Home A hard decision

[Smurfysmiles]

So for some reason, all the trips I can take this year are in May/June/July...not convenient.
Event 1- My oldest niece is graduating from high school. My other sister has mentioned that she will make this her priority.

Event 2- Oldest sister is having her second marriage in Iowa. Plane tickets from here are about 400 dollars and we can't afford to put more miles on the car right now. Oldest sister is also mother of oldest niece and they both live in the same place. It would cost the same amount of money for either of these. Oh, and no I'm not in the bridal party.

Event 3-DH and I had been planning since about last summer to have our honeymoon this coming summer as his uncle has offered to let us stay with him a couple days in Myrtle Beach, has an extra car we can use and were also going to spend a couple days in Orlando.

We have been saving up and will have about 1000 dollars by this summer. The question is...how do I choose??

DH is pretty set on using the money we've been saving for the honeymoon.

 

[rhbgirl24]

Personally I would be torn between the honeymoon and my sister''s wedding. I would not considering a high school graduation something to spend $400 in airfare for. I would send a present and call to congrats.....

Would your sister be terribly upset if you do not attend the wedding? Is it a big one or private? I would feel her out, and if she understands the monetary constraints I would use the money for your long overdue honeymoon!

 

[Smurfysmiles]

Well that''s what I was thinking too rhb. I just have this lingering feeling of guilt because they were at my high school graduation, ya know?

It''s going to be like an outdoor bbq wedding at a state park and basically whomever can make it is invited

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

If I were facing unemployment in 3 months I''d be using that money as my e-fund, not planning a trip. That''s just me though...

 

[Smurfysmiles]

Hudson, we have 2 savings accounts set up, one for our honeymoon and one for emergencies. We put equal money into both each month. However, thank you for the off topic input.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

That''s great that you''re saving. The point I was trying to make was I wouldn''t be thinking about a trip if I were facing unemployment. I''d be squirreling away every last penny to support myself. It''s not really an emergency when you have time to prepare for unemployment (you say you''ve known for a while), so for me that wouldn''t be a reason to spend my e-fund. I''d be saving that for the day my car crapped out while I was unemployed.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

Well we are saving for emergencies, so back to the topic...
what would you guys pick?

 

[Lauren8211]

Smurfy, that was kind of snotty, IMO.

You post an awful lot about financial issues. If you don''t want people''s input, don''t ask for advice. It''s not like we don''t remember the post before, ya know? You''ve been posting here for years. We give you advice based on the information you provide us -- all of it.

I agree with HH.

 

[CNOS128]

I think if it were me, I would do none of the above.
I would wait until I felt a little more financially comfortable to go on a honeymoon, or at least wait until a more convenient time - and send my best to the relatives, who I''m sure would understand that I was in a bind.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

Date: 1/8/2010 2:35:57 PM
Author: elledizzy5

Smurfy, that was kind of snotty, IMO.

Sorry if it came off that way but I am the type of person who doesn''t like to go off topic. I also felt HH''s response was kind of snotty but what can ya do

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

I''m sorry if you feel that way Smurfy, I''m a call it like I see it kinda gal.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

I mean really if you want to take it to that point. Here''s what you need to know.
We met with a financial counselor. Consolidated all large debt. Have a savings for emergencies as well as a second savings for the honeymoon. I''ve lost too many friends too young. I''m not the type of person who is going to spend my life saving for everything. If we can pay what we need to and still have money to save for both of these things, then I guess I don''t see why we couldn''t take one of these trips.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

Date: 1/8/2010 2:42:08 PM
Author: Hudson_Hawk
I''m sorry if you feel that way Smurfy, I''m a call it like I see it kinda gal.

Well I guess at least I apologized

 

[Clairitek]

I agree with HH, Elle, and TheBigT. Give yourselves a year to truly get your footing.

ETA: There will be other big family events and more oppurtunities to take a HM. I have friends who waited 2 years to take their dream HM. I know they don't regret waiting until they had all of their ducks in a row.

 

[Bella_mezzo]

Smurfy, I''d use it for the honeymoon or save it for an emergency. So if your savings is covered, then take your honeymoon...

 

[Smurfysmiles]

thanks bella

 

[stephbolt]

Smurfy, congratulations on taking a big step in taking control of your finances by seeing a counselor. It sounds like you have a good plan based on your current situation.

BUT, you seem to be ignoring the fact that you will not have your current job in a few months. This is a huge factor (and one I hope you discussed with the counselor). If I were in your shoes, I would not cement any plans until I knew what was going to happen with the job situation and finding a new job. Maybe you''ll be lucky and find something right away. But if not, I think you would be happy to have that money to put towards rent, utilities, or groceries.

FWIW, if I had to pick one of the trips, I would probably do the wedding.

 

[meresal]

Smurfy- I would call your financial advisor and ask him which option he thinks you should spend it on.

