WOMEN!! (c''mon gals, fess up....)

[galeteia]

Date: 5/13/2010 3:35:39 PM
Author: thing2of2
She cannot just say something once, or mention that something bothers her once. She has to repeat herself and really hammer the point home. I blame her family...her older sister just taught her a new saying: 'If it's worth saying once, it's worth saying a hundred times!' Yeah, she really does say it a hundred times.

Oh MAN!

-She does this too. I discovered after meeting her mother that it's a learned trait.

-She also has Hysterical Blindness. In fact, she also has Hysterical almost everything. I have never seen a woman wig out so fast over a minor thing like a SHATTERED TOOTH. (Her: Have YOU tried to find a dentist for a same-day appointment on short notice during March Break?!)

-She can't just ask/explain something, she has to provide CONTEXT. For the love of god, honey, just ask for no cilantro because you are allergic, you don't have to tell them the graphic details involving vomit to press home the point that you mean 'no cilantro'. (Her: Actually, it's necessary to instill the fear of me puking in their restaurant to convince them no cilantro does not mean 'almost' no cilantro). She has to spend 5-10 minutes setting up the backstory to a punchline.

-She cannot fix her own drink. I will be in the middle of watching something when I hear "HonnneeeEEEEEE?" in this annoying cutesy voice, and now I just stick out my hand for her glass without even looking at her. She says it's because they taste better when I make them.

-She raids food off my plate. She refuses my offer to make some for her, but then will steal bites of mine after I sit down. She says it tastes better when it's off my plate.

-She covers the bathroom vanity with her girlie stuff. I swear it breeds. She'll clean it, then the next day there is a hairbrush, an elastic, and a face wash. The next day there's a hairbrush, an elastic, two bobby pins, a comb, two face washes, a 'toner' (wtf is a toner?), three moisturizers, a sunscreen, a lip gloss, some makeup thingies, and a freaking partridge in a pear tree. She has ONE FACE. Why does it need all this stuff?

-Her HAIR. She has super long hair that goes down to her bum, so not only does it block my view when she's roaming around looking for her bathrobe, it gets EVERYWHERE. I could fill a trash bag with the number of vacuum belts her hair has killed. I'll try to vacuum the living room, and my industrial-strength vacuum will be smoking in minutes, and then she has this astonished look when I open it and haul out the strangled roller. I have found her hair:
- Wrapped around my toes
- In the crack of my bum
- Wrapped around my JUNK (Often. She thinks it's funny and makes jokes about marking her territory. I wonder if it's possible it could ever cut off circulation?

)
- In my mouth
- In my armpit
The mess it makes in the shower is so bad that I had to purchase one of those hair catchers before it destroyed our tub drain. She has to have all this stupidly expensive hair stuff, and spouts things like 'dimethicone' and 'SLS-free' when I ask why she needs $10 shampoo instead of $2 shampoo.

- Makeup. I try to ignore how much this stuff costs, and I hate it when she wears it. She always underestimates the amount of time it will take to put it on, so I end up waiting around for her to get ready and we are ALWAYS LATE.

- She's always late for everything, and the more effort she makes to be on time, the later she is. She frantically rushes around EVERY MORNING, despite having ample time to get ready.

- She curses like a sailor when playing video games, and has ragestroke issues when things don't go right. She'll start something, not be good at it, and abandon it. These things take PRACTICE, honey!

- Her self-esteem is a minefield. Every compliment I make has the potential to explode into a crying mess, or worse, a gloom that lasts for days with frequent bed-stays. She does NOT know how to take a compliment.

- She has this obsession with my feet, because I hate them. I like to stick my feet in her lap or in her way when she's trying to read her laptop, because it's funny how annoyed she gets, and she retaliates by yanking off my socks, whipping them around her head like a stripper move while WHOOPING, and then lets 'em fly, so our living room is sprinkled with discarded socks.

- She is always behind on the laundry, even though I keep up with the dishes and the kitchen.

- She is an emotional cook. She rarely cooks, because when she does, if it doesn't go right she wigs out. I do most of the cooking as I don't take it personally when it doesn't turn out right.

