Wishing Well Wording

[Dannielle]

.. Oh, this has to be the hardest part of the wedding planning process so far!

I am trying to decide on how to word that we are having a wishing well.. and I am really nevous that people will be offended

I have found two verses that I like and was wanting some opinions on which one sounded less.. tacky?


1.

Destiny brought two people together
to share their love, and life,
He proposed and she said yes
to be joined as husband and wife.
They planned it all “oh so perfect”
It was to be their day of days,
But all the planning - something fell short
And it was their wedding holiday.
The couple set up a wishing well
to help them on their way
Hoping their prayers would be answered
For a romantic getaway.
The couple were forever grateful,
To all their friends and family
Who will always be remembered
for helping shape a perfect memory.

2.

Please find within this note
Information just for you
With some rules and regulations
That we both insist you do
The first ‘you must come’ and
If you’re to be our guest
You must eat and drink a lot
Or do your very best
The second one’s an order
So don’t bring two left feet
As when the evening comes around
You MUST dance to the beat
The third rule can be broken
We really do not mind
But if you choose to follow it
Thank you for being so kind
We’ve been together for some years
And have a lovely home
There are not too many items now
We don’t already own
So please don’t be offended
And please don’t think we’re brash
But if your thoughts were on a present
We would much prefer the cash
But the choice is really up to you
And we would like to say
That we hope you come, enjoy yourselves
And have a lovely day

.. what do people think?

 

[JulieN]

The idea of a wishing well doesn''t offend me too much, but those poems are very distasteful.

 

[CDNinNYC]

I received a bridal shower invite in the mail yesterday with a wishing well poem on it. I have to be honest, I think it reflects poorly on whoever decided to put that on the invite.

 

[megumic]

I'd skip the song and dance and just indicate where guests can deposit their cash for your honeymoon wishing well. (Is that what this is? I don't mean to offend, it just wasn't totally clear from the poems that it was specifically for a honeymoon, or just for cash.)

ETA: Wishing wells remind me more of a bridal or a wedding shower. Like a wishing well of recipes, or cooking utensils, or tools - but not for your actual wedding. Is this for a shower? Your own shower? Just curious - you didn't include a lot of detail.

 

[Haven]

Oh no, please don''t give either poem to your guests. The first sounds like you''re asking them to fund a vacation that is beyond your means, and that''s not a nice thing to do. The second is so extremely presumptuous that I would toss it out immediately.

What is a wishing well? Is that a euphemism for "we want cash"? I''ve never heard of it before.

If it''s a request for cash gifts, then I have no alternative recommendations for you. The only way to let people know that you''d prefer a gift of cash is to respond honestly when people say "What gift would you prefer?" To send out a poem like one of these, or to advertise that you want cash at all . . . well, there''s just no nice way of doing it.

And, if these are a joke, then I''m really sorry for taking them seriously!

 

[kittybean]

I think there are better ways to achieve the same purpose--reading either of those poems at a wedding reception would not make me feel inclined to be generous.

Please skip the wishing well and the cutesy/off-putting poem and have your family and close friends spread the word that you would prefer cash gifts (if they are comfortable with doing so, of course). Then, leave some sort of card receptacle out at the reception, and I promise, many of the cards left will have money in them. Create a small registry of items you really need for those people who feel they must give you a tangible item; that way, you won''t get a bunch of random stuff you''ll never use.

Alternatively, create a honeymoon registry and have the people close to you spread the word about that. You could even post a link in an unobtrusive spot on your wedding website. I know friends that have done this and were happy with the results. Again, I''d create a small registry for the people who don''t want to contribute to your honeymoon fund.

I think both of these are much more polite and less in-your-face ways to get the message to your guests that you would prefer cash gifts.

 

[monkeyprincess]

I think your fear that people will be offended and find the poems tacky is well-founded. I would be insulted if I received a poem like that and tempted not to give a gift at all.

 

[KittyGolightly]

Date: 4/20/2010 7:58:24 PM
Author: kittybean
I think there are better ways to achieve the same purpose--reading either of those poems at a wedding reception would not make me feel inclined to be generous.

