A different ER for different occasions?

[Dina2]

I have three rings I wear as my left hand ER.

First one is the actual ER given to me 17 years ago by my husband. It a RB .80 in a solitaire yellow gold setting.

Second one I bought a decade ago, and it's a 1.35 princess solitaire in white gold

The third one I just got back as a Brian Gavin recut. It's a 1.72 RB in a classic yellow gold tiffany solitaire. Which is the most beautiful of all.

Here's the thing I'm already thinking of. I will probably not feel comfortable wearing my 1.72 to work. I work at a poor Catholic school. We get paid the least in our state (no perks - no pension, etc... totally NOT like the benefits of a public school) Anyway, wearing my .80 ct. was bombastic enough for all the teachers. All would comment how big that one was! All these teachers are struggling pay check to paycheck, some of their husbands are unemployed or underemployed, etc. Some of those teachers just have a wedding band let alone a diamond engagement ring. The secretary has a diamond ring, but it's so small that all you see are prongs! I think (visually from what I see) the biggest diamond other teachers have, if they have one, is .50 carat. I feel bad for them because they really are great teachers and deserve more. I don't have kids (another reason why I have a little more money in my pocket) , and these women do, and boy do they struggle. I'm not wealthy by any means, and I'm gonna say I don't have debt, but I do struggle with retirement; hoping I wont be broke. I guess you could say I'm a little better off than them, but I still struggle, but these three rings were a sacrifice for me, and I splurged on them. I color my own hair, drive a 16 year old car, and I live in a cheap house. That was how I was able to buy my bling. (Anyway that's a little back story just to say, I'm not wealthy). Anyway, I look at this new 1.72 sparkler I'm wearing, and I'm thinking that these teachers are gonna think my husband is making more, or that we are well to do. Some may even get mean (yes, at times it's like a hen house there, there are NO male teachers at our school). I'm thinking that this 1.72 should be worn on weekends only.

Does anyone feel the way I do? Does anyone wear their less flashy bling to certain occasions so that people don't think "Oh look at her ring! She can afford it!" Because I'd hate for people to get that impression about me.

 

[Enerchi]

I can see 2 sides here - why shouldn't you be able to wear what you love because it is yours and who should be able to tell us what we can and can not wear, right?

yet....

you are being very sensitive to the work environment you are in and the financial challenges others may have, so I see the dilemma between respecting that and enjoying your new ring.

I think you have to go with what makes you feel the most comfortable - and only you know these people and your situation the best. Maybe for the first little while, wear it on the w/e's until you get used to the idea of that beautiful new stone?? or if you do wear it, is it worth a little white lie to say you inherited from a maiden aunt somewhere???

Good luck - its a challenge to know what is the right thing to do...

 

[ruby59]

The only place I would not wear an expensive e-ring would be if I was working with poor people who are really struggling and it could be a sensitive topic and I did not want to seem as if I could not sympathize with their plight. For a period I worked as a secretary at Medicaid, and workers there did not want to seem insensitive by being too flashy.

However, among fellow teachers, I just do not see a problem here other than pure cattyness. And imo, that is their problem not yours because if it was not your ring it would just be something else for them to b**ch about.

There is another topic somewhere on what to do when people ask you how much something costs and someone gave a great answer. No need to get into specifics with carat weight, etc. When it gets too personal, I excuse my self as if I have to attend to something and just walk away.

As long as you are in a safe environment and show sensitivity where needed, you do not owe anyone any explanation.

 

[madelise]

You already know what to do. I think you just needed to vent. ((hugs)). It's stressful to be put in a situation where you feel like you must keep-up with everyone else, and it's also stressful to be in a situation where you have to downplay to prevent hurt feelings or raised eyebrows.

#1) Are you going to sell either of your rings? Or are you young enough that your retirement issues is no problem for now?

#2) WHY THE HECK NOT? It's PS. No one is going to tell you you have too many diamonds Nor too big! That's why I loveeee it here. I have one .7 solitaire that I will wear for modest environments. I have a .7 in halo that I wear in semi-modest-ish environments (from a distance, it is very flashy). And then I have larger stones for other times. If we watch everything else we wear for environments' sake, why not the ring? We wouldn't wear a low-cut v-neck top with a pushup bra to church, but we would wear it to maybe the bar. We wouldn't wear our sexy stilettos to grandma's house, but it would look so hot when out dancing.

