WTF and now what???

[Italiahaircolor]

Today I get home from work and am greeted by package from my "friend" L. Yes, I am sure many of you remember my multiple posts about her...same one.
We haven''t spoken in months. Things are complicated, to say the least, so this package came as a total shock. When I opened it, inside there were two books, Through The Storm by Lynne Spears and It''s Called A Breakup Because It''s Broken.

.

Now, these are books I''ve read...books I own. I have no idea why she would have sent these books...and I''m stumped. There was no note...I triple checked the packing, and flipped through the books. Nothing.

I guess I''m wondering why she would send these ... and what my "reaction" should be.

My mom thinks she''s reaching out...but that''s an odd way to "reach out". Mark thinks this was sent to me on accident, but I find that hard to believe too. Right now I''m just sitting on this--there is a part of me that wants to reach out at least to find out "why". There is another part of me that wants to ignore it, because frankly if she wanted to talk she wouldn''t need to be cryptic--she could just call, I have left that door open multiple times and she knows that when she''s ready, I''m ready.

I wouldn''t normally post here about this ongoing situation after my last posting--but I really don''t have anyone else to ask, I am trying to not talk about L as much as possible IRL, too.

Thanks so much reading!!

 

[princesss]

Did she borrow them from you? Maybe it''s a pseudo-ceremonial closure thing, like when you break up with a guy and finally give him all of his stuff back.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Date: 8/7/2009 9:57:09 PM
Author: princesss
Did she borrow them from you? Maybe it''s a pseudo-ceremonial closure thing, like when you break up with a guy and finally give him all of his stuff back.

No. They aren''t my books. I checked. I had my copies on my book shelf in the basement.

 

[princesss]

Date: 8/7/2009 10:10:26 PM
Author: Italiahaircolor

Date: 8/7/2009 9:57:09 PM

Author: princesss

Did she borrow them from you? Maybe it''s a pseudo-ceremonial closure thing, like when you break up with a guy and finally give him all of his stuff back.

No. They aren''t my books. I checked. I had my copies on my book shelf in the basement.

Huh. Then I have no clue.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Date: 8/7/2009 10:13:10 PM
Author: princesss

Date: 8/7/2009 10:10:26 PM
Author: Italiahaircolor

Date: 8/7/2009 9:57:09 PM

Author: princesss

Did she borrow them from you? Maybe it''s a pseudo-ceremonial closure thing, like when you break up with a guy and finally give him all of his stuff back.

No. They aren''t my books. I checked. I had my copies on my book shelf in the basement.

Huh. Then I have no clue.

Weird, right? I am totally lost. She''s not crazy--at least not the last time we spoke.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Do you want to reconnect with her? If not, you''re "reaction" should be dumping the books in a charity bin or the garbage. Why stress yourself out over something that is clearly a symbolic attempt (on her part) to communicate with her?

You either want to or do not want to talk to her again. Figure THAT out rather than trying to determine what all the book BS is all about.

 

[ckrickett]

I find that really odd? I don;t know what I would do in that situation

 

[Amethyste]

I don't really know the past situation - but you can return the books to the sender as "Undeliverable". Or you can send her a book titled "Friendship for dummies".

Just trying to lift up your spirit hun... *hugs*

Perhaps, sitting on this for a bit is needed, as she might be looking to create a reaction from you and hope you fall into it. Sometimes, not moving at all, can be the best move of all!

 

[D&T]

Date: 8/8/2009 12:19:32 AM
Author: Amethyste
I don''t really know the past situation - but you can return the books to the sender as ''Undeliverable''. Or you can send her a book titled ''Friendship for dummies''.

Just trying to lift up your spirit hun... *hugs*

Perhaps, sitting on this for a bit is needed, as she might be looking to create a reaction from you and hope you fall into it. Sometimes, not moving at all, can be the best move of all!

lol

If you want to reconnect with her, then give her a call, if not, then I''d just give the books to charity like MC posted. But then again, I''m curious as to why this person sent you the books in the first place?

 

[kittybean]

I don''t know if I''d reach out to her. To me (in my cynical, over-analytical mind), it seems like some sort of weird passive-aggressive way to tell you that she doesn''t think your marriage is good or that she thinks you''re going to break up or you should break up. If that''s the message, it''s pretty darn toxic. I would give the books away and not waste any more thought on her.

 

[LilyKat]

Date: 8/8/2009 3:56:14 AM
Author: kittybean
I don''t know if I''d reach out to her. To me (in my cynical, over-analytical mind), it seems like some sort of weird passive-aggressive way to tell you that she doesn''t think your marriage is good or that she thinks you''re going to break up or you should break up. If that''s the message, it''s pretty darn toxic. I would give the books away and not waste any more thought on her.

