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Words some people still use that most find offensive...

JewelFreak

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msop04|1428533414|3858909 said:
It's clear which words most people would find offensive... but in a society where it seems so many are just looking to BE OFFENDED -- we're all pretty much screwed. #yeahisaidscrewed :roll:

I'd rather not talk to someone who is forever trying to find a way to be offended or find something offensive for others... but then I'd be considered *rude*. SHEESH!

I'm with you a million percent. Of course we don't want to use words that truly hurt, & some are so vulgar as to be unacceptable, period. (Suck is definitely one, in my book, Deb!)

It seems Americans, at least, stalk around looking for "offensive" speech. What makes one shiver with horror does not bother another, so ESP is recommended.

I also notice that offense is taken and/or expected unevenly. For example, does anyone avoid the word WASP? It has been used in a sneer as long as I remember. I can't help being a WASP any more than my neighbor can help being black, or another being Jewish. Do I get all faint when I hear it? I have many worse things to fuss about. My advice to most people is to get a grip on what's truly important in life.

If people are kind & honest, you know it. Making them negotiate through a maze of correct & incorrect words risks losing the wonder they could bring to your life. We have too much time on our hands & not enough going on in our upstairs these days. Clichés remain because they are true -- so, "Idle brains are the devil's workshop." Without apologies to Christians, pagans, witches, or atheists! :bigsmile:

--- Laurie
 

packrat

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HotPozzum|1428556913|3859086 said:
Interesting thread! I grew up in a verrrrry white, rural, rather old fashioned area with minimal experience with other cultures/nationalities so to be honest we didn't really officially learn what to call everyone else! :oops:

Thankfully I've now spent many years in various major cities with broader experiences so I always try to be absolutely polite and sensitive to people of all different cultures/nationalities and yet it does seem a struggle at times with some people terribly offended by one term but not another! Eg. African American/Black/Coloured person/Person of colour etc.... :confused:

Personally I despise crass vulgar language that is universally derogatory to all such as "Slut", "C*nt", "F*cktard" etc. :angryfire:


I find that the less often used ****wad and ****nut work well if one is looking to call someone a **** of some sort.
 

Circe

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packrat|1428616589|3859482 said:
HotPozzum|1428556913|3859086 said:
Interesting thread! I grew up in a verrrrry white, rural, rather old fashioned area with minimal experience with other cultures/nationalities so to be honest we didn't really officially learn what to call everyone else! :oops:

Thankfully I've now spent many years in various major cities with broader experiences so I always try to be absolutely polite and sensitive to people of all different cultures/nationalities and yet it does seem a struggle at times with some people terribly offended by one term but not another! Eg. African American/Black/Coloured person/Person of colour etc.... :confused:

Personally I despise crass vulgar language that is universally derogatory to all such as "Slut", "C*nt", "F*cktard" etc. :angryfire:


I find that the less often used ****wad and ****nut work well if one is looking to call someone a [censored] of some sort.

They do have a delightfully over-the-top element of ridiculousness that makes it difficult for the target to successfully muster any steam for a defense ....
 

Siameseroo

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JewelFreak|1428606572|3859406 said:
msop04|1428533414|3858909 said:
It's clear which words most people would find offensive... but in a society where it seems so many are just looking to BE OFFENDED -- we're all pretty much screwed. #yeahisaidscrewed :roll:

I'd rather not talk to someone who is forever trying to find a way to be offended or find something offensive for others... but then I'd be considered *rude*. SHEESH!

I'm with you a million percent. Of course we don't want to use words that truly hurt, & some are so vulgar as to be unacceptable, period. (Suck is definitely one, in my book, Deb!)

It seems Americans, at least, stalk around looking for "offensive" speech. What makes one shiver with horror does not bother another, so ESP is recommended.

I also notice that offense is taken and/or expected unevenly. For example, does anyone avoid the word WASP? It has been used in a sneer as long as I remember. I can't help being a WASP any more than my neighbor can help being black, or another being Jewish. Do I get all faint when I hear it? I have many worse things to fuss about. My advice to most people is to get a grip on what's truly important in life.

