Yet another update, this one shorter, though.

[princessplease]

Link to previous post
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So if you've been following the wackadoodle SIL saga, here is the final 'chapter' for now. I used Haven's reply, which was very kind, polite, respectful and nice, with very few changes made. Here's what I sent:

Please don't misunderstand- we asked Jessica to be in our wedding as a kind gesture since you're family, and because we wanted to include her in our wedding. If you feel as though her new role as a flower girl is inappropriate for her, we will completely understand. Please let us know whether or not she will be a part of our wedding party as a flower girl before Christmas.

We view our wedding to be a celebration of our marriage and our life together. It is entirely up to you whether you are comfortable allowing Jessica to to play the role of a flower girl in our celebration or not.
-princessplease

Here's the reply:

I am sure she will want to be in it when the time comes but you should know she has cried multiple times this week about this situation. And if you are comfortable with her being upset then that is fine. (**I thought she didn't tell her yet, as was said in previous emails with "When I tell her" or wording to that liking)

I told you before that your brother and I are under extreme stress due to the fact that he hasn't worked is 11 months.
Whatever you want we will work around and you can deal with jessica. I just thought you would be a little more understanding

We thought you asked them to be part of your day because you loved them and because they were your nieces. I guess we misunderstood that we were merely a family obligation.

Please direct any further discussions about this to brother (who has no cajones in standing up to his wife, btw)




SERIOUSLY??????????????

I don't even know what to say, I'm angry, but highly amused at the same time!!!!!

 

[Smurfysmiles]

yup that was definitely shorter jk

 

[Shoopy]

Wow that was short!

hahaha sorry couldn''t help myself.

 

[princessplease]

LOL, I''m working on it right now!

 

[dani2142]

LOL tease.... JK

 

[Smurfysmiles]

double post!

 

[Smurfysmiles]

wow i just wanna smack her
you should send her a mp3 of You''re so Vain by Carly Simon except change the lyrics to "You probably think this wedding''s about you!" and leave it at that lol

Honestly though I''m not even slightly surprised

 

[princessplease]

Thanks smurfy. I''m not in the slightest bit surprised, either. She seriously makes me sick.

 

[dragonfly411]

So on the one hand you don''t know her daughter very well, but on the other you don''t love her enough?

 

[sunnyd]

Here''s the reply:

I am sure she will want to be in it when the time comes but you should know she has cried multiple times this week about this situation. And if you are comfortable with her being upset then that is fine. (**I thought she didn''t tell her yet, as was said in previous emails with ''When I tell her'' or wording to that liking)
Daughter would only be upset about this and/or know what''s happening because MOM is telling her like she''s been downgraded or something. Mom is making her kid feel like this is a bad thing.

I told you before that your brother and I are under extreme stress due to the fact that he hasn''t worked is 11 months. Uh, not your problem.
Whatever you want we will work around and you can deal with jessica. I just thought you would be a little more understanding Maybe YOU could be a bit more understanding of the fact that it is OUR wedding, not yours. Hmmmkay?

We thought you asked them to be part of your day because you loved them and because they were your nieces. I guess we misunderstood that we were merely a family obligation. Oh please, drama queen!

Please direct any further discussions about this to brother (who has no cajones in standing up to his wife, btw)

Good lord. I''d tell her off, but I''m that kind of person...

 

[princessplease]

I jsut feel like she is saying anything to make me the bad guy. All I did was change the kid''s position, and I''m standing my ground on it. When I see my wedding, I don''t see my 7 year old niece standing with me at the altar. I could''ve been really nasty and removed both kids from the wedding (which I wish I could do, but my father said he wouldn''t come if I did that), but I didn''t. I''m just beyond myself that wackadoodle contrived that email from what I sent her.

 

[purselover]

Umm WOAH, wth is her problem? I would be like obviously my wedding is an additional source of stress you don''t need so don''t worry about coming! Geez this is ridiculous.

 

[princessplease]

Thanks sunny!!!! I didn''t even think ot that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You''re totally right. Daughter ONLY knows what mother tells her, so I''m sure that wackadoodle told her kid that "Aunt princessplease is making you be a flower girl, like your little baby sister, and not a big girl like your aunt (my 12 y.o sister). She''s making you less important in this, so you should be so upset"

Oh my oh my, I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to tell her off!!!!!!!!!!! It''s incredibly hard for me to bite my tounge. But, I don''t want to stoop to her level. I don''t want any of this to come back to me and make me look like the bad guy if she decides her to tell me her kid doesn''t want to be the FG. It''s so hard to kill her with kindness.