I agree completely. She''s implying that you''re going to need them, and it''s pure passive-aggressive nastiness. Give the books to charity and forget about her.

 

[Porridge]

It''s either passive agressiveness, or sending a message about something in her own life (hopefully!). Either way, you don''t have to respond to something so cryptic. If anything, I would send them back as undeliverable, or sent to wrong address or something. If she wants you, she can wise up, put on her big girl panties and pick up the phone. This behaviour is weird. I would advise not to engage.

 

[mrscushion]

Date: 8/8/2009 5:38:35 AM
Author: Porridge
It''s either passive agressiveness, or sending a message about something in her own life (hopefully!). Either way, you don''t have to respond to something so cryptic. If anything, I would send them back as undeliverable, or sent to wrong address or something. If she wants you, she can wise up, put on her big girl panties and pick up the phone. This behaviour is weird. I would advise not to engage.

Agree 100%.

 

[April20]

Date: 8/8/2009 7:09:24 AM
Author: mscushion

Date: 8/8/2009 5:38:35 AM
Author: Porridge
It''s either passive agressiveness, or sending a message about something in her own life (hopefully!). Either way, you don''t have to respond to something so cryptic. If anything, I would send them back as undeliverable, or sent to wrong address or something. If she wants you, she can wise up, put on her big girl panties and pick up the phone. This behaviour is weird. I would advise not to engage.

Agree 100%.

This is what I think as well.

The only other "devil''s advocate" response I can think of is that maybe, just maybe, she used your address so she could get them without someone knowing she got them.... If it''s that it''s a pretty ridiculous way to go about it and I think it''s highly unlikely.

 

[Diva0413]

Date: 8/8/2009 4:58:59 AM
Author: LilyKat

Date: 8/8/2009 3:56:14 AM
Author: kittybean
I don''t know if I''d reach out to her. To me (in my cynical, over-analytical mind), it seems like some sort of weird passive-aggressive way to tell you that she doesn''t think your marriage is good or that she thinks you''re going to break up or you should break up. If that''s the message, it''s pretty darn toxic. I would give the books away and not waste any more thought on her.

I agree completely. She''s implying that you''re going to need them, and it''s pure passive-aggressive nastiness. Give the books to charity and forget about her.

Ditto.

 

[Amethyste]

Date: 8/8/2009 5:38:35 AM
Author: Porridge
It''s either passive agressiveness, or sending a message about something in her own life (hopefully!). Either way, you don''t have to respond to something so cryptic. If anything, I would send them back as undeliverable, or sent to wrong address or something. If she wants you, she can wise up, put on her big girl panties and pick up the phone. This behaviour is weird. I would advise not to engage.

Jokes aside, you can tell that this person has major issues. Misery is better when celebrated in multiple! She obviously has a miserable life and wants you included in it. This kind of behavior is truly intoxicating and no one should be near these people.
Run! Shut the door and put a lock on it. Leave her under the thunder and perpetual rains of self pity and enjoy the sun, bright moonlight and colorful rainbows of life!

 

[gemgirl]

Italia, your situation brought back a memory of something I''ve been trying to forget for twenty years. About that long ago, a week before Christmas, I received a book in the mail from my cousin''s fiance''. I won''t tell you the title. It''s too insulting. I didn''t say anything to my cousin about it for two or three years, which in a way was easy for me because we didn''t live near each other, but was hard in another way because I still had to talk to him.
(I was invited to the wedding, of course I didn''t go, and I was invited to other things). People who do these kinds of things don''t have the guts to have an actual conservation. Yes, it''s cryptic and they enjoy the hell out of that. It''s childish and manipulative. If I were you, I''d just toss them in the waste bin and try to forget about it. That''s what I did. I''ll bet this "friend" of yours is someone who enjoys having drama in her life.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Thanks everyone!

I have no marital issues...so if she''s trying to stir the pot, it won''t work. I''m happily married, I love my husband and I know he loves me. We''re about as far away from "divorcing" as possible. If she''s trying to plant a seed, or be passive agreesive, she certianly over shot her target...those titles, and those situations don''t apply to me or my husband or our life together.

I think I''m going to donate the books to a battered womens'' shelter. They are motivating books, I read both of them. The Lynne Spears book I read because I like Britney--but the underlying message was more about lifes struggles. The break up book..well, that''s just writing on the wall. I think that they could both do some good in the right hands...I''ll be mailing them off Monday to a local shelter.

I''m going to let this slide. I don''t think there is anything to be "gained" from getting involved. She''s not a bad person, I love her very much...but she''s not ready to hear what I have to say, she''s not the girl I knew before and I don''t want to make situations worse by going back and forth like we''re teenagers. It''s just not my nature to get into passive agreesive arguments--we''re either going to face the issue head on, or not at all.

