"Your Proposal Wasn''t Good Enough"

[Ellen]

To those that wonder how he proposed, from his post I get the impression (but of course I could be wrong) that it wasn''t an "inappropriate" one like the extreme examples given here. If he had done something like that, I think he''d get it, and wouldn''t be here asking what he did. (Was he being selfish in not wanting to do it over) I think he would know that...

And considering he posted this, "since there was almost no reluctance in asking me for a redo", that makes me think she had a preconceived idea of what the proposal should be, and when it wasn''t, she wanted a new one. I just don''t get the impression it was inappropriate.....


But yeah, I don''t think he''s coming back either.

 

[musey]

That was how I interpreted his post as well, Ellen. I compeletely agree with you.

 

[monnikk]

I''m sorry that you had to go through this, but hopefully by sharing an experience I once had, you can get a different perspective. I''ve had two proposals from different men at different times in my life. The first relationship didn''t work out, but thankfully the second one did and we''re getting married in less than a month! My first proposal boyfriend considered himself to be a very romantic guy and really prided himself on being a romantic boyfriend. For example, the way he asked me to be his girlfriend was by hiding single roses all over my room with different words which spelled out "Will-YOU-BE-MY-... which led to him holding a sign that said GIRLFRIEND. One particularly memorable Valentine''s he actually prepared a "treasure" hunt which led me on a fun chase and my treasure which was a whole pile of gifts and chocolates that he had gotten me. Well, 3 years later and with many problems along the way including multiple breakups and a nasty cheating incident on his side, we finally reached a fairly stable point in our relationship when we thought we were ready to get married. After months/weeks of giving me hints about his proposal and how he was going to do it, the actual way he proposed was a random night where he got the ring box from under the bed and asked me to marry him. BOY WAS I DISAPPOINTED and hurt! I tried to deny my feelings but I couldn''t. It wasn''t that his proposal was so terrible (no, I didn''t ask him to re-do it), it was the fact that for someone who had done a ton of romantic things in the past and because it was such an important, life-changing moment in our lives, it didn''t feel as if he had put as much thought and effort into it as he had in the past, for less important occasions. It would be different if he had never been a romantic person at all...if that was the case, then I would''ve been much happier with the proposal! Actually, the night did turn out to be memorable because as you might expect, we fought on our engagement night! 3 months later, we broke up for good and looking back I believe that the lack of effort he put into the proposal was a reflection of our relationship at that point and to me, it was a sign that we just weren''t right for each other.

I''m not saying that your girl is not right for you..I''m just saying that it helps to consider all factors and background in figuring out why she reacted that way. Good luck and I hope that things work out for the best for both of you!!

 

[love is in the air]

Date: 8/27/2007 8:06:00 AM
Author: Ellen
To those that wonder how he proposed, from his post I get the impression (but of course I could be wrong) that it wasn''t an ''inappropriate'' one like the extreme examples given here. If he had done something like that, I think he''d get it, and wouldn''t be here asking what he did. (Was he being selfish in not wanting to do it over) I think he would know that...


And considering he posted this, ''since there was almost no reluctance in asking me for a redo'', that makes me think she had a preconceived idea of what the proposal should be, and when it wasn''t, she wanted a new one. I just don''t get the impression it was inappropriate.....



But yeah, I don''t think he''s coming back either.

or he was just trolling.

 

[door knob solitaire]

Geeze, what a story true or not.

If a woman actually exists that did this...I shutter to think what a life with her would be. Like a mother.

You didn't mow the yard right...do it again.

You didn't take the trash our correctly...

My birthday present isn't quite right...go back out again and find me a real gift!

And then there is "....." that he didn't do good enough either....oops.

This would shatter a man...not a good note to begin a life of SHARED happiness. All about her. Wish there were more details. Sad. Hey fella...keep trolling for another fish. Throw this one back!!

DKS

ETA: I just reread the post again...hoping to read more into it...and the only thing added is the boards opinions. So I went back to his post...and I would advise him to say the next time she asked..."I already proposed...I am just waiting for your reply." Or tell her it is now in her court...she better do the proposing. He can't give into this and set a precedence. Let her have a dream wedding...but a dream proposal...then she has to have a dream Christmas...and a dream valentines day. When will it stop?

