2nd Proposal after 1st was called off - Input please

[Kawfee]

I've browsed through PS for a very long time now. The short story is that my 1st engagement was called off because "she who shall not be named" had met someone else. Wouldn't want to get into that story because it was like a TV drama. Fast forward, I have a new gf and we've been together for over a year . We've both already talked about marriage and I know she wants spend the rest of her life with me. But she feels like that first moment of being proposed to was ruined by me, so I'm really trying to rack my brain to think of something special. I understand from her point of view that it should be the happiest day in her life along with her wedding. But she just keeps on holding on to the fact that I took that first engagement feeling away from her since I did it before.

Anyways, she's never been to Paris and always wanted to go there. Think it's too over the top or would be perfect to propose there? I am by no means rich. She's also used to dating guys where money was not an issue for them so I feel like if I do anything too low key, she won't be happy with the proposal.

We live in LA/OC.

Another idea was to fly her up to SF and do the proposal overlooking the Golden Gate bridge as I've read where some of you did at the end of the trail or the park.

I have yet to get the ring because she still hasn't decided on what style to get. So far this is what she's concluded 2 carat round brilliant, solitare, not sure what style setting with pave or none, white gold...she just wants something clean looking.

Any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated, especially on how to help someone get over the fact that I was engaged before. Sucks to be in my shoes...

Kawfee

 

[missy]

Aww Kawfee, I'm sorry. You might have been engaged before but you can tell your gf that this is the last/final proposal and engagement you will ever have and she's the one that is meant to be for you and vice versa. Without the first time you never would have realized she is your soulmate. It's not your first proposal but it's your last one! So please don't feel badly and beat yourself up about this. Just make sure she knows how much you love her and how much you want her to be your wife and she'll get over it. Cause there's much more crap in life one has to go through and this shouldn't even be a minor blip on the radar if you kwim. You guys found each other and want to spend the rest of your lives together and that's what counts when it comes right down to it. Best of luck!!!

And I think SF sounds like a great place to propose. Save your money for the ring!!! You can always do Paris for the honeymoon.

 

[JulieN]

The idea of it not being special enough because you have proposed before to someone else, it boggles my mind. Most people have been in a relationship that they thought would last, but it ended up not working out...excuse me, but is she rather young? Or that you feel like you have to do something extravagant because she's used to a certain kind of bank account...though Paris does sound very romantic!

If you read the Ladies in Waiting forum we have here, or any other wedding forum that has a section on waiting, you will find scores of women driving themselves insane because he has not proposed yet.

 

[Kawfee]

Thank you Missy and JulieN for your input. I didn't want it to get off topic, I just wanted to know how to go about this particular matter and if people in this forum have gone through something like this before so I would know what the best approach was.

I also think that proposal in SF would be great and Paris for the honeymoon. Any other locations of suggestions within California would be great. I'm in OC/LA area but I figure the view of the SF Golden Gate bridge would be pretty nice. I have yet to go there with her to SF or even Napa...maybe at the wineries somewhere in Napa?

JulieN - she's 30, turning 31 next month. I've already told her that if she's serious about marrying me, then this is what I bring to the table and she says she doesn't care about the shiny stuff...but deep down inside, I think all women love shiny objects

I'll keep thinking about the proposal idea, but in the mean time...need to save save save. Wedding are expensive...no joke!!!

 

[movie zombie]

you took nothing from her.
she has chosen to have that view point.
i'm sure she's been in love prior......
however, I think you are a wonderful man to try and see through her eyes and make her very happy.
Paris and/or SF for anything are great choices.
enjoy!

 

[JulieN]

THe GG Bridge is not romantic. It is sometimes cloudy. It is very crowded with pedestrians and bicyclists, I can't imagine getting down on one knee (if that is your thing.)

 

[Smores84]

What about proposing in Catalina Island? It's beautiful there and very close to you

 

[antiquesparkler]

I second the Catalina Island idea- gorgeous! Make a weekend out of it!

What about wine country? Are you two wine drinkers?

 

[madelise]

Temecula. There are fantastic wineries there. Many of them have horseback riding tours of the wineries, and there are hot air balloon wine tastings.

Or what about, instead of a new location, a location you HAVE been to? Somewhere special to your relationship?

 

[Kawfee]

We both do enjoy wine and I have yet to take her to Napa Valley. We have been to Temecula, but I don't enjoy their wine as much as I do in Napa. I don't think I can do Santa Barbara wineries because both her and I have been there with our ex's...

We both also have never been to Catalina Islands and that is an idea to consider. Thank you for those suggestions Smores84 and antiquesparkler.

JulieN - you might have a point there with the crowd and cloudy day..SF is known for overcast.

movie zombie - thank you

 

[madelise]

Just because you've been somewhere with an ex doesn't mean it's off limits. Make new memories and forget the old! But anyway, since you like Napa, and you both like wine, why not Napa?