 

[princessplease]

purselover I'm secretly hoping the stress of MY wedding becomes too much for her to handle, and she pulls the kids out. Shhhhhh.....

I know it sounds nasty, but after this bulls**t and being forced to have them in it, I'd much rather have them out. I put the ball in her court with that, as I don't want anyone to say "well, you told them they need to get out of the wedding party", which is why Haven's reply was great. It makes removing them wackadoodle's choice, not mine.

 

[Haven]

Oh my gosh, Princessplease. Apparently you can do nothing right.

I think your email was very polite and gracious, ifImaysaysomyself.

She is obviously projecting issues from her own life onto you, so at this point I''d just respond with a short "Thank you for your response. I''ll be in contact with Yourbrother''sname about all the dress details and such when the time comes. Have a great weekend!"

I love being cheery in the face of beeotchiness.

My guess is that she has been making her husband and daughter, as well as everyone else she comes into contact with, miserable because she is miserable herself. I''d consider the case closed at this point, and just talk to your brother from here on out.

Sorry you''re stuck with such a nasty SIL. Just be grateful that she''s not *your* mother.

 

[tlh]

Some people just view the world in a very selfish "all about me" viewpoint. Unfortunately, it is a very sad and selfish way to go through life. You are lucky to only see her 3x a year. So I guess I''d just take this as a positive and actually be thrilled that you are now dealing w/ bro and not SIL. Then HE can deal with the drama for you... less worry for you. But this one on the back burner until you have to send the programs (if you do them) to print.

 

[cammy85]

You should just tell her that if things are so tight since her husband hasn''t worked in 11 months, you''ll save her a ton of money. No dresses for either daughter, and no traveling at all to get to the wedding - no gas, no wear and tear on the car, no hassle whatsoever. That should ease her mind.

Seriously. Ugh.

 

[cindygenit]

I''m sorry things have gotten ugly.

But at least she gets the message now. I am truly disgusted that she is using her daughter as a way to emotionally blackmail you into letting her be a JBM... I guess she doesn''t know that being nice can work wonders too.

 

[jmtomaui]

I don''t know if it would help but here is the description of a book on Amazon that I gave to a young niece as my flowergirl. She was 6 at the time and still talks about it... The book is called "When I was a Flower Girl" and has spaces for photos, an envelope for flower petals, etc...

Product Description
Being a flower girl can be one of the most exciting experiences of a young girl''s life. When I Was a Flower Girl provides a place for personal memories and keepsakes that every flower girl can look back at and fondly cherish for many years to come. Lively text by fashion and wedding expert Antonia Swinson tells the flower-girl-to-be all she needs to know about her role in the ceremony, as well as explaining the importance of the special day.
This pretty little book is guaranteed to charm and delight smaller members of the bridal party. As well as including lots of useful information about being a bridesmaid and preparing for the wedding, the interactive sections have room for little bridesmaids to record all the details of the big day. There is also ample space for favorite photographs.
About the Author
Antonia Swinson is an expert on fashion and all aspects of wedding organization. She has worked for Vogue and Brides magazine. She is the author of The Wedding Planner and wrote the text for Bridal Flowers(both Ryland Peters and Small).

I''m sure your niece will love being in your wedding in any role - despite what evil SIL tells her...

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 10/23/2009 1:48:42 PM
Author: Haven
Oh my gosh, Princessplease. Apparently you can do nothing right.

I think your email was very polite and gracious, ifImaysaysomyself.

She is obviously projecting issues from her own life onto you, so at this point I''d just respond with a short ''Thank you for your response. I''ll be in contact with Yourbrother''sname about all the dress details and such when the time comes. Have a great weekend!''

I love being cheery in the face of beeotchiness.

My guess is that she has been making her husband and daughter, as well as everyone else she comes into contact with, miserable because she is miserable herself. I''d consider the case closed at this point, and just talk to your brother from here on out.

Sorry you''re stuck with such a nasty SIL. Just be grateful that she''s not *your* mother.

This is exactly how I''d respond, too. Very short, with no mention of her insane e-mail to you. No need to continue a conversation with her when she is clearly nuts! And I''m sorry you''re dealing with this!

 

[PilsnPinkysMom]

I feel awful for you.