 

[nycgal]

USAguy are you coming back?!? we need more info here!

 

[Ellen]

Date: 8/28/2007 1:53:27 PM
Author: love is in the air




or he was just trolling.

Sure, that''s always a possibility.

But I personally would feel bad not responding to him in case it was true.

 

[Fly Girl]

When did proposals become such a big deal? If you two have a understanding that you are going to be married, a formal proposal is completely unnecessary. You simply need to decide together when you are going to tell the world that you are engaged to be married.

A fancy proposal is a nice thing if it happens, but a woman cannot script it.

Good Grief!!!

 

[leoslove730]

Wow - I can''t believe that she would seriously make you do a "re-do"!

I''ll tell you, as long as I''ve been a LIW for, I''d love ANY proposal my boyfriend would give to me. Whether everything goes as planned, or if one or two things are off a little, it would be a one-of-a-kind special moment that would last us a lifetime. I can''t believe that anyone could be so selfish to say something like that.
My dad proposed to my mom one evening when she was super sick with strep throat, and no, it wasn''t perfect - but 28 years later they are still married and in love and my mom always will tell the story that she was sick but that my dad insisted that she go with him that night.

 

[MoonWater]

Date: 8/22/2007 11:25:17 AM
Author: Pandora II
Do you really want to marry this girl?

Are you going to re-do the wedding if it''s not ''perfect''.

I feel very sorry for you.

She obviously cares very little for you, your feelings and the sentiments behind the proposal.

Ditto the above. What a very very sad situation. I don''t think I would want to spend my life with someone like that. Maybe she is more into the romantica fantasy world (dream ring, dream dress, dream wedding, perfect looking life) than the actual marriage. I don''t know, maybe we don''t know enough details to judge but based on that post, so so horrible!

 

[MoonWater]

Date: 8/22/2007 1:12:45 PM
Author: luckystar112

Date: 8/22/2007 9:08:16 AM
Author: neatfreak
NOW, if you still want to marry her, and this hasn''t put you off, have some fun with it. Tell her she can''t wear her ring until the re-proposal and make her sweat it out. Start doing all kind of grand romantic gestures, but don''t ask her yet. It will drive her crazy. AND make sure to wait until you are feeling it again before you ask her, or else it will always be tainted for you.

THEN....when you finally DO propose the *right* way

...wait for her reaction and then tell her you want a re-do. Tell her she was supposed to jump into your arms screaming ''YES!'' at the top of her lungs. Be dead serious about it. Then put the ring in a sardine can and hand it over to her during dinner the next night.

hahahahahahaha this was so awesome!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Richard Sherwood]

Date: 8/22/2007 2:43:30 AM
Author:USAguy

Honestly though - I feel like I've lost all motivation towards redoing it. I feel really crushed too that my girlfriend would rather throw away the irreplacable feelings of the first proposal in favor of receiving her perfect proposal on a second.

Ask yourself if you really want to spend a lifetime attempting to live up to her expectations.

It can become really tiring.

 

[WorkingHardforSmallRewards]

I just had to post this here. The other day I was out with some friends in Japan. Though I couldnt understand everything that was said. Me and this guy who was a little drunk were talking about diamonds. Then he turned to his gf and bassically proposed and said he was giong to get her a diamond. For a moment she partially jumped out of her seat started fanning herself her face flusehd and she ALMOST started crying. And then he made it obvious he wasnt proposing yet but was just thinking about it.

anyway, she would have been ecstatic if he had been almost drunk and decided to ask her randomly with absolutly no preperation and no ring. Something to think about.

but I dont think he is coming back

 

[Sassee]

Date: 8/28/2007 10:28:22 PM
Author: SanDiegoLady
I personally think its all pretty crappy. What a HORRID, HORRID response from her.

I seriously think you need to take A LONG PERIOD OF TIME and re-consider what''s just occurred. That''s simply heartless on her part.

So what, you ''messed up''.. what... everrrrrrr.. Men get nervous when they are committing themselves this way, good Lord!

Makes me furious.

My husband proposed in a hospital gown, using a straw he made into a ring.. I didn''t ask for a ''re-do''..

Some people lack class.. how truly sad.

He he... I love your proposal story. That is adorable!!

 

[door knob solitaire]

Sdl...I would have. That was simply not good enough!!