If people are kind & honest, you know it. Making them negotiate through a maze of correct & incorrect words risks losing the wonder they could bring to your life. We have too much time on our hands & not enough going on in our upstairs these days. Clichés remain because they are true -- so, "Idle brains are the devil's workshop." Without apologies to Christians, pagans, witches, or atheists! :bigsmile:

--- Laurie

Completely agree with these two posts!! It's definitely easier to misinterpret or be offended by comments posted on the Internet as there are no tone or body language cues to pick up on in conversation. Having said that, I really do think that some people jump the gun and take offence too quickly on forums such as these. I've seen so many threads turn nasty because the offended party chooses to attack rather than politely seek clarification or respectfully disagree. This is a jewellery forum!! I think we can safely assume that the vast majority of people here are well-meaning. :wavey:
 

missy

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Minithreadjack...
Laurie!!! Hiya PS twin sister! I missed you and so glad to see you. (((HUGS))). I hope you and your family are well and just wanted to say I missed you beautiful girl!


Ricezo, I agree with you and the others. It is easier to misinterpret intent and meaning posting via internet vs chatting IRL. Plus as many people do I talk with my hands too and very animatedly so it is harder sometimes to convey meaning online. The emoticons help a bit.... :wavey:

Circe, haha so true. :lol:
 

House Cat

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I believe a level of sensitivity is born from experience. I also believe that everyone deserves empathy and compassion because we never know what they have experienced in their lives. It really isn't all that difficult to address another person's needs with kind words.

I am trying to imagine the person who is "just looking to be offended." I see a person who has been through too much in their lives. This same kind of person wears their feelings all over their body. It isn't too difficult to sense what they are feeling. I'm not sure how I couldn't feel some shred of sorrow and compassion for this person. If they were truly aggressive, I would just leave the scene.

I haven't seen anyone here who was just looking to be offended. Anyone who has been offended was rightfully upset.
 

missy

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House Cat said:
I believe a level of sensitivity is born from experience. I also believe that everyone deserves empathy and compassion because we never know what they have experienced in their lives. It really isn't all that difficult to address another person's needs with kind words.

I am trying to imagine the person who is "just looking to be offended." I see a person who has been through too much in their lives. This same kind of person wears their feelings all over their body. It isn't too difficult to sense what they are feeling. I'm not sure how I couldn't feel some shred of sorrow and compassion for this person. If they were truly aggressive, I would just leave the scene.

I haven't seen anyone who here who was just looking to be offended. Anyone who has been offended was rightfully upset.


I often think of this quote before reacting to certain circumstances, actions, words.

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.
– John Watson (aka Ian MacLaren)
 

House Cat

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missy|1428673535|3859800 said:
House Cat said:
I believe a level of sensitivity is born from experience. I also believe that everyone deserves empathy and compassion because we never know what they have experienced in their lives. It really isn't all that difficult to address another person's needs with kind words.

I am trying to imagine the person who is "just looking to be offended." I see a person who has been through too much in their lives. This same kind of person wears their feelings all over their body. It isn't too difficult to sense what they are feeling. I'm not sure how I couldn't feel some shred of sorrow and compassion for this person. If they were truly aggressive, I would just leave the scene.

I haven't seen anyone who here who was just looking to be offended. Anyone who has been offended was rightfully upset.


I often think of this quote before reacting to certain circumstances, actions, words.

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.
– John Watson (aka Ian MacLaren)
Thank you. This is exactly what I am trying to say! :D
 

luv2sparkle

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I love your quote Missy! That is so true. I try to always keep that sentiment in mind. A little kindness and grace is a very good thing.
 

Polished

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I remember close on twenty five years ago someone saying to me they thought a doctor we both knew was dishy but he was married to a slope eye. It floored me. Talk about pejorative to an entire race of people.
 

Siameseroo

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Beautiful quote Missy!