#3) The alternate attitude of "I should be able to wear whatever I want at work", and wear your 1.7… would put your original .8 out of a job! It would sit lonely and sad in a jewelry box. I see it as a great way to put your rings in rotation to give them plenty of love. And this way, when you DO sport your 1.7, you won't feel DSS! You'll be constantly wowed every weekend.

 

[Trasid]

I believe it is not what you make but what you do with what you make. I believe you should wear your ring. My FI and I really splurged on our rings and we splurge on vacations every year for our children. Many of our friends make more money than he does but many of them do not know how to budget their money. He drives a 15 + year old vehicle, has basic cable, shops at thrift stores, shops only sale items and double coupons. He is always wheeling and dealing in something outside of his full time technician job. If you were serving at a soup kitchen or doing missionary work, I would say leave it at home. Otherwise wear it and enjoy it.

 

[nala]

I'm not going to lie.I used to be like you, as a teacher in a low-economic, public urban school,I hesitated to wear my Rolex, and to own a Benz, or to share my European vacations with other teachers. But then I realized that since we are union teachers, we all make roughly the same salary, so I then realized that I was worried that I would be judged for my spending habits. At that point, I also realized that I am a very responsible human being who is quite proud of her financial decisions, which have luckily, resulted in giving me a very comfortable lifestyle. I have made some good choices and I will not hide my objects of happiness because I fear judgement. I chose to only have 1 child. I chose to buy my home right out of college. I chose to work 35 hours a week in college to avoid college loans. I choose to work summer school to fund my mad money. No one should be made to feel guilty for providing themselves little luxuries. On the flip side, I don't begrudge anyone who is doing well. There is one teacher who currently wears a 3 carat diamond ring, and no one has ever made a comment about it. I think it's because they have no knowledge or interest in diamonds. So I vote that you wear it! You earned it and you should enjoy it!

 

[Rosebloom]

If I were in your situation, I'd wear the original ering to work and put on my honker the second I got home and on the weekends. And as has been pointed out, should keep DSS at bay! And I'm a sentimental lady so I like keeping the original in rotation anyways. If you find that the princess sits in a box unused perhaps it could be a pendant? Or you could sell it for the retirement fund (or fun money fund?)?

That being said there is absolutely nothing wrong with your wearing your new gorgeous ring proudly at work if you ever decide that's what you'd like to do!

 

[Slickk]

I have a couple erings as well and I find that I really don't rotate as I think this will bring more cynicism than having that "one ring to rule them all." I think some people would think it's more frivolous to have more than one ering.

I would wear whichever one brings you the most pleasure when you look down on your hand (which I imagine would be often with that beautiful recut you have).

I say you only live once and should enjoy every single thing you purchase with your hard-earned money. Perhaps the people you work with spend their money on things that you wouldn't.

Enjoy it.

 

[dtnyc]

I don't wear my engagement ring for certain situations- I buy and sell vintage furniture, and I don't wear my ring when I am buying or selling pieces- just to avoid uncomfortable situations while negotiating, etc. If I am asking someone to knock $50 off a piece, it is better for me not to have an extra 2 carats on my hands. I wear a trio of bands instead.

 

[momhappy]

I get what you're saying, but I'm not so sure that your line of reasoning makes much sense. You don't want people to say that you can afford it, but then you've explained the reasons why you can afford it. The bottom line is that if you don't want to ruffle feathers in the hen house, then wear the more conservative ring. Personally, I wear one ring and one ring only - if people don't like it, then that's their problem

 

[Cricketcat]

I think you should wear whatever ring you want to work regardless of size. For me, the consideration would be whether the kind of work I was doing had a high probability of damaging the ring/diamond.

 

[partgypsy]

I guess I'll be the dissenting vote. I think you are being sensitive to your environment and the local work culture.
I work in research for veterans. The principal investigators (many of them doctors) make a comfortable living, as do the statisticians. Yet I do not recall any of them wearing large diamond jewelry, probably around 1 carat is the tops, even though they can clearly afford more. This may be because we are in research, or because we are government employees. For the same reason, most women dress pretty unobtrusively; clothes horses are the exception not the rule.

I do remember Christmas parties where some of the employees wearing nice pieces that they didn't wear at a typical day in the office. That is, they have it, they wear it out, but they do not typically wear them at work.

