Would you move even if it meant less money?

[asscherisme]

I am married and have 4 kids. I am living in a part of the country I don''t like but the cost of living is much lower than where I am from. We own a very nice large house here and my husband makes really good money in a secure job.

My husband has been keeping his eye out for jobs where we are from. An opportunity came up not in the exact same area we are from but in the same region. The area has a much higher cost of lving. The job would pay 85% of what he is making now but thats just to start and in 2 or3 years he would hopefully make partner and his salary would go back up to equal or more than he is making now. But keep in mind cost of living is a bit higher there. Not unmagagable higher but higher.

If he took the job, after selling our home here we would not buy for 2 or 3 years until we are sure he would make partner so we would rent a house but make sure to research schools and rent in the same school district we want to buy.

So, we are faced with do we stay put in an area we don''t like, don''t feel like we fit in, are the minority here but we own our home and are financially doing great.

OR do we move to where we would rather be, where we are not the minority, even though it would mean going from owing our home to renting for a few years (keep in mind we have kids), taking a lower salary (but still enough to support our family) but ultimately it is somewhere where we would feel we fit in better.


Thing is that his current job, he has to basically buy out to leave it. And we would have to dip in to our children''s college funds to pay for the buyout. However, there is enough time before college that we could put it back. Its just painful psychologically to have to dip into that money.

I keep looking ahead 5 years and 5 years from now, either place we would own a home. I think it would be tough for the kids in the short term but not in 5 years. Our 2 youngest are so little they would not know the difference. Our second to oldest is so laid back she can make friends and be happy anywhere. Our oldest would be entering Jr. High but thats the time many kids start forming friendships and cliques and many many kids would be new.

I am losing sleep over this.

 

[Dee*Jay]

Asscherisme, wow what a big decision. Here is what I get out of your post: neither you nor your husband enjoy where you are living right now (which is a huge point that I take from this); your two youngest kids really wouldn''t be impacted based on where you live and your oldest and second oldest probably wouldn''t have any problem making new friends; in either location you would own you own home in a five years; you would have to dip into the college money in the short term, but it would me made up in the long term; and while your husband would be making less money in the shorter term he would be back where is he is now in the longer term (but the cost of living is higher in the other area in general).

So, honestly, yes you would be at the very least inconvenienced in the shorter term (i.e., for the next few/several years). But this really boils down to a few things in my mind for the long tem: the fact that you want to live in this other area, and you would have to do so on less money (both actually, while your husband is making less, and also in relative terms becuase of the higher cost of living). You mention is it manageable--but do you want to do it? Personally I would rather live in a more expensive area that I really wanted to be in than live in a less expensive area where I wasn''t as happy. This is a less extreme example, but my husband and I live in downtown Chicago. And I mean RIGHT DOWNTOWN--7 blocks from the Sears Tower. For what we paid for our townhouse and the lifestyle that we live we could have (literally) bought a MANSION in one of the surrounding suburbs. But we choose to live here and with the constraints that come with it.

My advice for you would be to approach this from a longer term perspective, and to be totally honest with yourself about living in this more expensive area and how that will really impact your lifestyle.

 

[Mara]

i agree with DJ...it sounds like you really want to move to this other place even if it''s a bit less. 85% of his salary is not that bad of a drop...and you guys could cut corners for a bit to make it work until he does get that notch up (is it a SURE thing??). it''s tough to move to a more expensive place for LESS money, but if the long-term benefits are there especially for the health of the family and the happiness then i would say do it.

 

[Tybee]

I agree.
Living where you want to live is very important. Making sacrifices here and there to make it so, seems like
the way to go, especially if everyone will be happier in the long run.

 

[asscherisme]

Thanks for the opinions so far. Keep them coming.

No, we don''t have a guarantee for salary. In his type of work once you make partner, salary is dependent on many factors.

The home we would buy would be about 2/3 the size of what we have now but frankly, that is not an issue. I don''t care about that. We would still have enough room for our kids.

The idea of selling our house in a buyers market and moving across country again to a rental and then moving again after that makes me tired to think about. But it makes me more depressed to stay somewhere I don''t want to be out of laziness or superficial reasons like a huge house or more money. I do worry about trading a very secure job for a new job which by its very nature is not secure until he makes partner.

 

[poptart]

I agree that it might be best to just move. Can I say a couple words of caution though? Ask your kids what they think (obviously) and take into consideration what they say (I know it sounds dumb, but I have known people that just don''t bother to let the kids know they have some say in the situation and the children end up feeling extremely left out and unhappy). Also, careful about dipping into the college fund. My friend''s parents did that and then things didn''t go as planned and it was gone... this was when she was about 8 or so, and it never got replenished. So she is currently working three jobs to put herself through school, which is extremely hard. But other than those two things, I think the move would be great for you. Ultimately, the happier the parents are, the happier the children will be.

*M*

 

[ladykemma]

Date: 12/13/2006 10:58:19 AM
Author:asscherisme
I am married and have 4 kids. I am living in a part of the country I don''t like but the cost of living is much lower than where I am from. We own a very nice large house here and my husband makes really good money in a secure job.

My husband has been keeping his eye out for jobs where we are from. An opportunity came up not in the exact same area we are from but in the same region. The area has a much higher cost of lving. The job would pay 85% of what he is making now but thats just to start and in 2 or3 years he would hopefully make partner and his salary would go back up to equal or more than he is making now. But keep in mind cost of living is a bit higher there. Not unmagagable higher but higher.

If he took the job, after selling our home here we would not buy for 2 or 3 years until we are sure he would make partner so we would rent a house but make sure to research schools and rent in the same school district we want to buy.