Are you kidding that is a priceless creative way...that Steve guy is a winner! Was the hospital gown split down the back? I mean that guy was OUT THERE!!! And yet he knew what he wanted...and went for it...Moon river city!!! Woo Woo!

DKS

 

[Ellen]

Date: 8/28/2007 10:28:22 PM
Author: SanDiegoLady

My husband proposed in a hospital gown, using a straw he made into a ring.. I didn''t ask for a ''re-do''..

Awwww!

 

[Independent Gal]

I totally agree. The best proposal stories, the ones that make me tear up, are the ones that are just really GENUINE. A friend of mine had the ring for about 2 months and was trying to think of something inspired. Then one day he was sitting on the couch with his gf before work and she kissed him on the cheek really sweetly and said 'I love you!' and he replied something like 'And I can't think of anything that would make me happier than to sit beside you every day before work and have you kiss my cheek just like that. Every day for the rest of our lives. So will you be my wife?'

I mean, it's just so SWEET. Simple. Sweet. Geniune. Not contrived. Not theatrical. He's asking you to be his wife! Not performing in a circus! I'm always WAY more touched by those things than when someone says 'He took me up in a hot air balloon'. Balloons are fun. Sure. But what do they have to do with proposals? I mean, that's just me, but...

ETA: What is "trolling"

 

[Sassee]

Date: 8/29/2007 9:32:46 PM
Author: Independent Gal
I totally agree. The best proposal stories, the ones that make me tear up, are the ones that are just really GENUINE. A friend of mine had the ring for about 2 months and was trying to think of something inspired. Then one day he was sitting on the couch with his gf before work and she kissed him on the cheek really sweetly and said ''I love you!'' and he replied something like ''And I can''t think of anything that would make me happier than to sit beside you every day before work and have you kiss my cheek just like that. Every day for the rest of our lives. So will you be my wife?''

I mean, it''s just so SWEET. Simple. Sweet. Geniune. Not contrived. Not theatrical. He''s asking you to be his wife! Not performing in a circus! I''m always WAY more touched by those things than when someone says ''He took me up in a hot air balloon''. Balloons are fun. Sure. But what do they have to do with proposals? I mean, that''s just me, but...

ETA: What is ''trolling''

Trolling - I was wondering this too IG...

From Wiki:

An Internet troll, or simply troll in Internet slang, has come to mean someone who intentionally posts messages about sensitive topics constructed to cause controversy in an online community such as an online discussion forum or USENET groups in order to bait users into responding.[1] They may also plant images and data on networks that others may find disturbing in order to cause confrontation. They often change screen names or acquire multiple screen names to cause confusion and gain credibility by agreeing with themselves in forum debates.

 

[Ellen]

Date: 8/29/2007 9:32:46 PM
Author: Independent Gal
I totally agree. The best proposal stories, the ones that make me tear up, are the ones that are just really GENUINE. A friend of mine had the ring for about 2 months and was trying to think of something inspired. Then one day he was sitting on the couch with his gf before work and she kissed him on the cheek really sweetly and said ''I love you!'' and he replied something like ''And I can''t think of anything that would make me happier than to sit beside you every day before work and have you kiss my cheek just like that. Every day for the rest of our lives. So will you be my wife?''

I mean, it''s just so SWEET. Simple. Sweet. Geniune. Not contrived. Not theatrical. He''s asking you to be his wife! Not performing in a circus! I''m always WAY more touched by those things than when someone says ''He took me up in a hot air balloon''. Balloons are fun. Sure. But what do they have to do with proposals? I mean, that''s just me, but...

ETA: What is ''trolling''

I totally agree.

 

[jasper]

Dear USAguy,

Maybe you and your girlfriend are choosing between things, when you could (even more easily) have both.

Date: 8/22/2007 2:43:30 AM
Author:USAguy
I feel really crushed too that my girlfriend would rather throw away the irreplacable feelings of the first proposal in favor of receiving her perfect proposal on a second. I don''t think I''ll even feel happy redoing it. To me, the first proposal is where the magic is and will forever be. A second one just feels so.....forced.....so wrong.

It is possible to propose more than once, and have every proposal be magical. Some of them may be bittersweet, but there is magic in that, too.

I proposed to Marie three times before she said yes. (There is a story in that!)