Please skip the wishing well and the cutesy/off-putting poem and have your family and close friends spread the word that you would prefer cash gifts (if they are comfortable with doing so, of course). Then, leave some sort of card receptacle out at the reception, and I promise, many of the cards left will have money in them. Create a small registry of items you really need for those people who feel they must give you a tangible item; that way, you won''t get a bunch of random stuff you''ll never use.

Alternatively, create a honeymoon registry and have the people close to you spread the word about that. You could even post a link in an unobtrusive spot on your wedding website. I know friends that have done this and were happy with the results. Again, I''d create a small registry for the people who don''t want to contribute to your honeymoon fund.

I think both of these are much more polite and less in-your-face ways to get the message to your guests that you would prefer cash gifts.

I think the "word of mouth" suggestion is an excellent one. Also, if you don''t register for anything (or only a few token items), I think people will get the hint.

 

[PumpkinPie]

I agree with everyone else! I have never heard of the "wishing well" concept before and I find both poems to be quite distasteful. I would be very unhappy to receive one of these, and would likely not give a present at all. The only acceptable way to communciate that cash gifts would be preferred is by word of mouth, and even that is a risky endeavour in my opinion.

 

[AussieNic]

I think wishing wells are the in thing (at least in our part of the woods) in Australia.
We had one, but let everyone know when we or someone else in the family spoke to them, that we would not be upset or offended if people chose a gift over the wishing well. The poem we found in a womans magazine, and it was,

Because at first we lived in sin (this applied to us since we were young and had a 6 month old when we married)
We''ve got the sheets and a rubbish bin.
A gift from you would be swell,
but we''d prefer a donation to our wishing well.

 

[Blackpaw]

Please, please, please dont. I''ll go there...i''ll say it..its BOGAN

Wanting cash is not uncommon, so instead have a flight centre/travel agent ''registry'', or use word of mouth. Dont call it a wishing well (you are not Snow White) and please, no poem - the only poems at a wedding should be by Keats or Byron or INSERT FAMOUS POET HERE...

 

[Dannielle]

Thank you for all the replies... I knew there was a reason it wasn''t sitting well with me.. because it is tacky

As AussieNic said, it must be an Australian thing.. I have been to 10 weddings in the past 3 years and every couple had a wishing well, they also all had the tacky poem in the invitation, which is why I am trying to find a nicer way of saying it?

Can anyone offer any suggestions minus the poem on what to write on the wishing well slip? I am working with a designer to do our custom invites and she needs it by the end of business tomorrow? This is far to stressful

)

 

[Haven]

That''s interesting that this is common in Australia. I''ve never heard of it before, but if many people do it then I wonder if it won''t come off as tacky?

Do you have to include anything about it in your invite? Could you instead put your wedding website on an enclosure and then put the details of your wishing well on the website?

I personally feel that word of mouth is the *only* nice way of telling people about your gift preferences, mainly because that means they asked what you wanted first. BUT, if you must put the information out there, a website seems to be the next best thing.

 

[Dannielle]

"Your presence at our wedding is the greatest gift of all. However, should you wish to honour us with a gift, a contribution to our honeymoon will help to create memories that will last a lifetime."

or

"Your love, laughter, and company on our wedding day are the most special gifts we could ever hope to receive. However, should you wish to honour us with a gift, a contribution to our honeymoon will help to create memories that will last a lifetime."

Is that any better?

 

[Dannielle]

Date: 4/20/2010 9:48:29 PM
Author: Haven
That''s interesting that this is common in Australia. I''ve never heard of it before, but if many people do it then I wonder if it won''t come off as tacky?

Do you have to include anything about it in your invite? Could you instead put your wedding website on an enclosure and then put the details of your wishing well on the website?

I personally feel that word of mouth is the *only* nice way of telling people about your gift preferences, mainly because that means they asked what you wanted first. BUT, if you must put the information out there, a website seems to be the next best thing.

Wedding website? What is that?

.. Maybe word of mouth will be the best option.

