A smudge on my proposal? Or am I over-reacting?

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 1/13/2007 9:44:58 AM
Author: ephemery1
Oh my... some people.

One of my closest friends is getting married a few months after me. Recently she asked where we were going on our honeymoon, and I said St. Lucia... her reaction was ''oh, we''ve wanted to go there for years... but I guess we''ll have to find somewhere different now.'' Incredulous, I asked why they couldn''t just plan their own trip to St. Lucia... and her response was ''well we want to have different pictures and memories.'' UM... it''s a HONEYMOON... I''m pretty sure our respective memories are going to be pretty unique!! And furthermore, isn''t it kind of fun to be going to the same island as one of your closest friends?? We know of several other couples who have gone or are going there... and we''ve already talked about planning a big anniversary trip together some year!

Personally, I like the idea of sharing a similar story/experience with people I care about... it''s such a fun thing to have in common! And I think stubbornly clinging to the idea that a honeymoon/proposal is only special if it is totally unique, is kinda missing the point!! Your GF''s friend needs to take a minute to get over herself.

My husband and I got married on a wednesday so that on our 2nd annniversary it would be on a saturday and we could have a big wedding/renewal with our families etc. Well fast forward two years my mom''s best friend''s daughter decided to get married on that day and asked me if I''d change my day and I said um no and explained it.... so the best friends each attended their own daughter''s big days and the few common friends went to mine and then to hers. Fast forward another 11 years and my first cousin is getting married.... on what day? yup! Our 13th anniversary! LOL I told them this past thanksgiving that on their 12th anniversary they were gonna have to put it aside for our 25th renewal/anniversary LOL they laughed... of course it''s still their day!! Just like their wedding day was still our day!! So what''s happening THIS June 26th? Yep! Another wedding!!! My best friend''s sister in law...

::footstomp::hairflip:: but that''s supposed to be MYYYYYYY DAYYYYY right? LOL!! Such is life - build a bridge and GET OVER IT!!!!!!

 

[Cehrabehra]

Okay one more thing... how about proposing on the airplane on the way there? Make a big scene about it haha - that would be so fun!! And then you could say you got married over the pacific.... not in california, not in hawaii.... just DON''T TELL THEM ANYTHING!!! lol Maybe you could gt the stewardess in on it andlet you ue the microphone or something haha - who knows!

 

[bee*]

OH MY GOD-that Betty sounds like a right witch! I would politely tell her where to go and you should do the proposal that you want. I would also let your girlfriend see these posts. I used to have a friend the exact same as this, used to being the main words. Its going to be the one of the most special times in your girlfriends life so Betty should want the best for her if she is her friend

 

[sumbride]

Ephem -

We''re going to St. Lucia too! And not only are we honeymooning in St. Lucia, with everyone else, we''re going to Sandals, where almost EVERYONE is on their honeymoon! The horror!!! How can I possibly enjoy it now??? Knowing that not only is one of my fave PS people going there too, but others will as well!

And I agree with everyone else on what to tell Betty. Congrats on being ready to propose!!! I hope you enjoy your special moment, wherever it happens.

 

[Finding_Neverland]

Date: 1/13/2007 1:35:02 AM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 1/13/2007 1:29:57 AM

Author: Kaleigh

Does Betty have kids? If not, beat her to the punch. Then when they announce they are thinking of having kids, tell them that you and your woman conceived in bed...and it''s very special to you that your child was created in bed. Then tell her that you hope she doesn''t copy your idea and that she''ll conceive on another piece of furniture.

ROFL!!

That was too good!! Now I have to clean coke off my computer screen!!

House,........

Folks here have given you some good advice. Truely, this Betty chick has issues.

 

[DMBsGirl]

I wholeheartedly agree with everyone else on here, betty is nutso!!!!
do not let her ruin your plans, you were totally right, It is NOT about her and hopefully she will come to her senses and realize how completely crazy she is being.

