thought 12K, now its 10K. I just put numbers up since I saw what my friends were spending and the fact my older brother told me that if you spend anything less than 15K a girl would throw it back at your face.

My GF makes $150K/year. I make $58K/year. I have about $36K saved up (lived at home), but that took me a while to save (like 6 years). I was thinking the ring had to pricey since she makes so much, but it might be a huge cash hit on my end. I would prefer to spend some of that money on a honeymoon or house.

I'm so confused now. Don't know what to do. If I spent $10K, my savings would go down to $26K. That is a pretty huge chunk with the salary I'm making.

So how much do people usually spend on here? What is the benchmark for how much you should spend? I'm thinking of lowering my budget down to $8K. But then I would feel like a cheapo.

 

[msop04]

I've been slowly lowering my budget every time. I never really analyzed how much I should spent. I just put a number out there. At first I thought 15K, then I thought 12K, now its 10K. I just put numbers up since I saw what my friends were spending and the fact my older brother told me that if you spend anything less than 15K a girl would throw it back at your face.

My GF makes $150K/year. I make $58K/year. I have about $36K saved up, but that took me a while to save (like 6 years). I was thinking the ring had to pricey since she makes so much, but it might be a huge cash hit on my end. I would prefer to spend some of that money on a honeymoon or house.

I'm so confused now. Don't know what to do. If I spent $10K, my savings would go down to $26K. That is a pretty huge chunk with the salary I'm making.

So how much do people usually spend on here? When is the benchmark for how much you should spend?

OP, there is no correct answer other than what you are COMFORTABLE spending. In my opinion, the safest thing to do is to get a diamond from a vendor who offers a great upgrade policy… That way, you can get your girlfriend a ring with a price that you feel totally comfortable with, then have the option to upgrade later on if she'd like.

Have you discussed budget with your girlfriend at all?

 

[Jmlleiva]

I've been slowly lowering my budget every time. I never really analyzed how much I should spent. I just put a number out there. At first I thought 15K, then I thought 12K, now its 10K. I just put numbers up since I saw what my friends were spending and the fact my older brother told me that if you spend anything less than 15K a girl would throw it back at your face.

My GF makes $150K/year. I make $58K/year. I have about $36K saved up, but that took me a while to save (like 6 years). I was thinking the ring had to pricey since she makes so much, but it might be a huge cash hit on my end. I would prefer to spend some of that money on a honeymoon or house.

I'm so confused now. Don't know what to do. If I spent $10K, my savings would go down to $26K. That is a pretty huge chunk with the salary I'm making.

So how much do people usually spend on here? When is the benchmark for how much you should spend?

OP, there is no correct answer other than what you are COMFORTABLE spending. In my opinion, the safest thing to do is to get a diamond from a vendor who offers a great upgrade policy… That way, you can get your girlfriend a ring with a price that you feel totally comfortable with, then have the option to upgrade later on if she'd like.

Have you discussed budget with your girlfriend at all?

No, wouldn't that be odd?

 

[farrahlyn]

I've been slowly lowering my budget every time. I never really analyzed how much I should spent. I just put a number out there. At first I thought 15K, then I thought 12K, now its 10K. I just put numbers up since I saw what my friends were spending and the fact my older brother told me that if you spend anything less than 15K a girl would throw it back at your face.

My GF makes $150K/year. I make $58K/year. I have about $36K saved up (lived at home), but that took me a while to save (like 6 years). I was thinking the ring had to pricey since she makes so much, but it might be a huge cash hit on my end. I would prefer to spend some of that money on a honeymoon or house.

I'm so confused now. Don't know what to do. If I spent $10K, my savings would go down to $26K. That is a pretty huge chunk with the salary I'm making.

So how much do people usually spend on here? What is the benchmark for how much you should spend? I'm thinking of lowering my budget down to $8K. But then I would feel like a cheapo.

Spend what you feel comfortable with. And no one i know would throw a ring costing less than $15k! lol! What kind of women has your brother been talking to?! My original e-ring cost under $1k when my husband purchased it and my 15yr upgrade cost just over $5k. Which i LOVE btw. Get what you feel comfortable with. If you're having qualms about the money, ask her about it. She may not think it's as big of a deal as you are making it out to be in your head. I've made more money than my husband for most of our married life. it bugs him more than me.

