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Would you turn down a milestone gift?

M

MRBXXXFVVS1

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Dec 5, 2019
Messages
1,450
We have a milestone celebration coming up, but I've pretty much lost interest in all material things. DH asked me if there's anything I'd like. I have a few items on my "wishlist," but I feel very apathetic to all of it though given COVID times. All I really want is to hug my parents, travel, and go out to eat with friends. Does anyone else feel like this? Would you turn down a milestone gift?
 
Heck no! All the more reason to indulge! I upgraded to my holy grail ring bc of the pandemic. Cancelled vacations and plans— I needed a pick-me up! My sis did that too! And judging from the smtb threads—they are on fire recently— I think I’m in good company. Plus we can see the light at the end of the tunnel now... I say go for it!
 
Sorry about how you are feeling. It is very understandable.

I don't think you are turning it down -- you are deferring it. All of our milestone gifts -- if we even do that -- have been anywhere from six months before to a year after. We are not super-impulsive. And life gets in the way, as you point out.
 
MRBXXXFVVS1 said:
I guess part of me wants to be excited for a milestone gift, not just whatever about it?
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Good food/good wine -- can be short-term special and needn't be long-term special, imo. Hand-written card about what actually is special about the milestone.

For us, all b-days, anniversary, major "present" holidays, V-day are within the same few months -- so it's a fun, cringe-y panic when that "cycle" starts each year. By the end it's pretty much exchanging groceries and six-packs of craft beer! So it's the same for the milestone ones, too.
 
MRBXXXFVVS1 said:
I guess part of me wants to be excited for a milestone gift, not just whatever about it?
Click to expand...

I know how you feel, it’s completely understandable I’ve had both my 40th birthday and 5th wedding anniversary during lockdown. I’d love a new piece of jewellery, but feel too stressed to make a good decision and enjoy the process. I plan on waiting till I’m ready so it really feels like a happy occasion.
 
Nope, but then no one buy me presents so I buy my own.

DK :lol-2:
 
I understand how you feel @MRBXXXFVVS1. I feel the same way. I still like looking at jewelry but after this past year it doesn’t mean that much to me.

Can you just wait and not buy anything right now. Maybe a year from now when everyone is vaccinated and life seems more normal you will feel differently and jewelry may spark joy again for you.

We have a milestone anniversary this year. I told my husband I’d be beyond thrilled if we could go sit and have a delicious dinner at a nice restaurant. Everyone we love remaining healthy is the best gift of all.
 
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Why not donate to a charity to mark your milestone?
Hospital, animal shelter, soup kitchen.......
 
MRBXXXFVVS1 said:
I guess part of me wants to be excited for a milestone gift, not just whatever about it?
Click to expand...

Sorry just to clarify, I keep the money "banked" ie mentally earmarked for the milestone. Then wait until there is something I really want. It will still be a gift in honour of the milestone, even if it a year or more late. I am picky and sometimes I'm just not in the mood to spend money. I don't want many material things and frequently there just isn't anything I fancy.

You are 100% right that you should be excited about a gift, not just buy something for the sake of it.
 
Yes sure, just try to encourage him not to go out and select it on his own. As that usually ends badly. Otherwise definitely I would skip untill it felt right.
 
I know how you feel. I’d wait until my heart was in it. I also feel that we and our partners determine what’s a meaningful milestone in our relationship, not necessarily a calendar; if now isn’t the time, that’s ok.
 
MRBXXXFVVS1 said:
We have a milestone celebration coming up, but I've pretty much lost interest in all material things. DH asked me if there's anything I'd like. I have a few items on my "wishlist," but I feel very apathetic to all of it though given COVID times. All I really want is to hug my parents, travel, and go out to eat with friends. Does anyone else feel like this? Would you turn down a milestone gift?
Click to expand...

Sure.

I make it clear to all family and friends that I never give or accepts gifts for those days our brainwashed capitalistic society tries to force down our throats as being special and meaningful. :roll:

That said I often give gifts, from home baked bread, inexpensive wistful to expensive things, randomly throughout the year.
 
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Hit the pause button. It's lovely of him to acknowledge the milestone but it's also ok to need other things right now. You can choose your gift (or not) when things settle down.
 
@MRBXXXFVVS1 What about earmarking that money for a milestone trip? Even with the vaccine, I don't intend to fly this year. However, I hope that we can drive somewhere fun in during the Summer. Is there any fun place that you can plan a trip to?

That said, I hope that you and your parents can be vaccinated soon so you can see either other!
 
My DH asked what I’d like for Christmas, and like you, I just couldn’t be bothered even thinking of something, let alone look for something. I’m waiting until lockdown is over, until life is a bit more normal, and then I’ll probably look for something for last Christmas, b’day and this Christmas all rolled in to one.
 
