4.5 months out and we no longer know what we are doing!

[hawaiianorangetree]

So we are 4.5 months out and our plans to have. Home wedding have fallen through. Partly because of the stress that it is causing and partly because of the ever expanding costs.
I had budgeted $8000 and thought it was doable, but itlooks like it will be well over $10000 by the time we are through and it is just too much.
We have spent the last 10 months sinking all our money into the house doing renos to make sure it looks good and those costs were slot more than we anticipated as well, so much that I have to use the wedding Money to finish off stuff that we have started.
And now it''s just one big mess with a supposed wedding date 4.5 months away with no plan and hardly any money to spend.

So part ofme thinks we should postpone the whole thing for a year until we can save the money again, but then part of me knows I will be completely miserable come march because I just want
to get married.
We have discussed just taking our girls to the registry office, get married and have dinner on our own so that we can still go on our honeymoon which is booked but fmil isn''t too keen on that idea. (fair enough).
she keeps throwing all these ideas at me and telling me to go cost them which is sweet of her because she wants me to feel like. Bride on my wedding day, but, well I don''t really want to do it half way just for the sake of having a wedding that other people can attend, and everything costs money! So we are back to the begining problem. It''s
like one big circle that doesn''t let up.

So I honestly don''t know what to do, I can''t follow my heart or my head right now. Lol and I guess I just wanted to get it off my chest.

I''m on my iPhone so sorry for the mistakes and bad spacing.

 

[nkarma]

I think you both should do whatever YOU want because it is your wedding and you are also paying for it. That is nice of your FMIL to try to give you ideas, but you don't have the money and you also want to get married sooner. I think the courthouse and then a small dinner sounds perfect and you won't regret it. Making the vow and having the people there who truly care is what really matters. In the end, I think it should be about what the two of you want and no one else.

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 11/1/2009 7:16:14 PM
Author: nkarma
I think you both should do whatever YOU want because it is your wedding and you are also paying for it. That is nice of your FMIL to try to give you ideas, but you don't have the money and you also want to get married sooner. I think the courthouse and then a small dinner sounds perfect and you won't regret it. Making the vow and having the people there who truly care is what really matters. In the end, I think it should be about what the two of you want and no one else.

Ditto. And if your FMIL isn't offering you the money to help pay for her ideas for the wedding, then I don't get the point of offering the ideas to begin with! You've got kids and a house renovation to deal with-no wonder a big wedding to please your FMIL isn't high on your agenda!

I think the courthouse and a dinner sound perfect.

 

[cindygenit]

Oh No! I''m so sorry hun

You should do what you feel comfortable doing. If you can only afford a courthouse ceremony and a small dinner, then that is what you should do. What is important is that you can still get married!

What has happened to you re: your home renos is good because you''re sprucing up the house, making it gain value and it is a great investment!

I hope you can resolve this issue. Maybe u will win the lotto this Sat, hey? Then you can have a wedding and a nicer house. Hahaha

 

[katamari]

If you want to be married, then I say be married. Have you already booked all the vendors and everything? If it were me, I would figure out a way to have as much as the wedding I wanted on the money I had and not postponed it. As a very recent newlywed, I can tell you that in hindsight, my marriage means so much more than my wedding or any part of it by a million. I also had an $8K reception and would be happy to share some of my budgeting strategies with you, if they would help!

 

[hawaiianorangetree]

Thanks everyone for your ideas and support.

nkarma every time things keep getting out of hand we try and think about what it is that we want. It is hard, trying to please everyone and in turn not making ourselves happy, but we are trying.
thing2of2 i get where you are coming from, all these ideas but none of it really helps since we don''t have the money to make them happen. FMIL is just trying to help, she has already done so much for us and we don''t want to take any more money from her as she has helped us so much already, but we know that she would give it to us in a heartbeat if we let her. She just wants to see me ''be a bride'' all bare foot on the beach, she doesn''t want us to have any regrets about the day.
oh cindy i know.

so bummed out right now! We have been racking our brains for somewhere ''nice'' in Perth to get married that wont cost the earth but it''s not happening. But at the end of the day i just want to get married and it doesn''t matter where it happens. The registry office actually has a nice view of the bell tower and the ferris wheel too. lol. We will be alot happier having a nicer house to live in once allt he renos are done, i mean a wedding is only for a day and a new kitchen is forever.. i have to keep telling myself that since we don''t have a kitchen for the next six weeks!
Katamari, we have booked a few things that can still be used anyway, makeup, photographer, flowers so i am lucky in that respect. That was also part of the reason why we decided to abandon ship now, we hadn''t put any money down on anything that would be lost, but we were coming to a point where we needed to start locking in other stuff. I am kind of ''at peace'' with the idea of not getting what i had originally planned, as you said, the marriage is worth so much more than the wedding.

I''m just glad FI has been so cool about all of this. I have changed my mind a zillion times in the last couple of weeks, i must be driving him crazy.

 

[charbie]

get married!

just when i was debating between a few dates in october and november, i decided to go with the first available, even though i knew the leaves wouldn''t be perfect. i knew that if we passed up a date i "could" have had- i would have just been thinking "WHY CAN''T WE JUST BE MARRIED!"

no date will be perfect. its hard to get everything you possibly could imagine- and in the end when you just have the man of your dreams and your family- its all worth it, however you get there!

 

[cindygenit]

((HUGS))

Its so great that you have come to terms with your decision. I think its the right one for you!

I know that if I was in your shoes, i would also abandon ship. Hahaha

I''m sure your wedding will be gorgeous regardless!