Wedding Would you do a destination wedding or get married locally?

[Deelight]

I am not engaged...yet but will be soon

but FF and I have already started discussing possibilities for our future wedding. We have not began any formal planning but have bookmarked venues to check after the proposal and have been tossing around ideas.

During one of our little chat sessions a while ago I mentioned the possibility of getting married in Europe, all my extended family live there except for one cousin that lives on the other side of this country and how wonderful (should our family agree) it would be to get married there. Apart for my late mother and I who went back in 89/90 my sister and dad have not been back in 38yrs (my niece has never been) and when we would plan to get married it would be 40yrs since they have all seen each other in someways I see this as a great opportunity to have my family reunited again.

We plan while on our trip later this year to check out churches and venues discreetly and see if it is a viable option. FF thinks it is really romantic and is all for the idea, actually he would love to elope but I don't want to get married without my family or his - to me family is really important. When we returned we would have a massive backyard informal BBQ with friends (whom I also love and are important as well) and celebrate that way . I don't know how many friends would attend, it is a bit much to ask people to come to Europe for a wedding though on the other hand it could be an excuse to go on a holiday as well.

The other option is to get married here locally, the place I have fallen in love with MAY close this year they can't confirm (you can see it here) yet but it fits with my fairytale wedding. I would be able to have all my friends and our immediate family (it is not a viable option for my extended family to travel here due to expense) and have my princess day. I love this idea and would without a doubt be able to have my princess day. The venues around here are so-so there are a couple of really nice ones and a fair few are quite expensive for what they are. The cost would be quite high (to me anyway) and I would estimate that it would be around 30k++ for one day (which would pay for a fantastic holiday in Europe). The older I get (I am 2 I have issues justifying that 100% for one day. I guess also hearing friends that have gotten married saying nothing changes it just the same as before I wonder why people pay all that money to feel the same.

In saying all that having a D.W (or planned elopement as I like to refer to it) doesn't mean I can't have a princess day I guess logistically it would be a little different but still possible. But I wonder if I would regret not getting married here either. I guess like most girls I have had this day planned for a long time and how it is meant to be and now that I get closer I am not so sure either way. FF is happy as long as I am happy (he is a doll and I adore him) but he is more inclined to go the D.W I am sure.

I can't decide 100% yet it would really be whether our families here are willing to go OS and I can see pro's and con's to each, I think if I could have all my family and friends in the one place this would be a non-event.

Sorry for the long-winded ramble, I guess if you were in this situation what would you choose?


ETA: Thank you so much for reading and you deserve a cookie if you made it the whole way through

 

[marchswallowbird]

Do I get chocolate or oatmeal-raisin?

The only thing I always knew for certain about my wedding was that it was going to be in a beautiful outdoor location. Now that I am engaged, guess what? I am getting married in a chapel.

Give yourself the freedom to change all those pre-conceived ideas about what you always thought your wedding would be like. Just because you always knew exactly what your "princess day" would be like doesn't mean you can't change every one of those ideas and still have the wedding of your dreams.

It sounds like having family there is very important to you, and that most of your family is in Europe. I bet most of your friends and family here would be MORE than willing to travel to Europe for your wedding.

If it were me, I would have my wedding in Europe in a heartbeat, even though I have not one friend or relative there. I would also never in a million years spend $30-$50,000 on a wedding. It boggles my mind that people spend that much on a one-day event.

Travel on the other hand...yeah, baby!

 

[Deelight]

marchswallowbird You can have both , thanks for responding you make some fantastic points. Challenging pre-conceived notions is a big thing.

I know his family there is no problems of traveling they do it all the time, my family I hope would be the same, friends if they could afford to I would say some would. A lot are at the stage where they are buying first homes and such so thats always a consideration. Again I would have a informal BBQ when I got home , heck I could probably wear my wedding dress twice if we decide this route.

The 30k is a big thing, to me that should get you a fairly fantastic wedding but really around here you would still be on a fairly strictish budget a lot of the places I have looked at are between $120-180 per person without alcohol, which can run $60-80 if you do a drinks package (some without spirits and some places don''t offer anything else) it adds up very quickly and the older you get the more people you know for longer etc, etc.


