Work/Life Balance, your thoughts on my dilemma please

[goldenstar]

I've been waffling on a decision for a while now and I would really love to hear different points of view so that I can finally settle on a course of action.

I am currently working on my second post graduate degree. I also work two part time jobs that keep me busy full time. The classes are always at night (6:30pm- 9:30pm). On days I have class I wake up at 6:30am, commute 40 minutes to work, work 9-6, then off to class. After class is another 40 minute commute home. So far, I only do this once a week. In the beginning I only worked two days a week so class was no big deal. Three weekdays were completely free for studying and assorted errands and housekeeping. I only got a second part time job three weeks ago.

When the fall semester starts in August, I will be taking 3 classes which translates into 3 late nights per week. I am absolutely terrified! I know many people who worked full time and attended class at night but I am already overwhelmed with my "light" schedule as it is. I will have less time with DH and won't get anything done around the house. I am very particular about keeping an orderly house so I cannot just ignore things like laundry, vacuuming, scrubbing the kitchen etc. DH is very supportive and I know he will help out. However, he's a little clueless when it comes to domestic tasks so I'm sure we'll end up eating a lot of take out and hiring a housekeeper.

I have a few options:

1) Do it all. Its not unheard of and will only be temporary. If I take 3 classes in the Fall and 3 in the Spring I will have my degree. Many people do the work + school routine and they make it through alive.

2) Reduce work. I'm not loving my new job and we can live on DH's salary alone in addition to my one part time job. However, there is so much less financial stress now that I work all week. I am paying down my student loans very quickly and we have more left over each month to build our savings. I feel like we have a safety net. If I had only one job we would have less money to save and I would only be able to pay the minimum on my student loans. We would still have a decent quality of life, but less of a safety net which worries me.

3) Reduce school. I can take two classes in the Fall and Spring but then I would have to take two classes in the Summer. Its only a few extra months in the grand scheme of things but I do want to get school over with asap. I've been in school for ages and I'm ready to get out for good.

I really feel equally about all three options. Some days I'm convinced that #2 is best, other days I want to do #1 or #3. I can't make up my mind. There are pros and cons for each, and each has some element that would cause me anxiety. DH thinks I should quit my second job and focus on school. We can live without the money and his opinion is that I should just finish my degree and be done with it. He also knows that my second job makes me pretty unhappy sometimes.

Your thoughts please? I can't decide and its really bugging me. What would you do if you were me? If you need more info about the situation, feel free to ask. I'm sure I missed some factors that would influence a decision.

Thanks for reading my long post and for your feedback! Ugh, if only I could make up my mind.

ETA: DH and I are newlyweds (married in April). That might be a factor to consider.

 

[chiquitapet]

I say #2 - reduce work. These are my reasons:

- You need to prevent burning yourself out. Your health comes first.
- Financially you`ll be able to live comfortably even without your 2nd job, so really there is no pressure for you to push yourself this hard other than ''safety-netting''.
- You don''t like your 2nd job that much.
- You say you are overwhelmed already with your current schedule...
- If you work so hard, you won''t be able to concentrate on your studies properly.
- You get to still do housework and keep your place nice and tidy.
- You are newlyweds, so enjoy the time you have together.

 

[elrohwen]

Date: 7/6/2009 5:34:01 AM
Author: chiquitapet
I say #2 - reduce work. These are my reasons:

- You need to prevent burning yourself out. Your health comes first.
- Financially you`ll be able to live comfortably even without your 2nd job, so really there is no pressure for you to push yourself this hard other than ''safety-netting''.
- You don''t like your 2nd job that much.
- You say you are overwhelmed already with your current schedule...
- If you work so hard, you won''t be able to concentrate on your studies properly.
- You get to still do housework and keep your place nice and tidy.
- You are newlyweds, so enjoy the time you have together.

Ditto!

 

[Lauren8211]

I vote for finish that degree as soon as possible.

If you can drop some of the work, awesome, if not.. just barrel through it.

I''m a huge advocate of not dragging out school if you don''t have to. If you don''t need the money to survive, school comes first, absolutely.

