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Would it bother you if your BF proposed with a "used" ring?

suchende

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Apr 14, 2008
Messages
1,001
What if the seller let it slip that it was a "divorce diamond"?

Would it make a difference if just the stone were used, but not the setting? Or the reverse?
 

Jessie702

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 29, 2009
Messages
2,308
Re: Would it bother you if your BF proposed with a "used" ri

Personally, No, because its not like it was from a previous divorce of your SO, now if it was your SO's ex, that would be a whole different ballgame. Also, the ring is just a symbol of your love, its not the actual love. Its not like you knew the previous owner, nor the story of the previous owner. But thats just me, and i like anitque items.
 

Amys Bling

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 25, 2010
Messages
11,025
Re: Would it bother you if your BF proposed with a "used" ri

Jessie702|1308206932|2947306 said:
Personally, No, because its not like it was from a previous divorce of your SO, now if it was your SO's ex, that would be a whole different ballgame. Also, the ring is just a symbol of your love, its not the actual love. Its not like you knew the previous owner, nor the story of the previous owner. But thats just me, and i like anitque items.
Ditto. If it was his from a previous marriage then it's a no go, otherwise it wouldn't bother me.
 

AmeliaG

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jan 8, 2011
Messages
880
Re: Would it bother you if your BF proposed with a "used" ri

A lot of things come on the market from a divorce. My sister and brother-in-law got their first house at a great deal because of one.

It wouldn't bother me.
 

MayFlowers

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Dec 13, 2009
Messages
941
Re: Would it bother you if your BF proposed with a "used" ri

Amys Bling said:
Jessie702|1308206932|2947306 said:
Personally, No, because its not like it was from a previous divorce of your SO, now if it was your SO's ex, that would be a whole different ballgame. Also, the ring is just a symbol of your love, its not the actual love. Its not like you knew the previous owner, nor the story of the previous owner. But thats just me, and i like anitque items.
Ditto. If it was his from a previous marriage then it's a no go, otherwise it wouldn't bother me.
Thritto. Many diamonds have been owned and used by other people and you may not even realize it. So many people upgrade their diamonds that it just works out like this. As long as it comes back with a new grading certificate, it's as good as new to me.

To answer your other question, buying a diamond and a setting "used" would seem somewhat weird to me. I would probably have the diamond reset. But, this is a different story if it is an antique piece. I feel like with an antique, the setting adds to the diamond and so I wouldn't have it reset.
 

iheartscience

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 1, 2007
Messages
12,111
Re: Would it bother you if your BF proposed with a "used" ri

I actually would care. I was strangely superstitious about my e-ring diamond and wanted a fresh one. (Or at least one that was fresh as far as I knew.)
 

beesha77

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Nov 16, 2010
Messages
249
Re: Would it bother you if your BF proposed with a "used" ri

Wouldn't bother me at all as long as it wasn't his divorce. That'd be a different story. I don't believe in superstitions and the like. ;-)
 

Winks_Elf

Brilliant_Rock
Trade
Joined
Nov 28, 2008
Messages
1,674
Re: Would it bother you if your BF proposed with a "used" ri

As long as he hadn't picked the ring out for another woman and proposed for it, no problem. Diamonds are millions of years old. Who cares if someone else wore it for a while. ;-)
 

blacksand

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Mar 31, 2010
Messages
889
Re: Would it bother you if your BF proposed with a "used" ri

It's funny, because I remember there was another thread about whether you would be upset if your SO proposed to you with a diamond he had previously given to an ex, and I said yes, absolutely! But I was in the minority there, which shocked me! Most responders said they wouldn't mind, since the diamond is question was a nice one (2 carats, I think) and could be reset. I just found it so surprising that everyone was so okay with a diamond from the ex. I would NOT be, AT ALL, no matter how nice it was. And that seems to be the prevalent sentiment here. I would have no problem with a used diamond, and in fact, my diamond's history is what I love the most about it. I wouldn't even mind if it came from a divorce, so long as it wasn't the divorce of anyone I know. But I'd never want a diamond (or any other jewelry) of my SO's ex.
 

merilenda

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Apr 20, 2010
Messages
816
Re: Would it bother you if your BF proposed with a "used" ri

Like most other ladies who have responded, I would not want a ring my SO had originally purchased for someone else. I'd be fine with a used diamond though...in fact, I don't really know what the story is with mine. It's probably been worn previously and then traded in for an upgrade, etc, anyway.

