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2 questions about engagement

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diamonewb

Rough_Rock
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Dec 31, 2006
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47
Ok, so I bought the ring. Now I have two things to do and have a few questions about it all.

1) I need to ask for her parents blessing/permission. Any suggestions?

2) On the engagement night, after its all done do I take her out to dinner alone with just the two of us? I was thinking of eating a place that is special to us. Or do I setup in advanced a dinner for her and my parents allowing them to meet for the first time...or do I do this later? I really have no clue on the proper engagement etiquette.

I
 

musey

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Sep 30, 2006
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11,242
The answers to both of these questions depend entirely on what kind of person she is and what kind of people both of your families are. We could give you lots of different suggestions, but they would just be blind guesses.

Asking for permission depends on a lot of factors, the most important being what your girlfriend would want. For example, I personally would hate knowing that my boyfriend had asked for permission, I don't like the idea that anyone has a say in it all besides us--but that's just ME, and I believe that I'm in the minority. You will know which category your girlfriend and her parents fall into. As far as how to ask them, you could meet them at their house, invite them over, meet them for dinner... there are many possibilities and it just depends on their and your personal style.

If she is very family centered and the type of person who would enjoy sharing that night with family, then the parents dinner could be a good idea. Most women would say that they'd rather have the night for just the two of you, without worrying about added stress of parents meeting, etc. There are some women, however, that would love to launch right into the process of combining the families and spending that time together.

If you want more focused suggestions, give us some more details about you two as a couple as well as your families!
 

Independent Gal

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 12, 2006
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5,471
Hi there. Congrats on your upcoming engagement!

To answer your q's:

1) I would ask for her parents blessing, rather than 'permission'. If they live nearby, I'd take try to do it in person. Call and ask to drop by, or maybe take them out for lunch. If they live really far away, I'd write a letter. Someday your kids and grandkids will LOVE reading it! Letters are good for posterity. Asking by phone should be the last resort. You should just tell them how you feel and what your plans are 'I love your daughter and I want to marry her. Do I have your blessing?' something like that.

ETA
2) Do you mean introduce them JUST after you get engaged? The same night? I would DEFINITELY NOT DO THAT. That would be WAY stressful for her, and ruin the moment. Oops. But just noticed you meant introducing her to your parents BEFORE you get engaged? Then, I think it's up to you. But i'd want to meet my man's folks before getting engaged. I'd say try to do that first. Yup. Not necessary, but probably would make your folks feel respected too.

That's just my 2 bits.
 

JulieN

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
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Jul 25, 2005
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13,324
I would like to meet my bf's parents before engagement.

But if that's not going to happen.

Then dinner for just the two of you to celebrate.
 

diamonewb

Rough_Rock
Joined
Dec 31, 2006
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I should clarify, this will be the parents meeting the other parents for the first time. She has met my parents and I have met hers (I go out with her dad for lunch from time to time)
 

diamondfan

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 17, 2005
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11,016
It might be nice for you to make time to ask their permission a few days in advance.

Then, propose to her, either in a romantic spot near the restaurant, or in your home, and then go to the restaurant where both sets of parents are already at the table, with a chilled bottle of champagne ready to be opened.

As long as you think both sets of parents will get along well enough in the excitement of the moment, I think that could be a nice way to handle it!
 

diamonewb

Rough_Rock
Joined
Dec 31, 2006
Messages
47
Thanks for all the advice. I decided against the parent idea after thinking about it. My parents are divorced and I think it would just be odd to have them all together for this occasion.

I think I am just going to take her out alone :)
 

psaddict

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Dec 9, 2006
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105
Date: 1/31/2007 10:29:27 AM
Author: diamonewb
Thanks for all the advice. I decided against the parent idea after thinking about it. My parents are divorced and I think it would just be odd to have them all together for this occasion.

I think I am just going to take her out alone :)
good idea!! There will be plenty of time for your parents to meet. I think if I were her, I would want to just enjoy the moment, have a really romantic night, and dealing with 4 parents meeting each other for the first time would take away from that. maybe plan a parents night for a day or two after the engagement!
 

ky6

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Feb 4, 2005
Messages
451
I agree. There will be many other times that the two sets of parents can meet. I would not want something like that to be combined with the engagement. Especially if your parents are divorced and you''re not sure how well getting them together will go over. The engagement night is not the time to deal with that sort of stress and uncertainty. Let that be a time for the two of you :)
 
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