If there is nothing you are longing for at the moment I would save that money for something that you are passionate for down the road. Don't get anything you aren't crazy about and just wait til there is something you really really want.

neversettle.gif


and


patienceandpassion.jpg
 
Nope

this covid thing will pass
sooner or latter all our loved ones will be vaccinated and hugs will be ok again

but your milestone will only come once

have fun with choosing it
Even if you have to fake the fun to begin with, you might just find yourself having fun for real

We all need some fun right now
 
MRBXXXFVVS1 said:
We have a milestone celebration coming up, but I've pretty much lost interest in all material things. DH asked me if there's anything I'd like. I have a few items on my "wishlist," but I feel very apathetic to all of it though given COVID times. All I really want is to hug my parents, travel, and go out to eat with friends. Does anyone else feel like this? Would you turn down a milestone gift?
Click to expand...


Yes, I have been feeling the same way for quite a while so I can relate. I'm wondering if/when I'm going to snap out of it. I have a big
milestone birthday coming up later this year and I feel like I dont know what I want to do. If I do something will it actually make me
smile and feel happy? If no, then why spend the money right now. Save it for when I'm out of this funk. I'm hoping that as it gets
closer I'll start feeling more excited about it. Only time will tell for me. I just dont want to make a costly decision and feel like anh, its
ok. I want to love it and feel excited about it!

So, I agree with others...dont turn it down but "bank" it or save the cash for when you're feeling a little more excited about the prospect!

Hoping it changes for you very soon!
 
I have a significant milestone birthday this week. I'd rather spend it quietly the same way as every other day. As I get older, everyday is the same and special days no longer have any meaning. If there's something I want, I buy it myself right away and do not need the excuse of a special day. The cynic in me is coming out stronger the older I get. :lol:
 
My husband always asks me what I want before birthdays, anniversaries, and Christmas. There have been a few times I have said nothing, either because I didn't want to spend the money, didn't know what I wanted at that time, or was saving for a bigger item for combined occasions. I am thankful he is generous and always willing to get me something (that I choose). As to Covid, I refuse to let it take over my life anymore than it already has. So yes, I got jewelry for Christmas/anniversary and am working on a couple of projects now. I think if I sat around and had no hobbies, I would certainly be depressed. We did cancel a trip last year and have not made any big travel plans this year, but we have done our usual beach and mountain trips since we can drive there. We try to stay as positive as possible considering the circumstances, but we have also seen close family and friends the entire time (low Covid numbers here). Thankfully we have restaurants open with limited capacity, etc. I ate out with a friend last night, but we've just done it less often than usual. I am hopeful that restrictions will be vastly less by the summer.

In your case, if you are not in the mood right now, I'd just tell him thank you, I will think about what I'd like and I'll let you know when I find the right thing (so don't surprise me!), but it may even be after the special date. I would not turn it down, because he is just trying to offer something that he thinks would make you happy.
 
I understand how you feel. My husband and I didn't even exchange Birthday or Christmas gifts. I have pretty much lost interest in buying clothes, shoes and hand bags. We had to cancel all our trips overseas due to the virus and travel restrictions. There are no events to go to anymore. I miss being close to my family and loved ones. We are celebrating a major anniversary this year and are going to Paris as soon as it feels more safe. I try to stay positive but it's been a rough year living in the US as a European.
 
Acknowledgement of a milestone does not require a gift. If I want a piece of jewelry, I can get it. If it is costly, I’ll “ justify” the purchase as saved up birthdays, anniversaries etc., but neither my spouse nor I are keeping track. The older I get the less jewelry I wear and want. Of course I have dream pieces but would rather spend it on things that give me peace of mind. In other words, my milestones are changing...paying off mortgage, funding my kids’ education, paying off the car loan, and staying out of credit card debt to name a few. But I
admire looking at everyones’ milestone bling and am truly happy for them.
 
lambskin said:
Acknowledgement of a milestone does not require a gift. If I want a piece of jewelry, I can get it. If it is costly, I’ll “ justify” the purchase as saved up birthdays, anniversaries etc., but neither my spouse nor I are keeping track. The older I get the less jewelry I wear and want. Of course I have dream pieces but would rather spend it on things that give me peace of mind. In other words, my milestones are changing...paying off mortgage, funding my kids’ education, paying off the car loan, and staying out of credit card debt to name a few. But I
admire looking at everyones’ milestone bling and am truly happy for them.
Click to expand...

Oh my, yes. Luxuries always should come after paying off all debt (other than mortgage, perhaps) and saving for emergencies, education, and retirement. It's great that you are being disciplined and have your priorities in order!
 
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