And now that we are married, I propose to her often. (And there are stories in that, too.)

So maybe, if you and your girlfriend have decided to get married, you could let her videotape the third, or the fifth, or the seventy-seventh time that you propose to her.

But if I were in your shoes, I would not let her videotape a proposal until the two of y''all had also done some things together. For example, let her accept your first proposal (even if with a delay). You could share with her how important that first proposal was to you. Y''all can talk about what marriage means to y''all.

Date: 8/22/2007 2:43:30 AM
Author:USAguy
Does she even love me if she might see me as nothing more than a delivery vessel for a perfect proposal? I knew she liked gifts and romantic gestures (what girl doesn''t), but isn''t this a little extreme.? On the other hand, I haven''t done anything romantic for her while we''ve been dating so maybe she simply feels entitled to this to make up for all of that???

I think you should talk to your girlfriend about what circumstances, if any, y''all believe might justify ending a marriage. Many psychologists and social workers are OK with people getting divorced because one of them has "fallen out of love." If you really "haven''t done anything romantic for her", your marriage will be vulnerable if either of you visits such a "shrink".

So I hope that you can share your feelings with your girlfriend, AND be able to give her pleasant surprises. Ideally, you can find a way to give her a romantic gift frequently, like a flower, or a kiss, or a proposal, or pointing out a beautiful view. It is even better if you can surprise her a little, by not always doing it on a regular schedule.

If your church has a pre-marital counselling program, y''all should look into it. These programs encourage talking about your families, and money, and children, and religion, and how marriage affects your role in your community, and other worthwhile topics.

With best wishes for you and your girlfriend,

Jasper

 

[zoebartlett]

Date: 8/30/2007 12:19:52 AM
Author: Sassee

Date: 8/29/2007 9:32:46 PM
Author: Independent Gal
I totally agree. The best proposal stories, the ones that make me tear up, are the ones that are just really GENUINE. A friend of mine had the ring for about 2 months and was trying to think of something inspired. Then one day he was sitting on the couch with his gf before work and she kissed him on the cheek really sweetly and said ''I love you!'' and he replied something like ''And I can''t think of anything that would make me happier than to sit beside you every day before work and have you kiss my cheek just like that. Every day for the rest of our lives. So will you be my wife?''

I mean, it''s just so SWEET. Simple. Sweet. Geniune. Not contrived. Not theatrical. He''s asking you to be his wife! Not performing in a circus! I''m always WAY more touched by those things than when someone says ''He took me up in a hot air balloon''. Balloons are fun. Sure. But what do they have to do with proposals? I mean, that''s just me, but...

ETA: What is ''trolling''

Trolling - I was wondering this too IG...

From Wiki:

An Internet troll, or simply troll in Internet slang, has come to mean someone who intentionally posts messages about sensitive topics constructed to cause controversy in an online community such as an online discussion forum or USENET groups in order to bait users into responding.[1] They may also plant images and data on networks that others may find disturbing in order to cause confrontation. They often change screen names or acquire multiple screen names to cause confusion and gain credibility by agreeing with themselves in forum debates.

Thanks for explaining this! Why would someone do that? I know Wiki says "...to cause confrontation" but WHY would you care enough to do that?

 

[Sassee]

Date: 8/30/2007 7:05:05 PM
Author: SanDiegoLady

Date: 8/29/2007 12:46:51 AM
Author: Sassee

Date: 8/28/2007 10:28:22 PM
Author: SanDiegoLady
I personally think its all pretty crappy. What a HORRID, HORRID response from her.

I seriously think you need to take A LONG PERIOD OF TIME and re-consider what''s just occurred. That''s simply heartless on her part.

So what, you ''messed up''.. what... everrrrrrr.. Men get nervous when they are committing themselves this way, good Lord!

Makes me furious.

My husband proposed in a hospital gown, using a straw he made into a ring.. I didn''t ask for a ''re-do''..

Some people lack class.. how truly sad.

He he... I love your proposal story. That is adorable!!

Not to hog the thread, but............ Thank you Sassee, DKS & Ellen

He was in the hospital with a bad GI bleed.. there he was.. on one knee, red and white heart pajama bottoms, slippies, hospital gown and IV pole in tow.. He seriously thought he was going to die. He wanted me to know how much he loved me just in case. *sniffle*

He was discharged the next afternoon.. but.. still..

