:(

[inflorescence]

Just need some hugs... very frustrated right now(not just LIW stuff)... Unfortunately the student loan I applied for didn't go through and the SO ended up paying for my school.. which I am beyond grateful, but he admitted that the money he used for the school was suppose to go towards the ring.
brutal.

 

[madelise]

*hugs.! Diamonds and rings can always be postponed and bought later.. Education frees you I think that's much more of a bigger gift!!

Thats what I keep telling myself.. I'm in a semi-similar situation.. I just quit my job so I can focus and graduate faster.. So SO's $ is now going to support me than saving up for our next big step :/..

 

[inflorescence]

Thank you sweety, you're right! This is more then just an material object (a ring) it's an action showing me that he wants me to obtain my goals and dreams.. I guess it's just another version of an investment in us... maybe I can convince him to elope. haha. We are living together and I don't agree with it without be engaged/married, but financial support is a huge sign of commitment.

 

[delta_loves_alpha]

Aww, I'm so sorry. I know how frustrated you must be...I'm getting ready to finish up school myself and wish I wasn't spending SO. MUCH. MONEY. on it. But then I think about how lucky I am to be able to afford an education at all - even if I have other things I would rather be spending it on *coughweddingcough* Priorities, priorities.

That is so sweet that he is helping you out, though, and you're right that it shows commitment on his part as well as a desire to help you fulfill your dreams. This guy sounds like a total keeper! I'm sure you knew that already though. Hang in there, and don't get too discouraged!

 

[swingirl]

The engagement ring has become so important. 30 years ago, when I got married, the marriage was more important and I don't remember anyone postponing the marriage for a ring. If a couple is able to support themselves, waiting for a ring that is up to the scrutiny of family and friends seems unfortunate. But it seems that today the cost of the engagement ring is tied into the timing of the wedding.

 

[madelise]

The engagement ring has become so important. 30 years ago, when I got married, the marriage was more important and I don't remember anyone postponing the marriage for a ring. If a couple is able to support themselves, waiting for a ring that is up to the scrutiny of family and friends seems unfortunate. But it seems that today the cost of the engagement ring is tied into the timing of the wedding.

It definitely has. I think men want to splurge on something show-off-able for their women to wear forever.. And even upgrade.. All in the means of showing everyone their success.. It goes along with the nice car, and other luxuries. It's a trade-off though. I know people who got married when they emotionally were ready to, yet not so much financially.. And I know people more in our boats, where were trying to save up for something more extravagant.. I think it depends on our influences and our immediate social cultures

Back to OP, you know what? Now that I thought it over twice, I like how he spent that $ for your education. I know it's not shiny, but it's definitely swoon-worthy. Not many men would pay for their SO's education.. And it speaks very very clearly how he wants you to succeed and have a better individual, SELF.. of a future.. And that YOU are more important as an individual than just being his wife. Smile, sweetheart, you've got yourself a very very good man!!

 

[Nomsdeplume]

That's awesome!!! I think that's a great gesture and an amazing gift. When I think about the student debt I'm going to have when I'm done, I want to cry. My BF is paying money towards my tuition as a birthday gift this year, and I am super grateful. I know it sucks to postpone the engagement, but at least you got yourself a keeper.

 

[Laughinggravy0]

Actually, I do understand you are frustrated but this really is a : ) thread. That's such a real commitment to you and think how brightly you will shine when you graduate. This is a lovely thing to do, a real declaration of a shared life and dreams. What a good man you have. Lots and lots of congratulations, plus what a good incentive to do really well at your course

 

[mjertl]

by investing in your (singular) education, your SO is investing in your (plural) future. That's huge.

 

[MrsDrP]

I know how disappointing it is to want that ring and know that you aren't getting it for a while.....but I honestly can't think of too many guys who would do what yours did. He is definitely a keeper and once you do you your sparkly ring, you'll understand why you had to wait. You are very blessed!!!

 

[pregcurious]

How about going for a beautiful eternity band for the ering, and a plain band for the wedding? You can always buy a traditional looking ering later for an anniversary.

I agree that it's odd to postpone the wedding for a ring. My husband bought me an ering for $1000, which is all he had when we got engaged. We're finally rectifying that now, but it's 13 years and counting. In one way that seems like a long time to wait for a dream ring, but on the other it means we've made our marriage last for 13 years without a proper one.