 

[sparklyheart]

I was in your situation a year ago.. minus the DH! I dropped down to part time at work and it was the BEST decision ever. It sucks not being able to save like I want to but knowing that I have my sanity is so worth it. Yes, money is tight. No, things don''t get done around the house and if I don''t do it, there is no one there to do it for me! (I had to learn to LET THAT GO!). But work was making me unhappy and causing more stress. Since you can make it financially without the extra work, drop it. It''s only TWO semesters but if you keep barreling through you will have a miserable two semesters. Enjoy the time with your DH and find cheaper things to do so you will have extra money to put aside. Good luck! You''re almost done!!!

 

[Haven]

I''d say to finish school as quickly as possible. As for the work portion--could you try working both PT jobs for a bit while taking three classes to see if you can handle it?

This is my suggestion because I think you''ll be amazed by how much you can actually handle once you''re in the middle of it all. I say this as someone who spent two years teaching high school full time, coaching a demanding Speech Team (which meant full day Saturday tournaments in addition to before and after school practices,) and attending graduate school two nights per week for four hours each night. It was crazy busy, I had many moments where I thought I''d never get through it, but boy oh boy am I glad that I didn''t drag it out longer. My schedule was similar to yours--wake up at 5, be at work by 7, teach until 3:30, go straight to grad school for class from 4:30 to 8:30, get home between 9:30 and 10, grade papers, make lesson plans, sleep, back up at 5. The nights that I didn''t have grad school I had speech practice, and lots of grading, and reading and work for grad school. I spent every Sunday at a bookstore or coffee shop plowing through all the work.

But you know what? I made it. I earned a 4.0 GPA in grad school, I had a successful Speech Team season, my English students learned what they were supposed to learn, had great discussions, and taught me more than I taught them, and here I am to tell you about it. I am so glad I didn''t slow down with the classes because it felt SO GOOD to finish that degree.

Good luck. You can do it, one assignment and reading and research project at a time.

 

[packrat]

Date: 7/6/2009 10:01:00 AM
Author: elrohwen

Date: 7/6/2009 5:34:01 AM

Author: chiquitapet

I say #2 - reduce work. These are my reasons:


- You need to prevent burning yourself out. Your health comes first.

- Financially you`ll be able to live comfortably even without your 2nd job, so really there is no pressure for you to push yourself this hard other than ''safety-netting''.

- You don''t like your 2nd job that much.

- You say you are overwhelmed already with your current schedule...

- If you work so hard, you won''t be able to concentrate on your studies properly.

- You get to still do housework and keep your place nice and tidy.

- You are newlyweds, so enjoy the time you have together.

Ditto!

I agree too. Especially being newlyweds. Money that you would have made at the job you don''t like, if you''re still putting in all those hours, might end up just going towards hiring a housekeeper or eating out.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Because of your student loan debt, I would keep both jobs. Not only do you need to get those paid off, you have no guarantee of where you''ll be career wise after you graduate. It''s best to prepare a saftey net AND minimize your debt load.

You can do it!!!

 

[zoebartlett]

Good for you for trying to get ahead in so many aspects of your life! I''m sure this must be a hard decision. If I was in your situation, I''d cut back on school. As you pointed out, you''d only be extending your schooling by a few months. My second choice would be to reduce work since you don''t love what you do. Reducing debt is a huge thing, and I think if you could hold on to your job without cutting back, it will pay off in the long run. I''m assuming (maybe incorrectly) that you may change career paths when you do finish school. If that''s the case and I was in your shoes, I''d just stay where I was for the time being and cut back on classes.

 

[cara]

I think you should prioritize school. Its important, and getting it over with is not to be misunderestimated, particularly if you will not be going into further debt to complete the classes on the faster schedule.

Whether or not you have to cut your second part time job is the question. I voted yes, but it may not be totally necessary. Either way, you should make sure to cut yourself some slack: eating take-out when necessary is OK. Hiring a housekeeper is OK (though costs money, maybe reducing the benefit to working your second job). Your DH should definitely contribute to the housework, but remember, its not "helping out". Its his house, he''s pulling his share. Its important that he''s in charge of tasks that he will willingly do, and that somehow you don''t second guess how he does his tasks - either by lowering your standards or by him raising his.

