Women who bring home the bacon?

[NewEnglandLady]

DH gave his letter of resignation today. He's built a nice career, but isn't happy and decided he needs some time away from his demanding job to figure it out. He has nothing lined up, has no clue what he wants to do with his life and is scared to death but I couldn't be happier for him!!

So from now on we'll be living on my salary and instead of splitting chores, he'll be taking over all of them. Is anybody else living in a role-reversal home?

 

[Kismet]

I did for a year and half and it worked out like crap for me. Instead of having the tidiest house on the block, it was messier than ever (I mostly refused to lift a finger to do housework while he wasn''t working). I did get some gourmet meals several times a week but the cleaning chores were not getting done. Of course all men are created differently, so hopefully yours will hold up his end of the bargain.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Haha, I wouldn''t count on our home to be much different. He''s great at his chores, but has no clue how to do others...this weekend he was frustrated because I''m more efficient at it than he is. He gets an A for effort, but I have a feeling my chore-doing won''t be COMPLETELY eliminated.

 

[Independent Gal]

Wow! I only WISH!!!!

Good for your guy, NEL. That takes guts.

 

[Independent Gal]

BTW, has he considered hiring a career counselor? My friend''s DH wasn''t happy in his career and couldn''t figure out what he wanted to do. He met over a few weeks with this guy in DC and said it was incredibly helpful at figuring out what kind of job would make him happy.

 

[shimmer]

Last July my FI was so unhappy with his (outside sales) job, I told him to quit and figure out what he wants. He decided to go back to school and luckily the college accepted him on such short notice. He is now going to school for an accounting degree(!) & just finished the first of five years (the last three will be work & school). He is ssssooooo much happier, I am pretty stressed but happy that he is happy and that one day he will be able to take care of things a bit more (or entirely, hehe). I will probably go to school when he is done, or I might start now (1 course at a time) by correspondence.

He has a part time job that covers his car payment and his bills (cell, tv). I pay for everything else (mortgage, utilities, most food, other bills).

I do all the chores and cleaning--actually he takes out the garbage, most of the time

I just cannot deal with the half-a** job that he does when he cleans, so I do it. I am too...neurotic (?) that way.

Anyway, I hope this works out for you. The way I see it is that in the end it will be worth it. The stress will soon be over (hopefully) and his going to school will improve life for both of us.

 

[peonygirl]

I am right now, but only for the short term (I work and DH is in med school). He actually works more hours than I do, so with the chores I do most of the cooking, he does most of the cleaning, and we share responsibilities like laundry.

By the way, that''s so great that your DH is trying something new! It''s just awful to hate one''s job.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

IG, I think he would be very open to a career counselor. I really think that he is just not cut out to work in a high-stress corporate type of environment. He's not alpha, he's very introverted (mathematician) and he feels like the longer he stays in his current career, the harder it wll be to change careers down the road. He works hard, he's smart and people like working with him, so he keeps getting promoted even though it's not what he wants. He doesn't want to get trapped and then say "what the F was I thinking" in 20 years.

He's working into July, then he's going to take a month or two off and probably go to Switzerland to climb the Matterhorn and possibly Denali this fall. He's going on a long mountaineering trip next week just to clear his head a bit. He's taking a "test" graduate course in the fall as well to see if he wants to apply for a more formal program.

To be honest, I think the fact that he has a solid career to fall back on if he doesn't find anything that makes really happy makes all of this much easier. The risk is pretty minimal--either he finds something that makes him happier or he returns to his career, but works for a smaller, non-corporate company. He may as well figure it out now!

Shimmer, I'm so glad that things worked out for your FI...sometimes it's tough to give up what you've got to try to find something better, but it's often worth it!

Peony, I fully expect there to be a transition period with the domestic responsibilities...he might be running back to his job in no time!

I'm now lovingly referred to as his "sugar mama", haha.