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Amber St. Clare

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Dec 15, 2009
Messages
1,625
This might sound jumbled, so please bear with me. I have a friend 'll call Mary. She has always been paranoid, but I noticed it getting worse the last couple of years.

We used to work together part time for a family business and she began telling me that the boss installed hidden cameras in one of the boxes in the storage room, which also served as the break room. I took a broom, moved all the boxes and proved that there weren't cameras. SHe told me the next day they were installed in the wall and couldn't be found.

During this time she was under ENORMOUS stress. I'm not talking just the problems of everyday life, I'm talking about soul-crushing problems. She would talk to me bout it, but blew off my suggestion of seeing a therapist.

Last time I saw her was at a church bazaar. It was in the evening and we talked for a while. She kept asking if I saw all those who were coming up to take our pictures or used microphones to overhear what we were saying. She couldn't be dissuaded from her feeling that there were cameras after her.

So she fell off my map and I hadn't heard from her in a while and she didn't answer her phone. I ran into someone the other night and asked her if she had heard from Mary and she began to cry. Apparently she got up one morning, left her house, husband and children and disappeared. Here's here it gets a little puzzling as the woman said she bumps into Mary every couple of months on the internet.

I could understand leaving your husband, but she would NEVER leave her kids--they were life. This is NOT the Mary I have known. I asked my kid to see if she's on FB, but she's not.

Does anyone have any ideas how barely iterate computer person could look? Or is this none of my business and I should just but out and trust she will get in touch when she's ready?

If you've gone this far, thanks for reading it.

PS--we were never computer friends if we weren't together, we would communicate by phone.
 

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momhappy

Ideal_Rock
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Mar 3, 2013
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It sounds as though maybe your friend suffers from mental illness. I realize that it's very painful to think that she could leave her family, but maybe there are circumstances that you don't understand? What is your intention for wanting to find her? To help? To be friends? It sounds to me like she needs professional help and unless you can provide that for her, you might be better off leaving the situation alone.
 

movie zombie

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Joined
Jan 20, 2005
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I'd just "put it out there" that you are thinking of her and available should she need help.....both in your thoughts re the universe, at your church, with people that you both know. perhaps if she hears from someone that you asked about her she will send a message back or get in touch.

I don't think you are obligated to do this.
I don't know that you want to take on her problems......
but I do think you are seeking to find out that she is ok.

you wouldn't have posted here if this were a mere whim on your part.
I know others will say that it is none of your business; and they are right in many ways.

however, if you deep in your soul are feeling a need to be there for her even if it is just on a check in basis to see if she is ok, well, then put it out there.

everyone needs someone to talk to and sometimes it is easier to do that with someone not involved and/or who has been out of the picture for some time.
 

Amber St. Clare

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Dec 15, 2009
Messages
1,625
movie zombie|1397431870|3652939 said:
I'd just "put it out there" that you are thinking of her and available should she need help.....both in your thoughts re the universe, at your church, with people that you both know. perhaps if she hears from someone that you asked about her she will send a message back or get in touch.

I don't think you are obligated to do this.
I don't know that you want to take on her problems......
but I do think you are seeking to find out that she is ok.

you wouldn't have posted here if this were a mere whim on your part.
I know others will say that it is none of your business; and they are right in many ways.

however, if you deep in your soul are feeling a need to be there for her even if it is just on a check in basis to see if she is ok, well, then put it out there.

everyone needs someone to talk to and sometimes it is easier to do that with someone not involved and/or who has been out of the picture for some time.
Thank you.
I DON'T want to take on her problems, but I do want to know she's OK. We have been friends a long time and this is just so out of character.