With the invitation companies I have recieved quotes from, the wishing well slip is included.. maybe if I ask them to remove it I will save some money

 

[KittyGolightly]

Date: 4/20/2010 9:56:00 PM
Author: Dannielle

Date: 4/20/2010 9:48:29 PM
Author: Haven
That''s interesting that this is common in Australia. I''ve never heard of it before, but if many people do it then I wonder if it won''t come off as tacky?

Do you have to include anything about it in your invite? Could you instead put your wedding website on an enclosure and then put the details of your wishing well on the website?

I personally feel that word of mouth is the *only* nice way of telling people about your gift preferences, mainly because that means they asked what you wanted first. BUT, if you must put the information out there, a website seems to be the next best thing.

Wedding website? What is that?

.. Maybe word of mouth will be the best option.

With the invitation companies I have recieved quotes from, the wishing well slip is included.. maybe if I ask them to remove it I will save some money

Lots of my friends have set up personalized websites with ceremony, registry, and lodging information. I can''t remember off hand which sites have been the most popular, but here''s a sample. You include the website address in your invite so people know where to look.

Honestly, I don''t think you should do something you feel uncomfortable with just because it''s popular. Buck the trend!

 

[Dannielle]

Date: 4/20/2010 10:04:37 PM
Author: KittyGolightly

Date: 4/20/2010 9:56:00 PM
Author: Dannielle

Date: 4/20/2010 9:48:29 PM
Author: Haven
That''s interesting that this is common in Australia. I''ve never heard of it before, but if many people do it then I wonder if it won''t come off as tacky?

Do you have to include anything about it in your invite? Could you instead put your wedding website on an enclosure and then put the details of your wishing well on the website?

I personally feel that word of mouth is the *only* nice way of telling people about your gift preferences, mainly because that means they asked what you wanted first. BUT, if you must put the information out there, a website seems to be the next best thing.

Wedding website? What is that?

.. Maybe word of mouth will be the best option.

With the invitation companies I have recieved quotes from, the wishing well slip is included.. maybe if I ask them to remove it I will save some money

Lots of my friends have set up personalized websites with ceremony, registry, and lodging information. I can''t remember off hand which sites have been the most popular, but here''s a sample. You include the website address in your invite so people know where to look.

Honestly, I don''t think you should do something you feel uncomfortable with just because it''s popular. Buck the trend!

Oh...

All that is included in our invitation? Our invitation is actually a book which has the invite, maps/parking/accomodation/ wishing well/ RSVP card and menu choices?

I think that we are just going to skip the poem and go with word of mouth

 

[Haven]

That sounds like a great idea, Dannielle.

And don''t create a wedding website if you haven''t already. We didn''t have one, but everyone here on PS seems to have one, so I thought you might.

Now you can cross this one off the list!

 

[PumpkinPie]

I agree - and talk to the invitation company for a discount if you don''t use the slip that''s usually included!


( I can''t believe this is so common to be standard offer from an invitation company! )

 

[caribqueen]

Word of mouth is a good way. Cash gifts are customary in my family (culture) so it''s understood by our guests. There is usually a decorated card box at the wedding reception that guests can put in their cards and cash gifts.

 

[Blackpaw]

Date: 4/20/2010 9:52:38 PM
Author: Dannielle
''Your presence at our wedding is the greatest gift of all. However, should you wish to honour us with a gift, a contribution to our honeymoon will help to create memories that will last a lifetime.''


or


''Your love, laughter, and company on our wedding day are the most special gifts we could ever hope to receive. However, should you wish to honour us with a gift, a contribution to our honeymoon will help to create memories that will last a lifetime.''


Is that any better?

Of these i like the first one. I think its perfectly acceptable in this day and age to prefer cash - its a shame there''s really no good way of saying i guess. But in years to come this will become ''tradition'' i think

yes so i like the top wording, or if you can organize a registry at a travel agent you''re happy with id include that.

 

[AussieNic]

Ok, I just checked another forum i post on, we were having a discussion about wishing well poems. I am in an extreme hurry at the moment, so will copy and paste for you Not sure if any or all will apply, but they might help you with the brainstorming??

