LiW Would you take the leap and follow your heart?

[cantwait4life]

If you were with a man that couldn’t afford to get you an engagement ring and doesn’t believe in engagements without the ring, would you take the leap and propose yourself? If you knew you loved him and he’s the one you want to spend your life with, would you go for it?

 

[Lauren8211]

No. Although I''m not a traditional person, I''ve always wanted a traditional proposal. I have been waiting my whole life to have a romantic proposal, and I would NOT give in to my impatience. I want it done the way I want it done -- and its not something you can ever re-do. I would gladly wait until I could get the proposal that I always dreamed of.

But, if a romantic traditional proposal is not something that you''ve always wanted, then you can be a little eccentric and do it yourself. Just make sure thats what you REALLY want, and you''re not just antsy to call him your fiance.

 

[mayachel]

It sounds like he has his heart set on doing the proposal a certain way. Beyond making it clear that you don''t need an engagement ring, or if you can find a really pretty under $100 ring and proclaim it perfect, if you are looking to honor his needs/desires I''d say wait. Just make sure he knows that you don''t need/want a $500,000 ring.

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 6/3/2008 9:51:53 AM
Author:cantwait4life
If you were with a man that couldn’t afford to get you an engagement ring and doesn’t believe in engagements without the ring, would you take the leap and propose yourself? If you knew you loved him and he’s the one you want to spend your life with, would you go for it?

I''m confused. If you propose to him, are you going to offer him a ring? If you do it instead of him, is he going to feel just like you''re pressuring him, since he said he "doesn''t believe in engagements without the ring?"

I''m also kind of confused about the need for a ring. If that''s his opinion, fine, but you can get a ring for $100 or less if you look. Why not just get something inexpensive if the money is the only thing standing between you two and an engagement? I think I''d hold off on proposing myself simply because it sounds like maybe there''s more to it than that.

 

[Bia]

If the perfect proposal isn't A HUGE deal for you and you know he is ready to be engaged, then go for it! I am more traditional in that I very much want my BF to ask me to marry him (with a ring!). If he told me today that he didn't have the money for a ring, I don't know if I'd want to wait that much longer...just to have my dream ring. I really can't say for sure though lol... The ring is important but in the grand scheme, its not what's REALLY important. Did that make sense?

 

[Deelight]

Heck no, I know for a fact if I proposed to my BF he would say no.

As for the ring as others have said you don''t need a lot of money for a ring a plain gold band will cost around or under the $100 mark if you really want a fancy ring get one at a later stage like the wedding or an anniversary.

 

[KCCutie]

Date: 6/3/2008 10:00:35 AM
Author: gwendolyn

Date: 6/3/2008 9:51:53 AM

Author:cantwait4life

If you were with a man that couldn’t afford to get you an engagement ring and doesn’t believe in engagements without the ring, would you take the leap and propose yourself? If you knew you loved him and he’s the one you want to spend your life with, would you go for it?

I''m confused. If you propose to him, are you going to offer him a ring? If you do it instead of him, is he going to feel just like you''re pressuring him, since he said he ''doesn''t believe in engagements without the ring?''


I''m also kind of confused about the need for a ring. If that''s his opinion, fine, but you can get a ring for $100 or less if you look. Why not just get something inexpensive if the money is the only thing standing between you two and an engagement? I think I''d hold off on proposing myself simply because it sounds like maybe there''s more to it than that.

I agree with Gwen here.

If he wants to marry you and he wants to get you a ring I think you run the risk of offending him by stepping in and doing what he can''t do right now.

I''d talk to him and see if maybe you can talk him into buying an inexpensive ring. Heck I even suggested my SO buy a cz off e-bay in the size and shape I wanted and get the real one in a few months as no one would be able to tell the difference. If he really is ready and he just doesn''t have the money then he may agree to one of those suggestions, but please be prepared that he just might not be ready yet and the money may just be an excuse.