She's blown me off the times I suggested therapy but that doesn't mean I've stopped caring about her.
 

momhappy

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 3, 2013
Messages
4,660
I have a friend who has a substance abuse problem and we've been friends for years. Our friendship ebbs and flows because she always pushes me away when we get too close (she likely fears that I will somehow become too involved in her addiction). I still reach out to her from time to time and we remain friends. There's certainly nothing wrong with reaching out and letting someone know you care, which is entirely different than taking on their problems. You sound like a good friend and I'm sorry about your friend:(
 

movie zombie

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
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11,879
you are welcome, Amber.
 

hlmr

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 21, 2004
Messages
2,870
Amber, I would want to reach out and find out if she was okay too. Perhaps you could contact this mutual friend, and find out how you could be in touch with Mary via on-line. Thank goodness for thoughtful and caring friends, and your intentions are obviously centered on making sure Mary is okay considering she left her children, which would be so unlike her.

Too many people ignore mental illness, and figure it is not his/her problem. Your reaching out might end up being the catalyst that starts a positive chain reaction that helps Mary and her family.
 

Indylady

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Apr 28, 2008
Messages
5,539
If it were a friend of mine, I would want to know too.

Why not get in touch with her family first to ask them if they have any information; I imagine her husband and kids would be looking for her, wouldn't they? I wonder if she may actually be in a care facility, and the family is trying to protect her privacy by keeping the information quiet; it might also explain why she's available online from time to time. Of course, that's really just a guess on my behalf; I would start first by contacting her family. Good luck--I hope that your friend is ok.
 

perry

Ideal_Rock
Premium
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Sep 19, 2004
Messages
2,541
Amber:

Just put the word out to her family and past friends that you know of that you are thinking about her and care - and would appreciate it if they would pass that on when they could.

There is little else you can do in this world. You can pray and ask for her to be helped as well.

People with mental illness do things we do not understand. Chances are very good that she is not OK - and you did in fact sense that somehow. But, even that - there is limited things you can do.

You have a very good heart - and it shows,

Perry
 

VapidLapid

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Feb 18, 2010
Messages
4,266
I am very sorry to read this. It is very hard to watch someone lose the thread. I agree with Indy that you should contact the family, as they may have the best info. Then too, you could ask the friend who does occasionally bump into her on the internet and ask where, when and under what name(s). I would be inclined to check on the family anyway to make sure they are coping and try to help them if I could. It is nice that you want to check up on her and possibly help. I hope you find her getting the help she needs and that she can get her life back. Mental illness is a terrible disease, but in many cases it can be managed.
 

TooPatient

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Sep 1, 2009
Messages
8,424
Sending you hugs. I hope she is able to get the help she needs.

Have you talked to her husband? He may know a little more and be grateful for someone to share with.
I'd also check with your mutual friends. Ask them to pass on to her that you say hello and she's welcome to call any time.
 

minousbijoux

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Aug 5, 2010
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12,208
perry|1397442588|3653023 said:
Amber:

Just put the word out to her family and past friends that you know of that you are thinking about her and care - and would appreciate it if they would pass that on when they could.

There is little else you can do in this world. You can pray and ask for her to be helped as well.

People with mental illness do things we do not understand. Chances are very good that she is not OK - and you did in fact sense that somehow. But, even that - there is limited things you can do.

You have a very good heart - and it shows,

Perry
This exactly.
 

Gypsy

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 8, 2005
Messages
40,198
movie zombie|1397431870|3652939 said:
I'd just "put it out there" that you are thinking of her and available should she need help.....both in your thoughts re the universe, at your church, with people that you both know. perhaps if she hears from someone that you asked about her she will send a message back or get in touch.

I don't think you are obligated to do this.
I don't know that you want to take on her problems......
but I do think you are seeking to find out that she is ok.

you wouldn't have posted here if this were a mere whim on your part.
I know others will say that it is none of your business; and they are right in many ways.

however, if you deep in your soul are feeling a need to be there for her even if it is just on a check in basis to see if she is ok, well, then put it out there.

everyone needs someone to talk to and sometimes it is easier to do that with someone not involved and/or who has been out of the picture for some time.
I agree with MZ.
 

momhappy

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 3, 2013
Messages
4,660
Personally, I would not contact the husband. If she's left him and their children, it could be incredibly emotional for him (he could be devastated, he could be angry, etc.). It's not a bad idea to try to contact some of her family for some info, but I would not go to the husband.
 
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