 

[tammy77]

The engagement ring has become so important. 30 years ago, when I got married, the marriage was more important and I don't remember anyone postponing the marriage for a ring. If a couple is able to support themselves, waiting for a ring that is up to the scrutiny of family and friends seems unfortunate. But it seems that today the cost of the engagement ring is tied into the timing of the wedding.

This exactly. My DH and I would not be married yet if we had waited for a "dream ring" per other people's standards. If YOU don't care about having a huge rock as much as you care about being his wife, tell him so! Personally I'd never trade a year of our marriage for a year of saving for a material object. I know others have and that is what they both wanted so it's okay, but if it's making you miserable then what's the point? I know this is a diamond forum but at the end of the day it's NOT what defines your relationship or your long term happiness!

 

[MissStepcut]

The engagement ring has become so important. 30 years ago, when I got married, the marriage was more important and I don't remember anyone postponing the marriage for a ring. If a couple is able to support themselves, waiting for a ring that is up to the scrutiny of family and friends seems unfortunate. But it seems that today the cost of the engagement ring is tied into the timing of the wedding.

I suspect a big part of this is people delaying marriage. When you get married young, it's quite understandable that young men can only afford a modest diamond. When they and their peers have been working longer, and achieved more "status" by the time they get married, the math changes.

 

[Enerchi]

I think your education 'engagement ring' is an awesome gift! How many others can say that their SO gave them their (insert .....law degree/medical school/teachers college...here) and a future full of security? Sure - I'm all about the bling and the sparkle and how I love to shine shine shine! But this is a permanent gift that will change your lives forever.

oh, that sounds so philosophical!

The diamond will come ... or maybe it will be a series of diamonds as your relationship grows, so do the diamonds! ... It will come, just not immediately!

Study hard - make him proud! (ooooh, didn't mean it in a 'pressure' way!)

 

[allycat0303]

There is no doubt that your man cares about your future. He's thinking about you, and your goals, and obviously that involves him. I think you have a very strong foundation to work on (and I'm sure there are sparklies in your future).

 

[missy]

The engagement ring has become so important. 30 years ago, when I got married, the marriage was more important and I don't remember anyone postponing the marriage for a ring. If a couple is able to support themselves, waiting for a ring that is up to the scrutiny of family and friends seems unfortunate. But it seems that today the cost of the engagement ring is tied into the timing of the wedding.

This is so true. My mom and dad got married without an ER because my dad had no money for one and when he had saved up for her ring he bought a beautiful one for her about a year or 2 after they had been married. And they are still married happily 48 years (this December) later.

Sweetpepsigirl, your FI has clearly shown how much he loves you and your education right now is (way) more important than a ring. In time it will come but for now knowing how much he loves and supports you is what matters! I vote for eloping!!

 

[MrsDrP]

I'd have to agree with the other girls who are saying that maybe you should get married without a ring. That is, if YOU are okay with that. I don't think I would let not having a ring stop me. After all, it's just an object when it all comes down to it. What it symbolizes is what is most important!

My SO bought me a $500 WG diamond ring a few months ago and I would totally wear it as an engagement ring until he started making more $$$.

It's a win-win! You get to marry the man of your dreams, and then you get the ring of your dreams soon after!

 

[tuffyluvr]

Awwww, this sucks big time! But to echo everyone else that said it, it sounds like you've got a great guy!

 

[inflorescence]

The engagement ring has become so important. 30 years ago, when I got married, the marriage was more important and I don't remember anyone postponing the marriage for a ring. If a couple is able to support themselves, waiting for a ring that is up to the scrutiny of family and friends seems unfortunate. But it seems that today the cost of the engagement ring is tied into the timing of the wedding.

I completely agree with you. I don't need a ring, he's the one who has been putting such an emphasis on it. It's what he wants to show that he can support me , but yet he already is... lol, confusing. Ideally I would prefer to just elope and go travel for a little while anyways (we're big travelers)... but he cares what people think about the ring, supposedly he wants to live up to these "social pressures"... which I don't understand because we have both verbalized we want to get married and spend the rest of our lives together-so its really quite bizarre. He has shown nothing but love and commitment, we have no doubt in our love or that we want to be with each other... and he has already expressed that he knows exactly how he will pop the question, its just about when!

On a side note I was approved for a loan finally and can pay him back the money that he gave me for school... lets see what happens

 

[MrsDrP]

On a side note I was approved for a loan finally and can pay him back the money that he gave me for school... lets see what happens