- She has a million pet names for my junk, and likes to talk to it. While I appreciate the attention, it's a little creepy sometimes. Does she have to use that cutesy voice girls use when talking to lapdogs?!

 

[galeteia]

I forgot the number one thing:

-When she makes a sandwich or something, she will put away everything except for ONE THING. It''s usually the mustard. Mustard is in a bright yellow bottle, how can she not see it?!! I had to start leaving it in front of our bedroom door so she''d trip over it the next morning, so I could train her to stop doing it.

 

[Laila619]

She sometimes pays more attention to the darn cats than to me. She gets so engrossed in Pricescope to the point where I'll be saying something to her and she'll nod her head and murmer 'mmm hmm' and then a few seconds later, she'll say 'Wait, what did you just say?' because she totally wasn't listening.

 

[MonkeyPie]

Oh, dear lord. If I asked him this list would be long. But I can think of a few easily:

-She is incapable of cooking. I once caught her putting a pizza into the oven with the cardboard - and plastic - still on. Beyond mac n cheese and frozen meals she is banned from cooking.

-She constantly moves my stuff, even if put it in the same place every day. Nevermind that I LIKE leaving my work pants on the couch, stop moving them, woman!

-She has the memory of a goldfish. I have taken over paying the bills and remembering birthdays, or we would be homeless and our families would hate us.

 

[KimberlyH]

My husband would say:

How is it possible for one person to produce so much laundry? And why can you never finish washing it? All I ask for is one day to be able to use the washer and dryer and every time Tuesday rolls around you still have stuff in the dryer and a pile of clothes sitting in the hamper waiting to be cleaned.

You have a closet for keeping things in, this includes shoes. You also have a laundry hamper, it''s a great place to store the socks you can never seem to finish washing. Please place those items in their appropriate places, as opposed to leaving them strewn about the house.

It would be very helpful for you to directly express your wants to me. I''m tired of figuring out the answer to the daily question that everyone has to answer: What''s for dinner? And it''s okay to say you don''t feel like going to X restaurant, or that you''d really prefer to do Y today.

 

[kittybean]

Oh, man. I am sure DH has a loooooong list. Here goes nothin':

1. She is a very, very unhealthy eater. If I'm not there to supervise her, she will eat pineapple and fruit snacks for dinner. I know that she often eats cookies for lunch at work, and she doesn't even have the decency to lie to me and say she ate salad. She hates to cook, and she's very impatient, so she'll never make herself anything that involves cutting, mixing, boiling, frying, searing, microwaving for more than a minute, or waiting.

2. Every night, I ask her if she wants some tea. She says yes. I make her the tea, boiling the water in a real teapot, and leave it to steep. She always forgets I made it for her and lets it get cold. Every night.

3. She tries to burn down our brand-new house on a daily basis by leaving her hair implements plugged in and on all day.

4. She is constantly late. Every morning is a mad rush to get to work because she can't seem to get ready in time, no matter how much time she has alotted to the task. She can have ten minutes or an hour and ten minutes, and she will always end up ten minutes late for work.

5. She hates going to bed but loves sleeping in. I don't get it. If someone is that into sleep, why wouldn't they want to go to bed early? She always puts off her (inordinately long) nighttime routine until a time when she should be already asleep, then she gets mad at me for falling asleep before she gets into bed.

6. She is always trying to get me to use girly products I don't want to use. I'll stick to my $1 shaving cream, thank you very much. I don't want to exfoliate. I don't need to buff my nails. I don't want product in my hair. And I sure as heck don't want that $200 vibrating face brush she uses anywhere near me.

7. She doesn't do dishes. I think this aversion goes hand-in-hand with the no-cooking policy. She occasionally puts her dishes in the dishwasher, and she expects a gold star or a cookie or something when she unloads the darn thing.

8. She doesn't like it when I open the blinds. I want some light in the house; she wants it to be dim at best. When I open the blinds in our bedroom, she shrieks and runs to close it. She keeps insisting she's not a vampire, but I'm starting to become suspicious.

9. She has lots of embarassing nicknames for me. She calls me "kitty" in public! It's mortifying, and now I can never go back to Home Depot after she (loudly) called out, "Kitty, there you are!" when I was browsing in the outdoor machinery section last weekend.

