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Would you ever consider proposing to your guy?

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soocool

Ideal_Rock
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Why do we assume that the guy has to pop the question? Why do we women sit by so patiently or impatiently waiting to be asked? What is wrong if we asked the question when we are ready to settle down or mutually ready to settle down?
 

Lauren8211

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Nope. I guess I''m a sucker for tradition in this aspect.

I also don''t consider myself "waiting idly by."

We''ve discussed it as adults, and I know it''s coming in a timeline that we''re both comfortable with.

It''ll be one of the greatest surprises of my life, and I know this moment means a lot to him as well. He sees it as his time to shine.

We''re both equally excited, and very much on the same page.
 

IrishEyes08

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Well, I don''t really feel like I am sitting around, waiting for my BF to decide that we''re going to get married. We have spoken extensively about every aspect of our future marriage, children, house and wedding that we can think of and mutually came to the decision that we are going to get engaged and then married. I feel like we are both completely a part of this decision.

As for the traditional proposal. I like a bit of tradition, I think it''s romantic and there''s something to be said for an act that millions of couples have partaken in throughout the centuries. My BF is European and can have streaks of traditionalism and it''s important to him to make the gesture of a proposal. Us girls get the fancy dresses, the giddiness of sharing details with friends, etc. For me, it''s important for my BF to feel included in these plans and one huge way is for him to formally decide the when/how of the actual engagement.

That being said. If the idea of a woman proposing to a man suits them and their relationship then go for it!
 

IrishEyes08

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Date: 3/10/2009 3:30:12 PM
Author: elledizzy5
Nope. I guess I''m a sucker for tradition in this aspect.

I also don''t consider myself ''waiting idly by.''

We''ve discussed it as adults, and I know it''s coming in a timeline that we''re both comfortable with.

It''ll be one of the greatest surprises of my life, and I know this moment means a lot to him as well. He sees it as his time to shine.

We''re both equally excited, and very much on the same page.
Elle, you and I said almost the exact same thing! Except you managed to be much more succinct than I, lol.
 

Lauren8211

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Date: 3/10/2009 3:31:24 PM
Author: IrishEyes08
Date: 3/10/2009 3:30:12 PM

Author: elledizzy5

Nope. I guess I''m a sucker for tradition in this aspect.


I also don''t consider myself ''waiting idly by.''


We''ve discussed it as adults, and I know it''s coming in a timeline that we''re both comfortable with.


It''ll be one of the greatest surprises of my life, and I know this moment means a lot to him as well. He sees it as his time to shine.


We''re both equally excited, and very much on the same page.
Elle, you and I said almost the exact same thing! Except you managed to be much more succinct than I, lol.
Hahaha. Yeah, we did! Im usually long-winded. I made an effort to shorten it.
 

NakedFinger

Brilliant_Rock
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Date: 3/10/2009 3:30:33 PM
Author: IrishEyes08

As for the traditional proposal. I like a bit of tradition, I think it's romantic and there's something to be said for an act that millions of couples have partaken in throughout the centuries.
I agree (also with saying the traditional vows. Theres something very romantic about professing our love and commitment to each other in a way thats been done for hundreds of years).

I am tradtiional too. I dont know, it may sound selfish, but i have always had a fairytale vision of my engagement, and not once did it involve me getting down on one knee! LOL
Also, to agree with IrishEyes.....the ring is the "guys thing". When you get engaged, everyone says "So, how did HE do it?", "Wow HE is so romantic!", "God, HE did such a nice job on the ring!" Like Irish said, its his moment to shine. After that, its ALLLLL about the bride! HAHA
 

trillionaire

Ideal_Rock
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Apr 18, 2008
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there are a few threads on this general theme, if you do a search, you will see lots of people's viewpoints, though most seem to prefer tradition.

