Would you tell her he called?

[swingirl]

Date: 4/1/2010 12:38:34 AM
Author: iota15

DO tell her because:

1. You're her friend (or is she an ex-friend? you wrote 'ex-bff'); That's why you respect her wishes

2. She's a big girl and can decide for herself what to do; She already has decided not to take his phone calls

3. You won't have to hold an unecessary secret from her; It's no secret he is trying to contact her. She is getting his messages.

4. Assuming you have one, your friendship won't blow up, if and likely when, she finds out you spoke to him for half an hour from another source; and He's probably calling all her friends and family and trying to get one of them to open up communication lines for him.

5. Holding it from her shows you don't believe she has the strength to stay away, and/or hold any respect for her as individual to resist such obvious manipulative attempts by him (even if either propositions are true, I would still be offended). She's had the strength to leave him. She's had the strength to refuse his calls. There is no new information that you are withholding. She will eventually be in touch with him as they have a divorce to work through.

 

[bee*]

Date: 3/30/2010 3:28:14 PM
Author: heraanderson
I''d tell her. Her relationship is her own and she''s the adult that gets to make decisions about her relationship.

Ditto this. I''d tell her. It''s up to her then what she wants to do but I wouldn''t answer any more calls from him.

 

[Cehrabehra]

I''m not sure I''d get involved in an EX best friend and her soon to be EX husband. Sounds like the disaster equation would multiply exponentially with you factored in the middle. Yikes!

 

[janinegirly]

If it was me I would not be so involved. I also would tell your friend he called but not go into every miniscule detail of the conversation (although I am sure she will want to know). Just say that he called, was asking questions and you won't take anymore calls from him. And do that. If he calls say unless it's an emergency you really don't want to get involved, not your business. You are there to support your firiend, but to me getting in the middle of a domestic situation is not a good path to go down. Often what people say in a highly charged emotional situation isn't what they mean..there are alot of mind games going on, and you may be the one to get blamed in the end.

 

[fieryred33143]

Seems like the advice is mixed. I''m still trying to figure out whether I should mention something or not. I would not call her specifically to tell her but wondering if the next time she calls me if I should say "hey btw."

I haven''t talked to her since she got in to California. We have sent a couple of emails back and forth.

I saved his number on to my phone so that I can ignore it next time he calls. The whole conversation just made no sense at all.

At one point he said that he feels bad for taking her away from all of her friends. Then he mentions that his ex-wife once told him she is happy he is with my exbff because if anything ever happened to her, she knows the kids would be safe in exbff''s care. He then cried, yes cried, on the phone saying he feels horrible for taking that comfort away from her.

Um, he HATES his ex-wife. Hates her. LOL

 

[kama_s]

I would probably tell her, only because some of us know how bizarrely she has reacted to other situations in the past. I wouldn''t be surprised if she turns this one around on you again.

I think for any other person, I wouldn''t tell and I definitely would not talk to or about that loser.

 

[lilyfoot]

Date: 4/1/2010 5:31:27 AM
Author: bee*

Date: 3/30/2010 3:28:14 PM
Author: heraanderson
I''d tell her. Her relationship is her own and she''s the adult that gets to make decisions about her relationship.

Ditto this. I''d tell her. It''s up to her then what she wants to do but I wouldn''t answer any more calls from him.

Double ditto!

 

[janinegirly]

I guess there are 2 things to consider.

1) You say ex-bff: how close are you 2 really? It seems like a very draining relationship by the sounds of it.

2) How comfortable are you being in the middle of someone''s relationship issues/potential divorce?

Now if you are comfortable with being involved with this whole thing (not just now but on-going), then maybe take the advice of protecting her and not telling her.

But if you are not (as I would not be if it were me), then extricate yourself by getting off the phone if he calls and telling her he called you so that she does not hold you accountable when/if she finds out.

I wouldn''t analyze what the ex said to you..he is using you as a sounding board/communication conduit. And your ex-bff may very well be doing the same thing. I say focus on yourself and your own family and let them deal with it..unless it is something critical/emergency related truly requiring your intervention and involvement.