10. She is half my size, but her clothes take up at least 80% of our closet (more if you count all those shoes and purses).

11. She procrastinates all the time. I have to bug her for at least a month before she'll get around to doing something. She keeps saying she forgets, but I know better. Anyone who can remember that much useless trivia and can keep the vocabularies of four different languages straight can remember to get their oil changed and go to the dentist.

12. She only likes to make the bed when it's time to go to sleep--not in the morning. Why make a bed if you're going to sleep in it in five minutes? She claims she can only sleep when the bed is made properly, and she always makes me help her.

13. She never listens to voice mails. I should have figured this out by now, but her nice, sing-songy voice on the recording always invites me so kindly to leave a message, and every time, I get fooled into doing so, and every time, I have to repeat what I said later when she calls back.

14. She has ruined several coffee tables by doing her nails on them while she watches TV. Inevitably, there's a spill at some point--as there is with most things with her--and she tries to clean up with nail polish remover, which then strips the varnish and finish off the wood, and that's the end of the coffee table.

 

[HollyS]

Mr. Holly would say, (or has said),

We attend the 10:45 Sunday mass instead of the 10:30, like everyone else.

I drive us on Sunday morning because she''s putting her face on in a moving car, just like she does every weekday on her way to work, but I refuse to be her passenger while she does this.

She will pick, seemingly at random, an object for the house, and it will be the perfect fit or the exact color. HOW does she do this?

She can name the year, and sometimes the month, a song on the Oldies station was a hit. We argue. I go home and Google, and damn if she''s not right! HOW does she do this?

She will point out that my man cave is a mess, or my bathroom needs cleaning, but she has clothes all over the bedroom, and her own bath could be featured on BBC''s How Clean is Your House. She''s got one of those hair nest things hanging on her shower wall too. Aackk!

I''ll buy her two cards for every holiday or birthday, scads of presents, and feel bad if I didn''t get her just the right thing (in my mind). She''ll lament that she has no idea what I would like, please help her, can I pick it out myself, and does she really have to wrap it??

She allows her family to come over. I don''t even want my family in my house. And my family is a lot less weird. I think . . .

It always has to be done her way. Or I get The Look.

She used to laugh at my lame jokes and bad puns. Now she grimaces. Or gives me the fake smile. So harsh.

 

[packrat]

My wife in a pincher. She''s really good at it too and demonstrated her technique, which is really quite remarkable. At any given time I have several tiny bruises up and down my arms in retaliation for various wrongs that I have committed. Also, she thinks it''s funny when I''ve just woken up, am super groggy and am sitting on the side of the bed to punch me in the chest.

 

[Cehrabehra]

My husband would say that I am entirely too impatient, that I rewind movies way too often, that I listen to them way too loud, and that I overtake his side of the bathroom counter with regularity.

 

[Laila619]

Date: 5/13/2010 8:07:38 PM
Author: kittybean
She calls me 'kitty' in public! It's mortifying, and now I can never go back to Home Depot after she (loudly) called out, 'Kitty, there you are!' when I was browsing in the outdoor machinery section last weekend.

Bwahahaha! That is too cute. Where did you get 'Kitty' from?

 

[ksinger]

Date: 5/13/2010 12:41:18 PM
Author: Haven
Oh, there''s so much to share. DH is definitely the responsible adult in the relationship.

Here are some of the things he would say:

- I call my wife the Absent Minded Professor. And it''s true. She is CONSTANTLY losing things. These are the lines I most frequently hear when we''re about to leave the house: ''Have you seen my phone?'' ''Have you seen my purse?'' ''Have you seen my keys?'' ''Have you seen my shoes? The red ones? With the heels? No, not those red heels, the other ones. No, not those, the taller ones. Where are they?''
She acts like I follow her around moving her things behind her back.

- My wife is unable to properly load a dishwasher. I have tried to teach her how to do so, but she still fails to accomplish the task correctly.

- She puts empty pickle jars back in the fridge. And then she gets disappointed when she reaches for the jar the next day and finds it empty. This perplexes me.

- She always runs around the house like a crazy person before she leaves for work, and acts like she''s very late. But she''s never *really* late. In her mind, if she isn''t leaving 20 minutes before she *should* be leaving, she''s late.