Again, thanks! You all have helped me make a really positive decision regarding L, the books and things in general.

 

[KimberlyH]

Italia, I'm so glad you've decided not to reach out to her. Her behavior is quite odd, not that of a person who is trying to mend a friendship, no matter why she sent the books. If she needs you she needs to call you, or write a letter, or something that actually takes effort on her part. I know ending friendships can be painful, but it really seems that, at least right now, the best thing for you is not to have her in your life. If that changes sometime down the road, if she can behave like an adult, wonderful, but waiting until she can for your own sake seems the right thing to do.

ETA: She may think she borrowed the books from you, even though that's not the case, and wanted to return them.

 

[phoenixgirl]

Do you think she''s trying to say that you two have broken up?

 

[Diamond*Dana]

That is strange, and I would have no idea what to think if this package came to me. My first thought was that she was returning YOUR books, but since that is not the case....????

 

[Dannielle]

Date: 8/8/2009 4:58:59 AM
Author: LilyKat

Date: 8/8/2009 3:56:14 AM
Author: kittybean
I don''t know if I''d reach out to her. To me (in my cynical, over-analytical mind), it seems like some sort of weird passive-aggressive way to tell you that she doesn''t think your marriage is good or that she thinks you''re going to break up or you should break up. If that''s the message, it''s pretty darn toxic. I would give the books away and not waste any more thought on her.

I agree completely. She''s implying that you''re going to need them, and it''s pure passive-aggressive nastiness. Give the books to charity and forget about her.

Thats exactly what I thought, it sounded more like an insult than her trying to reach out and reconnect.

 

[HollyS]

Date: 8/8/2009 3:56:14 AM
Author: kittybean
I don''t know if I''d reach out to her. To me (in my cynical, over-analytical mind), it seems like some sort of weird passive-aggressive way to tell you that she doesn''t think your marriage is good or that she thinks you''re going to break up or you should break up. If that''s the message, it''s pretty darn toxic. I would give the books away and not waste any more thought on her.

That was exactly my first thought. And second thought. Okay, it''s my only thought.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Date: 8/8/2009 12:58:59 PM
Author: HollyS

Date: 8/8/2009 3:56:14 AM
Author: kittybean
I don''t know if I''d reach out to her. To me (in my cynical, over-analytical mind), it seems like some sort of weird passive-aggressive way to tell you that she doesn''t think your marriage is good or that she thinks you''re going to break up or you should break up. If that''s the message, it''s pretty darn toxic. I would give the books away and not waste any more thought on her.

That was exactly my first thought. And second thought. Okay, it''s my only thought.

I think that, for whatever reason, she''s acting out. Maybe because I''ve left her alone it''s her way of swooping back in and stirring the pot.

I would totally agree with you about the books being sent as a "message"...however, L loved Mark. He has never been anything but kind to her and her daughter. In her toast at our wedding she talked about knowing that Mark was the one for me...blah blah blah. And, interestingly enough, R (during a drunken conversation with me) told me that he believed L "wanted" Mark--which I totally put him on blast for. So if it''s a nasty little passive agreesive moment...then it''s pure jealousy, plain and simple.

 

[movie zombie]

who cares why she sent them: donate them to an organization and be done with it. why waste perfectly good books by throwing them away?! someone will be happy to have them.

mz

 

[risingsun]

Date: 8/8/2009 10:54:57 AM
Author: phoenixgirl
Do you think she's trying to say that you two have broken up?

I agree with phoenixgirl. I think the books are about your relationship with her. Whether she is reaching out to you or ending the relationship, I don't know. You would have to get in touch with her to find out. If you want her in your life or would like some clarification, you can reach back. If not, you can let it go. I agree that it's a strange way of getting someone's attention

 

[House Cat]

Maybe she thinks she borrowed the books from you and is mistaken. Honestly, Through the Storm doesn''t apply to break ups as far as I can see.


But returning the books without a note is probably her way of breaking up with you.

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 8/8/2009 3:20:20 PM
Author: House Cat
Maybe she thinks she borrowed the books from you and is mistaken. Honestly, Through the Storm doesn''t apply to break ups as far as I can see.

But returning the books without a note is probably her way of breaking up with you.

Ditto.

 

[klewis]

Odd!

I''m don''t know the full story with this friend but If I were in this situation I would email her and let her know I''d received the books and say that strangely no note included so I didn''t know why she had sent them and would she explain?
Then take it from there. You can then respond to her reply and if there is none send the books back (can you post receiver pays?)

 

[Lilac]

Very strange situation. She sounds passive aggressive or toxic (or both) and I would do as you said - donate the books and just try to forget about it. If she wants to explain one day, SHE will reach out to YOU.