I am not a sucker for tradition, and I would love to propose, but I sort of refuse to propose to my current SO for personal reasons.
If I was dating anyone else, I would propose when I was ready to do so, and I would think it would be great fun. Actually, I love the idea of relationship equality, and I plan to propose to my SO shortly after he proposes to me. He likes two tone rings, in terms of wedding rings, so I would get him an e-ring that was the inverse of the wedding band (ie, one is yg/wg/yg, the other wg/yg/wg). Some guys also are not too keen on the idea of being proposed to, or a woman being so forward, so you should know how your guy feels about it, and also let him know that he can propose too, if he wants. You also should be okay with not getting a ring, since you can't demand one exactly. (my SO already has a ring, so I doubt I'd be sacrificing that, lol
)

Anyway, we'll see how it goes. Maybe one day I will lose my patience and propose. I would certainly do that before I gave someone an ultimatum or anything of that sort. I'm pretty sure that my friends and family would really not like it if I proposed (I've talked to some of them about it), but it would totally work for our relationship, which is all that really matters. The hidden feminist in me says that there should not be a difference between a man and a woman proposing. SO was campaigning to get me to propose for a while, I would totally catch him off guard if I did it, and I can imagine myself beaming when he told his proposal story! How adorable! If you want to do it, go for it!


ETA: I can't agree at all about the engagement being the 'guy's thing' that other posters have said. I don't like weddings, hate the idea of a "wedding' being all about 'me' or 'me" even being a 'bride'. I want to elope, with no muss or fuss. I love the idea of every aspect of our relationships being about 'us', not one or the other. However, if he wants a wedding, he can have one. And he can have fun planning it, too.
And I can beam with pride and say, the engagement was "my thing", the wedding is 'his'. bwahahaha
 

Bliss

Ideal_Rock
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My first reaction was, "SURE! Why not?"

As long as you know he's head-over-heels, would walk through fire for you...in LOVE...ready and excited to be married...can put you before himself and love in a mature way... (whew).... YES! Then again, if all of the above were true -- why wouldn't he just propose? Timing, I guess!

In the happily ever after realm, I don't think it would matter in an ideal world!
 

trillionaire

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Date: 3/10/2009 3:54:49 PM
Author: Bliss
My first reaction was, ''SURE! Why not?''

As long as you know he''s head-over-heels, would walk through fire for you...in LOVE...ready and excited to be married...can put you before himself and love in a mature way... (whew).... YES! Then again, if all of the above were true -- why wouldn''t he just propose? Timing, I guess!

In the happily ever after realm, I don''t think it would matter in an ideal world!
I think the difference between ''boy time'' and ''girl time''. Sometimes, guys are just a little SLOW! lol
 

misskitty

Brilliant_Rock
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Aug 20, 2008
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Date: 3/10/2009 3:30:12 PM
Author: elledizzy5
Nope. I guess I''m a sucker for tradition in this aspect.

I also don''t consider myself ''waiting idly by.''

We''ve discussed it as adults, and I know it''s coming in a timeline that we''re both comfortable with.

It''ll be one of the greatest surprises of my life, and I know this moment means a lot to him as well. He sees it as his time to shine.

We''re both equally excited, and very much on the same page.
Ditto this. Re: the bolded part, I actually asked him once what he''d do if I proposed, and he said that our plans/his feelings about our future wouldn''t change one bit, but he''d be disappointed, because he wants to find a ring and plan a proposal.
 

gwendolyn

Ideal_Rock
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Aug 4, 2007
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6,770
I considered it, sure, but we''re going to be non-traditional in other ways instead.
 

CNOS128

Ideal_Rock
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Jan 28, 2008
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2,700
I would have, but my fiance (boyfriend at the time) told me I wouldn''t get a ring if I proposed.
 

tlh

Ideal_Rock
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Dec 31, 2008
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Date: 3/10/2009 4:38:02 PM
Author: TheBigT
I would have, but my fiance (boyfriend at the time) told me I wouldn''t get a ring if I proposed.
My nowDH feels the same way.
 

FrekeChild

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 14, 2007
Messages
19,456
I did consider it. He wanted to ask, but he always told me that he would have said yes if I did ask. I almost did ask spontaneously once. But it was really something that he wanted to do, so I let him.

And I'm glad I did, but either way we were getting married and spending the rest of our lives together.