Now we are to be Mr & Mrs
We don''t need a wedding list of dishes
We have two kettles, two toasters, a microwave
We require a house for which we have to save.
If you would like to give us a monetary gift this would give us a lift
We like to think of it as our "Wishing Well"
Which will be filled with your love, we can tell



We''ve been together a few years now;
we have pots and pans and linen and towels;
we have glasses and toasters, really quite a few;
so instead of more gifts, we suggest this to you;
if it doesn''t offend and it won''t send you running;
what we would really appreciate is quite simply money;
we know choosing gifts can be such a pain;
and this way there is no chance of bringing the same."
What do you think?



So what do you get
For the Bride and Groom
Whose house needs things
In every room?

When shopping for a present
Please, don’t be rash
As the option is there
To just give cash!

We hope that you don’t find
Our request to be funny
But the decision is yours
To buy a present, or give money

Now you have the choice
Please do not fuss
The most important thing of all
Is that you come celebrate with us!



More than kisses so far we’ve shared,
Our home has been made with Love and Care,
Most things we need we’ve already got,
And in our home we can’t fit a lot!

A wishing well we thought would be great,
(But only if you wish to participate),
A gift of money is placed in the well,
Then make a wish … but shhh don’t tell!

While enjoying our honeymoon we’ll feel brand new,
We can look back and say it was all thanks to you!
And in return for your kindness, we’re so sure,
That one day soon you will get what you wished for.

A wishing well will be on display at the reception
where we can receive your best wishes.


We hope that you will not be miffed
If we ask you not to buy a gift
You see we have already filled our home
We even have a garden gnome!

But there is one thing that we would like
To tell the landlord to take a hike
We’ve been saving hard to buy a house
But if you could help it would be grouse.

There is no need to rob the banks
Any amount will be greeted with thanks
So help us grow our money tree
And spare yourself the shopping spree!



Soon you will hear our wedding bell,
As friends and family wish us well.
Our household thoughts are not brand new,
We have twice the things we need for two.
Since we have our share of dishes and bedding,
We''re having instead a wishing well wedding.
But more important we ask of you,
your prayers of love and blessings too!


A wishing-well will await
to help build loving nest...
If instead a gift would buy,
ask our Mums - they know best
- and details that can end your quest!



Like many young couples today
We have most things anyway
If you would like to give, it is our request
For something for our treasure chest
A gift of money you can afford
Is just what we need you can be assured
Without the help of this little pun
Our honeymoon would not be much fun



If you were thinking of giving a gift,
to help us on our way.
A gift of cash towards our house,
would really make our day.
However, if you prefer to purchase a gift,
feel free to surprise us in your own way.



We really would appreciate a little money of our own,
instead of a little gift for our new home!"
We know you want to find something nice
But it''s such a hassle to find the right price
So come and enjoy the day all sunny
We really would appreciate a little money.




More than just kisses so far we''ve shared
Our home has been made with love and care
Most things we need we’ve already got
Like a toaster and kettle, pans and pots

A wishing well we thought would be great
(but only if you wish to participate)
A gift of money is placed in the well
Then make a wish … but do not tell

Once we’ve replaced the old with the new
We can look back and say it was thanks to you!

And in return for your kindness we’re sure
that one day soon you''ll get what you wished for!

Our home is quite complete now,
we''ve been together long,
so please consider our request
and do not take us wrong.
A delicate request it is,
we hope you understand.
Please play along as it will
give our married life a hand.
The tradition of the wishing well
is one that''s known by all.
Go to the well, toss in a coin
and as the coin does fall,
Make a wish upon that coin
and careful as you do.
Cause as the well''s tradition goes
your wishes will come true.
So on this special day of ours,
the day that we''ll be wed.
Don''t hunt for special gifts
but give money in it''s stead.
And as you drop the envelope
with money great and small,
Remember, make your wish
as you watch your money fall.