 

[weallshineon]

You having done something before you met her shouldn't take away from her. Maybe it is you that should consider that SHE is taking something away from what should be and could be such a magical moment between you.

I love your idea of a honeymoon in Paris. Propose somewhere new to you both and create a new place/memory that is special. Hopefully she will appreciate that and maybe to ease her non-sensical worries you mention in the proposal that this love is one of a kind, that you feel blessed for how life has a funny way of working out (what seems sometimes bad can lead to the most wonderful things, etc). And yes, I think us girls like shiny things but mostly we love genuine men who love us back! If you need help/advice on a ring or bling you are in the right place.

 

[makhro82]

September and October are the nicest months in SF to me. Have you considered doing a NorCal trip? You could SF, Sausalito, Monterey, Carmel, etc.

 

[Marina87]

I LOVE the idea of proposing in Paris! Its just so romantic and she will never forget it!

 

[nottospec]

If it was me, I think I would prefer a very simple proposal and those saved dollars put into the ring!!!!!

 

[partgypsy]

I don't know if thread is active, but yeah I think Paris is "too much" for a proposal, unless it is something that doesn't really hurt, and don't mind going as a vacation anyways. All good things come to those who wait. I would save Paris for the honeymoon or an anniversary. Plus California is such a beautiful place it seems like there would be plenty of choices that would still be really nice and meaningful without spending everything on the proposal. Besides I'm not sure how much is her, or maybe your own insecurity, but you said that she is expecting something really nice because of prior rich boyfriends, and also need something to overcome the fact that you were engaged before.
She is marrying YOU, not the proposal, so it's better to find out if these are legit concerns before you are married!

 

[Kawfee]

I'm glad to see that the thread is still alive. Sorry I've been busy with work, some client are just super demanding...however I am please to say that I have figured out my plans and have the E-ring currently in works.

I first want to thank everyone again for chiming in and taking time to read my post as well as giving their input/comments/thoughts.

SparkInTheDark - I have planned to actually propose in 2 weeks in Santa Barbara at either Gainey or Rusack vineyards since I wanted a winery with a nice surrounding view. I appreciate your honesty and am not at all offended at your comments. I'm hoping this is safe to say (just generalizing), that women have this perception that when they get proposed to, it will be a fairy tale proposal and that person will be their knight in shining armor. And it also doesn't help the regular millions of guys out there who put those flash mob videos and crazy proposal ideas on Youtube (yes I saw a bunch of them). Anyways I'm rambling but there have been many times where she could have just walked away from our relationship...but she didn't and she is the only person who has ever fought to make this relationship work. She makes me want to be a better person and no one else has ever made me more motivated to be a better overall person.

part gypsy - I agree as well considering the plane ticket is around $1700+ at this point and I would literally be there for around 2.5 nights since that's when my business is at it's busy season. In addition, she's going on an all girls trip and I don't want to ruin or change their fun. Her friends know that I had thought about the idea to propose in Paris so I think that though was enough. She is the type to be simplistic and doesn't need an entire crowd of strangers or friends to be present for a proposal to be special.

The tentative plan I have is driving up to Santa Barbara on a Sat morning and go straight to the wineries...prob before noon I'll reach either Gainey or Rusack and take one of the tours. After the tours I"m sure she'll want to explore the vineyard and see the surrounding and so I have called the wineries to ask what would be a more quieter spot to talk to her and propose....I really have no idea what to say without sounding corny...just nervous thinking about this. I have booked a night stay at the Canary Hotel and also made dinner reservations at Bouchon in Santa Barbara.

Once the picture of the ring is complete, I will post it in the Show Me The Bling! forum.

 

[ckrickett]

I do hope everything goes well.

I'll speak from a woman's side. I have been in 2 very serious relationships before I was engaged to my now fiancee. We both had been friends and previously dated, I was a scatterbrain and he fell in love with someone else at the time. It was hard, I was heartbroken and I went to a very dark place. Fast forward 8 years and here I am a few months from marrying him. We both had a history with others, and for both of us between each other we were in love with other people desperately and passionately. BUT that does not change the love I have for him. It makes it better and stronger. Through all the tears, boyfriend/girlfriends we both have had, and history of friendship for over 10 years we ended up together. I have someone who gets me, who is a partner and whom I can trust. I wouldn't change that for anything. I am so excited to marry him.

Everyone has history, Like others have stated you have both have been in love with other people. But that doesn't take away from the love you have for each other, I believe it makes it stronger. It is wonderful of you to want to give her something special and magical. I think she will love it and be truly touched!

Good luck! I can't wait to see ring pics in the other forum!

 

[Kawfee]

Thank you kcrickett your words are very encouraging and you are
Brave to share w us such personal details. You didn't have to but I and I'm sure others will appreciate your experiences.

 

[minidancer]

Good luck with the proposal!! SB is a wonderful place to propose Keep us posted on the ring details!

 

[Kawfee]

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