If you do keep the second job, you should give yourself permission to quit it if its interfering with your school work or making you consistently miserable keeping up with it all. Good luck!

 

[goldenstar]

Thank you all for the thoughtful responses. I really appreciate you taking the time to share your ideas. Every single one of you makes vaild points which is why I''m having such a hard time with this.



The big plan after I graduate is to trade in my two part time jobs for one full time, permanent position. It will be the same line of work. The degree I''m getting will increase my earning potential and marketability-- otherwise I wouldn''t be expending my time and money for it . Of course there are no guarantees that this will happen, but I will be in a much better position to reach my goal job. That''s why its a little scary to quit one job. Who knows where I will end up next year? But again, we were doing fine when I had one job so I think we can get by for a little while during the time that I am looking.

Haven,
Wow, you are a superstar! Thanks for telling me your story. Where did DH fit into all of this? Was it hard on your relationship? I think I will definitely try it for a while to see if its doable. My decision does not have to be final at any point. I guess I can''t judge until I try it. I''m just nervous right now because it sounds like a lot to have on my plate. Also, this may seem like a silly question, but what time did you go to bed on your long days? I''d like an idea of what it will feel like .

 

[curiousaboutdiamonds]

Hi Goldenstar,

I just wanted to let you know that I went through (am going through) option 1. I''m a full-time lawyer and I''m currently going to school 3 nights a week to get my LLM. My classmates call me crazy for doing this but, like you, I''m so anxious and ready for school to be over. I''ll be finishing the LLM in 4 semesters. It really is doable, but you have to be committed. It also really helps to have a loving and supporting husband (sounds like you do). I really don''t know if I could do it if I didn''t have the support of my husband. (We were married for less than a year when I went back to school.)

So the point of my post is to let you know that you can do it all.

Good luck!

 

[goldenstar]

Date: 7/6/2009 9:27:28 PM
Author: curiousaboutdiamonds
Hi Goldenstar,


I just wanted to let you know that I went through (am going through) option 1. I''m a full-time lawyer and I''m currently going to school 3 nights a week to get my LLM. My classmates call me crazy for doing this but, like you, I''m so anxious and ready for school to be over. I''ll be finishing the LLM in 4 semesters. It really is doable, but you have to be committed. It also really helps to have a loving and supporting husband (sounds like you do). I really don''t know if I could do it if I didn''t have the support of my husband. (We were married for less than a year when I went back to school.)


So the point of my post is to let you know that you can do it all.


Good luck!

You are EXACTLY in my position! Unbelievable!

I am a contract attorney for two firms by day and LLM Taxation student by night. I took LLM courses concurrently with my JD so I knocked out 1/3 of the units before I even graduated. I will finish the LLM after one summer class plus two semesters with 3 classes each.

I''m still traumatized by the bar exam experience which is why I''m so afraid to take the plunge. It was a miserable time (but I passed

). I just don''t want to expose myself to anything even remotely like that. I hope my current situation is very different.

I really am going to give it a shot and see how it goes. There''s no harm in trying. I get twinges of doubt every now and then and I never really feel confident that I''m doing the right thing. You have really helped me!

Good luck to you too!

 

[curiousaboutdiamonds]

That''s great that you were able to take some classes as a JD. That sure does save a lot of money and time.

Wouldn''t it be funny if you were in one of my classes. I think there''s only 1 school in N.CA that offers the LLM in Taxation??? I could be wrong

 

[goldenstar]

Date: 7/6/2009 10:38:41 PM
Author: curiousaboutdiamonds
That''s great that you were able to take some classes as a JD. That sure does save a lot of money and time.


Wouldn''t it be funny if you were in one of my classes. I think there''s only 1 school in N.CA that offers the LLM in Taxation??? I could be wrong

You are correct!

Whoa....

If I see a split shank RB with halo on campus...

 

[hawaiianorangetree]

I voted for reducing the work hours.

