Would you/your soon to be FI be OK with this?

[ChargerGrrl]

Hello All:

Our search for our ring has taken a very quick step forward (which is good!), but I'm feeling wierd.
Here's the story (sorry it's long!):

I have the good fortune of traveling to Houston next week on biz. While there, I'm planning to visit WhiteFlash, which happens to be my favorite e-vendor. Originally, the point of my visit was to look at settings, as I'm not certain on which one is "it". And yes, I was also going to check out some stones (what's in house)- just to see differences in color, clarity, etc... So, he asks me a bit about the e-vendor shopping process, (i'm the one doing the preliminary research, and he was to "take over" when the time is right). After he has it all down, he comments that it would make so much more sense for me to take a look at stones that meet all our specs while I am at WF ("make the most out of your visit") He figures that it would cut the step of having to ship potential stones for us to check them out in person later. WF doesn't have instock what we're looking for so, they would have to be brought in. OK... so I search (here's where my homework on PS paid off!), and work with my WF rep to call in a stone that meets our specs. Here's the thread:
https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/pls-comment-on-idealscope-pic-of-princess.33660/

Bottom line- if this stone looks as good to me in person than it does on paper, then it very well will be the one. He'll then take over and work with WF to wrap the process up, including selecting my setting from the two I narrow it down to during my visit. Note that the original plan was for him to buy the ring sometime in Oct/Nov- so this has pushed things up quite a bit!

So what's my beef? I kinda feel wierd that in essense, he's buying the stone sight unseen! He totally trusts my input, and If I say it's the one, then he'll run with it. He seems to be OK with that, but I kinda feel like it's taken "something" out of the equation. He's romantic, but also extremely practical. And that's the side that's kicking in right now.

Overall, I'm OK with how this may go down. But I kinda feel uneasy. Am I being silly for no reason? What do you think? I keep telling myself that at least I'll have the element of surprise when it comes to the setting and when he actually proposes(I have NO idea about this!).

I Love this man, and can't wait to spend the rest of my life with him. In the end, that's what it's all about.

THANKS for listening/reading!

CG

 

[cinnabar]

I don''t see any problem at all.

You''re getting a stone and a setting that you love, and there''s still the surprise of exactly which ring your FI picks; you also have the surprise of when and where he proposes.

He gets a girl who is guaranteed to love her ring, rather than him having to guess and get it horribly wrong.

This way, you will have an engagement ring you will love and treasure. I think your FI is a smart guy for respecting your choice.

Have a great time at WF, and congratulations on your upcoming engagement!

 

[flutterby]

I dont see a problem with it at all. Its actualy less involvement than I have had with my ring. However, I get friends/coworkers always asking me if he is still going to propose or if we are already engaged. I feel that, well, I shouldve kept my mouth shut and not told them everything about the stone search and designing the ring, but I did. And yes, I do believe he is still going to propose. Not sure how romantic it will be, but he will ask me. I dont regret being involved at all. I am going to love my ring, and he loves me so much and believes we are going to be together forever, why not get something I REALLY love.

so yes, we would be ok with it.

 

[VuittonGal]

I can understand that you might want your FI to see the stone before he buys it, but how much does he know about diamonds? He knows you''ve done your research and knows that you''re the one wearing it, so he probably figures you should have exactly what you want. I don''t think you should worry about it. A lot of ring purchases/proposals are untraditional these days, but that doesn''t make them any less meaningful! Let us know what you decide to do.

 

[fountainfairfax]

I know that it's really tough for a lot of us on PS to reconcile the romantic with the practical...engagements are just supposed to "happen," right? Most of us want it to be a total suprise and the perfect ring & diamond for our circumstances. and when reality raises its ugly head and those being proposed to have more diamond knowledge than those doing the proposing a little of that romance gets lost in the details.
Please remember that just because he has you picking out the diamond w/o him viewing it first doesn't mean he wants it to be any less special...he just wants you to be happy- which is the most romantic thing I can think of

Congratulations a little in advance and I can't wait to see your ring!

 

[FireGoddess]

The ideal situation being that he knows as much about diamonds as you do from endless research (never been my personal experience)...this is absolutely the next best thing. I would, a thousand times over, rather have a ring with the exact diamond and setting I adore and have chosen, than something done as a romantic surprise but with a crappy diamond or a setting I don''t like. I know here we tend to upgrade stones and switch settings and stuff, but most people do not. And certainly not before they''ve gotten married....so if he got you something you weren''t happy with...you''d at least be stuck with it for a while. He can still make the proposal special. He wants to make sure you''re happy. I see no problem with that at all!

 

[perry]

ChargerGrrl...

Here''s the guy''s perspective (at least one who isn''t a nerd..., well at least not a total nerd):

Let her get what she wants on things that don''t really matter to me; then she is more likely to:

1) let me get my way on some of the things I want.

2) be happier in general - and a happy gal is a lot better to share a bed with than an unhappy one...

Now, would you like to get a diamond and ring that you will really like from a technical and art perspective; or would you like a super-romantic proposal with something that looks horrible that you will probably have to wear for life (or face questions..).

I think you should stop worrying and thank him - personally and very much - for going out of his way to cater to your desires on the ring. Then, start thinking on how can you reciprocate.

Marriage is all about learning to compromise and support the other. Give and take are an essential ingreadient. On this issue - you are on the "take" side of that.

Perry

 

[ChargerGrrl]

Gals and Guy:

THANKS much for your input on this! Your comments were so insightful. I feel foolish for being silly. Honestly, I''m OK with how this may go down, I just couldn''t help but listen to that little voice inside my head.

I''m truly lucky that my BF respects my opinion and is open to selecting our ring this way. He''s a total gem, and I''m blessed!

I''ll report back after my Tuesday visit to WF.

THANKS again-

CG