Oh Polished, that is aweful!!
 

missy

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OMG Polished that is truly awful! I never even heard that horrible term. :nono:
I am so sorry.((HUGS)).

Sometimes when people say awful things I think they are being ignorant and insensitive and did not mean to be so offensive. Of course that is challenging to do when you just want to punch someone for something awful they have said.

Thanks House Cat, luv 2 sparkle and ricezo. I am glad the quote resonated with you. I think it almost every day and it helps. Kindness goes a long way and it is not only nice for the person receiving the kindness but for the person sharing the kindness.
 

lilsweetie

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Jambalaya|1428421926|3857990 said:
Hi Missy,
I think calling someone a devil or saying that something is devilish should also be off-limits in a world where we can't say Happy Christmas. The devil is a religious entity.

I agree.

Along the same vein is "Bible Thumper" or "Jesus Freak". It seems that people have no problem using terms like that toward Christianity, but where other religions are concerned, I don't see the use of as many derogatory phrases.
 

missy

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lilsweetie said:
Jambalaya|1428421926|3857990 said:
Hi Missy,
I think calling someone a devil or saying that something is devilish should also be off-limits in a world where we can't say Happy Christmas. The devil is a religious entity.

I agree.

Along the same vein is "Bible Thumper" or "Jesus Freak". It seems that people have no problem using terms like that toward Christianity, but where other religions are concerned, I don't see the use of as many derogatory phrases.

Lilsweetie,
What I find interesting is how some people really only can see the world as it pertains to them vs seeing it through the eyes of others to gain empathy into that other person's world. I see prejudice of all kinds and to hear you say you don't see that but rather you do see people talking down the Christian religion well that is because you are seeing it from your perspective. Until you walk in another's shoes don't be so quick to judge. And believe me there is a lot of intolerance in this world and yes intolerance to the religious as well as towards atheists, agnostics etc.

I don't share your view. I see just as many, heck more in my experience, derogatory phrases used against people of a different color, different religion, different sexual orientation etc than I do against the christian religion in general. So for you to say "people have no problem using terms like that toward Christianity, but where other religions are concerned, I don't see the use of as many derogatory phrases" shows you are either just not aware of what is going on against other religions/races etc or you lead a sheltered life.
 

lilsweetie

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missy|1429044011|3861845 said:
lilsweetie said:
Jambalaya|1428421926|3857990 said:
Hi Missy,
I think calling someone a devil or saying that something is devilish should also be off-limits in a world where we can't say Happy Christmas. The devil is a religious entity.

I agree.

Along the same vein is "Bible Thumper" or "Jesus Freak". It seems that people have no problem using terms like that toward Christianity, but where other religions are concerned, I don't see the use of as many derogatory phrases.

Lilsweetie,
What I find interesting is how some people really only can see the world as it pertains to them vs seeing it through the eyes of others to gain empathy into that other person's world. I see prejudice of all kinds and to hear you say you don't see that but rather you do see people talking down the Christian religion well that is because you are seeing it from your perspective. Until you walk in another's shoes don't be so quick to judge. And believe me there is a lot of intolerance in this world and yes intolerance to the religious as well as towards atheists, agnostics etc.

I don't share your view. I see just as many, heck more in my experience, derogatory phrases used against people of a different color, different religion, different sexual orientation etc than I do against the christian religion in general. So for you to say "people have no problem using terms like that toward Christianity, but where other religions are concerned, I don't see the use of as many derogatory phrases" shows you are either just not aware of what is going on against other religions/races etc or you lead a sheltered life.

It's too bad you feel that you have to judge my opinion and "sheltered life".

That is just what I happen to see around me. I find it narrow minded of you to jump so quickly to judge me when you don't know anything about me, where I live, what my background is, etc. Is this not supposed to be a safe place to voice what we personally find offensive? I am actually shocked at how you seem to be looking for an argument here when my comment warranted no such thing.
 

missy

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lilsweetie|1429044430|3861848 said:
missy|1429044011|3861845 said:
lilsweetie said:
Jambalaya|1428421926|3857990 said:
Hi Missy,
I think calling someone a devil or saying that something is devilish should also be off-limits in a world where we can't say Happy Christmas. The devil is a religious entity.

