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Would you ever tell a bride-to-be she looks fat?

ooohdiamonds

Rough_Rock
Joined
May 8, 2009
Messages
62
A friend of a friend recently got married. She's about 23 years old, she has a gorgeous face and a she is quite big boned... a full, voluptuous figure with naturally huge breasts.

I was looking at her wedding shots through Facebook and her dress instantly caught my eye. It actually was a beautiful, tasteful dress made with taffeta and had amazing beadwork on the bodice. The gown was also tight, strapless and had a trumpet/mermaid silhouette. I found that she chose a dress that really did NOT suit her figure. It was very fitted, so her stomach was bulging out from the front and sides, her breasts were spilling out of her dress. I've attached a picture that looks similar to her dress in terms of the silhouette and style.

I really don't mean to describe this disrespectfully :halo: , but I always believe you should choose a dress that flatters you. I have a good set of hips on myself, and although I love mermaid/trumpet gowns, I know that they'd never suit me because of hips and booty ;))

The bride is NOT trashy or tasteless, in fact I mentioned earlier how beautiful she is... but it appears that she chose a dress she aesthetically was pleased with, as opposed to what looked good on her figure. It got me wondering, didn't her bridesmaids (who were her sisters), mother or a friend that attended the dress fittings OR EVEN THE DESIGNER advise her against her choice of dress???

What would you do in the situation? I personally wouldn't have the guts to tell ANYONE that a particular dress doesn't suit them, but if it were a bride-to-be (and I was a bridesmaid or it was my own sister's wedding or something), I'd definitely try advise her against something that doesn't look good on her figure.

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Hera

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jul 12, 2007
Messages
2,401
I think I would answer honestly if she asked and give a response like, "I think you can do better," "let's keep looking" or "it's not fitting you well, here or here". However, if she bought it and she loved it, then I would let her enjoy her dress.
 

suchende

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Apr 14, 2008
Messages
1,001
If it were still possible to return it? Hell yes. In my circle of friends I have always been better known for my honesty than my tact.
 

Pandora II

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 3, 2006
Messages
9,613
Some people are very blind when it comes to themselves and so I think friends and family should step in.

My SIL for example is extremely obese but doesn't seem to realise it. My mother says that she has been out with her and they've seen someone considerably slimmer than SIL and yet she has said to my mother 'how can anyone bear to be that fat?' despite being far and away fatter.

I'm lucky and have always been very slim, but I still like people to tell me if I'm about to choose something that does nothing or worse for me - and thin people are just as sensitive about their looks!
 

bee*

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
May 14, 2006
Messages
12,170
If the bride was thrilled with it, that's the main thing. I would point to other styles when we were shopping but what can you do if that's the one she falls in love with and if she thinks makes her look great.
 

Laila619

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
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Apr 28, 2008
Messages
11,611
heraanderson|1308472183|2949403 said:
I think I would answer honestly if she asked and give a response like, "I think you can do better," "let's keep looking" or "it's not fitting you well, here or here". However, if she bought it and she loved it, then I would let her enjoy her dress.
Yep, this exactly.
 

tyty333

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Dec 17, 2008
Messages
22,480
Laila619|1308492876|2949481 said:
heraanderson|1308472183|2949403 said:
I think I would answer honestly if she asked and give a response like, "I think you can do better," "let's keep looking" or "it's not fitting you well, here or here". However, if she bought it and she loved it, then I would let her enjoy her dress.
Yep, this exactly.

Same here...I would do my best to get her to keep trying dresses on but if she seemed adament about a particular dress than
I would smile and keep my mouth shut.
 

Amys Bling

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 25, 2010
Messages
11,025
tough call. If she walked out of that dressing room beaming, talking about how much she loved that dress, it is hard to ruin that feeling and say something. I may have pushed her to try on a few more to "be sure" and then grabbed some dresses in a style more fitting to her shape- but it's hard to tell someone flat out the dress that they love looks bad on them :((
 

Mrsacornblue

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Mar 23, 2011
Messages
229
I would hope that when the dress is properly fitted to her with the correct under garmets, it will look lovely. If she asked, I might tactfully point out that a different style might be more suitable but otherwise, I'd leave the situation alone.
 

Asscherhalo_lover

Ideal_Rock
Trade
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Aug 16, 2007
Messages
4,878
She may very well have known how she looked but it looked great to her. It would also depend on the friend. I know which of my friends I can be honest with and which of them just love what they love. I for one am a full figured girl and I was very conscious of what kind of dress I wore, but not everyone is the same.
 

sparklyheart

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
May 4, 2009
Messages
522
I don't get the question.. You said she already got married and nowhere in there did you say she asked your opinion. I see where you would have some room for comment if it was BEFORE the wedding and you were shopping with her.. But after the wedding? Why would you say anything? What would you say? "Hey that dress looked really bad on you at your wedding."?? What's done is done.. If she asks how she looked (which would be kind of a weird question AFTER the wedding), compliment her hair or how happy she looked. There is no point in telling her she looked bad when it's already happened!
 