 

[sunnyd]

If he only wants to propose with a ring, I''m gonna make an educated guess that he would not like you proposing to him. Some guys think that that''s their job. Women have the wedding, men have the proposal. Yanno? But you know him better than we do, so if you''re both really ready and money is the only thing holding back, why not?

My BF was like that too when we first started talking about engagements. Now we''re at the point where we just want to be engaged, and the ring will come when we''re ready for it.

 

[JulieN]

If he already said he didn't want to propose without a ring (he meant you having a ring, of course) then why would you propose to him? Once you proposed, he still won't have the money to buy you a ring. It doesn't seem like he would like it if you did this.

This isn't really about some leap of faith, or following your heart, IMO. He hasn't said he didn't want to marry you. He just said he didn't want to propose without a ring.

 

[Bliss]

My first reaction was to reply, "Why not? Carpe diem!!!"

But then my gut says to wait. Does the ring have to be expensive? I would perhaps show him some inexpensive styles -- it could be a pretty plain band, a different stone other than a diamond... the possibilities are endless. It could be a twistie tie! If he did it in a romantic way, and he sounds pretty traditional if he's a ring first guy... that would be so swoon-worthy and authentic.

Not many couples have the luxury of buying e-rings these days, so you're not alone. And the glow you have from being with your One will far outshine a sparkly diamond. So why not talk to him and be one of the newest ladies to show off a gorgeous non-traditional e-ring? It doesn't have to cost a lot for it to be beautiful or meaningful.

My best friend's e-ring was a gold band and she wears it with such grace it always makes me tear up. That was eight years ago, I think. They have a really beautiful amazing family now - 2 little kids and an awesome marriage. So amazing.

 

[Rhea]

I''d propose to a guy. I did propose in fact. But I wouldn''t in your situation. It sounds as though his heart is set on a certain idea. If you propose he may feel like the idea still applies and you simply didn''t give him the time needed for him to do it. I''m not saying this very well at all I don''t think.

Have you tried talking to him? You could discuss that the engagement ring doesn''t need to be expensive or that you thought you''d like to propose.

 

[kittybean]

If you are sure he would be happy with you proposing (and that he would say yes!), then propose if that is what your heart desires. You could buy yourself an inexpensive engagement ring to eliminate the ring problem. However, I would carefully broach the topic of women proposing (or even you specifically proposing to him) first. As others have said, he may have some notion of wanting to be the one that proposes or decides when the engagement will happen. You could also make a mutual decision and shop for an inexpensive ring together.

In sum, I think proposing out of the blue might not be advisable, but proposing after some reflection and honest conversation could be wonderful.

 

[chocolatefudge]

Oooooo a tricky one!! I don''t have a problem with a woman proposing BUT I do feel that it may raise some issues. I can tell that you really love your boyfriend and want to marry him, however.......

1) If you propose with a ring will he feel embarassed that he couldn''t afford to get you one?
2) It sounds like your boyfriend may be quite traditional himself as he doesn''t want to propose without a ring, would he like you proposing to him or prefer to do it himself?
3)If you did propose would your boyfriend feel more pressured into getting you a ring as you would be officially engaged, yet you wouldn''t be wearing a ring?

I may be wrong about the whole ring thing, as I don''t know whether you would propose with a ring for him or one for yourself? Good luck whatever you decide!

 

[absolut_blonde]

Date: 6/3/2008 9:59:34 AM
Author: mayachel
It sounds like he has his heart set on doing the proposal a certain way. Beyond making it clear that you don''t need an engagement ring, or if you can find a really pretty under $100 ring and proclaim it perfect, if you are looking to honor his needs/desires I''d say wait. Just make sure he knows that you don''t need/want a $500,000 ring.

I agree with this.


Personally, I would never propose to a man, though. I am not opposed to it in principle and I''m aware that it''s worked for some people. It''s just not for me. Nor would SO like it. Like Mayache said, he''s got his heart set on the perfect proposal, perfect ring, perfect timing, big surprise thing. I don''t want to take that away from him.