 

[house_64]

Date: 1/13/2007 5:29:30 AM
Author: musey
I understand where Betty''s coming from in wanting to keep her own experience unique and original among her circle of friends.

You folks have put me in better spirits, Thank you! I''m starting to think that my initial reaction/emotions are appropriate. Musey brought up something that I had considered in this situation while trying to comprehend why Betty would send me that email... however, this circle of friends only includes her and her husband and my GF and I (and maybe my GF''s parents).... we don''t have common friends. And like I said before, only my GF''s parents attended the wedding on the Big Island of Hawaii, we''re vacationing and perhaps getting engaged on an entirely different island (Maui) so it can''t really be duplicating their story. I''m trying to predict her response/behavior when she does get the phone call from my GF and if she will be upset or just except it (And if she''ll be resentful when/if she''s asked to be in/help with the wedding.....) Only time will tell.

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 1/14/2007 1:23:54 AM
Author: house_64

Date: 1/13/2007 5:29:30 AM
Author: musey
I understand where Betty''s coming from in wanting to keep her own experience unique and original among her circle of friends.

You folks have put me in better spirits, Thank you! I''m starting to think that my initial reaction/emotions are appropriate. Musey brought up something that I had considered in this situation while trying to comprehend why Betty would send me that email... however, this circle of friends only includes her and her husband and my GF and I (and maybe my GF''s parents).... we don''t have common friends. And like I said before, only my GF''s parents attended the wedding on the Big Island of Hawaii, we''re vacationing and perhaps getting engaged on an entirely different island (Maui) so it can''t really be duplicating their story. I''m trying to predict her response/behavior when she does get the phone call from my GF and if she will be upset or just except it (And if she''ll be resentful when/if she''s asked to be in/help with the wedding.....) Only time will tell.

Okey doke time for me to be blunt here. If she isn''t thrilled for her supposed best friend, then I have no words for that. I really never got Betty''s point or her hubby''s. Hello.. Does she own Hawaii?? Of course not. So have a fab trip. Propose how YOU want to and don''t give miss Betty a second thought. A BF should be thrilled for her BF. If she''s less than pleased, well, there''s your answer. To me she sounds small minded and toxic. Just giving you the heads up. Read this whole thread again when you have time. I think everyone is on the same page here. Lots of good advice and great perspectives were given to you. We just want you to make your GF happy and have a fabu trip to Hawaii GUILT FREE.

OK??? Betty and her hubby can''t take that away from you. Seriously!!!!!!!!

And I don''t get mad on here very often. but somehow, this has pissed me off.

Good luck, have fun, and come back with pics. We love those!!!!

 

[Lorelei]

Ditto everything Kaleigh and everyone else said. How anyone would have the cheek to dictate to someone else how they propose and where is going WAY too far in my opinion.

 

[Pandora II]

Can I just caution against telling your GF what Betty has been saying until a day or two after the engagement.


A few weeks after I met FI he had a dozen red roses delivered to my house. The was the first time anyone had sent me flowers like these in my life and I was ecstatic. As I walked into the kitchen with them my mother was on the phone to my brother. She put the phone down and told me that my brother''s up-to-then lovely girlfriend was accusing me of spreading terrible rumours about her and my brother was very upset.

Roll on 6 months and a lot of trouble and my brother left her having worked out she was a psycho and compulsive liar.

Everytime I think about those roses, the memory is coloured by being accused unfairly and my brother''s misplaced anger and disappointment in me.

I would hate to think that your GF''s proposal day would be coloured by her friend''s selfishness and outrageous wishes.

 

[firebirdgold]

I don''t know why, but some women do get very possessive about their wedding. But it usually wears off pretty quickly afterwards. This is just plainly ridiculous!
I do have a little sympathy for her because there''s obviously something else going on with her. This is just too illogical otherwise. It really has nothing to do with you or your soon-to-be fi.

Unfortunately, as ''Betty'' is displaying some really whacked out behavior, I''d worry that she''d slip your gf a hint just to ruin it.