That said, I noticed this because I am into jewelry. If someone did start wearing a large piece, maybe it would be noticed, maybe it wouldn't, but in either case it people would get used to it as time passed.

 

[susanrachel28]

You already know what to do. I think you just needed to vent. ((hugs)). It's stressful to be put in a situation where you feel like you must keep-up with everyone else, and it's also stressful to be in a situation where you have to downplay to prevent hurt feelings or raised eyebrows.

#1) Are you going to sell either of your rings? Or are you young enough that your retirement issues is no problem for now?

#2) WHY THE HECK NOT? It's PS. No one is going to tell you you have too many diamonds Nor too big! That's why I loveeee it here. I have one .7 solitaire that I will wear for modest environments. I have a .7 in halo that I wear in semi-modest-ish environments (from a distance, it is very flashy). And then I have larger stones for other times. If we watch everything else we wear for environments' sake, why not the ring? We wouldn't wear a low-cut v-neck top with a pushup bra to church, but we would wear it to maybe the bar. We wouldn't wear our sexy stilettos to grandma's house, but it would look so hot when out dancing.

#3) The alternate attitude of "I should be able to wear whatever I want at work", and wear your 1.7… would put your original .8 out of a job! It would sit lonely and sad in a jewelry box. I see it as a great way to put your rings in rotation to give them plenty of love. And this way, when you DO sport your 1.7, you won't feel DSS! You'll be constantly wowed every weekend.

I think this person says it best. I'm in the military and don't wear my big diamonds to work either because I'm in ABUs haha. In fact, AFI states we CANNOT wear diamonds in our ears larger than 4mm... mine are 4.5 so I'm pushing the rules! I just tell people they look bigger because I have small earlobes.

 

[swingirl]

I understand your feelings completely. The bottom line is that if you feel uncomfortable wearing your larger stone you won't enjoy it and you will feel awkward when the conversation gets to finances with your co-workers. I also do not wear my ering in certain situations. It is a choice that is comortable for me.

 

[distracts]

Does anyone feel the way I do? Does anyone wear their less flashy bling to certain occasions so that people don't think "Oh look at her ring! She can afford it!" Because I'd hate for people to get that impression about me.

Yep. I wear different jewelry in different social environments. I like all my jewelry so it's not a sacrifice to wear, say, an antique band instead of my engagement ring, or whatever.

 

[HoratioNelson]

One potentially dangerous scenario of wearing different ring in different environments...

Sy you wear a small one to work, a medium sized one at home and when popping down to the 7/11 and your large one at parties/functions etc.

It's not impossible that people from your work environment will bump into you in other places when you are wearing these other rings. I such circumstances, not only would they see you wearing a large piece of bling, but they'd also see it in aggregate with any other ring(s) they've seen you wear. So nevermind considering you as someone who has a one-off largish ring, they'd potentially see you as someone who is so well-to-do that you have multiple large diamond rings. And I'm sure some co-workers, if they found out that you wore different rings for different occasions, could even take offence that you think they'd be so shallow/bothered as to be offended by you wearing too large a ring around them.

Tricky to win, so in such circumstances I'd just stick to one ring across the board.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I also am sensitive to that situation. I taught in a Title 1 school for years. I was dealing with children from poor families and met with their parents on occasion. The teachers were of many different income levels due to being single or married with an extra income (or not). The largest diamond I wore there was my 1.6 ct stone, and I don't think I would have ever felt comfortable wearing the 2.3 ct one. I don't teach now and I do wear my ring full time. I never wear my 1 ct original e-ring. But if I were still teaching at that school, I might not feel comfortable wearing it there. However, my experience was that people never even noticed the 1.6 ct stone, and I probably could have switched to the 2 ct without anyone even noticing! I think I am used to the larger diamond now and don't really think about it as much. But the bottom line is that you have to do what is comfortable for YOU! It is totally fine if you alternate your rings as you feel most comfortable!

 

[yoyosaidfeia]

Do whatever makes you feel comfortable.
I am also very sensitive to this, and I think it is okay. I turn my diamond around when I am at certain places. And sometimes I only wear my band. Just depending what I am doing and where I am at. No need to explain how you can afford things, I am sure we all have "splurged" on things we should not have. Haha