Would you go? Coronavirus and an outdoor wedding

[House Cat]

My son is getting married. It is a very small ceremony, 13 people, outdoors, socially distanced, and wearing masks. That’s not the problem. Afterward, they will be having a lunch at his fiancee’s parents’ house. Her mom says that they can sit my family far from the crowd, ten feet. My husband has a pre-existing condition that mixes very poorly with Coronavirus. I’m in California where the numbers are rising. Our county is on the watch list. Would you go to the lunch? It’s my son and I will be devastated to miss any part of his wedding but I also don’t want to put my husband at risk.

 

[dk168]

How would your husband feel if you go without him?

Would you need to self-isolate on your return so as not to risk infecting him?

Tough one, good luck!

DK

 

[FancyDiamond]

No, I would do a virtual or belated lunch. I do not want to jeopardize the health of vulnerable people with whom I have frequent physical contact.

 

[Slickk]

Tough one since it is your son! Is it your DH’s son as well, sorry to ask, but my SIL has chosen to do some things alone as she is with an at-risk gentleman for only a couple years. So they are a new-ish couple.
I would hate to miss a celebration that important, and would probably get the best mask for myself and socially distance when there. Good luck and congratulations!

ETA I’m so glad my son got married this past October. All of their friends are struggling with just these type of questions.

 

[chrono]

Ceremony? Definitely!

Lunch? Too high risk. I’ll do virtual or have a belated lunch event with a handful of selected people only.

 

[Demon]

I'd go for the ceremony and skip the lunch.

 

[yssie]

Oh my goodness.

CONGRATULATIONS to your son and his fiancee!!! How incredibly exciting for your family! I love stories like this - little nuggets that prove that life goes on, happiness goes on, fulfillment goes on ❤

The lunch sounds like it might be a little risky for your husband is there any way the hosts could set up a TV or laptop so that folks who aren’t there in-person can celebrate virtually? I know it’s not the same, but we’re living in such strange times... And your son would be horrified if your husband became ill due to his wedding, or you inadvertently took it home

 

[rainydaze]

Congrats House Cat, that's some lovely news!

I would probably decline the lunch. That scenario feels like the line for me.

My mom was terminally ill when my sister got married. She 'attended' via FT on an iPad which wasn't ideal, but it worked well. Like others are suggesting, maybe that's a way to be a part of some portion of it without physically being there.

 

[molecule]

I would opt out of eating while keeping a mask on and maintaining distance. Then you can still participate in the social aspect while still staying safe. I would hate to miss out on these once in a lifetime celebrations when the number of individuals is curtailed.

 

[Karl_K]

Wedding yes.
Dinner no to risky and your son will understand.
If you do go do they have a porch you could hang out on?

 

[nala]

Here’s the thing—even if you go without him and take every precaution, there is no guarantee that you will not bring anything home to him.
That said, my high-risk mom and in-laws have attended outdoor social distant reunions—about a month ago—and we were super careful. But. It was an agonizing 2 weeks afterward. Can you live with the doubt and or paranoia for 2 weeks?

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

How wonderful to hear news about your family wedding!!!!

I side with most of the other opinions. Wearing a hazmat suit to the lunch would entirely defeat the purpose of attending--barring that, you couldn't enjoy yourself for worry about the risk. There are so many easy tech ways to capture these moments; that while you might not be present, you and your DH won't need to miss out.

cheers--Sharon

 

[lovedogs]

Ceremony? yes. Lunch? no.

 

[lyra]

This is a terrible situation. I agree the "reception" part sounds risky.

My daughter's wedding is supposed to be Sept. 27. Her venue won't let her change anything at all until August. We don't know what to do either, because honestly, they just want to get married. But then it seems people might not appreciate a wedding with no reception, or a wedding with a reception a year from now. They can't cancel, they've paid everything by now and none of the vendors are being forthcoming about options. I feel for you.

 

[MRBXXXFVVS1]

I would also attend the wedding solo, request to be sat far away from others, and skip the lunch. And possibly quarantine away for your DH for 14 days, if that's an option.