It was sweet, and honest and I loved it- uhm.. even if I didn''t hear him propose. Cause, I was shocked. tee!

We spent the weekend at Palomar Mountain Lodge and were its only visitors that weekend.. He DID propose again that next night under the most incredible amount of stars- I swear you could see millions that night, but I didn''t ask him to.

Your story has just made my little heart melt!!

 

[Harleigh]

Date: 8/31/2007 12:52:45 AM
Author: SanDiegoLady

Date: 8/30/2007 7:50:31 PM
Author: Sassee

Your story has just made my little heart melt!!

Honest, I didn''t mean to hog the thread.. but.. can I just burst out and say.. YES I''M VERY LUCKY!

lol He''s a sweetie.. doesn''t know squat about diamonds or jewelry,

but.. I love him so.. I think I''ll just hafta keep him.

Hog the thread all you want! What a beautiful story, SDL! I love it!

 

[diamondguy23]

Wow, you do not even want to hear my thoughts of this...I just hope she grows up and realizes what a proposal is suppose to mean.

 

[Deelight]

Date: 8/29/2007 9:32:46 PM
Author: Independent Gal
I totally agree. The best proposal stories, the ones that make me tear up, are the ones that are just really GENUINE. A friend of mine had the ring for about 2 months and was trying to think of something inspired. Then one day he was sitting on the couch with his gf before work and she kissed him on the cheek really sweetly and said 'I love you!' and he replied something like 'And I can't think of anything that would make me happier than to sit beside you every day before work and have you kiss my cheek just like that. Every day for the rest of our lives. So will you be my wife?'


I mean, it's just so SWEET. Simple. Sweet. Geniune. Not contrived. Not theatrical. He's asking you to be his wife! Not performing in a circus! I'm always WAY more touched by those things than when someone says 'He took me up in a hot air balloon'. Balloons are fun. Sure. But what do they have to do with proposals? I mean, that's just me, but...


ETA: What is 'trolling'

that and sassee's stories made me go awwwwwww out loud thats sooooo sweet

 

[Daydreamer7130]

OMG!!

The first thing that came to my mind after reading this was..... Boy, I sure hope she picked out the ring if she thought the proposal was so terrible!


What a sad story!

 

[largirl]

Wow. I don''t know what to say. I agree it''s selfish and could be a VERY big sign towards what you will expect the rest of your life (Honey, I don''t like this baby. Can we do it again? This time with a prettier one who cries less??). Is this consistent with what you know of her and her personality? Is she demanding and a perfectionist usually? If you already knew she was going into this, then you know what you are in for and you''ve already accepted it. If not, it''s something to think about.

I am dating a very unromantic guy who thinks cards and flowers and anniversarys are silly. Sometimes, honestly, it crushes me, but usually I am able to look at all the amazing things about him and unusual ways he tells me he loves me (buying me a new hard drive might not seem romantic to some, but it is coming from him!). Because I know that about him, I wouldn''t expect anything super romantic for a proposal. Over dinner, maybe. But probably not even dinner at a restaurant because he wouldn''t want people looking at him! Maybe he''d just toss the ring to me while watching "The Office." Regardless of how he does it, though, I KNOW him and I know what to expect from him, and because I''ve accepted that about him I''m not worried about having an unromantic proposal. The fact that he would do it in the first place is plenty for me! After all, it''s about becoming his wife in the long run, not about the engagement or even the wedding. Speaking of...wow...are you ready to plan a wedding with this women? She sounds like she might have Bridezilla potential!

 

[captainobvious]

Date: 8/22/2007 11:25:17 AM
Author: Pandora II
Do you really want to marry this girl?

Are you going to re-do the wedding if it''s not ''perfect''.

I feel very sorry for you.

She obviously cares very little for you, your feelings and the sentiments behind the proposal.

My FI proposed to me in our sittingroom, I had spent all day wrapping christmas gifts and was still in my pyjamas with no makeup on and hadn''t even brushed my hair. Hardly ''picture perfect'', but it was perfect for me and I wouldn''t change a moment of it.

Find yourself a girl who truly appreciates you. This young lady has a LOT of growing up to do before marriage.

I didnt even have to finish reading the other posts, this one says it perfectly.

Right on sister, right on