 

[Lauren8211]

Date: 1/8/2010 2:43:04 PM
Author: Smurfyimproved
I mean really if you want to take it to that point. Here's what you need to know.
We met with a financial counselor. Consolidated all large debt. Have a savings for emergencies as well as a second savings for the honeymoon. I've lost too many friends too young. I'm not the type of person who is going to spend my life saving for everything. If we can pay what we need to and still have money to save for both of these things, then I guess I don't see why we couldn't take one of these trips.

I'm not here to parent you, so I won't get into it.

I'm glad that things are starting to get under control for you financially.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Date: 1/8/2010 2:43:32 PM
Author: Smurfyimproved

Date: 1/8/2010 2:42:08 PM

Author: Hudson_Hawk

I'm sorry if you feel that way Smurfy, I'm a call it like I see it kinda gal.

Well I guess at least I apologized

I have nothing to apologize for. I wasn't being snotty, I was simply responding to your question with an opinion formulated from your posting history. Nobody's perfect and no one handles money perfectly, I for one am the first to admit that I have room for grown in that area. What I'm saying is coming from someone who's been where you are and is clawing her way back out of a deep dark hole because of unwise financial decisions. I think meeting with a financial counselor was a great first step and I hope the plan he laid out for you will get you all of the things you want in life (house, children, etc). But don't expect sympathy when you come back in three months because you're laid off, don't have a new job and your car has died or something else has happened and your e-fund is quickly drying up because you've had other more fun things to spend the money on.

And just to ensure that I'm on topic, I'd chose the honeymoon. I do think it's unfair that you and your husband have missed out on that.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

Thank you for your opinion on which you would choose steph

 

[Smurfysmiles]

Date: 1/8/2010 2:57:50 PM
Author: Hudson_Hawk

Date: 1/8/2010 2:43:32 PM

Author: Smurfyimproved

Date: 1/8/2010 2:42:08 PM


Author: Hudson_Hawk


I''m sorry if you feel that way Smurfy, I''m a call it like I see it kinda gal.

Well I guess at least I apologized

And just to ensure that I''m on topic, I''d chose the honeymoon. I do think it''s unfair that you and your husband have missed out on that.

Thank you for your opinion

 

[Smurfysmiles]

Looks like most would pick the honeymoon and that is pretty much what I was thinking as well so that is what we''ll do. After spending all my money on bills for the last 4 or 5 years, it will be nice to finally get a vacation.

 

[meresal]

Date: 1/8/2010 3:02:26 PM
Author: Smurfyimproved
Looks like most would pick the honeymoon and that is pretty much what I was thinking as well so that is what we'll do. After spending all my money on bills for the last 4 or 5 years, it will be nice to finally get a vacation.

Smurfy, I would spend it on a vacation, becuase I wouldn't use that money to do anything to make someone else happy, before making myself happy.


I know you don't want to read this, so skip over if you wish, but I just want to touch on what other people have been saying about saving.

Many poeple on this board, myself included, think that being debt free should be the first priority... and in doing so many of us have all given up something along the way in order to make sure we are at least trying to be financially stable. Personally, I have never carried debt, but as soon as we sign our lives over to the house we are building, you can bet nothing will come before making sure that my husband and our son have a roof over their head.
If I were in your shoes I would be putting everything possible into paying off your debt and saving up a down payment for a reliable mode of transportation, to make sure you can get to where ever you work next. However, you all can and will do whatever you want.

I just want you to see that people aren't trying to be catty, they are just trying to help. Everyone here has consoled and/or congratulated you at one point or another. You were hired a year ago, only to be fired 2 months later. You then got a new job and your car has broken down twice since, and now you are wholly aware that you are going to be without a job in 3 months, but are more worried about where to travel this summer.

We all want to be there for you and help in any way, but it is extremely hard when many of us "see" the things happening in a different light than yourself. It seems, to us, that you aren't trying to better your own situation. To be honest, if I were in your sister's shoes and knew about you and your hubby's financial troubles, I would have already told you not to worry about paying to come to either family event.

I hope that doesn't come off wrong, I'm just trying to give a little insight, since this is the second time in a month that a thread you posted has gone this way.

I'm also glad to hear that your meeting went well with the financial advisor. I am a former financial advisor, and just so you know, you really can call them ANYTIME you think you need help making a decision that involves money.

 

[rhbgirl24]

I agree with what everyone is saying - I think I must have missed the post about the possible layoff.
I also think that maybe to be able to accomplish BOTH, saving MORE because you may be laid off, AND a honeymoon than maybe it would be better to do a short mini-moon. Like an inexpensive long weekend. Something for yourselves, BUT also being financially responsible.
It took 13 years for us to get married. (We were 15 and 16 when we started dating) My now DH would not proposed until he could AFFORD the ring he wanted, the wedding we wanted, AND the honeymoon we wanted WITH the downpayment for our first home - ALL TOGETHER without compromise, and we did just that. It isn''t easy, but sometimes the best thing to do is wait!