- She leaves water on the counter tops after she''s done cooking a meal. It drives me nuts.

- She squeezes the toothpaste tube from the middle instead of the bottom. I have a pathological need to squeeze the tube from the bottom, which I am quite sure drives her crazy.

- There are long dark brown hairs all over our house. I have to rod out our drains regularly. She sheds like a Newfoundland.

- She constantly takes up all of our laundry baskets. We have five of them. She hates doing laundry, and has enough clothes to go for a long time without doing it. I get very angry when this happens.

- She always lets the dog in the house with wet paws, and then acts surprised when I get upset that she did this.

- She reads a lot, and I''m not supposed to talk to her when she''s reading. But if she''s always reading, how am I ever supposed to talk to her?

- If I do talk to her while she''s doing something and she doesn''t want to be interrupted she gives a HUGE LONG SIGH, and it annoys the crap out of me. Then she acts all irritated with me. I ignore this irritation and pretend that because I am a man I do not notice such things. This increases her irritation.

- She brings chocolate into the house and expects me to be able to save part of it for an entire day for her, even though she knows that I have a bizarre compulsion to eat any and all chocolate immediately upon learning that it is available. She gets very mad when I eat her chocolate.

- She talks in annoying secret languages with her sisters, and they think it is the funniest thing in the world. I hate it when they do this. Not because I don''t know the languages, but because they sound stupid. They continue to do this around me despite the fact that they know this bothers me.

- She knows I like to wash my hands right before I eat. (Who doesn''t?) So if we''re out with a lot of people she will wait for me to come back from washing my hands in the restroom, and THEN she always finds a new person to introduce to me after I''ve washed my hands. She''s also usually told someone else there to watch how I will shake hands, and then go right back to the restroom. This is not funny. This is annoying. Yet, she always laughs when it happens.

- No matter what is going on, if she''s sees a dog that is within running distance she will interrupt any conversation/activity/etc. to run immediately to that dog and smush it for a while.

- She makes me write thank you notes to everyone. I often protest that this will only make me the subject of ridicule amongst my friends, yet she does not care. I have now sent innumerable little colored cards to guys who spend their time mountain biking and watching mixed martial arts. It is no consolation when she says ''You will only look more gracious by comparison, then.'' I do not want to be gracious. I''m a dude.

- She ruins tennis by asking a million questions about the rules, even though she has watched every single professional match with me for the last six years.

- She comments on the uniforms when we watch professional sports. And then she asks me what I think of them. Uniforms? I barely recognized that they were all wearing the same thing. I don''t want to talk about clothing when I''m watching sports.

- Her mom once told me that she is a lunatic. I thought she was just trying to be funny. I often wonder if she was just trying to warn me.

Oh man, I could go on forever. This list made me think of some more things for the Men thread, though!

OMG! Hilarious! Your husband is a lucky man!

 

[HappyNewLife]

My GF would say:

She (me) has the worst memory. I sometimes don''t believe that she can''t remember the things she claims she can''t remember. How can she remember her phone number from 1988 but not that we discussed something 2 days ago?

She drives like an old lady at night (I have to blame it on the LASIK...). I don''t understand why we have to drive 4mph when looking for a parking spot, can''t she drive a normal speed?

She is useless when it comes to laundry. She will let it pile up for a week, then will do 4 HUGE loads. two clean loads will be in a hamper for a week. then the kids will rifle through it and the folding job is completely useless. then there is one load in the dryer... for a week... then there''s the load in the washer that needs to be rewashed daily before it gets stinky. really, what''s the point of even doing laundry at all?

She has bad hearing, causing us to have numerous miscommunications. I get annoyed with her because she can''t hear me, she gets annoyed because I get sick of saying the same thing again. Repeat.

She is always a different temperature from me. I''m always hot, she''s often cold. We have numerous thermostat fights, especially in the summer. She bitches at me when I complain I''m hot-- it''s not my fault if I''m hot! I just am!

She never wants to talk about anything that''s not fun. If it''s about chores or work or a garage sale, she tunes out. Now if I''m talking about concerts or movies or plans she is all ears.

She is laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazy.

