Women Popping The Question

[pricescope]

Story at CBS: http://cbsnewyork.com/investigates/local_story_042095825.html

 

[Nicrez]

Leonid, excellent article, just backs what some women in this forum have been asking for advice for...I think it's sweet!

Me, I'm old fashioned. I would only ask him at gunpoint after 4 years of waiting with no ring...

 

[jenibear]

Great article.
What miffed me was one person's comment that two people should always be on the same page in their relationship. So they are only on the same page if the man asks? Why is it different if a woman asks?
So does that mean a woman will want to marry any guy that asks and it's impossible for a man to want to marry before a woman? I disagree. I know many a woman who wanted to wait when their boyfriend wanted to get married.

 

[Mara]

I just think it's unfair that the woman should wait around until the MAN is on the same page as her! Which is the case 90% of the time...there are rare instances. Ahh the lot of the woman.

Hence the large engagement ring is a reward for the wait?

 

[Nicrez]

Sometimes the large rock is a way of keeping some women at bay sometimes, like:




She: *angrily* Honey, I thought I told you to...


He: Wow, honey your ring really sparkles in this light!


She: *dazed* Yeah....what was I saying?




"Most women want to settle down, have stability and start the whole having a guy to change and take car of process, whereas men don't know what's good for them and exist happily in their ignorance of that fact." - Susan Longborne

 

[Kat]

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On 2/11/2004 4:53:53 PM Nicrez wrote:

Me, I'm old fashioned. I would only ask him at gunpoint after 4 years of waiting with no ring...

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Heh, well I've been waiting four and a half years and am considering springing a surprise on him this Feb 29... but I'm not sure. I've seen articles saying women shouldn't be afraid to do it and other articles saying it stinks of desperation. And let's face it, who wouldn't be slightly desperate, after four and a half years of nothing?

But then it's not going to be much of a surprise for him. We talked about where the relationship is headed on Valentine's Day, and marriage is in there. I just don't think it's occurred to him that we can be engaged and not have to rush off to the church at once. So I might nudge it along a bit. I think we're on the same page ... more or less!

 

[Nicrez]

Oh Kat, good luck! It's hopefully going to be the same page for both of you...If you decide to do it, some women have given their guys nice watches or something engraved, like a simple band or something...I think usually a guy likes to propose because they like that element of having the control of when and how, but nowadays some women are in the driver's seat, and if you guys ARE on the same page, maybe it will take the pressure off him...




Let us know if you do decide, because in my opinion, 4 years is a bit of a while (especially if you dated other people or at least after college). Either way, whaever you decide good luck!!

 

[mike04456]

Men don't get to have babies. Women don't get to propose.




Deal with it.

 

[winyan]

There is one exception to this rule, LawGem.

February 29th, Sadie Hawkins day.

win

 

[Hest88]

I have no problem with women proposing assuming that the man wants to get married. (I also think men are stupid if they propose without ever having had a marriage talk with their GFs.) What I'd hate to have happen, though, is for a man to be not ready and have the woman get so impatient that she pushes him into an engagement.

 

[Nicrez]

Yes, I agree Hest. You should always be on the same page, but that's what a good communication in a relationship is for. Sometimes nagging, but in general speaking and hammering out a resolution and compromise for both to be happy with.




Then again, dynamics in relationships are changing, and some men go with women who takes decisions and action first, and just like asking out a guy when he's to shy to, it CAN take some pressure off the guy. My BF said he's love to get proposed to, but he would still only consider it official when he does it. I have proposed MANY times, except he has nothing but my love and my promise to show for it...

Poor guy...No diamond for him!

 

[Mara]

I had to wait a while for my guy to be ready after I was, but I stuck it out. For me it just wouldn't be the same to propose to him, even though I was involved in the ring choosing, etc and the asking was just a formality. Plus he just wasn't ready until he did it and if I would have proposed, he may have said No. Not to mention that I didn't want to push or force him into anything that he may have looked back upon with regret later.

And as he has noted before to me, he IS the guy with the 'cajones'...so he gets to propose.

 

[chris-uk04]

My girlfriend was ready after about 8 or 9 months of dating. It took me another 6 to be 100% sure. So ladies be patient especially if you are young (like 20). If a woman proposes, it might really upset a guy. Perhaps he was planning something or you might make him feel cornered.

Also if a woman proposes, I don't see how she is justified in getting an engagement ring? An e-ring is a gift in return for a promise to marry. It would look pretty silly if a girl proposed, guy accepted and then she wanted him to buy her a 5-10K ring. If a girl proposes, she should be buying the guy something worth 5-10K!!!

 

[Nicrez]

What's wrong with that Chris? Haven't you ever wanted a diamond ring?

Agreed though, when you are young, you need to give the guy the time to grow-up into WANTING marraige. Basically that happens when he realized he's too old to want to date around! LOL

 

[Kat]

Thanks Nicrez. I think I should try to get him something special, it only seems fair if I'm going to be asking.

And I would never dream of proposing if we hadn't talked about where our relationship is going. I know he wouldn't have been ready for any of this a few years ago, but right now he is 100% happy with our relationship and with the idea of getting married to me.

Thinking back, we only started going out after I got in touch with him and we only moved in together after I got a flat and his (female) friend talked him into it. So maybe there is a precedent here.

I do worry about whether he might be planning anything, but we've just had Valentine's Day go past and we've no special dates coming up til the summer, so it's not likely that he has anything planned *now*.

I'm still thinking about whether I'll do it or not, but thanks for all the replies. I'll let you know what happens...

 

[weemodin]

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On 2/19/2004 3:39:54 PM LawGem wrote:


Men don't get to have babies. Women don't get to propose.


Deal with it.

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Ha!! I love it!

However, I might state it as "women have to have babies" and endure all the pain and agony of labor, while "men have to propose" and fork over big bucks for a blinging diamond ring.

 

[pqcollectibles]

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On 2/19/2004 3:39:54 PM LawGem wrote:


Men don't get to have babies. Women don't get to propose.


Deal with it.

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I was pregnant twice, he's had 2 kidney stones. We're even!

 

[Kat]

Just to let you all know, I did bring it up, but he says he'd prefer to do the asking sometime after we buy a house together (which should be sometime this year). He doesn't want to be planning the house and wedding both at the same time. So, no engagement, but plenty to look forward to anyway.

At least now I can demand a huge diamond and say, well if you'd let me propose, you wouldn't have had to buy it...

 

[Mara]

Kat...in the meantime, you can hang out here on Pscope, get a great education and get yourself an amazing deal on a huge rock when the time comes!!

Better to be prepared!

He won't know what hit him!

 

[Nicrez]

Kat...poor boyfriend!

Just kiding! That's great that you guys have come to a good resolution. From what i see most guys still want to do tha asking, it's a sort of pride point, it seems. But that's OK, we get rings out their pride, so we shouldn't complain right?

Congrats on getting a house! That is so exciting! Mush better than a ring, except you can't wear it to show off, you have to talk about it and use pictures! You can carry pictures!

When you guys are ready for the big E, you can help him out, and then if you find the stone, sit back and wait for him to do his thing...hopefully he won't make you wait and troture you too long!

 

[Kat]

Thanks both of you. I'm going to stay around here a while, the advice is good, the gems are pretty and since he's agreed to consider getting a custom ring, chances are I'll need to do some research into what I want