Would You Be Angry???

[tuffyluvr]

My bf's mom really wanted to go to his high school alma mater's playoff game tonight, so we made plans to go with her. I left work at 5:00--it usually takes me 15-20 minutes to get home. Traffic was horrible. I called at 5:10--no answer. He called me 10-15 min later, and I explained the situation. He literally called back 3 minutes later asking where I was. I was like, "ummmm... I just talked to you three minutes ago. I am still pretty much in the same place." He asked, "are you moving at all? When will you be back?" I answered that I was about 15 minutes away and asked why he was calling 3 minutes after I spoke to him, and if it was extremely urgent, why didn't they just leave without me. I got home 15 minutes later and they had left!!!

I am furious! I checked my phone and there is a text that says, "We're leaving. Be home aroung 11-12. Sorry." I am pretty irritated that they left without me, but moreso, I am fuming that he didn't even call me to tell me that they were leaving.

I could have stayed at the office and worked for another hour or two, but instead I rushed home only to sit at home alone all night, so now I'm stewing about how pissed off I am. What do you PS'ers think? Do I have the right to be angry about this, or is it my own fault for telling him that if it was so urgent they should just leave without me. I don't know if my judgement is clouded because I have hurt feelings about being ditched, or if it really is as rude as I think. Objective opinions please.

 

[HollyS]

Well, it depends upon when they had to be there, doesn't it?

Would you, running behind, have made them late to the game?

 

[tuffyluvr]

The game started at 7, it's about 45min-1hr away, and they left at 5:30. My boyfriend said yesterday that it wasn't a big deal if we missed kickoff so I don't REALLY feel like there was that much urgency to leave.

But being left behind isn't primarily what I'm upset about--a phone call to say, "I'm really sorry, but we can't wait for you" would have been nice. It was pretty jarring to come home to an empty house.

 

[MissStepcut]

I am confused. Did you invite them to leave without you?

 

[Imdanny]

Well, first, why (emphasis added) did he call back in 3 minutes?

 

[Miss Sparkly]

My bf's mom really wanted to go to his high school alma mater's playoff game tonight, so we made plans to go with her. I left work at 5:00--it usually takes me 15-20 minutes to get home. Traffic was horrible. I called at 5:10--no answer. He called me 10-15 min later, and I explained the situation. He literally called back 3 minutes later asking where I was. I was like, "ummmm... I just talked to you three minutes ago. I am still pretty much in the same place." He asked, "are you moving at all? When will you be back?" I answered that I was about 15 minutes away and asked why he was calling 3 minutes after I spoke to him, and if it was extremely urgent, why didn't they just leave without me. I got home 15 minutes later and they had left!!!

I am furious! I checked my phone and there is a text that says, "We're leaving. Be home aroung 11-12. Sorry." I am pretty irritated that they left without me, but moreso, I am fuming that he didn't even call me to tell me that they were leaving.

I could have stayed at the office and worked for another hour or two, but instead I rushed home only to sit at home alone all night, so now I'm stewing about how pissed off I am. What do you PS'ers think? Do I have the right to be angry about this, or is it my own fault for telling him that if it was so urgent they should just leave without me. I don't know if my judgement is clouded because I have hurt feelings about being ditched, or if it really is as rude as I think. Objective opinions please.

He took your advice and left without you. If you truly didn't mean it you should not have said it. Would I be angry, no because I would have nobody to blame but myself for even giving the option.

 

[Hera]

Yes, you gave him the option of leaving without you so technically it was okay that they left. A wise husband, however, would have known you didn't really mean that and to wait, especially after all of the trouble you were going through.

 

[MissStepcut]

He took your advice and left without you. If you truly didn't mean it you should not have said it. Would I be angry, no because I would have nobody to blame but myself for even giving the option.

Unless I said, "but call me before you do so I don't rush for no reason" or he said, "no we'll wait" in which case I would be quite steamed.

 

[tuffyluvr]

I did tell him to leave if it was urgent, and, as I said, I am somewhat irked that they left without me, because I DONT really think it was that urgent. But...

What I am asking is: would you be ticked off if you were left behind and your guy didn't even call to tell you that they were leaving without you?!?! I just feel like that is so completely rude!! I would never do that! If I felt like I was going to be late I would call and say, "I'm really sorry, but we have to leave... If we wait any longer we are going to be late!"

 

[tuffyluvr]

Well, first, why (emphasis added) did he call back in 3 minutes?

I have no clue. When he called back 3 minutes later I was like, "I'm stuck in traffic, how far do you think I could have possibly gone in *THREE* minutes?!?!" That's why I thought they were jonesing to leave and suggested that they leave without me...