Just to give an idea if we did decide to tie the knot OS this is probably the kind of cathedral we would do it in, and there is definitly nothing like for my faith here. http://www.michaeltyler.co.uk/2007/09/orthodox-cathedral-novi-sad.php

I think that cathedral is just breathtaking, no idea about a reception venue LOL.

 

[Shoopy]

My opinion on DW versus traditional is that it all boils down to money or personal choice. Money: If you can afford to do the big traditional wedding, then I would because its your day forever. If you can’t or rather not (as in my case), then a DW provides a great way to still feel like a bride, have your day, and at a reduced cost. Personal choice: some people don’t feel the need to have a big wedding.

In your case, if you can do the $30K++ wedding then that’s what I would do. Had you said that your immediate family was in Europe then I could see going there. But if its your extended family only, then I would have a hard time selling that idea to the friends and family that you see everyday the need for them to go over there.

 

[Deelight]

Thanks for your thoughts fieryred33143 I appreciate the varying opinions, for us the possibility of having a DW is not about saving money, in reality it could end up being more expensive or be on par and it would still be a traditional church wedding.

I would never expect anyone to feel the need to come and spend that much money but like I said if our families were not for it I wouldn't do it, We still have like 6-8mths to decide and about 2mths before we tell anyone

.

 

[Haven]

I would sit down and think about your priorities for your wedding day--what is most important for you?

I think a DW most affects the following things. Of course, I''ve never planned one, so this is just speculation:

- Who can attend: Do you only care if your immediate family can be there to share the moment, or would you prefer to have all of your close friends there, too?
- The ambiance: There is something inherently romantic and possibly it will feel even more "special" being out-of-town. Some places in Europe can be especially romantic.
- Ease of planning: I''ve never planned a DW, but I imagine it is a bit more difficult to work out all the logistics if you''re traveling overseas. I know it''s much harder to organize a trip with my students overseas than it is to organize one to another state!

I think your idea to scope out the area when you''re there is perfect. Think about what is most important to you, and also do a little daydreaming about your wedding day. If you give yourself time to dream a bit you''ll see what your heart desires and it won''t be clouded by any rationalizing thoughts or things like that. I originally wanted to have a DW because I thought it would be so much nicer and more special, but whenever I envisioned our marriage, I just kept seeing the two of us surrounded by everyone we love. I realized that a local wedding was our best bet, because we have so many dear friends and I wanted them all to be there.

Good luck with your decision, and I can''t WAIT to see your hand pics once you get engaged! Such an exciting time!

 

[Deelight]

Thanks for your input Haven what you said really nailed what I was trying to say but more so eloquently.

I just called my Dream Local Place and they definitly will not be offering wedding after the end of this year, the new owners will not be doing weddings. I feel like crying right now - I know that sounds silly but I had a good part of my heart set on getting married there

, nothing locally compares (to me anyway).

I did look up some reception sites OS (thankfully I can read and write Serbian otherwise I would be stoofed) and there are some places that have potential in the area, nothing like my local dream place but still not to shabby, there are things I could do to make a beautiful atmosphere.

Possibilities to check Here and Here (I think this one looks better from the pics




Logistically I agree planning OS would be a lot harder (so I presume) then here I do have family there so that would be a distinct advantage I think...but then I have no idea where to start.

Ideally all my friends and fam will be inspired to travel to the other side of the world and that solves it all and use the excuse for a holiday

(round the world ticket is not that much more) and really once your in Europe it is easy to go other places.

I love my friends dearly but I also love all my family - GAH.






More opinions welcome

 

[miraclesrule]

I''ll take whatever kind of cookie you have. Wait, after the stripper class in Vegas earlier this month, cookie has a whole new meaning.

I will take a snickerdoodle.

I''m sorry about the local venue not being available for you. That''s a bummer. Or maybe not, maybe you will find something even better!! Although not much in America could ever compete with churches and cathedrals in Europe.