Oh, and the ''you''ll understand when you''re married'' bit probably refers to him not being able to disagree publicly with his wife on something she feels so strongly (and irrationally) about. After all, he''s the one who has to live with her!

 

[Diamond*Dana]

This is so selfish of Betty and hubby, and to send an email no less!

Go about your plans the way YOU want them to be...just because they want their engagement to be special by not sharing their engagement place with anyone else does not give them the right to ruin what you plan as YOUR special engagement. Good luck to you!

 

[FireGoddess]

If you need someone to slap Betty, I will happily volunteer.

Betty wasn''t the FIRST person to get engaged in Hawaii, nor will she be the last. Where your girlfriend gets engaged has no bearing on Betty''s life or Betty''s engagement, other than the fact that she has already made herself out to be a completely selfish idiot by bringing this up in the first place.

If you do get engaged in Hawaii and Betty does get upset at your girlfriend....your girlfriend should consider NOT asking someone like that to be her MOH! Any normal person would be happy for her friend and tell her how wonderful Hawaii is and how much fun she''ll have, not rain on her parade and throw a wet blanket on it before anything even happens. Which makes me wonder if you ask in Hawaii, will this already be ruined for your girlfriend? I hope not.

 

[Liquiddazi]

I could completely understand where Betty was coming from, if her husband did propose in the middle of a cornfield and you wanted to do the same thing... since it is so unique. But being proposed to and married in Hawaii is definitely not unique. Tons of people do it and if that is what your girlfriend wants, I would completely do it, regardless, especially when it is a completely different island!!!

However, I can understand if you were to get married in Hawaii at the same hotel as Betty, Betty having problems with that. But if I were your GF I wouldn''t want to get married at the same hotel as Betty.

 

[Ann]

I hope your e-ring is bigger than evil Betty's e-ring !!

Check out the restaurant link below. A fab place on Maui.
Has Betty been there?


http://www.mamasfishhouse.com/

 

[Scooba]

you have got to be kidding me?!?!?! how old is Betty? If Betty would prefer that no one else gets engaged or married in Hawaii, Betty better find a way to buy Hawaii and kick everyone out, Betty would also have beef with alot of girls on this board and alot of girls in the world because although I love your plan, it''s just not original.

You tell Betty that you getting engaged there isn''t taking anything away from her, and it''s not copying her, you tell Betty''s hubby she said this because I guarantee he doesn''t know and maybe he can talk some sense into her. I would love to have a similar engagement story as my best friend. Please make your proposal way cooler than Betty''s. And if Betty even thinks about being upset with you or your GF, you both need to rethink your friendship with Betty.

 

[Scooba]

oh gosh, I just read your other post, I cannot belive the H was involved, that is so not a guy thing to care about!

 

[monarch64]

Huh, I just have to wonder what the underlying issue is here (of Betty''s--sorry, not properly worded--it''s late here!)

Could it posssssssibly be that she''s afraid you''re going to outdo her FI/DH with YOUR proposal to her BF? Hmmmm, hafta wonder. Whatever the case may be, though, I still think there is no excuse for her "claim" to HI and that you should still do what you want to do for your lady if it means making her and yourself blissfully happy! Life''s too short to worry about such things, and the world is big enough for all of us to experience bliss!

 

[Officers girl]

Date: 1/13/2007 1:41:10 AM
Author: aljdewey

Date: 1/13/2007 1:35:02 AM
Author: TravelingGal


Does Betty have kids? If not, beat her to the punch. Then when they announce they are thinking of having kids, tell them that you and your woman conceived in bed...and it''s very special to you that your child was created in bed. Then tell her that you hope she doesn''t copy your idea and that she''ll conceive on another piece of furniture.

It''s just THAT stupid to me.

OH MY LORD....that''s absolutely HYSTERICAL! TG, you get better the longer you''re around.!

PERFECT!

LOL

Do what makes your girl happy let him worry about his, and the way she sounds there is alot to worry about!