Tacori E-ring

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Aug 15, 2005
Messages
20,039
I would never tell ANYONE they look fat. Unless someone asks for an opinion, I try not to give one. If she loves the dress you should be happy for her.
 

marcy

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
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Feb 27, 2007
Messages
24,113
No I would not tell her. I am sure she thought she looked beautiful so I would never make her think otherwise. If I had been with her when she was trying on dresses I would have suggested trying on different styles but I am sure she picked what she wanted. I know a lady that buys all the fashion magazines, designer clothes and handbags and thinks she is very stylish but I think she dresses herself very poorly. She is a large woman and wears clothes several sizes too small. Sad thing is she makes fun of how other people dress.
 

fieryred33143

Ideal_Rock
Joined
May 18, 2008
Messages
6,689
I haven't had a wedding or been a bride so I may be wrong but I thought the most important part of your wedding dress is to feel beautiful and like a princess?
 

Circe

Ideal_Rock
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8,087
It would depend on the friend. I have some whom I'd trust implicitly - my best friend and I are completely honest with one another, understand one another's figure types, and have a vested interest in making one another look better. My friend N? Thinks pregnant women should wear mumus, and has a nasty tendency to say "Well, if you like it ...." about everything when we go shopping together. For what it's worth, I don't really love her style either - so our advice would be useless to one another.

As for why the bride's friend's didn't say anything? Well, maybe she likes the look of her cups running over. Maybe she's proud of her voluptuous figure, belly and all. People have different ideas of what's flattering - maybe hers don't mesh with yours.
 

somethingshiny

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jul 22, 2007
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6,746
I am always honest so if I was asked, I'd respectfully tell her another style would fit nicer.

Maybe she doesn't care that her belly bulges. Maybe she is confident of her appearance and just didn't care.
 

movie zombie

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 20, 2005
Messages
11,879
um, she's married already? so she already wore the gown and has now posted wedding pictures? why would you say anything at all if that is the case? if asked now after the fact a simple "you look so happy".....

if it was before the wedding, a simple "i don't think that style compliments your assets....how about something like this?"
 

sillyberry

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jul 28, 2009
Messages
1,792
The OP clearly asks what you would do while shopping with a bride-to-be.

If someone asked me to go shopping to help them find a beautiful dress, I would absolutely tell them (or at least indicate) that it was less than flattering (probably wouldn't use the word "fat" though!). Play up their gorgeous assets and let them know why that particular dress/style wasn't accentuating the positive. Also see if I could get the salesperson involved. If they found a dress they loved that I didn't agree with, well, at least they loved it and I would be positive from that point forward!

I went shopping with a few different friends and family members and appreciated their "ummm...no" faces. Usually I didn't even need words to know this did NOT look good, to be fair - I generally didn't think they looked good, either!
 

Indylady

Ideal_Rock
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5,586
Circe|1308498289|2949535 said:
As for why the bride's friend's didn't say anything? Well, maybe she likes the look of her cups running over. Maybe she's proud of her voluptuous figure, belly and all. People have different ideas of what's flattering - maybe hers don't mesh with yours.
This. Weddings are so sentimental--I'd let the bride do what she wants even if its not what I'd want for myself.
 

jewelerman

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Sep 30, 2007
Messages
3,101
Ive been in this situation before because women like my choices on wedding jewelry and want a man's opinion on the dress and as a guy you have to be VERY diplomatic.Ive learned not to give an exact opinion like "don't wear that because your fat" but to be ready with genuine alternatives like saying "This style of dress with its neckline and beading would be a real stunner on you. never say anything openly negative in an emotional situation or moment that can be used against you later!
 

marymm

Ideal_Rock
Premium
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Apr 21, 2010
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4,272
I would never tell ANYONE he/she looks fat - ever. Fat is so laden with negative connotation I can't ever imagine it being appropriate to use with anyone, let alone someone I care about.

That said, I'm with jewelerman above - diplomacy is key. I will say things like: "I think X style would be more complementary to your best features," or "I love this neckline on you" or "I always imagined when you said ballgown, you meant this kind of dress." Even when a girlfriend specifically asks me "Do I look fat in this?" I'll be truthful and say (for example), "well, it does make your behind more prominent, is that what you want?" - and let her decide if that's good or bad.