My daughter went through this same angst. Her initial reaction was to start planning her dream destination wedding in Maui. She thought it would be cheaper than a local wedding. She thought it would be acceptable for everyone. She thought it would be easy to plan because her best friend was born there and thought they would be able to help. She thought wrong. I always tell her, "That''s what you get for thinking...instead of knowing"

We went through a lot of drama because her now DH has a boatload of family. I mean a ton. They are all very family oriented, very close, and many have young children. My daughter just really didn''t take into consideration the costs of having to pay for the flights of the people she really wanted and the costs of hotels and meals. Vacation time that people had available to take in the time frame she was proposing. It ruffled a lot of feathers. Not only that, once she began the planning, she realized that it was very difficult to find venues and get a feel for what she wanted and what was available even with a few locals who could give her scant advice and assistance. I supported whatever decision she made, but warned her to be prepared to discover that her dream may not be rooted in reality. Once she tested the waters, she concluded that it would exclude the majority of the new family she was about to join and that the cost really wouldn''t be that much cheaper, so she scraped the idea of her DW. Also, by scraping the idea of a DW, she was able to have more monetary contributions to help pay for some of the wedding because they didn''t have to use the money for travel and accomodations.

Then we began the tedious and stress-filled indecision for local wedding options.

At her wedding, when she took to the mic, one of the first things she said was "Wow, this is so much better than any wedding in Maui would have ever been". Everyone chuckled, because so many of the guests knew about the "destination drama".

Having said that, I have to agree with Haven. It is ultimately what works best for you. You will discover once you poll your close friends and family, who is really able to be on board and will commit to traveling a long distance. Ultimately, you want to feel good about your choice and you won''t be able to please everyone. You will have to go with your gut after you actually put the DW idea to the test with your local friends and family, and even your OS relatives.

I am a very analytic person by nature and encourage people to gather as much factual data and feedback as possible, because what goes on in our fantasy world doesn''t often manifest as easily as we hope. But then again, as Garth Brooks sang, "Sometimes I thank God, for unanswered prayers".

Either way, I hope you try to enjoy the process and cut where you can. We cut a 30K food and beverage minimum to 14K just by having the wedding on a Friday night instead of a Saturday....at the same venue. Caaa-razy....

 

[Deelight]

miraclesrule LOL do I want to know what a Vegas cookies is?

I told FF about my dream place closing (and I cried) and about the places I found and how one is named after me (but spelt different my sister having had a torturous childhood with a weirdly spelled European name wanted to spare me from the same fate), and he was like it is a sign - completely biased that he is I take that with a grain of salt

also he is not as a big believer in fate as I am.

I will definitly poll people but as we not engaged yet and I have done a darn good job of not alluding at all to the fact we plan to, so hard because I want to scream it from the roof tops but I don''t like to count my chickens before they hatch. I can''t really ask anyone for at least another 2mths but being the obsesseser and planner I want to suss out my own thoughts out so we can look while we are there (finished bodgy itinerary today only 2wks over the time we allocated GAH).

I called backup venue today that seems much cheaper then my dream place ($115-128p.p including beer, wine and soft drink) but the menu is VERY limited they have a choice of 3 items per course of which the bride and groom can choose 1 or for an extra cost you have 2 items alternating, the food itself does not sound bad I just like choice. FF likes the look of this place for the formality of the venue (well from the pictures anyway) and it closesness to the church, about 5 minutes drive away really not far.

Again not seeing it in person yet I can''t comment fully.

16k saving for having a wedding on a Friday night is a massive saving, well done .

And here is your cookie as promised .

 

[Blackpaw]

Hi Deelight. Yay for you getting engaged soon - that''s so exciting, cant wait to hear all about it. My BF and I are in pretty much the exact same position and have decided to have a destination wedding.

Like everyone has said, it depends on what''s important to you how you do your big day, but if it helps i can tell you why we''ve decided on a DW.

Our reasoning is that we wanted to make sure that the people who share the day with us really mean something to us, and we mean something to them, as in, they wouldnt pay to go to an overseas wedding if they werent genuinely excited to see us hitched!! We have a lot of extended family that we dont see, and a lots of parents friends that would have to be invited were we to marry in our hometown. This we really want to avoid. Not because we dont care for these people but if they''ve never met my BF or vice versa, they''re hardly close!