 

[nomissjane]

I couldn''t help but want to chime in and say how I still find it bizare that some women have a mental and emotional inteligence of a 3 year old.

I don''t wish to hijack, but thought I''d share my similar story....
I''m recently engaged, my FI happily suprised me with a proposal at the Taj Mahal on a recent trip to India....unbenowns to us, on the other side of the world, my FI''s very close friend decides to suprise his girlfriend over dinner on ''technically'' the very same day....
We come back from India, happy and excited and share the news with everyone and find out about their very happy news as well....so whilst out one night, myself and my lovely FI congratulate both of them, tell them how happy and excited we are for them and laugh at what an unexpected coincidence it is that we get engaged on the same day.....
......drum roll please......my FI''s friends nasty fiance then proceeds to tell/attack us that she thought we were incredibly selfish to have the audacity to get engaged on the same day as them and that surely we could have picked any other day than when her FI proposed to her!!.....and then she lets rip with the kicker.....that she can''t believe we''re so selfish considering they''ve been together for 3yrs and we''ve only known each other 10mths.....

Incredible....and all of this after I had sooooo nicely oohed and aahed over her ring (she didn''t even acknowledge mine).
Much to his credit my FI calmly told her (very tongue in cheek) that he, LOL, was soooooo sorry to have upset her.....that he should have had a premonition that they would get engaged and that he definately should have not have proposed to me somewhere so special as the Taj on the only day that we were there, but waited till we were home and popped the question in the car park of the local chinese take-away.....hehehe.....
I mean, grief, we were on the other side of the world and had no idea they would get engaged....
Thank goodness my FI and I are getting married first....no telling what she''d be upset with and accuse us of copying if we followed them.....LOL

Basically my point is that this is not a competition and nobody has the monopoly on ''special moments'' and you have every right to enjoy yours in any way you''d like and have people be happy and thrilled for you.

 

[Finding_Neverland]

Date: 1/14/2007 1:18:27 PM
Author: Pandora II
Can I just caution against telling your GF what Betty has been saying until a day or two after the engagement.



A few weeks after I met FI he had a dozen red roses delivered to my house. The was the first time anyone had sent me flowers like these in my life and I was ecstatic. As I walked into the kitchen with them my mother was on the phone to my brother. She put the phone down and told me that my brother''s up-to-then lovely girlfriend was accusing me of spreading terrible rumours about her and my brother was very upset.


Roll on 6 months and a lot of trouble and my brother left her having worked out she was a psycho and compulsive liar.


Everytime I think about those roses, the memory is coloured by being accused unfairly and my brother''s misplaced anger and disappointment in me.


I would hate to think that your GF''s proposal day would be coloured by her friend''s selfishness and outrageous wishes.

I''m glad you mentioned this, Pandora.

I was thinking along the same lines.

House should not mention anything to GF/FI about how Betty has been acting. It will just cause hurt feelings all around.

Let Betty show herself to GF all on her own. Then you, House, won''t be the bad guy.

 

[rockzilla]

First of all, I want to second what everyone is saying -- if Betty really intends for you to change your engagement plans she''s off her rocker...

That said, maybe she is just one of those controlling people who likes to be involved. You said that she asked you if you were planning on proposing there...maybe she felt left out that you hadn''t told her where/when you were proposing after she helped you with the ring? Maybe she just wanted to be "in the loop" and know when the proposal would be happening and this was a way of asking you? It sounds to me like she is (also) upset that she guessed where the proposal would be (in addition to it being the same STATE that she was engaged/married in).

Not trying to defend her, she seems like she is a few slices short of a pie, but that''s the impression I got.

 

[february2003bride]

One one hand I can totally understand Betty wanting to keep her engagement and wedding memories unique or special. And I would worry that your GF would not like having a proposal and wedding so similar to her friend''s, but that clearly is not the case.

It sounds like Betty has jealousy and/or controilling issues. She does not OWN Hawaii and how many people have the exact same proposal and wedding memories of Hawaii? Hundreds of thousands?

Betty needs to get a grip.

