Wedding 7 days till the wedding and depressed!

[Babyblue033]

We''re eloping in a week, just me and FI down in Florida Keys. I spent the last 3 months planning the wedding on my own, stress-free, light-hearted and with humor, looking forward to having a wedding that is special and just about us. But now that all the details have been finalized and we''re a week from the big date, I find myself feeling depressed and overly emotional at the slightest thing

It has something to do with the fact that I''m estranged from my parents right now, which obviously was one of the reasons for eloping. Don''t get me wrong, this was my idea and I''m looking forward to marrying my guy without all the family drama and I have no regrets about that.

But I think what really got me was when I realized last week that my only sister, who''s been my ally throughout all the family drama over the years, has not once brought up the wedding since we told her about it a few months back

When we first told her I was a little shocked to receive a critical, and even slightly hostile reaction from her rather than the support I expected. She didn''t think we were doing the right thing by getting married without telling our parents, which is a legitimate concern, but still at the least I thought she would understand my sentiment even if she didn''t agree with my decision. I brushed off the negative reaction as difference in viewpoint, and told her we would love to have her and her BF at the wedding if they can make it. That was the last conversation we had about the wedding

While I went through the wedding planning with practicality and humor, it just hit me that most brides will have their mother/sister/girlfriends helping them through things like dress shopping, picking out shoes, jewelery, deciding on hair and makeup, etc etc. I''m just realizing that I have missed out on those female moments, girly excitements over silly little things, and that''s making me a little sad. I don''t necessarily miss my mother (she would''ve told me I need to lose weight at the dress fitting

) but I never thought I wouldn''t have my sister by my side either

I''m just talking out loud as I don''t really have anyone to talk to about this right now. I didn''t want to tell FI because he''ll probably call my sister and tell her to call me, and I don''t want to force her to do anything she doesn''t want to do. What makes me sad is that my last big fight with my parents was a result of me trying to stand up for her and protect her from them who were being emotionally abusive...

 

[FrekeChild]

(((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))

It sounds like you''re really going through a rough time right now. I''m sorry about that. But we''re here to listen when you need to vent, and here to help pick out stuff (shoes) when you need an extra pair (or twenty pairs) of eyes.

Try to smile, even when you don''t feel like it. I swear it helps me feel better.

 

[katamari]

I am very sorry to hear this Babyblue. (((hugs))). I hope that it will end up making it so much more special in the long run that you and your FH are starting your own family your way and with a clean slate. But, I am sorry that it is proving to be so difficult for you.

 

[Octavia]

Aww, Babyblue, I''m sorry. Even in the best of circumstances, planning a wedding can be kind of lonely, so I can only imagine how you''re feeling. You''re going to have a beautiful wedding, though! And it''s much better to have a fairly stress-free engagement and wedding than to depend on other people for special moments and constantly be disappointed. Not that it helps to know that. But a big ditto to what Freke said -- we''ll give you all the virtual girlie moments you want us to, just say the word!

I hope you start to feel better soon, and that your elopement in the Keys is all you could ever hope for!

 

[marchswallowbird]

Hey, Babyblue, it probably won''t make you feel any better, but just so you know, not every bride has those femaile "bonding" moments. I did at least half of my dress shopping all by myself, and am planning my wedding with at most some help from my sister/MOH via email, since she lives 400 miles from me. She''s the only person in my bridal party (small wedding), so there aren''t any other bridesmaids. Nobody will be in the room to help me get ready the day of (issues with my mother that I won''t get into, but my sister/MOH will be babysitting mom that morning). I''m sorry that your sister, who is obviously important to you (I can totally relate to that!) won''t be there and seems to be disapproving of your plans. Hugs, and I hope you feel better.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

hugs hugs hugs
and ditto what march said
i''m going to be planning a lot of the stuff myself as well since i moved away from everyone who will be involved in the wedding.

 

[Babyblue033]

Wow, thank you so much for your support. I couldn''t sleep again and came here wondering if anyone would even care or understanding what I''m feeling. I posted this because I just had to talk it out loud to make sense of it, feeling surprised and lonely that I''m feeling this way right now when I should be excited and looking forward to this special day. I cried reading this because I found your words to be just what I needed to hear and I didn''t even know I needed to hear it.

Freke, even thought I didn''t post asking for help picking out stuff, I''ve read posts after posts of suggestions for others and found them extremely helpful. That includes your great suggestions on shoes

This forum has been my guidance through my entire planning process and I''m so thankful for all of you for that.

Katamari, that''s exactly how I feel about our marriage. I''ve had so many issues with my own family over the years and really just had to cut off myself from all the negative influences my parents had over me. FI has been my friend and family, and it helps to know that we''re beginning our own future together and hopefully I can put all the ugliness behind me.

Octavia, it''s good to know that others feel lonely during this time too, that I''m not alone. I definitely had a pretty stress-free engagement and wedding planning (and hopefully the wedding too) and I''m so glad for that because I know it wouldn''t have been that way with my parents involved

March, when I finally got the dress I had a slight panic and said out loud "OMG, who''s going to help me get into this on the day of the wedding?" and my FI chimed in "I will!"