 

[Jmlleiva]

I've been slowly lowering my budget every time. I never really analyzed how much I should spent. I just put a number out there. At first I thought 15K, then I thought 12K, now its 10K. I just put numbers up since I saw what my friends were spending and the fact my older brother told me that if you spend anything less than 15K a girl would throw it back at your face.

My GF makes $150K/year. I make $58K/year. I have about $36K saved up (lived at home), but that took me a while to save (like 6 years). I was thinking the ring had to pricey since she makes so much, but it might be a huge cash hit on my end. I would prefer to spend some of that money on a honeymoon or house.

I'm so confused now. Don't know what to do. If I spent $10K, my savings would go down to $26K. That is a pretty huge chunk with the salary I'm making.

So how much do people usually spend on here? What is the benchmark for how much you should spend? I'm thinking of lowering my budget down to $8K. But then I would feel like a cheapo.

Spend what you feel comfortable with. And no one i know would throw a ring costing less than $15k! lol! What kind of women has your brother been talking to?! My original e-ring cost under $1k when my husband purchased it and my 15yr upgrade cost just over $5k. Which i LOVE btw. Get what you feel comfortable with. If you're having qualms about the money, ask her about it. She may not think it's as big of a deal as you are making it out to be in your head. I've made more money than my husband for most of our married life. it bugs him more than me.

My brother dated a Asian girl that was superficial and always wanted designer purses. He bought her boobs ($5K). She was crazy. Ironically, they broke up 6 months ago. He even flew her all over Asia (he claims to have spent $10K on her).

How do I ask her about it?

She makes more money than me but she says she doesn't want to be the bread winner.

 

[PS34one]

I've been slowly lowering my budget every time. I never really analyzed how much I should spent. I just put a number out there. At first I thought 15K, then I thought 12K, now its 10K. I just put numbers up since I saw what my friends were spending and the fact my older brother told me that if you spend anything less than 15K a girl would throw it back at your face.

My GF makes $150K/year. I make $58K/year. I have about $36K saved up (lived at home), but that took me a while to save (like 6 years). I was thinking the ring had to pricey since she makes so much, but it might be a huge cash hit on my end. I would prefer to spend some of that money on a honeymoon or house.

I'm so confused now. Don't know what to do. If I spent $10K, my savings would go down to $26K. That is a pretty huge chunk with the salary I'm making.

So how much do people usually spend on here? What is the benchmark for how much you should spend? I'm thinking of lowering my budget down to $8K. But then I would feel like a cheapo.

Spend what you feel comfortable with. And no one i know would throw a ring costing less than $15k! lol! What kind of women has your brother been talking to?! My original e-ring cost under $1k when my husband purchased it and my 15yr upgrade cost just over $5k. Which i LOVE btw. Get what you feel comfortable with. If you're having qualms about the money, ask her about it. She may not think it's as big of a deal as you are making it out to be in your head. I've made more money than my husband for most of our married life. it bugs him more than me.

8k a cheapo? LOL
If a girl threw any ring in your face that you lovingly chose in your budget, I say that not a woman u want to marry.
When I got engaged I tore apart old jewelry I had and we used the diamonds and gold to custom make a band that cost about $800 bucks in CAD's and labor. I LOVE it will all my heart. He would have gotten me a 4k band I found but we decided this made more sense. All that to say 8k or even half that is nothing to feel "cheep" about. IMHO.

 

[artdecolover71]

Truly it is hard to use this place. There's people who spend $1800 and people who spend six figures. I would have a chat with your SO and then decide- I think a joint decision is wise and a great way to decide.

 

[Jmlleiva]

Truly it is hard to use this place. There's people who spend $1800 and people who spend six figures. I would have a chat with your SO and then decide- I think a joint decision is wise and a great way to decide.

How do you go about asking her how much to spend? Doesn't that defeat the purpose and make you look unmanly?

