WSJ article - Did I get married too young?

[purselover]

DH just forwarded this article to me and I thought it was really interesting and very true for us. To summarize the article shows how getting married in your early 20''s isn''t as risky as many people believe and it shows some of the positive aspects of getting married young. Since there was a thread the other week on when was too young to get married I thought this was quite relevant. Does anyone else have any thoughts on young marriages, good, bad or other?

Did I get married too young?

 

[purselover]

For me this quote stuck out "little or nothing is likely to be gained by deliberately delaying marriage beyond the mid twenties." When we decided to get married at 24 this is how I felt, that there just wasn''t a point in waiting any longer. At that time we had been together 8 years, we were both done with college, living together, and I had a job I was happy with that could support us while DH was in grad school so we went ahead and got married. So far it''s worked out well.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

I loved this article. It''s really refreshing to finally see the pros of marrying in your 20''s as opposed to the cons that constantly are in the news.

 

[Irishgrrrl]

I don''t know . . .

I''m glad that this article has such positive news for those of you who married young or will marry young, but my experience wasn''t so good. I married my XH when we were both 22, and it was the worst decision of my life. That whole marriage was a total catastrophe and I left him shortly before our third anniversary. When DH and I got married, however, I was 27 and he was 26 and we''re still going strong almost five years later.

Of course, I''m not saying that everyone who marries young is doomed to get divorced . . . just that my experience with marrying young wasn''t a good one, and my current marriage (which occurred when we were both in our mid-twenties) is much more successful.

 

[Ara Ann]

Thanks for posting this link!


As a young bride who has had a long and successful marriage, I truly appreciated this sentiment:

"As focused as we young adults are on self-development, what if the path to that development is actually learning to live with and love another person? We may be startled to find that the greatest adventure lies not in knowing oneself as much as in knowing and committing to another person. Sure, freedom is great—but as John Paul II reminded us, "Freedom exists for the sake of love."

This is what we found in our marriage...we''ve grown up together and have grown together...neither of us would have been the people we are today, had we not married young.

Also, a recent fertility study states that it is healthier and better for women to have their children in their 20''s. I did and don''t regret it! DH and I are still ''young'', our kids are older and we''re enjoying life.

 

[somethingshiny]

DH and I were young when we got married, but we are more devoted to each other than most couples we know. I think that one GREAT thing about getting married young is that you don''t have to get over your first love. DH is my first love and to be married to your first love is very rare. We didn''t have to suffer through heartbreak, our view on love is purely positive.

 

[janinegirly]

I agree that it''s nice to see an article that isn''t preaching the same topic. Still I think many caution on marrying too young based on the general premise that 20 somethings tend to still be soul searching and by their 30''s can be quite a different person. Also people have such longer lifespans these days that a "mid life" crisis is much more likely at 40 if you married young (ie didn''t feel you experience all of life before "real life" started). BUT these are big generalities..it''s not the case for all! Some people in their 20s are very grounded and have found the right person and that''s how it''s meant to be (I''ve seen this!). And some people in their 30s, and sometimes 40''s are terribly immature and should stay single (I''ve seen this too!). If people (especially family) seem to be lecturing you on this topic sometimes it''s only because they see how things *tend* to turn out in general and want the best for you!

On the fertility thing--I don''t know that having children younger is healthier and better--but I''ll leave that for another thread

 

[janinegirly]

Date: 2/18/2010 4:10:39 PM
Author: somethingshiny
DH and I were young when we got married, but we are more devoted to each other than most couples we know. I think that one GREAT thing about getting married young is that you don't have to get over your first love. DH is my first love and to be married to your first love is very rare. We didn't have to suffer through heartbreak, our view on love is purely positive.

Very romantic way to put it!

 

[Alistra]

It is refreshing to see a positive article on young marriages

Obviously this is not the right choice for everyone, but it can be a wonderful thing. I was 23 and my husband was 22 when we got married. It has been ten years, and I have never had a moment where I doubted our choice. My husband is my best friend, and the most wonderful person I have ever met

We live in San Jose, CA where younger marriages are not the norm, but honestly I think we are one of the happiest couples I know. People who have just met us are often quite surprised to hear that we are not newlyweds.

 

[Ara Ann]

Date: 2/18/2010 4:27:00 PM
Author: Alistra
...." honestly I think we are one of the happiest couples I know. People who have just met us are often quite surprised to hear that we are not newlyweds.

We get this too...my hubby helped out with the music for his mother''s 50th class reunion and I went to help too...all of her classmates thought we were newlyweds and we''d been married just over 20 years!

 

[Alistra]

Date: 2/18/2010 4:35:49 PM
Author: Ara Ann

Date: 2/18/2010 4:27:00 PM

Author: Alistra

....'' honestly I think we are one of the happiest couples I know. People who have just met us are often quite surprised to hear that we are not newlyweds.

We get this too...my hubby helped out with the music for his mother''s 50th class reunion and I went to help too...all of her classmates thought we were newlyweds and we''d been married just over 20 years!

That is sweet. The mental picture brings a smile to my face!

 

[LilyKat]

Personally, I do think "young marriages" get a lot of unnecessary bad press. I'm getting married at 26, and I'll freely admit that I'd love to have married younger (maybe 23? But, heck, you've got to wait for the right guy to come along

) I think it's wonderful to have more time married to the person you love and are spending the rest of your life with - and there is something to be said for growing up together, provided you're both ready for the commitment.

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 2/18/2010 5:06:59 PM
Author: LilyKat
Personally, I do think ''young marriages'' get a lot of unnecessary bad press. I''m getting married at 26, and I''ll freely admit that I''d love to have married younger (maybe 23? But, heck, you''ve got to wait for the right guy to come along

) I think it''s wonderful to have more time married to the person you love and are spending the rest of your life with - and there is something to be said for growing up together, provided you''re both ready for the commitment.