 

[1ofakind]

If your husband is the one who is compromised what does he want to do?

I know several people who are compromised and some might never leave the house again they are so terrified. Some want to still live knowing the risks. A friend of a friend has terminal cancer. She could live 6 months or 3 years but COVID would likely kill her now if she caught it. She has chosen to do as much as she can now, see people now, go to things now because she doesn't have any guarantees anyway.

If you can social distance (or more) the entire time then how much risk is there really?

 

[Bonfire]

First, congratulations!
You don’t mention when this wedding is taking place. I’m surprised the bride’s parents are hosting the luncheon indoors. Is it a situation where they have a home where you could eat outside as KarlK suggested? It would be a shame for you to miss.
I would have no problem going to the outdoor ceremony, masked.
I would go to the luncheon if proper safety measures are taken (like staying outside and distancing). Wear a mask and wash your hands! Seems a bit thoughtless to have an indoor luncheon. Sorry this is even an issue. Damn pandemic!

 

[Niffler75]

@House Cat Being outside for thr ceremony is much lower risk. Any chance the meal arrangements can be tweaked so you can eat outside? Much less risky than being inside.
Congrats by the way!

 

[Elizabeth35]

Is the lunch also 13 people?
And is it indoors or outdoors?
If it’s outdoors then maybe sitting 10’ away is a safe option.
I would check with your DH’s Physician for their opinion as well.

 

[House Cat]

Is the lunch also 13 people?
And is it indoors or outdoors?
If it’s outdoors then maybe sitting 10’ away is a safe option.
I would check with your DH’s Physician for their opinion as well.

The lunch 13 people and is outdoors too. I’m sorry I failed to say that earlier. Asking DH’s doctor is a very good idea. Thanks!

 

[House Cat]

Oh my goodness.

CONGRATULATIONS to your son and his fiancee!!! How incredibly exciting for your family! I love stories like this - little nuggets that prove that life goes on, happiness goes on, fulfillment goes on ❤

The lunch sounds like it might be a little risky for your husband is there any way the hosts could set up a TV or laptop so that folks who aren’t there in-person can celebrate virtually? I know it’s not the same, but we’re living in such strange times... And your son would be horrified if your husband became ill due to his wedding, or you inadvertently took it home

Thank you. I really like your idea of attending virtually. Thanks for this. I wouldn’t have thought of it myself.

 

[yssie]

Thank you. I really like your idea of attending virtually. Thanks for this. I wouldn’t have thought of it myself.

::HUGS::
The universe isn't fair sometimes.
I feel this way every time I read or hear about people not being able to grieve with loved ones - and it seems like we hear so many more sad stories than happy
I'm really excited for your son and his chosen please share photos with us!!!

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

Before our lockdown there was a wedding down south, it resulted in our largest cluster and it resulted in one of the parents dying from covid 19

if you are at all concerned don't risk it
better to have Dad miss the wedding and still have a Dad (and a mom) than go to wedding and get sick ....

Its a sad situation because a wedding is such a happy thing but once this is over everybody can be together again

 

[MaisOuiMadame]

Just read the luncheon is outside.

So my answer is twofold:

With masks and distancing I'd personally go, but then I am NOT the high risk person. DH s call IMHO. If he's comfortable going it comfortable you attend, the risk is very low outside and distanced.

@Daisys and Diamonds , I haven't read about that specific NZ case, but here
the clusters from weddings family celebrations/ were all because people didn't respect any precautions ( lots of hugging/ closely dancing / inside)



Which brings me to my second point:
Are the in laws trustworthy people? Family dynamics good? Taking DHs preexisting conditions and Covid seriously?

It's their place and their rules. So if they space out the tables accordingly , have servers (paid or family) wear masks, hygiene precautions applied, the risk is very low.
If they do not respect this, you might get there and be in for an uncomfortable surprise. Leaving then is really the only option. Which I'd personally be prepared to do without any fuss and under the pretext one of you is unwell. (Have a plan in place).

