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Would you elope, knowing what you know now?

Discussion in 'Bride World Wide & Grooms Grooves' started by selflove, Apr 4, 2006.

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  1. selflove
    Brilliant_Rock

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    by selflove » Apr 4, 2006
    With 4 weeks to go, I''m completely overwhelmed. It''s not that I have anything to do or plan, I''m totally on the ball with that. But still I''m having recurring nightmares about the wedding now, off and on for about a week. I look at the calendar and I''m practically having an anxiety attack thinking about the date getting closer and having to pull off this event with all kinds of people coming to town and feeling pressure to people-please. (And now the wedding in Slovenia is unravelling with it seeming like our priest is pulling out but I am letting FI handle that...)

    So, am I the only one who just wishes we had eloped? I hadn''t wanted any regrets about not having a wedding with friends and family so I chose not to elope. Hopefully all this stress is going to be worth it!! Maybe I''ll feel differently by tomorrow or next week...I sure hope so.
     
  2. curlygirl
    Ideal_Rock

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    by curlygirl » Apr 4, 2006
    Oh selflove, I felt that way up until I walked down the aisle!!! It was sooooo stressful to me--the entire wedding planning thing was just more work than I ever expected it to be. Plus, because we were paying for the whole thing ourselves, it made it even worse because I felt like I was planning a party for 150 people and I was so scared about how much everything would cost. But my biggest fear was that people wouldn''t have fun. And I was convinced that if that happened, I would be a total failure. I had nightmares, I fought with my family, I constantly fought with my FI and he and I never argued at all before we started planning the wedding. The day of my wedding I was fighting with my sister because she didn''t like the table she was sitting at. I really thought I was going to lose it. I was not even looking forward to my own wedding.

    Then something happened. It literally didn''t happen until I was walking down the aisle with my parents. I was overcome by a sense of calmness. I can''t describe it. But it was like the weight was lifted off my shoulders and whatever happened from that point on was out of my hands. And I had the time of my life! All my guests had a blast and are still talking about it now, 2 months later! We just watched the wedding video this weekend and it made it even more clear to me that I threw a fantastic party and I''m so glad I did it!

    So to get back to your original question, would I elope knowing what I know now? Probably not! While it was really about me and my man getting married and joining our lives together, the greatest thing was being able to share that with all of our family and friends. We were so glad that we were able to celebrate our love with all the people that we love and who love us--they really made the party for us. I was happy to have the wedding "experience" and that I got to feel like a celebrity for a day. Now god forbid I ever get married a second time, then I would most likely elope because I''ve already done the wedding thing! But I''m not even thinking about that!!!
     
  3. Mara
    Super_Ideal_Rock

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    by Mara » Apr 4, 2006
    just take a deep breath and know that it will all work out in the end the way it was supposed to. the day may not be perfect or there may be a few things you have to do or redo or fix but in the end you remember the positive memories. so don''t sweat the small stuff, people remember a stressed out, anxious bride more than they do small forogtten details, so just remember to relax and breathe and enjoy. enlist friends to help you with small details as you get closer to the big day. get what you can done and the rest, to hell with it!!
     
  4. XChick03
    Brilliant_Rock

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    by XChick03 » Apr 4, 2006
    That''s exactly the reason I decided against eloping or have a very, very small DW. I hope I don''t regret it, though I know at some point I''ll be completely overwhelmed. It just comes with the territory. When my friend got really stressed about her wedding, I told her to just think of the honeymoon and look forward to that. It actually eased her stress a lot when she focused more on the gorgeous beach she''d be laying on in a few weeks rather than all the things she had to do. Just take it little by little and I''m sure everything will be fine.
     
  5. BrightSpot
    Ideal_Rock

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    by BrightSpot » Apr 5, 2006
    Hey selflove,

    You''re certainly not alone in the pre-wedding anxiety department. I''m having a small DW so I shouldn''t be too stressed (that was the plan, anyway [​IMG]) but I''ve found myself getting pretty wound up about the details as the date draws nearer. (3 weeks to go...) I''ve had a few wedding-related nightmares as well & just this week wondered if I should''ve had the same wedding I''m having in Jamaica, but without a guest list! [​IMG]

    I''m sure once we''re celebrating with our family & friends all of this stress will go out the window. I sure hope so. [​IMG]
     
  6. selflove
    Brilliant_Rock

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    by selflove » Apr 5, 2006
    Thanks guys! Today is much better, I dunno what was happening to me yesterday but today I do feel totally normal. Thank GOD!

    Curly--I think I share the fear you had: that I want to throw a really fun party. I just want people to come and have fun and enjoy the food, drink, and dancing. I''m so glad to hear that it all worked out for you!

    Mara--thanks--I will remember that advice, that people remember a stressed-out bride more than a casual, relaxed bride!!

    XChick--yes, think I will think about all the fun things I''m going to do when all my time isn''t filled with wedding-related errands and activities. I can''t really think about the honeymoon since we''re not really having one, just the second wedding in Slovenia and that is something I''m trying NOT to think about...because FI is handling those problems....[​IMG]

    BS--You are going to have such a great time in Jamaica!!! 3 weeks and counting!!!
     
  7. aljdewey
    Ideal_Rock

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    by aljdewey » Apr 6, 2006
    Knowing what I know now....nearly 2 years after my very small (30 people) wedding....no way would I ever elope.

    I cannot tell you how many times we''ve spoken warmly and fondly of that day....the magic of the anticipation, the enormity of standing in front of those you love and pledging your heart and your life to someone else, the sheer joy of celebrating the love you share.

    I had been leaning toward eloping, but my FI really felt strongly that we''d regret it if we did so. He was so, so right. When I think that we may have missed out on that day.....what a waste that would have been.
     
  8. glaucomflecken
    Brilliant_Rock

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    by glaucomflecken » Apr 6, 2006
    i would have not eloped, but I would have had the small, intimate destination wedding in Scotland that I had originally hoped for, and then the two hometown receptions for everyone back home, in the places we grew up and love. My family threw a fit because of the cost involved to go overseas, which we understood, and I would not get married without them there, so we had a local wedding in the town we lived in, not either one of our hometowns, because it was more logical and convenient both time wise and financially. Many people we hoped would come to our wedding were not able to come because of the distance or other reasons, some of which were excuses that hurt us, and there were limited resources for finding exceptional vendors in a smaller less affluent town, and I was very disappointed in so many things that went awry(sp?) from my plans. It kind of put a small damper on my day. (To which this day I sometimes still feel pings of sadness/disappointment when I think of it, but then I think of all that matters is being married to DH then I feel better)

    my rationale was that if we had a DW then there would have been no excuses for people to disappoint us with because none of them would have been invited, so my wedding day would not have been dampered, and then if they chose not to come to the hometown reception, it would not have hurt as much because it wasnt out actual special day. sounds silly i know.

    It was fun though planning the wedding, picking out things and we did have a unique wedding, and although there were those who disappointed us by not coming, I cherished those who DID come, and it was worth the stress because i married my love surrounded by the people i love, and love me, most.
     
  9. Rebemdee
    Shiny_Rock

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    by Rebemdee » Apr 6, 2006
    My wedding is in three weeks and I''m stressed. I have to call the caterer tomorrow and have a frank discussion that I don''t like how I''m being treated. I shouldn''t wait a week for a return call, and I shouldn''t have her secretary say, "I''m not her answering service but I''ll take a message." YUCK. Despite the stress, I''m glad we are having the wedding. Our families and friends are so excited, and I am too. I just take a DEEP BREATH and tackle one thing at a time.
     
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