Just buying a ring that's already set used might be a little different for me. I'd probably want to reset the diamond.
 

swingirl

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Apr 6, 2006
Messages
5,655
Re: Would it bother you if your BF proposed with a "used" ri

First I'd smack the "seller" (jeweler or friend?) since, a) they should know better than to disclose personal information about their client and, b) it's a sensitive issue for the buyer and receiver as well. That would spoil it for me. I don't want to know the negative history of an item I buy. I don't want to know if someone passed away in my house. I don't want to know if my used car caused a fatal accident. I don't want any negative thoughts about my diamond other than it's mine and represents my engagement. I don't care if it was from a divorce, but I don't need that information about someones misfortune.

There are too many rings out there for sale.
 

junebug17

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 17, 2009
Messages
12,397
Re: Would it bother you if your BF proposed with a "used" ri

It wouldn't bother me. I think I'd want a new setting though.
 

FuturePsyD

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Aug 17, 2010
Messages
309
Re: Would it bother you if your BF proposed with a "used" ri

I'd say that it kind of would. I'm not sure if every time I looked at my ring, it would remind me of the fact that it belonged to someone else and it ended in divorce, etc.

It really depends how sensitive a person is to these thoughts. If I didn't know, then I wouldn't care as much. I wouldn't be "supersticious" that it would bring bad luck to my marriage. I'd just prefer not to know.
 

Dancing Fire

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Apr 3, 2004
Messages
32,131
Re: Would it bother you if your BF proposed with a "used" ri

why would a "used ring" bother you?.. :confused: ..lots of women married a "used husband".. :bigsmile:
 

suchende

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Apr 14, 2008
Messages
1,001
Re: Would it bother you if your BF proposed with a "used" ri

Dancing Fire|1308287031|2948135 said:
why would a "used ring" bother you?.. :confused: ..lots of women married a "used husband".. :bigsmile:
I would rather have a used diamond in a used setting than a secondary market husband ;-)
 

supergirl10

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jun 21, 2008
Messages
315
Re: Would it bother you if your BF proposed with a "used" ri

No I wouldn't mind at all. But I am not superstitious I know there are some people that think the ring would be a bad omen because it had been involved in a divorce.

Also I wouldn't mind if my then to be FI's mother/father gave him ring from their first marriage, especially if it was a lovely stone.
 

vintagelover229

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jan 23, 2008
Messages
3,517
Re: Would it bother you if your BF proposed with a "used" ri

It wouldn't bother me at all. Thankfully there are women out there who don't mind "used" or even "divorced" diamonds otherwise I never would have been able to sell my AVC after my divorce. The couple that bought it had tried to find one with those specs at GOG but Jonathan just exchanged emails with us so we could do the transaction on our own. They bought it and had it reset by JBEG. I wasn't married with it (my upgrade came a couple weeks after) and so I never really "wore" it bc we split pretty soon after receiving it (within weeks).

On the other side my ring is a vintage ring. There's many reason's why we went this route but the main was just the practically of the cost. To buy a vintage/estate ring we saved MANY THOUSANDS instead of buying it new. My SO had to "get me something better" than my 1.31 J SI AVC but with immigration fees I didn't feel right (nor did I care about it being "better" bc my relationship was a million times better and I'd rather have no ring and a good relationship than a huge ring with NO relationship) but to buy the center stone for the ring we got now would be at least 15k and we paid MUCH less than that for the entire ring. So yeah, he got what he wanted bc he got me a "better" ring (although it's a RB and not a cushion, but that doesn't matter to me) and it actually cost less than the AVC did which made me happy and he was happy bc he felt like he had "out done" my ex. :roll:

Speaking of...my 1.31 J SI AVC was only 4600.00 or so when I got it. Now a 1 carat J SI1 is 4600.00, there are some days when I wish I had traded down before the price increase bc i'll never own another one with these new prices!
 

shihtzulover

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jun 30, 2010
Messages
717
Re: Would it bother you if your BF proposed with a "used" ri

I think that I would rather have a 'new' diamond if possible, but I might be okay with it if we were getting a terrific deal and were able to get a much bigger/nicer diamond for our money. I guess it just really depends on the specific circumstances for me.

But I definitely would not be okay with having a diamond that he had given to his own ex, even if it were placed in a new setting.
 