I think it''s easy to say you could have gotten married younger when you have been with the same person for a long time. I can''t really imagine having gotten married younger (27 now, 28 when I marry), but I can think of a number of advantages if I had... the only real difference between being engaged/married for us has really been co-habbing, and if we had been willing to do that at a younger age, we would probably have a house already and a lot more combined savings, etc... so yeah, definitely some benefits.

 

[elrohwen]

DH and I married at 25, which is kind of in the border between "young" and "old" marriages. However, compared with our friends, we got married very young - many of them aren''t even dating someone they would consider marrying and we were only the 3rd marriage among our college friends. We had been dating since we were 22.

I think we''re both very commitment minded and mature and this has helped us greatly. We were both ready to commit the second we found the right person, and we were on the path to marriage after we had been going out 6 months. We also got very good jobs right out of college, so I think monetarily we were further along than others of our age (we certainly have more money than our grad student friends!

).

Of course it remains to be seen how our marriage goes, but it''s pretty great so far

Honestly, I don''t think I''ve changed as a person since I was 20, and DH agrees for himself and I think we had mostly discovered who we were by the time we got married. I don''t doubt we''ll grow and change together, but we definitely don''t fit into the category of soul searchers in their mid-20s.

 

[LilyKat]

Date: 2/18/2010 6:30:24 PM
Author: trillionaire

Date: 2/18/2010 5:06:59 PM

Author: LilyKat

Personally, I do think ''young marriages'' get a lot of unnecessary bad press. I''m getting married at 26, and I''ll freely admit that I''d love to have married younger (maybe 23? But, heck, you''ve got to wait for the right guy to come along

) I think it''s wonderful to have more time married to the person you love and are spending the rest of your life with - and there is something to be said for growing up together, provided you''re both ready for the commitment.

I think it''s easy to say you could have gotten married younger when you have been with the same person for a long time. I can''t really imagine having gotten married younger (27 now, 28 when I marry), but I can think of a number of advantages if I had... the only real difference between being engaged/married for us has really been co-habbing, and if we had been willing to do that at a younger age, we would probably have a house already and a lot more combined savings, etc... so yeah, definitely some benefits.

Trillionaire, just to clarify, we''ve been together just under a year, so definitely not a long time

I just wish we''d met and married earlier, so I''d have had an extra three years of togetherness happiness with him in my lifetime. And I''ve always had an irrational notion that getting married young is more romantic - not sure why. Possibly Disney princess indoctrination.

 

[Lilac]

Date: 2/18/2010 4:10:39 PM
Author: somethingshiny
DH and I were young when we got married, but we are more devoted to each other than most couples we know. I think that one GREAT thing about getting married young is that you don't have to get over your first love. DH is my first love and to be married to your first love is very rare. We didn't have to suffer through heartbreak, our view on love is purely positive.

I love this, SS.

I've only been married for a year, so I can't say I'm any authority on the subject

I was 20 and DH was 22 when we got married a year ago. DH was my first love and we are extremely devoted to each other. We've been together for almost 6 years and I can honestly say I love him more with each and every day.

We've both changed since we started dating - but we changed TOGETHER. We've grown together, matured together, and learned so much about each other these last several years. We may have been young (and maybe we still are) but during our entire 5 and a half year relationship we *never once* considered breaking up - we're partners in life and we have been for the last 5 and a half years. Getting married strengthened our bond and commitment.

We were never the type to want to have "wild single days" to "find ourselves" or travel the world on our own - right after we started dating we began planning our future. We have fun together, we want to travel together, and build our future. He is my best friend - why wouldn't I want to spend my 20s married to him, traveling with him, and having fun with my best friend by my side?

ETA: Great article. Thanks for sharing it, purselover!

 

[lilyfoot]

Thanks for sharing that article!

I was (still am) 21 when we got engaged; I will be 22 when we get married. FI was/is/will be 24.

Even though I am a young person getting married, I wouldn''t consider myself an advocate for young marriages. What I am an advocate for is couples getting married if and when they''re truly ready.

The commitment to a marriage and to one person for the rest of your life is larger than most people really stop to think about.

 

[Cehrabehra]

I think in some ways it is better. You miss out on all of the selfish "me" time that you could have staying single longer, but you learn compromise which is key to a relationship.

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 2/18/2010 3:38:01 PM
Author: Ara Ann
Thanks for posting this link!



As a young bride who has had a long and successful marriage, I truly appreciated this sentiment:


''As focused as we young adults are on self-development, what if the path to that development is actually learning to live with and love another person? We may be startled to find that the greatest adventure lies not in knowing oneself as much as in knowing and committing to another person. Sure, freedom is great—but as John Paul II reminded us, ''Freedom exists for the sake of love.''


This is what we found in our marriage...we''ve grown up together and have grown together...neither of us would have been the people we are today, had we not married young.


Also, a recent fertility study states that it is healthier and better for women to have their children in their 20''s. I did and don''t regret it! DH and I are still ''young'', our kids are older and we''re enjoying life.

I got married at 21 and had my first child at 24 and one of my best friends is 40 this weekend and never married nor children and is starting to freak out about it. She is very uncompromising and she believes she has earned the right to be so - and I think it''s what will keep her from getting what she wants.

 

[redfaerythinker]

I loved this article. It''s true that you will be a different person when you are thirty than you are when you are twenty, but the same goes for thirty to forty, and so on. The trick is, to learn to grow and change with your partner. Also i''ve read that some people who wait a long time before setting down have a harder time doing this because they are so entrenched in their sense of self that they have trouble releasing some of that independence and have a harder time growing with their spouses.