by CatLady » Mar 6, 2010 Hello, I used to post in this forum about two years ago. I was a Lady in Waiting, had a commitment phobic boyfriend, but I patiently gave him time to "work on himself". We were together for 5 years in total, a year and a half was long distance, and living together before and after this long distance period. The marriage issue caused us to break up two times during our relationship. The first time was two years ago. He claimed that he needed time to work on himself. Ha, he didn''t do crap. Then I gave him an ultimatum which he did not follow through with. I stopped speaking to him (break up number 2) and lo and behold, a month later he finally proposed. This was 21 months ago. So, I was pretty pleased with myself, had a huge rock on my finger and a permagrin on my face, but soon the signs of trouble were back. The commitment issues were looming. We were still long distance at this time, so I thought that we would wait until he moved back to start planning the wedding. There were signs for sure, from the very beginning that he wasn''t serious. #1 - The night we got engaged, I sent out a mass text telling everyone I knew that I was engaged. He didn''t tell a soul. His brother noticed that my status on facebook had changed to ''engaged'' and sent him a message asking him about it. It took him a week to respond and tell his brother. About a month after we were ''engaged'' we went out to dinner with one of his friends who was also recently engaged. Said friend was talking about wedding planning, etc. My ''fiance'' said not a word about our engagement. Friend noticed my ring and asked if we were engaged. ''Fiance'' said yes. FRIEND sent an email out to all of the other friends announcing our engagement. ''Fiance'' said that he thought that it was funny. #2 - ''Fiance'' was not interested in any aspects of wedding planning. We had talked about having a destination wedding, so I was contacting hotels and wedding planners. I printed off the application for the marriage license about four months before the date that we had set and asked him to fill it out. He would not do so, claiming that there was no need to do it in advance as it didn''t need to be done until a month before the actual date. Meanwhile, I have my family breathing down my back asking questions "When are you getting married, blah blah". My grandmother joined facebook and weekly commented on my wall - "Are you still getting married". This was about a year ago. #3 - We had a huge blowout fight over the marriage application. He said that he NEEDED MORE TIME TO WORK ON HIMSELF and started seeing a counselor. He went to the counselor two or three times and quit going. He changed the date to August. August came and he said that he was just too busy with work. He was traveling a lot so I guess I tricked myself into believing that it was a valid excuse. I was in denial because I just didn''t want to go through all of the trouble of breaking things off. He started spoiling me, which I now see was just a giant manipulation to buy more time. He bought me a puppy, Kate Spade purses, a Tissot watch and took me on numerous trips over the last few months. I was complacent, but pretty much had started to mentally prepare myself for the breakup. Over Thanksgiving and Christmas I made lame excuses to avoid seeing my family because I couldn''t deal with the questions. Finally, about a month and a half ago, we got back from one of the trips he took me on. For my 29th birthday. That''s right, ladies, I''m a dinosaur, and met up with some friends. I have a habit of texting him little notes when we are out with other people. We had gone on several really great vacations and were getting along pretty well. I said "When are you ever going to marry me?". He responded with "I''M JUST NOT READY TO SHARE MY LIFE WITH YOU." That''s pretty funny, considering I''m wearing a giant diamond on my finger and we have been living together, doing everything together and basically SHARING A LIFE TOGETHER. That little text message was the straw that broke this camel''s back. I was done. Two days later I went out and met a guy whose wife had kicked him out that very day and guess what, I boned him. We did it all night and again in the morning, all while my pathetic ex ''fiance'' was blowing up my phone. He started calling all of my friends crying every night and for some reason two of them took his side. They said they felt bad for him because he was so sad. My best friend of 16 years threw me under the bus and told him that I slept with someone else. I''m not going to lie, I was secretly pleased at how much this hurt him, but I really did not want him to know, as he started stalking this guy and driving by his house. He went nuts. He printed off all of this crap about getting married in Mexico, said that he would marry me the next day if I wanted. He started writing me poetry, tried to take me to the Virgin Islands but I denied all of his requests. He cried, saying he didn''t want to be this pathetic, single, 30 year old guy hitting on girls at bars... (well, we could have been married). Of course, it''s all about him. It seems like the hurt and humiliation he has caused me over the years means nothing to him. He is going around telling people that I CHEATED ON HIM and that is why we broke up. I never cheated on him the entire time we were together, I never wanted to. I wanted to marry him and I wasn''t even attracted to or interested in another person for the majority of our relationship. Anyway, this short story ended up being a novel. I just felt like sharing. Don''t listen to what they say, ladies. Pay attention to the way that they act. He continually reassured me that he was going to marry me, but he was full of crap. Now I''m a single 29 year old woman in a crappy one bedroom apartment, with a high energy dog I can barely take care of, who destroys everything, who has to go on horrible match . com dates, and is sitting at home drinking boxed wine on a Saturday night. I don''t have any cats, but I might as well just start collecting them. I''m sure it''s only a matter of time before I''m that lady on Hoarders, wearing an adult diaper, tying myself to one of those hospital toilets only to have the rope break and almost die because I''m trapped in the filth.