ETA: and we're far from traditional.

BTW, there is one PSer who proposed to her BF in November I believe...
 

sammyj

Brilliant_Rock
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Date: 3/10/2009 4:24:13 PM
Author: misskitty

Date: 3/10/2009 3:30:12 PM
Author: elledizzy5
Nope. I guess I''m a sucker for tradition in this aspect.

I also don''t consider myself ''waiting idly by.''

We''ve discussed it as adults, and I know it''s coming in a timeline that we''re both comfortable with.

It''ll be one of the greatest surprises of my life, and I know this moment means a lot to him as well. He sees it as his time to shine.

We''re both equally excited, and very much on the same page.
Ditto this. Re: the bolded part, I actually asked him once what he''d do if I proposed, and he said that our plans/his feelings about our future wouldn''t change one bit, but he''d be disappointed, because he wants to find a ring and plan a proposal.
Double ditto to the bolded part. I would have proposed in a heartbeat. When I asked him what he''d do if I proposed he said, "DON''T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!!!" He was very, very adamant that it was him time to shine (as described by elle).
 

CNOS128

Ideal_Rock
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Jan 28, 2008
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Date: 3/10/2009 4:54:53 PM
Author: FrekeChild

BTW, there is one PSer who proposed to her BF in November I believe...

PrincessDijon proposed, didn''t she? AND she got a ring. She had a terrific story in the Proposal forum.
 

daydreamer

Rough_Rock
Joined
Feb 22, 2009
Messages
57
I would if he wanted me to and I would rather do this than issue an ultimatum (because really, a proposal is an ultimatum in its own right). I think most people have long since decided to get married when the proposal comes and so the proposal itself is more of a romantic event then a life-altering decision.

That said, my guy is far more romantic than me and I think anything he''d come up with would be much more meaningful than what I would do.
 

LilyOfTheValley

Shiny_Rock
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Jan 14, 2009
Messages
142
I know that other couples have done this, and that it worked for many of them, but I personally would not do it in my relationship. Why? Because it has been so ingrained in all of us, both male and female, by our society that the man does the proposing, so I am always under the impression that if a guy hasn't asked me to married him, it would be because doesn't want to or feel ready yet.

Also, I want the guy to get down on one knee and propose to me, because it's what I have always wanted.

Of course I wouldn't idly by and waiting for him to propose either; might as well hand my life over to the guy and tell him in that case. Lol. Of course, I think that everyone has a limit. For instance, I don't think that I can do what Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell do (date for 25+ years. No bueno!).
 

chocolatefudge

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Oct 28, 2007
Messages
383
My boyfriend told me that he would say no!! What a way to make a girl feel special.

I wouldn''t do it anyway for two reasons:

1: I have always dreamed of being proposed to.
2: If he was ready then he would ask me.
 

BlueSki231

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Apr 21, 2008
Messages
855
Date: 3/10/2009 5:25:51 PM
Author: chocolatefudge
My boyfriend told me that he would say no!! What a way to make a girl feel special.


I wouldn't do it anyway for two reasons:


1: I have always dreamed of being proposed to.

2: If he was ready then he would ask me.
ha me too!
Actually, I propose to him every day. He just rolls his eyes.

Also, I think it's so deeply ingrained that he's supposed to ask that he wouldn't take it seriously.

I remember seeing something here not too long ago where a couple decided to propose to each other over the same weekend - each has a designated day for their big proposal to one another. I think that was a really sweet idea!
 

Asu

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jul 13, 2008
Messages
224
I would.In fact,I've done with my now husband.It wasn't a real proposal,because here basically the "proposal" is not something that people do anymore,but actually i was the one that have started telling "why don't we get married?" when we started living in our place.So,a day he just said "yes,sure,I want marry you too".And that's all
 

waitingonmyprince

Rough_Rock
Joined
Mar 6, 2009
Messages
6
I would never ask the guy. I like tradition and learned from my previous mistake. I never got a proposal from my ex-husband. He found a ring and gave it to me (kinda like here''s your ring). Then I started happlily planning my wedding - I was young and didn''t realize I missed out on something. It wasn''t until after I was married that I became resentful that I never got the proposal. It was a sore spot for me all throughout our marriage. So, I know that I could not ask a man to marry me. I figure if the guy doesn''t want to propose to me than he''s not the one I should be marrying.
 

somegirl932

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Mar 2, 2009
Messages
311
I won''t and I think it''s a combination of two things:

1. I know (and he does) that I''m ready. I wouldn''t want to propose before he was though. (Though this is moderately irrelevant as he has recently told me he''s ready and is just saving money now.)