I guess it''s a good thing I''m kinda cute

 

[Bella_mezzo]

He''d say, my wife....

She leaves hair spiders in the shower

She leaves water glasses all over the house

Her hairs shed everywhere

She says "what" and then answers me

other than that, I love her like crazy

 

[lizzyann]

Bella, you and me are a lot alike I think! This thread is hilarious!

 

[Haven]

Date: 5/13/2010 9:29:10 PM
Author: ksinger

Date: 5/13/2010 12:41:18 PM
Author: Haven
Oh, there''s so much to share. DH is definitely the responsible adult in the relationship.
- Her mom once told me that she is a lunatic. I thought she was just trying to be funny. I often wonder if she was just trying to warn me.

OMG! Hilarious! Your husband is a lucky man!

Hahaha! Oh yeah, lucky man.
The poor guy.

 

[snlee]

Date: 5/13/2010 1:54:53 PM
Author: Callisto

Date: 5/13/2010 1:49:19 PM
Author: lili

- she's always sticking her cold feet on my legs

Oh yeah my SO would definitely contribute to that thread...

Ditto!

Along with -

She's on the internet too much
She's lazy and doesn't do enough housework
She doesn't pick up after herself and leaves mail/paperwork/socks/tissues/other junk around

 

[Puppmom]

Date: 5/13/2010 10:51:27 PM
Author: Bella_mezzo
He''d say, my wife....

She leaves hair spiders in the shower

She leaves water glasses all over the house

Her hairs shed everywhere

She says ''what'' and then answers me

other than that, I love her like crazy

My DH calls these "wookies". Once when I pulled all of the hair off of my brush and put it in the bathroom waste basket, he came to me to very seriously and said "Can I ask you something?". I was a little nervous because of his tone but said "Sure." He then says "Where did that hair that''s in the trash can come from?" When I told him my brush he looked so RELIEVED so I said "Where the hell did you think it came from?!?!?!" He wouldn''t say but I think I know.

 

[Haven]

Hehehe. If DH posted on here he would totally have come back this morning to add this:

SO, I mentioned earlier that my wife is absent-minded. Here's a great example from this morning.
I like to keep a particular cup out on the counter to use every morning. As I reached for it this morning, here's what happened:

DH: Honey, why did you put an upside-down fork in my cup last night?
Haven: What?
DH: Why is there an upside-down fork in my cup?
Haven: What are you talking about?
DH: Last night I cleaned my cup and placed it on the counter. This morning there's a fork in it. Why?
Haven: I didn't put a fork in your cup.
DH: If YOU didn't put the fork in it, who did?
Haven: It wasn't me. (She then returned to her morning routine, and began ignoring me.)
DH: Honey, why don't you just admit that you put the fork in my cup?
Haven: BECAUSE I DIDN'T PUT A FREAKIN' FORK IN YOUR PRECIOUS CUP!!!!
DH: Well I didn't put a fork in it. We're the only humans who live in this house.
Haven: Seriously, enough with the fork.
DH: I just want to know why you put a fork in my cup. (laughing, yet annoyed.)
( . . . about ten minutes go by . . . )
Haven: Ummm . . . was your cup in front of the drying rack?
DH: Yes . . .
Haven: Maybe I put the fork in your cup instead of in the little bin on the drying rack. You know, after I washed it.
DH:

Haven: What?! I was tired.

My note: Really, though? Who cares about a stupid little fork in a cup. What's the big deal? Why not just remove the fork from the cup and put it in the drying rack and not say a word about it? Why does he have to KNOW the story behind how the fork came to be in his cup? Hasn't he lived with me long enough to know that there isn't any real logic behind the fork in the cup? SERIOUSLY!

I should write a book about marrying a man who has lived alone long enough to be severely set in his ways and the hilarity that ensues when he moves in with his wife who . . . isn't.

 

[Haven]

Addendum to the above story:

DH just sent me a text message:

"Fork in my cup."

Hahahahaha. Poor guy.

Last week we got into a little tiff over our bucket of cleaning rags. He said "Can you bring me one of those white rags?" I said "Where are they?" He said "In the closet." I said "Which closet?!" He said "The one you PUT them in when you organized our cleaning stuff." I said "I never put the rags in any closet." He gave up at that point and stomped into the hallway and grabbed the rags out of the closet that I was standing directly in front of.