 

[artdecolover71]

Not at all!! As someone married to a wonderful man 22 years, I can tell you- I handle the finances even though he's the breadwinner. Marriage is about communication you dont have to discuss exact figures but definitely get an idea,

 

[PS34one]

Truly it is hard to use this place. There's people who spend $1800 and people who spend six figures. I would have a chat with your SO and then decide- I think a joint decision is wise and a great way to decide.

I agree about speaking to her. And with the help of this forum you can get a real stunner for that kind of money, probably better than your "friends" who got a "deal" and spent 15k grand at jeweler X. For what its worth, even though I knew my guy had the ring in his possession, he still managed to come up with a proposal plan that knocked my socks off. I was so surprised I didn't see it coming at all.

 

[Jmlleiva]

Truly it is hard to use this place. There's people who spend $1800 and people who spend six figures. I would have a chat with your SO and then decide- I think a joint decision is wise and a great way to decide.

I agree about speaking to her. And with the help of this forum you can get a real stunner for that kind of money, probably better than your "friends" who got a "deal" and spent 15k grand at jeweler X. For what its worth, even though I knew my guy had the ring in his possession, he still managed to come up with a proposal plan that knocked my socks off. I was so surprised I didn't see it coming at all.

What was the proposal if you don't mind me asking?

 

[Jmlleiva]

Truly it is hard to use this place. There's people who spend $1800 and people who spend six figures. I would have a chat with your SO and then decide- I think a joint decision is wise and a great way to decide.

I agree about speaking to her. And with the help of this forum you can get a real stunner for that kind of money, probably better than your "friends" who got a "deal" and spent 15k grand at jeweler X. For what its worth, even though I knew my guy had the ring in his possession, he still managed to come up with a proposal plan that knocked my socks off. I was so surprised I didn't see it coming at all.

What was the proposal if you don't mind me asking?

 

[farrahlyn]

My brother dated a Asian girl that was superficial and always wanted designer purses. He bought her boobs ($5K). She was crazy. Ironically, they broke up 6 months ago. He even flew her all over Asia (he claims to have spent $10K on her).

How do I ask her about it?

She makes more money than me but she says she doesn't want to be the bread winner.

How do you go about asking her how much to spend? Doesn't that defeat the purpose and make you look unmanly?

SO much i could say.

A discussion would not make you look unmanly, no. it's SMART. you don't have to discuss budget necessarily but expectations maybe? Is she expecting a honking 2ct ring or is she happy with a 1ct stone or whatever size it is you can afford? Communication about finances is a good thing.

 

[msop04]

I've been slowly lowering my budget every time. I never really analyzed how much I should spent. I just put a number out there. At first I thought 15K, then I thought 12K, now its 10K. I just put numbers up since I saw what my friends were spending and the fact my older brother told me that if you spend anything less than 15K a girl would throw it back at your face.

My GF makes $150K/year. I make $58K/year. I have about $36K saved up, but that took me a while to save (like 6 years). I was thinking the ring had to pricey since she makes so much, but it might be a huge cash hit on my end. I would prefer to spend some of that money on a honeymoon or house.

I'm so confused now. Don't know what to do. If I spent $10K, my savings would go down to $26K. That is a pretty huge chunk with the salary I'm making.

So how much do people usually spend on here? When is the benchmark for how much you should spend?

OP, there is no correct answer other than what you are COMFORTABLE spending. In my opinion, the safest thing to do is to get a diamond from a vendor who offers a great upgrade policy… That way, you can get your girlfriend a ring with a price that you feel totally comfortable with, then have the option to upgrade later on if she'd like.

Have you discussed budget with your girlfriend at all?

No, wouldn't that be odd?

It really just depends on the type of relationship you have with your girlfriend… When my husband and I were dating and talking about getting married, it was very important to him to talk about finances, even though it never occurred to me… It's really just a personal thing, I guess. [emoji848]

 

[msop04]

Truly it is hard to use this place. There's people who spend $1800 and people who spend six figures. I would have a chat with your SO and then decide- I think a joint decision is wise and a great way to decide.

How do you go about asking her how much to spend? Doesn't that defeat the purpose and make you look unmanly?

I don't think it makes you look unmanly at all… Quite the opposite! I think it makes you look very responsible and shows that you care about your financial future.

