words of wisdom please: we are starting the wedding planning process

[Alice in DiamondLand]

Please share with me your experience and suggestions for the whole wedding planning process. I know we need to pick a date and get a budget, get a place and decide on invite list criteria, and more. This I got from my 2 new books - "Going Bridal - how to get married without losing your mind" and the "anti-bride wedding planning guide - tips for the unconvential"

Todd''s got a huge family, I''ve got many very close friends, and we have at least $4k to spend. Other funds could be available, but frankly, I am of the mind set keep it simple, have loved ones come to witness our union, and have the bulk of investments go into the marriage vs the wedding. (more $ to put down on a house, honeymoon, etc).

Of course we want something nice and classy, but I''ve heard that it is doable, especially keeping it on an off season, cake, champagne and coffee along with finger foods, etc.

please share your thoughts and experiences. If you were to restart your planning process, what would you do differently, what would you do the same?

 

[lindsal]

Sounds like you have a pretty realistic handle on things and are set up to approach wedding planning in a rather sane frame of mind.

I read this article about a week after getting engaged, and it's been part of my mantra of "less is more" since I did. This is the link to the article.

My other suggestion is to remember that this is supposed to be a fun time in your life. Remember this every day while you are planning. If you are close to tears thinking about seating arrangements 8 months before the wedding, and not being able to decided on the blue napkins or the sage napkins is causing you to break out in hives, it's not fun anymore. Step back, regroup, spend some time alone with the man you love and are planning this day with and forget all the planning for even 20 minutes. It really helps.

Good luck, and keep checking in as you start getting into the heavy planning. I'd love to hear/read someone else issues than think about my own and my planning every once in a while.

 

[aljdewey]

I think in order to help you, we'd have to have an idea of your *ideal*. If money were no object, what month would you pick to marry and why? Where in the country do you live? Are there religious considerations....do you have to have a church wedding? Count the possible invitees and determine what is your BARE MINIMUM number of invitees (the people you absolutely HAVE to invite), and your optimal number (if you could bring everyone you wanted to).

It would also help to know your priorities. What is most important to you....where you marry, how many people can attend, what time of year....how would you rank these in order of importance?

 

[KSparkles]

aljdewey has some really good advice - it's exactly what I was thinking. Try to be realistic from the start - I definitely have discussed my priorities with my fiance and parents (as they are paying for it) because I feel that if we're all on the same page, then we can figure out which areas to skimp on (i.e., buying local in-season flowers rather than having my heart set on some obscure orchid from hawaii). The guest list is also the other biggie. I ended up just cutting off the list at 1st cousins and cut out work friends in order to save money. If you're honest with yourself and everyone else from the beginning, it will make it a lot more relaxed. Also, make sure you ask your fiance what his priorities are, as it's important to involve him in the planning (it'll help you stay sane too!). Best of luck - your ring is gorgeous BTW!!

 

[aljdewey]

That's a bit off my point, but close.




What I mean is this: we need to understand what your starting point is in order to help you come up with possibilities.




For example, it's pointless for me to suggest a small outdoor wedding with a JP and a light summer buffet if your "wedding of my dreams" wedding ran along the lines of church wedding with 250 people and sit-down.




Give us a framework for what your "perfect scenario" is, and we can help with suggestions from there.

 

[seeking_jubilee]

I'm a novice on this situation (I've only done it once!), but I would limit the experience to include those closest to you and your partner, and family.

When we planned our wedding we wanted our memories to be shared with those we loved the most - Not of the thousands of people that came for the buffet and drinks.

But that's for you to decide - Make sure that you enjoy the experience - It can be stressful!