Good luck with whatever you decide!

 

[Prana]

honeymoon.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

Date: 1/8/2010 3:14:44 PM
Author: meresal

Date: 1/8/2010 3:02:26 PM

Author: Smurfyimproved

Looks like most would pick the honeymoon and that is pretty much what I was thinking as well so that is what we'll do. After spending all my money on bills for the last 4 or 5 years, it will be nice to finally get a vacation.

Smurfy, I would spend it on a vacation, becuase I wouldn't use that money to do anything to make someone else happy, before making myself happy.



I know you don't want to read this, so skip over if you wish, but I just want to touch on what other people have been saying about saving.


Many poeple on this board, myself included, think that being debt free should be the first priority... and in doing so many of us have all given up something along the way in order to make sure we are at least trying to be financially stable. Personally, I have never carried debt, but as soon as we sign our lives over to the house we are building, you can bet nothing will come before making sure that my husband and our son have a roof over their head.

If I were in your shoes I would be putting everything possible into paying off your debt and saving up a down payment for a reliable mode of transportation, to make sure you can get to where ever you work next. However, you all can and will do whatever you want.


I just want you to see that people aren't trying to be catty, they are just trying to help. Everyone here has consoled and/or congratulated you at one point or another. You were hired a year ago, only to be fired 2 months later. You then got a new job and your car has broken down twice since, and now you are wholly aware that you are going to be without a job in 3 months, but are more worried about where to travel this summer.


We all want to be there for you and help in any way, but it is extremely hard when many of us 'see' the things happening in a different light than yourself. It seems, to us, that you aren't trying to better your own situation. To be honest, if I were in your sister's shoes and knew about you and your hubby's financial troubles, I would have already told you not to worry about paying to come to either family event.


I hope that doesn't come off wrong, I'm just trying to give a little insight, since this is the second time in a month that a thread you posted has gone this way.


I'm also glad to hear that your meeting went well with the financial advisor. I am a former financial advisor, and just so you know, you really can call them ANYTIME you think you need help making a decision that involves money.

I understand that everyone is just trying to be helpful. But like I have said, I have lost many young people close to me ( I believe the count is at 9 that died in their teens and early 20's between now and when I started high school). My thought is that if for one week we make one minimum payment because of taking time off of work, that that isn't the worst thing in the world. I am the kind of person who will make sure bills are paid and will even pay double what is owed. I am very protective of my credit as I worked hard to climb out of a mess many years ago. It may seem like I'm stupid and making the worst decisions but I am doing what is best for me, and what is best for my husband. We have things under control. Yes I will not have a job in 3 months, I am doing everything I can to prepare for that. Our trip to FL will cost between 700-800 at most as we will be staying with relatives during that time who are providing us with food, a car, etc. The money is towards a regular hotel for 2 or 3 days, airfare and a little bit of spending money). Quite frankly we have both spent so much time stressed out that this is a priority for us, for our mental health, and for each other. If people can't understand that, that's fine. But I refuse to feel bad about it. Our car cost us 100 dollars to fix last month because we had a warranty. If people spent their lives living at home, paying off bills, not taking time for themselves, well I see that as a life wasted. And that is just my personal opinion. Yes there are responsibilities but you should be able to find time for yourselves as well, even if it is only once every couple of years.

 

[decodelighted]

What you seem to want to hear: Screw those other people! Do you! You deserve it!
My real advice: None of the above. Hoard $$ like crazy because you have no idea when the next job is coming.

Real advice doesn''t happen in a vacuum. We''re friends here. Its what I''d tell a friend.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

Date: 1/8/2010 3:35:20 PM
Author: decodelighted
What you seem to want to hear: Screw those other people! Do you! You deserve it!

Well not necessarily, we pretty much always put family first...but at least you''re honest I guess

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 1/8/2010 3:32:55 PM
Author: Smurfyimproved
Our trip to FL will cost between 700-800 at most as we will be staying with relatives during that time who are providing us with food, a car, etc. The money is towards a regular hotel for 2 or 3 days, airfare and a little bit of spending money). Quite frankly we have both spent so much time stressed out that this is a priority for us, for our mental health, and for each other. If people can''t understand that, that''s fine. But I refuse to feel bad about it. Our car cost us 100 dollars to fix last month because we had a warranty. If people spent their lives living at home, paying off bills, not taking time for themselves, well I see that as a life wasted. And that is just my personal opinion. Yes there are responsibilities but you should be able to find time for yourselves as well, even if it is only once every couple of years.

Seriously, WHY are you asking us if you''ve already decided. Do you just want "permission" not to feel guilty about choosing your honeymoon over two family events? I''m sure its hard to hear all the brides in BIW complaining about "selfish" people blowing off their destination weddings but going on expensive personal vacations .... while churning over your OWN plan to so something similar, but, c''est la vie! Everyone has their own perspective. So if your plan is to "do you" ... do it. But don''t ask if you don''t wanna hear opinions.