Would you buy a house with your BF?

[idreamofice]

Hello everyone!

Because I'm a curious person

and maybe a little nosy

I started a poll. Would you buy a house with your bf? There is no wrong or right answer, I just would like to see how everyone feels about this subject

. I bought a house with my FI before we were engaged but I see that some people feel differently (Which I totally see where they are coming from, it makes sense.) So I would like to see how everyone feels about this...

 

[Morgie44]

I was in this situation with now fiance and because the house needed a lot of work and neither of us had any decent "grown up" furniture and didn''t have appliances, the house was purchased with his name only and then I bought all of the furniture and the appliances. It has worked for us and he understood why I wasn''t comfortable exposing myself financially without any commitment from him.

 

[brooklyngirl]

I wouldn't buy a house until there's an engagement, and a firm wedding date (i.e. things are booked, and planning is well under way). I just can't bring myself to make that type of financial commitment before there is an official commitment to me.

 

[LaurenThePartier]

I''m a firm believer of not getting tied into any kind of major financial purchases with someone who is not legally a part of my family. I''ve seen these things go awry far too often, and just didn''t want to put myself in that position.

My huband and I waited until we were married to even buy a car together, so I''m definitely a no house until marriage kind of chick.

 

[Patiently_Waiting]

Date: 1/25/2008 10:52:32 AM
Author: brooklyngirl
I wouldn''t buy a house until there''s an engagement, and a firm wedding date (i.e. things are booked, and planning is well under way). I just can''t bring myself to make that type of financial commitment before there is an official commitment to me.

I agree with brooklyngirl. I would have to be engaged and with a firm commitment to marry before mixing finances and making that financial commitment.

 

[sunnyd]

I was thiiiiis close to buying a house with my ex. Luckily, I didn''t. But he has all the appliances and furniture that we did buy together...

So no thanks, I''ll wait until it''s really gonna happen, ie, actually committed.

 

[sred2]

Since the first week that we became official we''ve talked about the future.. getting married, buying a house, kids etc etc etc... We moved in together after only dating for 3 months and we''ve lived (happily) together for a year and a half. We''ve been saving for a down payment on our house for a couple of months and hope to buy a place in October. We decided early on that even though we know that we''re going to be together forever. We decided that we wanted to spend money on a house first (instead of a ring/wedding) .. so YES. I would buy a house with my BF

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

I bought a house with my SO. I work in the legal field so I knew how to protect myself (and him) by having the Deed prepared properly (so that in the event of either of our deaths, the other would retain full rights to the property) and creating a Co-Habitation Agreement which was recorded at the time of our deed. If you know how to protect yourself buying property outside of marriage isn’t as scary as some people seem to believe and is a far more common practice than people realize.

We both agreed that a home was an investment in both our futures. Engagement, marriage and children were all discussed (and we thought of our future children as we looked at homes which is why we currently have a little more house than we need right now). I guess the important factor is that we decided to buy together and I felt that buying together was a commitment. With rent in the area I live in rivaling that of a mortgage payment, it made zero sense for my SO and I to be paying someone else’s mortgage with rent payments when we could be investing in property for ourselves. Either way, we were going to be spending about the same amount of money each month.

I also created and maintain a back-up situation for myself just in case. I put this plan in place long before we were even thinking of buying and I continue to keep it in place now. If you are ready to buy, regardless of your relationship status, you should also be ready to create a nest egg just in case. So, I have my own nest egg to survive off of if I find that I need to leave the property behind for any reason and each month that goes by that I don''t have to use these savings is another addition to what I hope one day will be a great retirement fund.

 

[kelpie]

I bought a whole farm with my BF 1.5 years ago. You just need to be certain this is "the one" and have the deed as joint tenants. We didn''t, but If there is a situation where one partner is bringing a lot more wealth into the purchase, you should have a cohabitation agreement to protect your contributions should you break up/sell the house/buy the other out.

 

[Patchee]

I live in my fiance''s house. It is his house, I do pay some of the house hold bills but it''s still his. I would never, ever buy a house with someone who is not committed to me. EVER ..

 

[gwendolyn]

No, I want to be married first. I''ve got enough financial difficulties as it is with all my student debt; if something were to go wrong when I shared a house with J and he was just my boyfriend, I could see myself getting royally screwed. No thanks.

 

[Pandora II]

FI already owned a house when I met him.

The first year I lived there, I paid rent. Half the mortagage payments were the same as my rent.

After a year and a half, FI said he''d like to sell me half the house. At 34 I wasn''t happy not having a stake in some property, so I was delighted. We have a firm legal contract that deals with what happens if we split up. I pay the same amount as before, but now I have some bricks & mortar to show for it!

We now own 50% each.

That said, I would not go out and buy a house together with someone I wasn''t at least engaged to. I''ve broken up with someone after 7 years and it was almost as bad as getting divorced when it came to dividing things up!