With fashion and style being such a personal expression, I would never elevate my own opinion or preference over that of the bride. In the end, I just want her to be happy and feel beautiful on her wedding day -- and the happiness shines in the bride's face, not on her body or her dress.
 

merilenda

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Apr 20, 2010
Messages
816
The people I went dress shopping with definitely told me when they didn't like a dress as much. Obviously they didn't say anything like "that dress makes you look fat" but they may have said "I don't like this one as much as ______." That's how I would handle it during dress shopping

But if she loved the dress and was set on it, then I'd drop it and support her. And I certainly wouldn't worry about it after the wedding. There's really nothing you should say at that point beyond "You looked beautiful! Congratulations!"
 

MichelleCarmen

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
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Messages
15,880
Maybe she had a difficult time finding a dress that fit her body shape and the one she picked out looked the best of out the bunch and SHE felt gorgeous in it and her DH saw her so, as well.

If someone asks, you have to tread water very carefully b/c once you say, "we'll that style doesn't suite your body", the bride-to-be may then begin wondering what other parts aren't "suitable." I'd probably not say anything.
 

jstarfireb

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 24, 2007
Messages
6,232
I would only mention something if (1) she asks, and (2) it's possible to do something about it, like return/exchange the dress. Otherwise, it's unsolicited (and likely unwelcome) advice, and it's not worth the bad blood if she can't change the dress.
 

zoebartlett

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
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Messages
12,450
sparklyheart|1308494549|2949503 said:
I don't get the question.. You said she already got married and nowhere in there did you say she asked your opinion. I see where you would have some room for comment if it was BEFORE the wedding and you were shopping with her.. But after the wedding? Why would you say anything? What would you say? "Hey that dress looked really bad on you at your wedding."?? What's done is done.. If she asks how she looked (which would be kind of a weird question AFTER the wedding), compliment her hair or how happy she looked. There is no point in telling her she looked bad when it's already happened!
My thoughts exactly.

ETA: If I was shopping with her before the wedding and she tried on a dress that didn't flatter her figure, I'd suggestion something else. As others have said, there are ways to be polite and tactful while steering someone towards something that is more flattering.
 

Amber St. Clare

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Dec 15, 2009
Messages
1,628
I would say that I though she could find a gown that was nore flattering, one that emphasized her natural assets. NO WAY WOULD I EVER TELL SOMEONE THEY WERE FAT.

Several years ago I lost a substantial amount of weight by using a trainer and following his food plan. I then consulted with a stylist about what worked for me and WHY. Since then I have two friends who always take me with them when they need clothes because they say i am able to articulate what works and more importantly what doesn't.
 

Jennifer W

Brilliant_Rock
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Tacori E-ring|1308494843|2949506 said:
I would never tell ANYONE they look fat. Unless someone asks for an opinion, I try not to give one. If she loves the dress you should be happy for her.
Pretty much this.

Also, looking as thin as possible might not be her priority when choosing any clothes (it isn't really mine). Something she likes wearing, feels good in, in pleased with etc might all be more relevant to her. Perhaps she doesn't equate flattering with 'looks thinner' and possibly she finds other aspects of clothing more flattering eg nice with skin tone, pretty design etc.

Comments on any aspect of weight and looks are just irritating. I lost a lot of weight, and I'm ready to break furniture over the head of the next person who feels the need to pass comment on that. It's rude and it's tedious (to me). Really, there's more about me than how I look.
 

yssie

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
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Messages
21,096
Tough question.


If she was a close friend... yeah, I would, in the same way that I'd tell my size000 best friend that the clingy jersey dress that highlights every protruding bone is not the most flattering look, if it ever came up (it won't, because she is super conscious of dressing for her figure), or that I'd hope someone would tell me that my choice of lilac confection makes me look positively ghostly.

It's not a matter of what her figure is so much as it is whether what she's wearing brings out the best of it - in terms of style, colouring... but then, everyone's idea of best is different, so if she's utterly in love with it what can you do but smile?
 

HollyS

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jul 18, 2007
Messages
6,099
My personal experience on my first dress shopping trip taught me to leave friends at home. I eventually chose my dress without suffering their opinions.

And I don't think I'm the only one who has experienced the jealousy, attitude, and bad taste of my friends. I've seen "Say Yes to the Dress". I'm appalled at the sheer number of BMs and MOHs and MILs out there who believe they can say whatever they want, and foist their taste on the bride. :nono:

So, no. Mouths should be kept shut. Clamped if need be.

Obviously, she loved her dress; she bought it. She felt beautiful. THAT, and ONLY THAT is important. Anyone else's opinion matters not at all.
 
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