That said, if you're not comfortable with having that talk, that is perfectly OK! $10,000 is a very healthy budget… $8000 is a healthy budget!

... And regardless of what you say or think or what she says, there will be upgrades in the future. Trust me. [emoji56][emoji6][emoji57]

 

[rubybeth]

Have you discussed budget with your girlfriend at all?

No, wouldn't that be odd?

It really just depends on the type of relationship you have with your girlfriend… When my husband and I were dating and talking about getting married, it was very important to him to talk about finances, even though it never occurred to me… It's really just a personal thing, I guess. [emoji848]

Do you and your girlfriend already live together and share expenses? I ask because communication and finances are two big issues in marriage, whether you agree perfectly on things or not, you will need to be open to discussing all kinds of boring/awkward/weird things with your spouse. DH and I sat down and did a 'married budget' before we got engaged to answer the question "Can we afford to get married?" since we were both living cheaply with parents. Then he figured out how much he could spend on a ring (about $1k), and then after we finished school and started earning more, we mutually agreed we could afford other jewelry pieces for me.

I like the idea of asking about expectations for a future engagement ring. It need not get down to the specifics of budget, but I will say that sometimes there are cultural expectations--we've seen posts on here about higher colors being strongly preferred by Asians, for example. But there are Asian women on PS who own lower colored stones--so it's good to talk about expectations, because you don't know until you ask. You can also admit that you feel weird about the income differential--when she says she doesn't like being the breadwinner, what does that mean? It could mean she wants to quit working after getting married, or it could mean she hopes you will make more, which may or may not be possible--wouldn't it be better to know that now rather than later?

 

[msop04]

Have you discussed budget with your girlfriend at all?

No, wouldn't that be odd?

It really just depends on the type of relationship you have with your girlfriend… When my husband and I were dating and talking about getting married, it was very important to him to talk about finances, even though it never occurred to me… It's really just a personal thing, I guess. [emoji848]

Do you and your girlfriend already live together and share expenses? I ask because communication and finances are two big issues in marriage, whether you agree perfectly on things or not, you will need to be open to discussing all kinds of boring/awkward/weird things with your spouse. DH and I sat down and did a 'married budget' before we got engaged to answer the question "Can we afford to get married?" since we were both living cheaply with parents. Then he figured out how much he could spend on a ring (about $1k), and then after we finished school and started earning more, we mutually agreed we could afford other jewelry pieces for me.

I like the idea of asking about expectations for a future engagement ring. It need not get down to the specifics of budget, but I will say that sometimes there are cultural expectations--we've seen posts on here about higher colors being strongly preferred by Asians, for example. But there are Asian women on PS who own lower colored stones--so it's good to talk about expectations, because you don't know until you ask. You can also admit that you feel weird about the income differential--when she says she doesn't like being the breadwinner, what does that mean? It could mean she wants to quit working after getting married, or it could mean she hopes you will make more, which may or may not be possible--wouldn't it be better to know that now rather than later?

Very good advice,rubybeth. [emoji1360]

 

[farrahlyn]

Do you and your girlfriend already live together and share expenses? I ask because communication and finances are two big issues in marriage, whether you agree perfectly on things or not, you will need to be open to discussing all kinds of boring/awkward/weird things with your spouse. DH and I sat down and did a 'married budget' before we got engaged to answer the question "Can we afford to get married?" since we were both living cheaply with parents. Then he figured out how much he could spend on a ring (about $1k), and then after we finished school and started earning more, we mutually agreed we could afford other jewelry pieces for me.

I like the idea of asking about expectations for a future engagement ring. It need not get down to the specifics of budget, but I will say that sometimes there are cultural expectations--we've seen posts on here about higher colors being strongly preferred by Asians, for example. But there are Asian women on PS who own lower colored stones--so it's good to talk about expectations, because you don't know until you ask. You can also admit that you feel weird about the income differential--when she says she doesn't like being the breadwinner, what does that mean? It could mean she wants to quit working after getting married, or it could mean she hopes you will make more, which may or may not be possible--wouldn't it be better to know that now rather than later?

rubybeth, you just kindly addressed the exact things i was thinking but did not know how to word without coming off as rude.