And then I remembered that I put them in that closet when I organized all of our cleaning stuff.

I really am annoying.

 

[purselover]

Purselover can go from laughing to crying in 30 seconds flat- it''s not normal I tell you! She is so emotional I didn''t know humans can produce so many tears. When she''s angry watch out- she loves to really drive a point home, even after I''ve admitted defeat.

She always insists on listening to z100 in the car - she knows I hate anything produced in the last decade and really prefer classical music- but somehow I never get to listen to it!

She needs everything done on her schedule but there''s no need to get angry if I don''t do laundry the exact day I said I would- what''s a few days later? It''s not like she''s running out of clothes!

Heaven forbid we were ever 5 min late anywhere she''d freak out, so she always makes me leave ridiculously early "just incase" incase of what I ask?! Aliens abduct us on the way to our destination

Just like poor Mr Kittybean I always have to check that my wife is getting proper nutrition- a cupcake is not lunch!!

If she weren''t so cute I swear I''d return her

 

[Ryan Claire]

Too many...

#13 She DVRs way too much and I can''t come home and watch sports center without disrupting Modern Family or Grey''s Anatomy... god forbid.

#57 She asks a million questions and rarely waits for a response before she is on to her next question. I now play this fun game where I say nothing and wait to see how long it takes for her to notice that she''s still talking.

#89 You would think she was bald if you saw how much hair collects in our bathroom/apartment.

 

[Girlrocks]

My husband swears that I am allergic to gasoline, because my car is always on E whenever he gets in it. He gets so mad whenever he takes my car anywhere. He went to pick up our daughter at lacrosse practice last night, left early even. Daughter calls from her coaches cell phone wondering where dad is. Yep, late because he had to get gas on the way there.

 

[dcgator]

Date: 5/13/2010 2:40:37 PM
Author: doodle
Another one guilty of the hair on the shower wall, and I seriously thought I was a minority with that! Yay for the next time DH gets on my case about that one--I can just go, ''DON''T JUDGE ME! I''M NOT ALONE IN THIS!!!!'' Ya know, because THAT''S not overly dramatic at all...

Doodle, you are in such good (and plentiful) company. My DH hates that I do this, but I do take my hair spiders out at the end of every shower, and he has only had to clean the drain twice in two years living in our place. So, he should not complain

 

[Callisto]

Date: 5/14/2010 1:05:29 PM
Author: Girlrocks
My husband swears that I am allergic to gasoline, because my car is always on E whenever he gets in it. He gets so mad whenever he takes my car anywhere. He went to pick up our daughter at lacrosse practice last night, left early even. Daughter calls from her coaches cell phone wondering where dad is. Yep, late because he had to get gas on the way there.

Hahaha my dad and brother do this and my mom and I want to strangle them most days. I''m living on my own now and if the car even gets to the point where the little gas light goes on (which could probably last me another week as I don''t drive far to work) I go put gas in it as soon as I pass a gas station.

 

[zoebartlett]

I just asked my husband and he said:

"When Zoe wants a call to be made and she wants me to do it. She likes talking on the phone, so I don''t get why she can''t make the call SHE wants to be made.

Zoe needs to have plans all the time. (I called that one, didn''t I?)

Zoe loves to make apple crisp in the fall and winter, but she won''t peel the apples before hand. Who puts apple peels in apple crisp?"

 

[Miscka]

Date: 5/13/2010 2:36:34 PM
Author: Mrs Mitchell
I asked him.


He'll get right back to you when the list is done.

Some spoilers:

She never cleans or tidys up

she's bone idle

she doesn't get up before 8am unless the bed is on fire

she hasn't changed a diaper in living memory (actually, I'm rather pleased about this one. They're gross and he does it so much better than me bwahaha)

she doesn't pull her weight financially, domestically or in any other way

she doesn't remember birthdays, holidays, anniversaries or other significant dates (I sort of do, in the abstract, it's just that I don't realise that date is tomorrow or whatever...)

she gets bored easily

she's clumsy and knocks over / breaks / spills stuff then pretends it hasn't happened so I have to clear it up

she never does laundry (hello, we have a Laundry Fairy)

she wasn't grateful when I baked cupcakes...