It's a tough one, because the day is not about you, but your son and fiancee. As a mom I totally understand. About finding a solution everyone is truly happy with.

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

Just read the luncheon is outside.

So my answer is twofold:

With masks and distancing I'd personally go, but then I am NOT the high risk person. DH s call IMHO. If he's comfortable going it comfortable you attend, the risk is very low outside and distanced.

@Daisys and Diamonds , I haven't read about that specific NZ case, but here
the clusters from weddings family celebrations/ were all because people didn't respect any precautions ( lots of hugging/ closely dancing / inside)



Which brings me to my second point:
Are the in laws trustworthy people? Family dynamics good? Taking DHs preexisting conditions and Covid seriously?

It's their place and their rules. So if they space out the tables accordingly , have servers (paid or family) wear masks, hygiene precautions applied, the risk is very low.
If they do not respect this, you might get there and be in for an uncomfortable surprise. Leaving then is really the only option. Which I'd personally be prepared to do without any fuss and under the pretext one of you is unwell. (Have a plan in place).

It's a tough one, because it's not about you, but your son. About finding a solution everyone is truly happy with.

It was before the lockdown
known as the Bluff wedding cluster
the southern health region got a double wammy early on because of a Hereford bull conference
the wedding cluster i think waa caused by a flight attendant but he didn't know he had covid.
The venue did everything right with hygiene and wash stations for the guests
But hugging and kissing spread the virus
You just do not know where people have been
as for trusting inlaws ....
My brother in law and his wife we're livid, they had formed a bubble with her elderly parents and then her sister desided to take mum for a drive into Palmerston north despite we were all ment to not be doing no nonessential
travel
The mum couldn't see what was wrong with it - but thats not the point, its the irresponsibility of the other daughter

In all this you can only trust the people you actually live with

Best of luck for mum and dad @House Cat hopefully the family doctor gives good advice and can put everyone's mind at rest

 

[TooPatient]

Several thoughts...

Ceremony sounds minimal risk and can even have keepsake masks made for all guests as a unique reminder of the day.

Lunch is trickier. Lunch is less structured and where people will be more likely to forget themselves and want to walk up to congratulate etc. Plus little or no chance at masks on guests who are talking, laughing, and just enjoying a nice celebration.

Lunch will either be too close together or be separated nicely but no one able to talk.

CA had a lot of added cases in the last couple of days. I don't know where you are compared to those, but I would err on the side of caution. Find a way to be there virtually, convince them to do a celebration lunch later, whatever works.

 

[House Cat]

Before our lockdown there was a wedding down south, it resulted in our largest cluster and it resulted in one of the parents dying from covid 19

if you are at all concerned don't risk it
better to have Dad miss the wedding and still have a Dad (and a mom) than go to wedding and get sick ....

Its a sad situation because a wedding is such a happy thing but once this is over everybody can be together again

Well that’s the thing. My husband (and the rest of us living with him) are still in quarantine. If he DID go to this event and got sick, we all will know where he got it. I worry it will ruin the way my son will feel about his wedding.

 

[Niffler75]

@House Cat I didn't realise you were all still in quarantine. Also I have just looked at the numbers rising again in the US. I think this is a very tricky decision to make!

 

[OreoRosies86]

I would say he should plan to attend the ceremony but skip the luncheon. Everyone would understand! I’m high risk too and have missed a few things, everyone is totally on the same page. It’s nothing personal it’s the weird times we are in now.

 

[Austina]

It’s such a difficult situation. I totally understand about wanting to go to the wedding, my DS is getting married next year, and depending on the situation and travel bans, we may not be able to go. Of course, if the decision is taken out of our hands, there’s nothing we can do about it, and we don’t want them to postpone it (again). I’m not sure we’d feel comfortable about being in close proximity to people we know haven’t been taking the lockdown seriously (future DIL’s family), so unless you’re absolutely certain (is there such a thing these days?) that everyone at the reception will be sticking to the letter of social distancing, then perhaps it’s too great a risk. As other’s have said, will people stay 2 metres away or will the celebration of the day make them forget?