I agree.

Along the same vein is "Bible Thumper" or "Jesus Freak". It seems that people have no problem using terms like that toward Christianity, but where other religions are concerned, I don't see the use of as many derogatory phrases.

Lilsweetie,
What I find interesting is how some people really only can see the world as it pertains to them vs seeing it through the eyes of others to gain empathy into that other person's world. I see prejudice of all kinds and to hear you say you don't see that but rather you do see people talking down the Christian religion well that is because you are seeing it from your perspective. Until you walk in another's shoes don't be so quick to judge. And believe me there is a lot of intolerance in this world and yes intolerance to the religious as well as towards atheists, agnostics etc.

I don't share your view. I see just as many, heck more in my experience, derogatory phrases used against people of a different color, different religion, different sexual orientation etc than I do against the christian religion in general. So for you to say "people have no problem using terms like that toward Christianity, but where other religions are concerned, I don't see the use of as many derogatory phrases" shows you are either just not aware of what is going on against other religions/races etc or you lead a sheltered life.

It's too bad you feel that you have to judge my opinion and "sheltered life".

That is just what I happen to see around me. I find it narrow minded of you to jump so quickly to judge me when you don't know anything about me, where I live, what my background is, etc. Is this not supposed to be a safe place to voice what we personally find offensive? I am actually shocked at how you seem to be looking for an argument here when my comment warranted no such thing.

What you wrote in your post if it is your experience it is a sheltered one. Saying that people have no problems putting down Christianity whereas you don't see them putting down other religions etc. I am sorry you take exception with my post to you but that's how I feel. That what you wrote if it is indeed your experience is a sheltered one. Or, do you think it is possible you are just not aware of other religions etc being put down because it is not your religion? And when you hear Christianity being put down it reverberates with you because that is what you are sensitive to and tuned into? As I wrote sometimes we view the world from the perspective of how it affects us and not as sensitive towards others experiences.
 

aljdewey

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So I've not been on PS in at least two weeks, so I've missed the thread that apparently fed into this one that's now gone. I have no idea who said what beyond this thread, so the below is not direct at anyone specific but just a general observation.

There is no earthly way for people to know every personal hot button every other person has has - especially in a forum environment frequented by literally thousands of contributors.

With the amount of time frequent posters spend discussing a vast scope of topics, it's disappointing to think we can't just give each other the benefit of the doubt a bit more before jumping on the (often high) horses.

I co-sign with the many others who observed that intent provides a very meaningful context. To me, a whole bunch of seemingly nice words strung together in a way meant to belittle is much more egregious than someone who is sincerely trying to convey a thought and does so with a word or phrase that may offend without meaning to. How about a bit of latitude?

This is by no means meant to suggest that people can't convey their feelings - not at all. Is there a reason it can't be done in a less caustic way than jumping all over someone's ca-ca, especially if the context clearly doesn't fit with an intent to offend? Is berating someone who didn't mean to offend somehow going to negate the offense to you? Probably not. Is it possible to say "I don't think this choice of words was meant to be offensive, but for me, it was and I wanted to tell you since we spend so much time in common threads."

We can also choose to bypass posts or posters we feel are offensive (sometimes hard, but possible) or spend time on the threads we don't find offensive.

Otherwise, it's getting to a point where the only thing we'll be able to say to each other here is 'good morning', and trust me, that won't be enough to keep folks here. This is a forum of largely kind and considerate adults, and it would be nice if the behavior from us all matched that demographic.
 