We must be twins!!! Really. My DH could copy/paste that exact list, haha!

ETA I didnt see your edit! Hilarious. I would ask DH but I am scared he wouldn't be as lovely as yours

 

[HVVS]

Here's what my ex-husband would say, and maybe worse, ha ha:

1. Miss Always-Right! She knows more about vehicles than I do, and that annoys the cr*ap out of me. She's the one who mentioned that my truck's engine with 185k on it "smelled hot" and "seemed like it was laboring more than usual." So, I threw a p*ssy screaming, raging, yelling, FIT and told her she's stupid and should just mind her own ^$%^#$^ business. I shall never forget that big Chessie Cat grin on her face when she showed up to rescue me the next day, 200 miles from home, and drag home my dead truck that spun a bearing on that last big hill. She never said a word. Just grinned, and put that truck on the dolly. Gawd, I *hate* that beach.

2. She never liked my mother. And my mother is a saint! It's my wife that starts fights all the time. (Which is untrue. I liked MIL just fine, until I really got to know her. And MIL spent every second that we were out of earshot of DH trying to bait me, until I wanted to murder her. DH never would believe me, hehe. Wife #2 will have the same problem.)

3. She NEVER so much as cut a blade of grass, the ENTIRE time we were married. (True. I didn't even know how to start his mower. Hey, every guy should have to do one chore around the house, lol.)

4. She's nuts. She goes to thrift stores, tag sales, etc., and drags home stuff and sells it on ebay. How embarrassing. (Especially that it netted me another $5,000 tax-free one year.)

5. Her tastes in music are are extremely diverse, and each and every one of them drives me up the wall. "Something to make anyone want to jump out of a moving car after 5 minutes" is what I call it. (I liked that description so well that I still use it to warn potential passengers, lol.)

 

[dragonfly411]

Not my DH but SO would say :

Why does she need to have her makeup and hair stuff set up in front of her full lenght mirror on our bedroom floor?
Why is she unable to fold shirts properly

Why does she leave the kitchen light on?

ETA

She loses EVERYTHING. If her head wasn't attached she'd lose it. She loses her phone at least once a day.
She will drink PART of a bottle of water... and leave the rest. Four days later there will be eight half empty water bottles in our bedroom, bathroom and living room. WHY????????????? WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY????????????????????

SO was also raised to hand wash dishes..... I'll rinse.... but hand washing??? I seriously don't have this time, nor him. But it's always "well if you had hand washed the forks, maybe they wouldn't be rusting.... or maybe they wouldn't have residue.... or whatever else"

 

[Steel]

DH has told me that it annoys him when I ask him a question then badger him about his answer because I had another in mind.

e.g.

Me: Do you prefer the blue or cream colour option?
DH: Cream.
Me: Oh, don''t you think the blue would match the room better?
DH: So you want the blue?
Me: If you think so...
DH: Why even ask me then?
Me: I want you to like it too.


So now he just asks me ''so what is the answer?'' when I ask his opinion. He is long suffering.

 

[GliderPoss]

Ok I''m sure Mr HP would say these (among other things):


1. She sheds like a dog - seriously! Long brown hair all over the bathroom and in the sink! Gross......

2. When she asks me to do something she expects me to literally drop everything and come sprinting over to do it instantly, as though it''s the end of the world otherwise! If this doesn''t happen, she drops hints in a "I''m not nagging BUT..." way.

3. She panics if we are so much as 5 minutes late for anything. I can actually see her twisting her hands and looking anxiously at the traffic as though she can make it go faster. She even leans forward as if it affect speed..... LOL.

4. She hates change that she is not in control of. If I mention any changes in my career ie. moving. She will instantly stress out and start planning our lives all over again as though it''s set in stone. This is a frequent thing and she cannot seem to go-with-the-flow of things. Of course, its ok if SHE is making the changes.....

5. She gets really peeved when she buys icecream and chocolate and then I eat some (ok, most) of it as though there is a "special limit " to how much I can eat of these things. She also hides them to like I''m a child.......

There is probably a million more. I''m so lucky he loves me really.......