I will cross my fingers that she decides it would be better for her daughters to not be in the wedding.

My response to her (if you reply at all) would be super casual and kind. "Okay, sounds good- i''ll talk with *brother* soon. Hope you guys have a nice weekend!"

Wackadoodle, indeed.

 

[junebug17]

I feel so badly for you too, she is just an awful person. I agree with the others and keep your response very short and civil. I wouldn''t engage with her anymore, it won''t get you anywhere, she''s impossible to communicate with. I''m sorry you have to put up with her!

 

[princessplease]

Thanks everyone. I''m definitely not going to entertain her nonsense anymore. I did what I had to do, left the ball in her court in a cordial way. She''s not worth the stress and anxiety she''s causing fi and I. I really appreciate all of your support through this drama. You ladies are incredible. Thank you.

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 10/23/2009 12:57:10 PM
Author:princessplease


Link to previous post
Linky

So if you''ve been following the wackadoodle SIL saga, here is the final ''chapter'' for now. I used Haven''s reply, which was very kind, polite, respectful and nice, with very few changes made. Here''s what I sent:

Please don''t misunderstand- we asked Jessica to be in our wedding as a kind gesture since you''re family, and because we wanted to include her in our wedding. If you feel as though her new role as a flower girl is inappropriate for her, we will completely understand. Please let us know whether or not she will be a part of our wedding party as a flower girl before Christmas.


We view our wedding to be a celebration of our marriage and our life together. It is entirely up to you whether you are comfortable allowing Jessica to to play the role of a flower girl in our celebration or not.
-princessplease

Here''s the reply:

I am sure she will want to be in it when the time comes but you should know she has cried multiple times this week about this situation. And if you are comfortable with her being upset then that is fine. (**I thought she didn''t tell her yet, as was said in previous emails with ''When I tell her'' or wording to that liking)


I told you before that your brother and I are under extreme stress due to the fact that he hasn''t worked is 11 months.
Whatever you want we will work around and you can deal with jessica. I just thought you would be a little more understanding

We thought you asked them to be part of your day because you loved them and because they were your nieces. I guess we misunderstood that we were merely a family obligation.

Please direct any further discussions about this to brother (who has no cajones in standing up to his wife, btw)




SERIOUSLY??????????????

I don''t even know what to say, I''m angry, but highly amused at the same time!!!!!

Wow, I''ve been following the saga...

UNBELIEVABLE! I can imagine your niece having a crying fit, since her mother is setting the tone and doing a marvelous job at it!

I wouldn''t be able to resist replying. I''d let her know that I would be addressing further communication with Jessica, since she seems to be handling the situation with grace and maturity that far surpassed her age.

Gotta love family!

 

[princessplease]

True, trill...if the kid is so mature, then I don't need to communicate to her through her parents. She should be able to communicate with me on her own about this.

 

[that_someone_special]

*whines* I don''t like your SIL.. she sounds manipulative and... so many other naughty words.

I do like how your reply was very short, to the point and polite- you were def the better person.

 

[Amanda.Rx]

WOW... quite rude. Why do people feel entitled to make you feel bad about your decisions? Sorry, honey! I hope it works out in the end.

 

[Miya03]

On the upside, now you can just deal with your brother. Even if your SIL does feel nasty (and is really calling the shots) he will probably omit it in further communication with you. So she may be irritated but at least you won''t have to deal with her directly anymore.

BTW she sounds like she has a personality disorder. Seriously. Maybe post-wedding you can suggest that she gets that checked out.

 

[luckystar112]

Date: 10/24/2009 4:07:39 PM
Author: Miya03
On the upside, now you can just deal with your brother. Even if your SIL does feel nasty (and is really calling the shots) he will probably omit it in further communication with you. So she may be irritated but at least you won''t have to deal with her directly anymore.

BTW she sounds like she has a personality disorder. Seriously. Maybe post-wedding you can suggest that she gets that checked out.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Would put money on it. I''m convinced my mother has it and this woman sounds like my mother!

 

[february2003bride]

Um, I''m going to call your SIL''s bluff and say her DD has no idea about any of this, and she''s just saying that to guilt you. Infact I''ll go so far to say that I bet all she''s heard is "Aunt PrincessPlease is getting married!" and nothing towards your niece about her being in your wedding. Again, it''s your wedding and you choose who''s in it and what role they play. Don''t let your batsh!tcrazy SIL push you around!