VRBeauty

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The term that started the discussion was "wife beater" as used to describe a tank top. The poster acknowledged, with a smile, that she was waiting to see whether anyone would react to the use of that term, so doubt was not an issue. In any event, this thread was moving down the page, so it seems most people had moved on... :wink2:
 

aljdewey

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VRBeauty|1429425517|3864351 said:
The term that started the discussion was "wife beater" as used to describe a tank top. The poster acknowledged, with a smile, that she was waiting to see whether anyone would react to the use of that term, so doubt was not an issue. In any event, this thread was moving down the page, so it seems most people had moved on... :wink2:

Ok. I can get that.......you felt the post was deliberately meant to be provocative. Is provocative always synonymous with intending to offend, though? Heck, Kenny posts provocative stuff all the time, and so does DF. Are you saying all of those posts are truly meant to offend others? I don't think I could agree they are. Most of them are just conversation or general pot-stirring. :) And in those instances, those who might take offense can choose not to partake in those discussions, leaving more time for the ones they enjoy.

As I said, I haven't been here in a few weeks, so I'm catching up. It was a very recent, related post that led me to this thread, though, so perhaps not everyone has moved on. This isn't a months-old thread, so I felt it was still worthy to contribute to. :)
 

VRBeauty

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Please don't put words in my mouth. :))
 

momhappy

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I was going to just let this go because most people have moved on, but I just wanted to clarify. In my thread, I did not acknowledge that I was waiting for someone to respond to my use of a term for a particular style of tank top. What I did say, however (with a smile), was that I anticipated that someone might react in a manner that was not productive for either the thread topic or to the issue of the offensive terminology. The thread was not meant to offend or to provoke anyone. It was meant to find referrals for tank tops and I used a term that I commonly use to refer to that particular style of tank top. I chose to react to the comments in a casual manner in an effort to try to stay on topic and to avoid a train wreck. Could I have used different terminology for the tank tops? Yes, but by the same token, some of the responses could have been handled differently as well. I apologize if the term offended anyone and I plan to choose my words more carefully from now on:)
 

aljdewey

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VR, most sincerely, I am not trying to put words into your mouth at all. Clearly, I misunderstood what you meant, so I'll just ask.

You wrote: The poster acknowledged, with a smile, that she was waiting to see whether anyone would react to the use of that term, so doubt was not an issue.

What did you mean by this?
 

LoversKites

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msop04|1428533414|3858909 said:
It's clear which words most people would find offensive... but in a society where it seems so many are just looking to BE OFFENDED -- we're all pretty much screwed. #yeahisaidscrewed :roll:

I'd rather not talk to someone who is forever trying to find a way to be offended or find something offensive for others... but then I'd be considered *rude*. SHEESH!

I totally agree with this.
 

partgypsy

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I probably should not stand in front of this train, but I understood the use of that term to describe a: ribbed white close fitting tank.
It was easier for her to use the colloquial, than to dance around to try to find another term. I did not get the sense she was trying to be provocative, because she stopped using the term and tried more than once to move on about the actual topic (where to buy a good quality version of this), of thread...

Literally speaking, who should be offended are the type of working class men who wear those shirts and are typecast/disparaged by that term.
 

smitcompton

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Hi,


I just can't resist commenting along with Part Gypsy that the persons who should be offended are the men who are now stereotyped by wearing that shirt. To me, it was much ado about nothing.

Of course, we should be mindful of what we write, and try not to be unkind, but undue censorship is not good either. I certainly can be brusque, and also must learn to soften my thoughts. I usually don't mind what people say, even if it is a bit out there, I do however dislike the me twos that feel like a gang-up to me. As Missy said, we all have our own experience, some people have broader ones than others.
For me its Ok if they express them.



Annette
 

msop04

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smitcompton|1429548610|3864894 said:
Hi,


I just can't resist commenting along with Part Gypsy that the persons who should be offended are the men who are now stereotyped by wearing that shirt. To me, it was much ado about nothing.

Of course, we should be mindful of what we write, and try not to be unkind, but undue censorship is not good either. I certainly can be brusque, and also must learn to soften my thoughts. I usually don't mind what people say, even if it is a bit out there, I do however dislike the me twos that feel like a gang-up to me. As Missy said, we all have our own experience, some people have broader ones than others.
For me its Ok if they express them.