MBKRH

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Dec 23, 2010
Messages
593
Re: Would it bother you if your BF proposed with a "used" ri

FuturePsyD|1308280308|2948060 said:
I'd say that it kind of would. I'm not sure if every time I looked at my ring, it would remind me of the fact that it belonged to someone else and it ended in divorce, etc.

I feel the same way.
 

Italiahaircolor

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 16, 2007
Messages
5,184
Re: Would it bother you if your BF proposed with a "used" ri

Eh, if I loved the stone/ring...no.

It's kind of the same thing when you buy an estate piece or even a "new" stone from a vendor. You don't always know if someone upgraded that ring for another...would it bother you to know another person had that ring, but wanted something better?

I would first shoot for what made me happiest...and the rest is just the rest.
 

Indylady

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Apr 28, 2008
Messages
5,574
Re: Would it bother you if your BF proposed with a "used" ri

Hmnn..if it were antique, I'd probably prefer than over a recent estate piece. The attraction to the antique piece would be the history behind it, etc. which a recent estate piece wouldn't have.
 

lliang_chi

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 13, 2008
Messages
3,740
Re: Would it bother you if your BF proposed with a "used" ri

Definitely don't think it'd upset me. I don't think the history of a stone or the whole ring has any bearing on your relationship with your SO. In my mind, we're making a NEW history. And to hell with the old one.

~LC
 

Asscherhalo_lover

Ideal_Rock
Trade
Joined
Aug 16, 2007
Messages
4,760
Re: Would it bother you if your BF proposed with a "used" ri

No, you never know if a diamond is "used". Even if it's being sold by a well known vendor it could be a stone that was old and re cut with a new report or just a new report. The mojo on a stone is what you make of it.
 

yssie

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Aug 14, 2009
Messages
20,775
Re: Would it bother you if your BF proposed with a "used" ri

Yes - if it was something DH bought specifically for another woman, or if it was a family heirloom from his side (I don't want anything to do with the heirloom can of worms - definitely not for my Ering).

Otherwise - no, I'd wind up cannibalizing the diamond for my own shiny new setting and I have no problem with that ::)
 

gem_anemone

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jun 21, 2011
Messages
682
Re: Would it bother you if your BF proposed with a "used" ri

I agree with the ladies that are ok with a used diamond, as long as SO didn't buy it for an ex previously. I would not want to know the history (unless it's a cool story to share :naughty: ) and I would also have it reset.
 

Tuckins1

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Apr 13, 2008
Messages
8,614
Re: Would it bother you if your BF proposed with a "used" ri

Not in the slightest.
 

NTave

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Aug 15, 2011
Messages
279
Re: Would it bother you if your BF proposed with a "used" ri

My BF just proposed with a used ring. To be honest, Ive been married before and so has he, we were planning on buying retail, but this ring, all set, had everything we were looking for and more. I dont mind the history of it, and I loved hearing the reasons that the seller picked this ring for his fiance. I 'm thankful we paid much less than we would have for it and have a setting I could not have justified the cost of without it being a used ring. It had been refurbished and unworn since being refurbished..and its perfect, and better yet, he is too.:)
 

centralsquare

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 18, 2009
Messages
2,197
Re: Would it bother you if your BF proposed with a "used" ri

It wouldn't bother me at all, as long as it was something I wanted (I wouldn't want it just because we got a good deal). In fact, wtih diamond prices as they are today, I'd prefer second hand pieces!
 

february2003bride

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 18, 2005
Messages
3,546
Re: Would it bother you if your BF proposed with a "used" ri

I would not mind a used diamond but I would like a new setting. Unless it was a gorgeous three stone!
 

february2003bride

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 18, 2005
Messages
3,546
Re: Would it bother you if your BF proposed with a "used" ri

NTave|1314464618|3001645 said:
My BF just proposed with a used ring. To be honest, Ive been married before and so has he, we were planning on buying retail, but this ring, all set, had everything we were looking for and more. I dont mind the history of it, and I loved hearing the reasons that the seller picked this ring for his fiance. I 'm thankful we paid much less than we would have for it and have a setting I could not have justified the cost of without it being a used ring. It had been refurbished and unworn since being refurbished..and its perfect, and better yet, he is too.:)

Have you started a thread on Show Me the Bling? If not, please do! I'd love to see your e-ring! :))
 
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