So, we are faced with do we stay put in an area we don''t like, don''t feel like we fit in, are the minority here but we own our home and are financially doing great.

OR do we move to where we would rather be, where we are not the minority, even though it would mean going from owing our home to renting for a few years (keep in mind we have kids), taking a lower salary (but still enough to support our family) but ultimately it is somewhere where we would feel we fit in better.


Thing is that his current job, he has to basically buy out to leave it. And we would have to dip in to our children''s college funds to pay for the buyout. However, there is enough time before college that we could put it back. Its just painful psychologically to have to dip into that money.

I keep looking ahead 5 years and 5 years from now, either place we would own a home. I think it would be tough for the kids in the short term but not in 5 years. Our 2 youngest are so little they would not know the difference. Our second to oldest is so laid back she can make friends and be happy anywhere. Our oldest would be entering Jr. High but thats the time many kids start forming friendships and cliques and many many kids would be new.

I am losing sleep over this.

could you tell us where you are now and where you want to be?

is it his wish or your wish to move? or both?

lastly - rhetorical question: a husband who is happy in his job will be great to live with.

 

[MINE!!]

A very wise peson told me that I needed to choose between quantity in life or quality of life. There is something to be said for feeling content.

 

[asscherisme]

Well the firm written job offer came in. After much soul searching we turned it down. The salary was not enough to be able to send our children to college and that is super important to me. The offer was less than they had told him verbally with no guarantee to ever climb up to where he currently is. Plus the idea of draining the current college funds to finance the move made me physically sick.

Part of why we moved here was for financial reasons.

Even if I were to sell my engagement ring and my earrings, the amount of money I would get would be a drop in the bucket. I did offer that and my husband was beyond insulted and told me to never mention that again.

Here, we are on track to have no mortage in 18 years, and we have zero other debt besides the mortage. We will also be able to send all 4 of our children to any college they choose. In fact, we are fully saved for 2 of them and they are still in elementary school. We are now saving for our 2 preschoolers.

His current job is secure, he likes his job and who he works with, amazing benefits. We even get full dental which is pretty major with 4 kids. And they contribute 10% of his salary to retirement plus we can afford to give 5% so we are saving 15% of his salary for retirement.

My husband pointed out to me that we have never fought about money because we have been lucky to have enough. I know money is not everything but to me money is security. Plus where we live is in a very low crime safe area.

I also realized that the move would be for my husband and me and not in our children's best interest. I don't want to say where I live now but it has one of the countries top rated public schools so my kids are getting a fantastic education here. I think I just need to change my thinking and look at the positives. My kids like it here. My older kids remember where we use to live but my 2 preschoolers don't rememeber anywhere else but here. And I love my home too. Its my dream house.

So I decided we willl just make more plane trips home. My husband mentioned this all to his dad and his dad basically told him "Are you nuts?" Take a lower paying job with higher taxes, dip into the kids college funds? When were we live is a good place to be.

I think when you move somewhere in your 30s after being one place for your life, its a matter of thinking outside the box and getting use to change.

 

[Dee*Jay]

asscherisme, I''m so sorry to hear that the job offer was not what you and your husband had hoped. It sounds though like you''ve thought everything through and have made a very good solid decision given all of your circumstances. I know it seems like a long long time off, but once your kids are through school you will have more flexibiltiy to move around and the money won''t be so much of an issue since the educations will all be paid for.

I am sending a big hug you way because I know how disappointing this can be and I think you should go do a little something nice for yourself today.

 

[asscherisme]

Thanks Dee Jay. I think I''m going to load my 2 preschoolers in the car and go to Starbucks for some hot chocolate Then to the playground.

Yes its dissapointing but I don''t think its meant to be. I have met some great people here since I moved and when I''m so inclined there is so much to do here.

And you are right. By the time our youngest finishes her freshman year of college, we wil lhave zero mortgage, and all 4 college educations saved for. And retirement pretty darned close to covered too. And if our kids go to state schools, we will have left ovre money for US WE are saving based on private colleges.

I told my husband that looking for new jobs is so unsettling and he agreed. Too much of a roller coaster for us.

 

[Mara]

glad to hear you made a decision that seems to work for everyone asscher...sounds like you guys have a pretty good life where you are even if it''s not where you''d like to be forever. there''s always retirement!!

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Hot chocolate always makes me feel better

Sounds like your husband wants to stay, you want to move. It sounds like you have decided to stay put for now. Is there a middle ground? Maybe a larger city than you are in now but a lower cost of living than where you want to move?

 

[asscherisme]

Hi Tacori,

No middle ground really because major costs are associated with selling our house and changing jobs. His job is really great. We don''t live in a small town. Its a midsize city and a suburb of a major city.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Date: 12/15/2006 2:10:11 PM
Author: asscherisme
Hi Tacori,


No middle ground really because major costs are associated with selling our house and changing jobs. His job is really great. We don''t live in a small town. Its a midsize city and a suburb of a major city.

Ohhh....well maybe it would be better to wait until he finds a job in the city you are from not just the region.

 

[psaddict]

Just curious, it seems odd that they would be paying him less money in a location where costs are higher. Do they know what he currently makes and are just not willing/able to match it? Any chance another job would offer him more? Or has he been looking for a while and this is really the best option? Either way, I would move if I were you... just wondering about if there are any possible options that would make the decision easier.

 

[asscherisme]

Its actually not odd at all. He is a specialist at what he does and there are very few where we are now but where we are from there are much more. Its about supply and demand.