Annette

Best. Post. Yet. :))
 

missy

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msop04|1429554406|3864953 said:
smitcompton|1429548610|3864894 said:
Hi,


I just can't resist commenting along with Part Gypsy that the persons who should be offended are the men who are now stereotyped by wearing that shirt. To me, it was much ado about nothing.

Of course, we should be mindful of what we write, and try not to be unkind, but undue censorship is not good either. I certainly can be brusque, and also must learn to soften my thoughts. I usually don't mind what people say, even if it is a bit out there, I do however dislike the me twos that feel like a gang-up to me. As Missy said, we all have our own experience, some people have broader ones than others.
For me its Ok if they express them.




Annette

Best. Post. Yet. :))


Annette, thank you for your post. I always enjoy your posts and do not find you brusque but rather truthful and honest and as you see it from your POV. I always look forward to hearing your thoughts. And thank you for writing this post because that is exactly what I was trying to say to lilsweetie but it came out rather badly when I wrote it. You said what I was trying to say way better and thank you.
 

azstonie

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lilsweetie|1429043495|3861840 said:
Jambalaya|1428421926|3857990 said:
Hi Missy,
I think calling someone a devil or saying that something is devilish should also be off-limits in a world where we can't say Happy Christmas. The devil is a religious entity.

I agree.

Along the same vein is "Bible Thumper" or "Jesus Freak". It seems that people have no problem using terms like that toward Christianity, but where other religions are concerned, I don't see the use of as many derogatory phrases.


I'm going to take on "bible thumper."

I've used that term to describe a fundamentalist who is misusing and abusing scripture to judge and condemn other people of different religions/no religion AND laws of the land that the thumper finds unacceptable. Thumpees have had enough of this.

Some descriptors are the result of continuous aggressive behaviors foisted on minorities and the less aggressive. These descriptions will stop when the actions and behaviors that drive them stop.
 
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"These descriptions will stop when the actions and behaviors that drive them stop."

So, it's okay to call Christians names because they deserve it? Where I live, it's trendy to make fun of Christianity, and I would consider those people narrow-minded. One person I know was mad at a Christian guy for saying that gay people shouldn't get married, then proceeded to say that "all Christians should die." Yes, fight narrow-minded ignorance with more narrow-minded ignorance. Great idea! :rolleyes: I'm not offended by that kind of thing, but when people are hypocrites or discriminate against a large group of people based on their religion, race, sex, or sexual orientation, then my opinion of their intelligence drops significantly.

That being said, I do have a question about the word "retarded." Is it wrong to use that word to describe a person who is mentally retarded in a non-derogatory way? If so, what is the right word to use?
 

tyty333

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OldMensEyesBabiesCriesNothingLeftToFeedTheFlies|1430289506|3869502 said:
"These descriptions will stop when the actions and behaviors that drive them stop."

So, it's okay to call Christians names because they deserve it? Where I live, it's trendy to make fun of Christianity, and I would consider those people narrow-minded. One person I know was mad at a Christian guy for saying that gay people shouldn't get married, then proceeded to say that "all Christians should die." Yes, fight narrow-minded ignorance with more narrow-minded ignorance. Great idea! :rolleyes: I'm not offended by that kind of thing, but when people are hypocrites or discriminate against a large group of people based on their religion, race, sex, or sexual orientation, then my opinion of their intelligence drops significantly.

That being said, I do have a question about the word "retarded." Is it wrong to use that word to describe a person who is mentally retarded in a non-derogatory way? If so, what is the right word to use?

I'm not sure about the use of the word "retarded". I've been using the words "mentally handicapped" since "retarded" has so much
baggage. I'm sure someone will take offence to "mentally handicapped" as well and I realized it is not as specific as the term
"retarded" but for me and the conversations I'm having it is specific enough.

I too am curious to what the answer may be.
 
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