A quick little etiquette question

[kama_s]

Our wedding is going to be around an hour drive away from where we live (Toronto). Almost 50% of our guests our from Toronto, and the rest 50% are coming from other provinces. We will be hosting a brunch the day following our wedding for family and out-of-town guests and wont be including our guests coming from Toronto (mostly university and work friends). I was wondering if we should include a special brunch invitation with our formal invitations, or if we should invite via word-of-mouth.

I feel a tad guilty for sending formal invitations to half our guests and not to others, so I was thinking of making it slightly less formal by having it spread word-of-mouth. BUT we do need estimates a week before the brunch so I would need to know how many will be joining us and doing this over the phone might get tedious. So, is it bad etiquette to include only some of your guests for a certain wedding event with a formal invitation?

 

[musey]

I don''t think so... you''re thinking of including a separate insert (like reception cards) in some invitation envelopes and not others (the ones that aren''t invited), right?

I''m a little confused by your wording, are you asking if it''s okay to invite some guests (with said extra inserts) to the next-day brunch and not others, or if it''s okay to invite some of the day-after brunch guests with the invitation inserts and some by word of mouth? If it''s the latter, why couldn''t you include inserts for all of the brunch guests?

 

[CNYHopeful]

That''s a good question, kama_s.
We''re in a similar dilemma. I suggest since it''s for a brunch that word of mouth or e-vites are appropriate for the out of town guests if you''re thinking cost-effective. My best friend''s family offered the brunch via word of mouth and email. It worked out nicely!

I think the rules of etiquette are a guide rather than a litmus test. Although formal etiquette would suggest a card be included with the invitation, the brunch is not at the same level of formality as the reception and ceremony. The rehearsal dinner level is comparable to the brunch and I think these days most rehearsals and brunches are word of mouth.

 

[mayachel]

Might be too late for this, but my fsil had it in her formal invitation a little check off line, if we were coming for brunch.

 

[kama_s]

Date: 2/18/2009 2:08:23 PM
Author: musey
I don't think so... you're thinking of including a separate insert (like reception cards) in some invitation envelopes and not others (the ones that aren't invited), right?

I'm a little confused by your wording, are you asking if it's okay to invite some guests (with said extra inserts) to the next-day brunch and not others, or if it's okay to invite some of the day-after brunch guests with the invitation inserts and some by word of mouth? If it's the latter, why couldn't you include inserts for all of the brunch guests?

I realize my post was confusing...sorry! Let me try this once more!! I am wondering if it's a) bad etiquette to only invite certain guests (family and out-of-province) for the brunch and b) should I make it a formal event with an insert in the invitation (like a reception card) or if it would be better to make it word-of-mouth, considering only half the guests will be invited to this event.

CNYhopeful: Cost is not an issue, as it would cost 0.40c to add another insert in our formal invitation.

 

[tlh]

I would send a seperate letter, seperate from the actual invitation... like you would for the Rehearsal Dinner invites.

 

[lala2332]

the only problem with word of mouth is that because it is so informal that someone invited could mention it to your toronto-not-invited guests and think b/c its word of mouth that they just didn''t hear about it.

I would send out separate invitations to the brunch. but they can be simple...you can probably make them up on your computer or at kinkos. that way it isn''t as formal and doesn''t have to match your expensive wedding invites and there is no question about who is and isn''t invited. I think of the brunch as like a rehearsal dinner. We are considering doing one and we will be sending seperate invitations for the brunch.

 

[Clairitek]

I don''t think its bad etiquette to invite only your family and out-of-town guests to your day-after brunch. I know of many other brides who have done the same thing. I think its a great way to spend extra time with your family and the people you don''t see very often. If I were in your shoes I would just include a little insert into the invite for those you want to include and a request to get back to you via email or phone if they want to attend with an RSVP date or they could just make a note of their reply on the main event reply card.

 

[Definitely. Maybe]

I would send a seperate letter. Nothing fancy, just a simple invite and RSVP.

If you do word of mouth others will just think they just missed being told and come anyways. I think if it is in with the actual invite it might cause confusion too, so just sending a completely seperate letter might be best.

Good luck deciding.

 

[kama_s]

Separate invites didn''t even cross my mind! What a superb idea! That''s what I''m going to end up doing. Thank you for all the suggestions and replies

 

[musey]

Date: 2/18/2009 2:20:33 PM
Author: kama_s

Date: 2/18/2009 2:08:23 PM
Author: musey
I don''t think so... you''re thinking of including a separate insert (like reception cards) in some invitation envelopes and not others (the ones that aren''t invited), right?

I''m a little confused by your wording, are you asking if it''s okay to invite some guests (with said extra inserts) to the next-day brunch and not others, or if it''s okay to invite some of the day-after brunch guests with the invitation inserts and some by word of mouth? If it''s the latter, why couldn''t you include inserts for all of the brunch guests?

I realize my post was confusing...sorry! Let me try this once more!!

Thanks! I understand now.

I am wondering if it''s a) bad etiquette to only invite certain guests (family and out-of-province) for the brunch

In my opinion, no! Usually the day-after brunch is the same crowd as the rehearsal dinner, I think.

and b) should I make it a formal event with an insert in the invitation (like a reception card) or if it would be better to make it word-of-mouth, considering only half the guests will be invited to this event.

I really don''t think it matters... we didn''t even plan/invite people to a day-after brunch, it just happened all on its own. It''s really up to you how you want to handle the invitations, I think you could go either way!