I have been working full time for 2 years with 3 hours travelling a day, i was leaving before 7am (before my daughter was awake) and i was getting home at around 6pm, 5 days a week and working the occassional Saturday. When i got home it was a rush to get dinner ready in time for my daughter to eat and go to bed. Not much of a work/life balance at all.

I have dropped one day a week at work, i am still working 5 days a week but now instead of getting home at 6pm everyday i am getting home at 3.30 - 4pm. have been doing it for just over a month and it is sooooo much better, yeah the loss of income sucks but really, it doesn''t compare to the quality and time i have gained in my family life.

I believe in being happy in the ''now'', not in 6 months time or when you finish your degree, make the change now, to make your balance better, everything will get done eventually!!

 

[Smo]

Hi the, I am a lawyer now but unti November last year I was working as a full time paralegal and studying full time. I generally did three subjects a semester but last year after completing my law degree I did college if law which is the final part of your legal training. I had the two options of doing it full time over six months ( 7 subjects in six months) or part time (7 subjects over 12 months). I ended up choosing to do it full time because at that stage I just wanted to be done. I hated studying and just wanted to have my life back. I finished the course last November and had I chosen to study part time I would only just have completed it now. Yeah it was a really tough six months. I saw noone, had no free time and my life revolved around work and study. But it was so worth it! I vote that you do as much as you can now because when you are all finished it is the best!

 

[Black Jade]

Choice #1 should be reducing work, in my opinion.
If you feel really really insecure in this economy, then reduce school. Finishing slower, but in one piece mentally and still happily married is better than trying to rush through and losing either sanity or husband.
Husbands will say that they don''t mind absent wives (and you''re just as absent when you''re physically home but too tired to be anly fun or studying all the time) but they do mind. Quite a lot, jsut as you would mind if it was him being the workaholic. Once you get married, you have to put the other person above work above school, above everything and MAKE SURE you spend a lot of time with them and unfortunately the way it works is this--if you aren''t paying enough attention to your wife as a husband, she will nag and let you know it; but if you aren''t paying enough attention to your husband as a wife, he will say that all is well and that he doesn''t care, right up until the afternoon when you find him in bed with some woman who DID make time for him. Then he''s wrong and you''re right--but it''s too late, or at least much much harder than it otherwise would have been.

Take a few days and relax as much as you can and then make a decision. But the way I think you should put it to your husband is this, that you''re going to let go of something so that you can be sure you have enough time with him and which does he think it should be. Don''t ask, should I let anything go (while sounding as if you don''t want to let go of anything)--tell him you''re dropping something and ask which would make it easier for him.

Advice from an old lady who''s seen some things--take it or leave it.

 

[goldenstar]

Thanks again to everyone who took the time to respond. I definitely have a lot to think about. Its really a matter of weighing the pros and cons and trusting my gut. There's no sweeping right or wrong answer.

I am feeling much better because I now understand that I can make adjustments at any point if I feel that things are not going well. I might as well give it a shot instead of giving up before I even try. I also feel better knowing that the work and school are in fact doable if you have the right support system, a positive attitude, and discipline.

ETA: Just to clarify, DH votes for #2 because he doesn't want me to be unhappy at my second job. He would support any decision I make as long as I was happy. I hope I didn't give the impression that he wants me to work less so I could be home more.

 

[joelly]

Date: 7/6/2009 5:34:01 AM
Author: chiquitapet
I say #2 - reduce work. These are my reasons:

- You need to prevent burning yourself out. Your health comes first.
- Financially you`ll be able to live comfortably even without your 2nd job, so really there is no pressure for you to push yourself this hard other than ''safety-netting''.
- You don''t like your 2nd job that much.
- You say you are overwhelmed already with your current schedule...
- If you work so hard, you won''t be able to concentrate on your studies properly.
- You get to still do housework and keep your place nice and tidy.
- You are newlyweds, so enjoy the time you have together.

All of the above!!! Chiquita, I couldn''t have say it better.

Working is stress enough. Not happy at work meaning stress in the power of two. IMHO, you don''t need the stress. Less work and more school now meaning better paying job later.