I had to laugh because that''s so typical of us. I guess I always thought my sister would be there though...

Smurfy, I hope your planning will go well and without stress. I always referred to this forum whenever I had any questions about anything, and I also have wonderful women at work (my boss and co-worker) who''s been my sounding boards since I had no other female help through this.

I''m going to try to go back to bed and hope that my face won''t be too puffy tomorrow

And I must say, I love my FI to death but the man can be totally clueless sometimes. I''ve been needing some FLOWERS for cheering up for days and even when I finally TOLD him I needed that he still hasn''t gotten it

 

[Smurfysmiles]

hahaha, my fi is the same way about flowers except he''ll say something like "i thought about getting you flowers today" and ill say "well where are they" and hell say "oh i was really hungry and wanted to come straight home and make a sandwich...but its the thought that counts, right!"

lol oh men....

 

[Babyblue033]

Date: 11/24/2008 2:48:27 AM
Author: Smurfysmiles
hahaha, my fi is the same way about flowers except he'll say something like 'i thought about getting you flowers today' and ill say 'well where are they' and hell say 'oh i was really hungry and wanted to come straight home and make a sandwich...but its the thought that counts, right!'

lol oh men....

OMG my FI does the same thing! The whole "I was going to... but" is just too much isn't it?

I've been obsessing about the flowers though I admit. But it all started a few days ago when we had a huge fight over something really stupid, and me being already emotional lost it and cried like I haven't cried in years. The next day he was really sorry and I was thinking how nice it would be if I came home and he had gotten me some flowers. No, he asked me if I wanted left over chinese food

A few days later I finally told him I'd like some flowers and he said "when, today?" I could've hit him upside the head right then and there. Several more days later, still no flowers. I think I'll go get myself some today

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Hugs....

It''s important to remember that no matter how many people surround you for the "fluff"... you''re wedding is really only about 2 people...and those 2 people will absolutely be there for the wedding.

 

[pjean]

Oh, sweetie. {{{hugs}}} I''m sorry you''re feeling lonely right now. A couple of things:

That whole "I SHOULD be feeling this way but I''m actually feeling this other way" thing is something I do to myself all the time. It stinks, because then not only do you feel lousy, but you also get to beat yourself up for feeling lousy. Double lousy! "SHOULD" feel is pointless at best and harmful at worst. And wrong! You should feel what you do feel.

As for training men to bring flowers: I think you have to get super specific a lot for a while. When he says "what, today?" Say yes. After a few times of seeing you be happy at getting flowers, you can help him make the connection to unprompted flowers, but at least the other way you get to have flowers, right? My FI also requires frequent reinforcement. And yes, I do buy myself flowers. I deserve them! And so do you.

 

[bee*]

Date: 11/24/2008 9:18:38 AM
Author: Italiahaircolor
Hugs....


It''s important to remember that no matter how many people surround you for the ''fluff''... you''re wedding is really only about 2 people...and those 2 people will absolutely be there for the wedding.

ditto. If you really want to talk to her though, maybe write out something like you wrote to us here and send it to her and let her know how you feel.

 

[Bia]

Sweetie, Im so sorry (((((((((((hugs)))))))))))

I can see you being all excited about eloping (I read a few of your "elopement" posts--remember how excited you were with the idea of having a private, fun and uncomplicated wedding???) and thinking how stress and hassle free it would be, only to realize it would be hard to not have your family there!

The best advice I can give you is to continue to think about your FI and how in love you both are...and how wonderful the memories you make of that day will be! Things don''t always happen exactly the way we envision them, but luckilly you have the most important thing: the love of your future hubby. It is going to be fine. And maybe once the deed is done, it will encourage your family to be more openminded...it could even be healing for all of you.

I wish you the best. Congratulations sweetie, YOU''RE GETTING MARRIED!!!

 

[ilovethiswebsite]

oh hun... i am so sorry you are feeling sad. i totally understand where you are coming from. i live about 250 miles away from my family and friends and they weren't able to be there for me through the majority of the wedding planning... when my mom finally saw my dress she was happy and thought it was beautiful, but she didn't cry or get emotional in the least...

i think a part of the problem is that weddings are so sensationalized and we all have this idea in our head of what it's 'supposed' to be like when we are planning the wedding. truth is most of the time things don't always work out that way and some women just aren't that into the whole wedding thing...

i think it's important to keep in mind that the wedding is between you and your FI and that is all that should matter at the end of the day. if you really feel like there are a few people you would regret not having there, my suggestion is for you to be forward and invite them... say "i love you and need you there that day, it is really important to me..." or something along those lines...

anyway - i hope you have a wonderful wedding... it will be so romantic and intimate... i can't wait to see pictures! good luck and try and enjoy this special time in your life and forget about all the rest...