 

[Saoirse2]

No, I would not be angry...he texted an apology

 

[Hera]

I'd be angry either way even if he did call. You were going through a lot of work. I think he should have done his best to wait til it was absolutely urgent as in going to miss the beginning.

 

[tuffyluvr]

Anyways, I guess I have my answer: I'm just being crazy. I suppose I should have told him to call me before he left--I just figured that he would have the common courtesey to do so...

 

[Kaleigh]

I would say no. You were running late, you could have said lets meet there.. I guess in life you pick what is important to be upset about and this ( to me ) isn't one of them... But again I am on the outside reading your post, so respond with what I have... When he knew you were a ways away , he should have said, no problem but Mom and I are needing to go now, so meet us there...

 

[mary poppins]

Yes, you gave him the option of leaving without you so technically it was okay that they left. A wise husband, however, would have known you didn't really mean that and to wait, especially after all of the trouble you were going through.

I agree with the first sentence, but not the second. Couples should communicate directly. A wise woman says what she means and means what she says. A guy should not have to wonder about meaning or think that the woman wants the opposite of what she says. I don't expect Mr. Poppins to be a mind reader - I tell him what I think or want. He says it's one of the things he likes most about me. Makes things much easier.

A more considerate guy might have given OP a courtesy call to let her know he was leaving. He did, however, send a timely text letting OP know. The text instead of phone call makes me wonder what tone OP used when her boyfriend called back three minutes later. Maybe, based on OP's first reaction, boyfriend didn't want to call again within such a short time period.

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

No, I would not be angry at my husband for not calling. I would be angry at the situation, and angry if my husband got an attitude with me for being late when it was out of my control, but not angry that he texted instead of calling. That being said, my husband and mother-in-law would have waited for me until 6 or 6:15 before leaving.

 

[jewelerman]

sounds like both parties had a lack of communication and were a bit rude to each other. I would have waited knowing that you would be home in 15 minutes and that you were planning on coming with us.. traffic wasn't your fault ...but you response seemed to me as short, snippy and rude.so i might be reactionary and leave because of that and not because you were running late. I think that both sides own each other an apology.

 

[Hera]

Yes, you gave him the option of leaving without you so technically it was okay that they left. A wise husband, however, would have known you didn't really mean that and to wait, especially after all of the trouble you were going through.

I agree with the first sentence, but not the second. Couples should communicate directly. A wise woman says what she means and means what she says. A guy should not have to wonder about meaning or think that the woman wants the opposite of what she says. I don't expect Mr. Poppins to be a mind reader - I tell him what I think or want. He says it's one of the things he likes most about me. Makes things much easier.

A more considerate guy might have given OP a courtesy call to let her know he was leaving. He did, however, send a timely text letting OP know. The text instead of phone call makes me wonder what tone OP used when her boyfriend called back three minutes later. Maybe, based on OP's first reaction, boyfriend didn't want to call again within such a short time period.

I was jesting a little. While I agree you want to have open and honest communication, sometimes our husbands can know us a little better than we know ourselves.

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

sounds like both parties had a lack of communication and were a bit rude to each other. I would have waited knowing that you would be home in 15 minutes and that you were planning on coming with us.. traffic wasn't your fault ...but you response seemed to me as short, snippy and rude.so i might be reactionary and leave because of that and not because you were running late. I think that both sides own each other an apology.

agree

 

[Amys Bling]

Yes, you gave him the option of leaving without you so technically it was okay that they left. A wise husband, however, would have known you didn't really mean that and to wait, especially after all of the trouble you were going through.

Ditto this exactly!

 

[Laila619]

I'd be mad and hurt, yes. My hub probably would have called me to tell me. I do think his text was a bit terse!

 

[stardust97]

Yes, I would be upset too. You are not crazy. He should have waited a little longer, or at the very least let you know they were leaving without you.

 

[Haven]

This is a tough one. I'll admit that I can't stand it when people blame their tardiness on things like traffic. If we set a certain time to meet, I will be there and I expect other people to make sure they're there at that time, as well. SO, if I were your BF I would have thought you were being rude by being late.

On the other hand, if I were you I would have appreciated a phone call to say that they couldn't wait any longer and were leaving without me. He had already communicated with you via phone, so I would be a bit shocked at the lack of a phone call to say they were leaving.

I'd be angry all around, apparently!

In reality, I'd be a bit miffed for about a minute or so, and then I'd move on. I would take advantage of the night alone to watch my favorite chick flicks and eat popcorn for dinner while wearing my wedding dress and veil.

 

[VRBeauty]

I'm wondering if there isn't more to this story... like would he normally expect absolute punctuality, or did the fact that his mother was there have something to do with his actions? Do you think his mother was the impatient one who forced this situation? Would you have been any happier if when you said why not leave without me... he'd accepted the offer then and there?