What we''ll do is give probably 18months notice that we''ll be tying the knot. Hopefully this will allow as many of our friends as possible to share in the big day - we know if they really want to be there, 18months will be enough time for most of them to work it out. I dont know if this fits in with your timeframe but its a thought!! Oh and maybe scheduling on the ''fringe'' seasons for travel to europe as well, you know so guests dont have to pay high season prices?

The downside is that of course its always possible that someone you''ld really like to be there wont be able to make it. My BFs brother has been with his girlfriend 10 years, and they got engaged about a month ago. When are they having the wedding? December 28th!! Of this year!!!!!! BF and I are overseas at the moment, in fact we''ll be in the states over christmas, and to fly home then will cost us $6000! And we''ll only be able to stay a week. So we''re not going. And alot of his family are from overseas and many that would have come are unable to because of the short notice and time of year. For them though, the wedding makes sense to be then (for honeymoon and sentimental reasons) so thay''re not worried about it, i guess in the end its about the bride and groom not the guest list!!

Also for us, the location does have something to do with it. We''ll probably marry in thailand (not too far from Aus and has good diving and nice beaches so right up our alley!!), because we like the idea of a beach wedding. But Europe would be even more amazing - The second place you mentioned looks gorgeous!! There''s a big benefit to combining your wedding with travel i think, it gives you more time and is financially a bit more cost efficient than having a 30k wedding and having to pay for a honeymoon on top. But we''ve found already, as you have, that it might not necessarily be cheaper, but i think it has the potential to be a lot more memorable. For you and your guests. I think you''ld look like a princess in many a european setting (they certainly know about fairytale castles!!).

But yes i dont know if that drivel helps, but i cant wait to hear what you decide, and of course about your impending engagment!

PS - thanks for your advice on my recent thread

PPS - wearing the dress twice??! Yay for that

 

[Blackpaw]

Blah after that long post i still forgot something!! As for the planning, I like the idea of a destination wedding because, in Thailand at least, you can pretty much just get a hotel to organise everything for you!! THat appeals to my lazy personality!! BUt I do admit that Europe could be more of a challenge and you probably wouldnt have the same control over all the ''details'' that you might have at home. Still I know there are meant to be businesses that plan european weddings for you. Maybe check out some websites?!

 

[katebar]

Deelight how about Sirromet for your wedding. The food is amazing and the setting is lovely too
http://www.sirromet.com/events_celebrations.html

 

[katebar]

Or this
http://www.thevilla.net.au/thevilla/
I stole these off another forum

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[pjean]

I''m planning a DW in Vegas, which has to be the easiest city in the world in which to plan a wedding long distance. It''s going to be at least as expensive as having a wedding in Chicago (where we live), Toronto (where my parents are) or Ohio (where his family is). That''s partly because I will be paying travel expenses for my mother''s family, but it''s partly because most of the ways to save money at a wedding don''t really apply to a DW.

Do it yourself? I can''t unless I ship the results. Choose off-beat locations? Tricky to do in a place I don''t know, and in which I will have no local contacts or transportation (that might be easier for you). Have friends and family do things like flowers, photography, etc.? Nope.

I will say that making a guest list is somewhat easier, since as you say, it kind of makes itself based on who will travel and who will not.

 

[Gypsy]

Didn''t read the other replies. Destination gets my vote.

 

[Deelight]

Blackpaw Thanks for posting about your experience, Thailand would be a beautiful place to get married while I have not been there yet it is on my list the beaches look amazing (the jelly fish cave) and then there is the Tiger Temple

. We would be looking about 18mths between when we do get engaged and tie the knot, and we would most likely look at somewhere between August-September 2010. As much as I love all my friends there are really a couple that would be ones I would love to have if they were a goer.

katebar thanks for posting the links, Sirromet would definitely be a possibility yay I have more then one possible venue for here if we tie the knot here if it is the winery I am thinking of (friends sister got married there I am sure) the food is definitely meant to be fantastic and the place itself is beautiful I am sure it is the same place. As for the Villa a friend recently got married there, great food and gardens there were small details to my disliking (I think being on PS for so long you notice details others don''t) but as I wouldn''t want to seem to be copying her I wouldn''t get married there.

Pjean Good luck with your wedding in Vegas I think sometimes DW''s are not all about saving but more of an experience, Vegas should be awesome .

Gypsy Thanks for the vote