Have a great time on your vaca and have a lovely proposal!

 

[house_64]

Well, thanks for all the input and support. As of now, the plan is still set....... ring is being made, we leave to Hawaii the 19th of Feb.! Plane tickets purchased, hotel booked, Jeep Wrangler reserved....... I guess we''ll see what happens!

 

[flopkins]

house - I missed your original post the first time around and jsut caught up w/it... man it just does NOT cease to amaze me how strange people get about weddings. I am glad you have a reasonable head on your shoulders and are doing what you and your gf''s pretty heart pleases.
I also want to add that I agree w/the others that said not to bring up the Betty email, it would taint my memories of the happy time, at least in the few weeks after engagement... and if those are B''s true colors, they will (hopefully) come out in the course of wedding planning.


Good luck w/the proposal and your trip!!!

DH and I went to Hawaii for our honeymoon... although we went to Kauai and HOnolulu, and not Maui. But it is a gorgeous place and you will surely have a blast!

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 1/25/2007 2:03:03 AM
Author: house_64
Well, thanks for all the input and support. As of now, the plan is still set....... ring is being made, we leave to Hawaii the 19th of Feb.! Plane tickets purchased, hotel booked, Jeep Wrangler reserved....... I guess we''ll see what happens!

best of luck! Hopefully there will be no more drama!! But if there is, you better come back and share it LOL just kidding - have a wonderful time

 

[Skippy123]

Wow, I went through something similar but it was with my sister and mostly her husband! My husband I got engaged and were planning to get married May 20 (we told everyone) and my sister got engaged about 5 mos after me. She and her fiance said they needed to get married May 20th since my sister was in school. Okay, I said I would change it.

I changed it to April 29th. Then we all picked our flowers and after my wedding my sisters husband saw that we had lots of flowers so then a week before their wedding he added ice sculptures and more flowers. I did not care but they kept comparing our weddings!

Also my sister and I agreed it would be special to both get in our wedding dresses together a couple of hours before the wedding so we could make a picture of us for my wonderful parents. After the picture was taken my sister told her husband an my brother in law would not talk to me their entire wedding day. After their wedding he then told me that since we took one picture on "their wedding day" I took away from their special day. No one saw us; just the photographer and my sister.

I think people get a little too nutty about weddings and get crazy about out doing each other. Be prepared for when you do plan your wedding in Hawaii that there WILL be more jealousy. If you have a nicer reception I can't imagine what is going to happen!

I would talk to your fiancé about it. I am so sorry. I hope Betty gets a clue and does not make this special time heck for you two!!!!

 

[val951]

Date: 1/27/2007 8:15:37 PM
Author: Skippy123

Wow, I went through something similar but it was with my sister and mostly her husband! My husband I got engaged and were planning to get married May 20 (we told everyone) and my sister got engaged about 5 mos after me. She and her fiance said they needed to get married May 20th since my sister was in school. Okay, I said I would change it.

I changed it to April 29th. Then we all picked our flowers and after my wedding my sisters husband saw that we had lots of flowers so then a week before their wedding he added ice sculptures and more flowers. I did not care but they kept comparing our weddings!

Also my sister and I agreed it would be special to both get in our wedding dresses together a couple of hours before the wedding so we could make a picture of us for my wonderful parents. After the picture was taken my sister told her husband an my brother in law would not talk to me their entire wedding day. After their wedding he then told me that since we took one picture on 'their wedding day' I took away from their special day. No one saw us; just the photographer and my sister.

I think people get a little too nutty about weddings and get crazy about out doing each other. Be prepared for when you do plan your wedding in Hawaii that there WILL be more jealousy. If you have a nicer reception I can't imagine what is going to happen!

I would talk to your fiancé about it. I am so sorry. I hope Betty gets a clue and does not make this special time heck for you two!!!!

Wow, Skippy! I never knew that!

House_64, I'm just going to repeat what everyone else has said. You need to do what will make YOU and your soon to be fiancee happy! No one else matters!