But truthfully, I've been in a situation similar to yours, and think the big question to me is not whether a phone call would have been more appropriate than a text, but... why couldn't he wait a little longer in the first place? Does he really value being at the game on time more than he values being there with you? (In my situation... things did not improve. Just sayin')

 

[JewelFreak]

He showed he was anxious by calling twice in 3 minutes -- and found you hadn't moved at all, which probably made him more antsy still. You gave him permission to go ahead. You didn't think it was urgent to see the kickoff but his actions show that he did, despite what he told you.

He did let you know they were going. Texting is by definition brief. It would've been nicer to call, you're right, there. But he's a guy -- they generally don't think with great subtlety re personal relations -- especially when it concerns sports(!)

It's important in a relationship to save your ammo for big game. This doesn't seem to be that. I'd be annoyed for 1/2 hr & then let it go. Ask him to call next time (bet he'll be astonished you minded -- may tell you none of his guy friends would've been upset). See my point?

Life is full enough of real troubles. Let the small ones slide off.

 

[luv2sparkle]

I am not sure I would be right, but I would probably me mad. It is definitely one of those things that you need to talk over after. I think
the bottom line is your a bit put out because in essence, he chose his mom over you. When you are married that needs to change.
It would have been courteous and kind for him to call you, but you did say he could go. Mom was probably a little tense and wanted to get on the road too. I guessing it was more mom than your guy.

 

[tyty333]

Yes, you gave him the option of leaving without you so technically it was okay that they left. A wise husband, however, would have known you didn't really mean that and to wait, especially after all of the trouble you were going through.

Ditto this exactly!

+1

 

[bee*]

As you said to him to leave without you if they were in a hurry I wouldn't be angry. It would have been nice if they had waited for the few minutes, but you did give him that choice.

 

[missy]

I see both points of view here. You essentially gave him "permission" to leave without you and yes, he should have personally called you to tell you they were leaving instead of texting you (but that is my personal opinion as I find texting and emailing rather passive aggressive at times and would much prefer that the person just call me on the phone).

If my dh left without me (and I left work early or before I should have just to make this game for him) I would have been pissed. However, my dh knows better and I doubt he would have left without me if I was stuck in traffic. OTOH I never would have said to him to just go without me either. I don't know how long you have been with your bf but sometimes men aren't so great at interpreting what we say so best to just say what you mean. I am (most of the time) straight on with what I say. I just asked my dh for confirmation of this and he said yes he doesn't have to guess what I mean. I just say what I mean.

If I were your bf I would have been annoyed that you didn't leave enough time to get to me on time. I am a big proponent of being on time. It is simple courtesy and show of respect of others' time. I understand stuff happens beyond your control and barring accidents and such being on time is key (for me).

So as I see it both parties here are (at least partially) to blame. Your bf because he really should have called you to say that yes, he was taking your suggestion and leaving without you. And you are to blame as well for him leaving as you told him he could.

In the scheme of things this isn't something to make a huge deal over but I would caution you to have a meaningful talk with him about what you expect courtesy and consideration wise in the future so a misunderstanding like this doesn't happen again. I mean, misunderstandings will happen but to discuss it to make them less frequent. Communication is one of the most important factors in a good relationship and I believe that if a couple has this as their cornerstone you have good bones in the relationship and the best chance of making it work. Learn from each experience to build the blocks for the best relationship you can have.

 

[House Cat]

My bf's mom really wanted to go to his high school alma mater's playoff game tonight, so we made plans to go with her. I left work at 5:00--it usually takes me 15-20 minutes to get home. Traffic was horrible. I called at 5:10--no answer. He called me 10-15 min later, and I explained the situation. He literally called back 3 minutes later asking where I was. I was like, "ummmm... I just talked to you three minutes ago. I am still pretty much in the same place." He asked, "are you moving at all? When will you be back?" I answered that I was about 15 minutes away and asked why he was calling 3 minutes after I spoke to him, and if it was extremely urgent, why didn't they just leave without me. I got home 15 minutes later and they had left!!!

I am furious! I checked my phone and there is a text that says, "We're leaving. Be home aroung 11-12. Sorry." I am pretty irritated that they left without me, but moreso, I am fuming that he didn't even call me to tell me that they were leaving.

I could have stayed at the office and worked for another hour or two, but instead I rushed home only to sit at home alone all night, so now I'm stewing about how pissed off I am. What do you PS'ers think? Do I have the right to be angry about this, or is it my own fault for telling him that if it was so urgent they should just leave without me. I don't know if my judgement is clouded because I have hurt feelings about being ditched, or if it really is as rude as I think. Objective opinions please.

You told him to leave without you. You shouldn't test people. Understand that if you do, you have a 50/50 chance of being disappointed. Next time, speak your desires, "please wait for me, I'll only be a little while." should suffice.