2. (And I think this is the big one) He''s really big on traditions and old-fashioned-ness, and I know he would be absolutely heartbroken if I proposed. He''s really excited to do it (eventually)...
 

JulieN

Super_Ideal_Rock
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13,329
No. It''s not just because it''s tradition, or an artificial social invention. It''s deeply rooted in biology. Best not to disrupt the natural order of things.
(That, basically, if your man is a beta male, he''s going to feel more emasculated. If he''s an alpha male, he''ll think, wow, I didn''t even need to do anything, and she''s offering to have my kids! I wonder what more attractive women I can get...)
 

Rhea

Ideal_Rock
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There are several threads on this. The search function, using "woman proposing" pulls up tons of them.

We agreed together, got engaged over the phone, and both proposed and exchanged rings. I asked him first
.
 

musey

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Date: 3/10/2009 3:22:18 PM
Author:soocool
Why do we assume that the guy has to pop the question?
Probably because the tradition is established enough in my culture (and many others) that most men prefer to. Really, in my situation, the proposal was more a formality (though a wonderful one
) than anything else... as we technically proposed to each other many times before the official engagement actually came about.

Why do we women sit by so patiently or impatiently waiting to be asked?
Honestly, I didn't. Marriage was a mutual decision that we came upon together after many years and many conversations. The timeline of engagement and marriage was decided upon by both of us, not by him.

I would never 'sit by ... waiting to be asked.' Marriage itself should be a joint decision, not an actual question or proposal, in my humble opinion.

What is wrong if we asked the question when we are ready to settle down or mutually ready to settle down?
Nothing is wrong with it, as long as that's what makes both partners happy.

I knew that my husband wanted the chance to propose, formality or no. It was something he wanted to experience. Likewise, I wanted to be proposed to. It was something I wanted to experience.

Everyone is different, and every relationship is different.
 

kama_s

Ideal_Rock
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You can only be as fast as your limiting factor (yes, I know, I''m a geek). Most cases, guys take longer to realize they are ready to tie the knot and settle down. So we wait patiently as and when they make their mind up!
 

KatM

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Sep 24, 2007
Messages
218
i have no problem with the girl proposing, in fact i think it could be really fun! bf and i are long distance right now, and i''m moving to be with him in a couple of months. in a number of ways i have demonstrated my committment to him in serious ways. while i don''t doubt his love for me, i really do need that gesture from him. maybe if we weren''t in this position i would be happy to do it, but i think it''s his turn to step up and make such a declaration of committment to me.

it also just seems like something he would get a kick out of doing. i think he would have some fun with it.
 

lilylover

Shiny_Rock
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I wouldn''t rule it out, but at the same time I know for a fact that BF would be upset if I did it before he got a chance to. We''ve actually discussed it before and he says that he would accept, of course, but be a little upset that I took that away from him.
 

gryffindor

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Nov 21, 2008
Messages
156
Heck I would''ve proposed to him but it wouldn''t have been worth my time. Lots of people on here mentioned "boy ready time" takes much longer versus "girl ready time." His "boy ready time" was double my girl ready time. If I had proposed to him even after he was ready, he would''ve given me the "what are you doing because you''re acting really stupid" look. It took a lot of education to even get him to do the boy-proposes-to-girl thing right. He wouldn''t have recognized the girl-proposing-to-boy situation if I had done it.

We grew up in a culture where proposals in our parent''s generation were unheard of. Boy-proposes-to-girl-with-ring is a new marriage tradition that we''re starting with our generation.
 
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