 

[bee*]

Date: 1/25/2008 10:52:32 AM
Author: brooklyngirl
I wouldn''t buy a house until there''s an engagement, and a firm wedding date (i.e. things are booked, and planning is well under way). I just can''t bring myself to make that type of financial commitment before there is an official commitment to me.

totally agree with this. I wouldn''t move in until we got engaged either. I''ve seen way too many friends move out of their home only to have to move back in again when the relationship went sour. We''ve been together for so long and have travelled all over the world together so I know that we''re suited, but I''m not uplifting my whole life without a commitment.

 

[absolut_blonde]

It''s funny-- since meeting SO, my thoughts on things like this have changed.

I used to think I would never buy a house with a SO before marriage (or at least engagement). Similarly, I wanted to be engaged before I lived with someone.

But I just feel differently now that I''m with SO. We''ll be living together before we get engaged, and working towards buying (building) a home. And I''m thrilled. I guess it''s because I am certain we''ll be together in the long run. I''m a lot more secure in our relationship and our future than I''ve ever been with anyone else. Plus I don''t think I''ll be waiting too terribly long for him to propose.

To each their own though, of course!

 

[misscuppycake]

Something I DEFINITELY want to save for marriage is moving in together. That''s always been something that''s been instilled in me and I like it.

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 1/25/2008 10:52:32 AM
Author: brooklyngirl
I wouldn''t buy a house until there''s an engagement, and a firm wedding date (i.e. things are booked, and planning is well under way). I just can''t bring myself to make that type of financial commitment before there is an official commitment to me.

Exactly what I was going to say...my boyfriend moved in with me several months before we got engaged, but I was 100% positive that an engagement was on the way soon. If I hadn''t been 100% positive, I wouldn''t have had him move in with me.

Breaking up when you live together, let alone own a house together, seems like too much drama to even think about! Yikes!

 

[FrekeChild]

I wouldn''t buy one before we were at least engaged. I spent $300 on half of a TV and was freaking out a bit. I can''t imagine a house. Having said that though, we will get married way before we buy a house together, because we''ll have to relocate to a different state for him to get a job, and I won''t be buying a house by myself anytime soon. And we''ll get married before I move.

 

[anchor31]

Date: 1/25/2008 11:17:07 AM
Author: LaurenThePartier
I'm a firm believer of not getting tied into any kind of major financial purchases with someone who is not legally a part of my family. I've seen these things go awry far too often, and just didn't want to put myself in that position.

My huband and I waited until we were married to even buy a car together, so I'm definitely a no house until marriage kind of chick.

Yup. Nothing else to add. Didn't move in with my FI before engagement either.

 

[rubybeth]

Date: 1/25/2008 9:40:53 PM
Author: FrekeChild
I wouldn''t buy one before we were at least engaged. I spent $300 on half of a TV and was freaking out a bit. I can''t imagine a house. Having said that though, we will get married way before we buy a house together, because we''ll have to relocate to a different state for him to get a job, and I won''t be buying a house by myself anytime soon. And we''ll get married before I move.

I said I wouldn''t buy before marriage, but I''m with FrekeChild in that we have very similar situations. I can''t imagine buying a house with my tiny nest egg, which is about 6 mos. salary for me. We will definitely be married before owning any property, and most likely will have to move at least out of the city we''re currently in to get jobs after we''re done with school. Also, we''d either have to get married this summer, at Christmastime, or next summer due to school, and I think we''re basically committed to marrying this summer unless something goes weirdly awry.

 

[littlelysser]

My DH and I bought our home in 2004, got engaged in 2006 and got married in 2007. Honestly, buying the place was one of the better decisions I made.

We met in 2001. Our leases were both up at the same time, we'd been together for three years, loved each other, and it just made sense that we'd move in together, and given our incomes and the fact that we wanted a dog, that we'd buy. Of course, it was also kind of a given that we were going to eventually marry. But I never asked about a timeline or anything like that. And really, I wasn't worried that he wouldn't marry me if we bought the house before that happened. We bought our house two years before we got engaged...

I'm glad that we did. Here is why...

1. It confirmed my belief that I'd found my partner. We found that our finances were compatible, figured out the division of labor. It may sound dumb, but I really liked living in a house that was mine - with walls that I painted and floors I'd refinished. And to share that with him was pretty cool - and it didn't matter if I had a ring or not. I love our home.

2. When we got married, we had already purchased our home - we weren't taking money away from a possible down payment on a house and spending it on a wedding.

3. We got the two most fabulous dogs in the whole wide world.

4. We've been living in this house, and building equity, for four years.

So yeah. I guess it depends on your outlook - but I'm glad I did it.

eta - his commitment to me, and conversely, my commitment to him, was not something I ever questioned or needed physical or emotional proof of...if that makes sense?

 

[diamondfan]

I think I would not, but really could not say til I was in the situation. I would probably want a ring, a date and have planning underway. But then he is a fiance not a boyfriend, if we are being accurate. Look, married people split all of the time and so have to deal with property and finances, but if I were not married I would want things very clearly spelled out in writing, with paperwork on who paid the down payment, who is in charge of what costs, etc, so there is not an problem in case of a break up.

 

[Haven]

No, never.

I''ve been too close to the situation in the past to know that sometimes, things just don''t turn out the way you think they will. And now I''m REALLY glad I stuck to my ideals and did not purchase a house with that former "situation".

My FI and I will have been together for over four years by the time we marry in July, and I''ll admit that I''m anxious to live with him at this point. We are engaged now, so we''ve been looking for a house for several months and we''ll move in together even if we end up buying something a few months before our wedding.

 

[Independent Gal]

Nope. No financial entaglements without legal (marital) entanglements. I wouldn''t even live with someone unless I was engaged and planning the wedding with them. I own my condo. FI moved in after we got engaged and now pays half the mortgage.

 

[Fancy605]

Date: 1/26/2008 3:20:16 PM
Author: Independent Gal
Nope. No financial entaglements without legal (marital) entanglements.

I think this is an excellent idea.

I mean moving in with someone in an apartment or something is one thing b/c if you break up (for some unforeseeable reason) then you don''t have to really worry about what to do with the house. Moving in with someone who already owns a house (or having someone move into yours) isn''t too sticky of a situation either. But the tricky part comes when you purchase a house together...I know it works for some people, but it never would have worked for me. My husband and I bought our home in the late months of our engagement. It is actually all in my name because it was easier as far as all the legal stuff went. Now we live here happily and all is well.

I dunno, I had always heard it was bad luck for a couple to buy a home together before marriage (I can''t remember the exact expression) I am not very superstitious, but it does make sense to exercise a WHOLE lot of precaution.

I am sure it works for some people, but if it were me, I wouldn''t do it.

 

[LegacyGirl]

I''ve handled divorces with houses involved and separations with houses involved but no marriage. I would never, ever, buy a house or make any big financial commitment with someone who is not my husband. It makes things so much harder (and so much easier for someone to bail).

 

[chocolatefudge]

I''m not sure about buying a house (see my other thread.) But I do think it''s useful to have lived with your SO before marriage just to see if you CAN live together!

 

[DiamanteBlu]

NO. Don't even think about it. If you want to buy a house buy it yourself.

Here is a taste of my experience. In 1980, when I was a moron, I bought a house with my then BF. He had no money [he spent what came in and then some - as he continues to do today] so I made the down payment. What possessed me to but his name on the deed I have NO idea! I was 26 [and a moron]. I thought everything was peachy. I also owned a vacation property of which he was not a part that I had bought when I was 22. We each paid half the mortgage on the new house. If I had had a brain at the time I would have bought the house and had him pay half the mortgage ars rent to me. He did not contribute to the mortgage on the vacation house. Note that I did not need him to qualify for a second mortgage.

We got married a couple of years later [BTW, I paid for my e-ring and the wedding - yeah, yeah, I know, I was a moron]. We always kept completely separate finances. That was a good thing because of his spendthrift ways. We then upgraded to a much larger house. The down payment came from the sale of the previous house and I invested the equity in my vacation house into upgrades [killer kitchen and the like] into the larger house. He decided that paying a mortgage no longer interested him. The sap [me] paid from her separate funds.

Long story short - we got divorced, the house was sold [a whole separate saga], his personal liens chewed up his and my equity [the proceeds were to be divided 50% each so there went my premarital assets because I was stupid enough to commingle them] and I never got my share of the money from him in spite of his having participated in another IPO. And I won't get into other non-payment issues right now. Suffice it to say that we are heading for the 3rd day of trial on a contempt action on 2/7.

I now hold all real assets in either a trust or an LLC [and yes, I am remarried]. I am no longer a moron.

It was a VERY expensive lesson.

Hope this helps.

ETA: You can probably figure out who paid for all the maintenance, furniture, artwork, oriental rugs, silver, etc., etc. I had the pleasure of losing half of all that in the divorce too.

 

[idreamofice]

Thank you very much everyone for your responses

. I am always curious to learn everyone's views on everything

.

I see why you wouldn't want to buy a house with your bf and I also see why you would want to as well.

ETA - littlelysser pretty much summer up exactly how I felt.

 

[lovelyrita]

I purchased a house with my boyfriend about a year ago. We had talked about marriage by then but neither of us was in a huge rush. It works fine for us but everyone is different.

 

[Sabine]

It seems really risky to me, and although there are instances where I''m sure it would work out, the chance of the financial mess would be enough to make me not want to buy a house without a legal commitment. Also, after reading a few of the stories of the ladies in waiting here, I do wonder if buying a house makes a man less likely to feel the need to propose and make it official...