They have their dishes and towels for two
They have pots and pans and oven mitts too
So what do you get for the Bride & Groom
Whose house is setup in every room?
Their house needs repairs and some upgrades too
But you can not register for carpet and glue.
A well that holds wishes is the way to go
So lets make it easy for all that know.
An envelope will be provided for those who have room,
To give a monetary wish to the Bride and Groom
A wishing well will be on display at the reception hall
To attach your wishes, for the couple, with love from all.


Nic.

 

[hawaiianorangetree]

Hi Dannielle

Even though you seem like you have already decided to go with the word of mouth option, i thought i would throw out another idea for you and tell you what i did.

Even though i knew it was very common for people (in OZ) to put a wishing well poem in with their invites and my mother and aunty both offered me different poems, i still couldn''t stomach the idea of doing it as it is very tacky. Asking for money is asking for money and it certainly doesn''t make it any better when you put it in rhyme!!! Also the second set of poems kind of irk me in a way too. ''your presence is enough.." Oh really? If my presence is enough why are we still talking presents!! (IMO anyway)

I didn''t go with the word of mouth option as i didn''t really trust it. Yeah family and friends could have put the word out but there would have been a big chunk of FI''s friends that would have only got the message if we had called up and said ''dont buy a present.. bring cash!!'' so this is what i did.

On the seperate slip that went with our invites i had directions, parking instructions and a map to the venue. Underneath all of that i put..

"When thinking of a gift for us we ask that you
please consider contributing to our honeymoon
fund to make it all the sweeter."

and then

"If you prefer to give a traditional gift, please find
enclosed details of our registry at Myer."

Then we included a myer registry details card. I made a small registry up for those that didn''t like to give money as i knew that there was at least one couple who prefered to give a gift, and if people didn''t want to give money, there was an alrenative option for them.

Now for the BONUS of a registry!!!!

Did you know that by simply registering certain brands you can get free gifts??? I didn''t!!!!!! At Myers, when i registered a certain amount ($$) of Royal Doulton, Vera Wang (waterford crystal) and Le Cruset I immediately qualified for the free gifts!! People didn''t even have to buy them off the registry!!

Here is what i got..

1 set of toasting flutes from Royal Doulton
1 set of ingflutes from Vera Wang
1 Casserole dish from Le Cruset

That was nearly $500 worth of free stuff just for registering!!!!! Totally worth it!! The flutes are to die for!! (great way to get them if you still need them for your wedding!!)

 

[pinki]

*smacks forehead* ....so THAT''s what a wishing well is!

I was invited to a wedding last summer and they had stated in their invite that said "In lieu of gifts the couple will have a wishing well" which I thought it meant they didn''t want anything, just cards...you know, to wish them well! They were older so I thought that''s what they meant. Thank GOD I still put a check in with the card. Hahahaa....it''s so clear to me now!

We wanted cash for our wedding gifts, but didn''t know how to communicate it. We''ve been spreading the word, like when people ask where we''re registered. We still registered because some people love getting you a tangible item and I''d rather get something I liked as opposed to leaving it up to their judgement, but when we''re asked we say that we''d love cash, but that we''re registered at X, Y and Z.

Cj

 

[Haven]

Date: 4/21/2010 5:08:35 AM
Author: hawaiianorangetree
Hi Dannielle

Even though you seem like you have already decided to go with the word of mouth option, i thought i would throw out another idea for you and tell you what i did.

Even though i knew it was very common for people (in OZ) to put a wishing well poem in with their invites and my mother and aunty both offered me different poems, i still couldn''t stomach the idea of doing it as it is very tacky. Asking for money is asking for money and it certainly doesn''t make it any better when you put it in rhyme!!! Also the second set of poems kind of irk me in a way too. ''your presence is enough..'' Oh really? If my presence is enough why are we still talking presents!! (IMO anyway)

I didn''t go with the word of mouth option as i didn''t really trust it. Yeah family and friends could have put the word out but there would have been a big chunk of FI''s friends that would have only got the message if we had called up and said ''dont buy a present.. bring cash!!'' so this is what i did.

On the seperate slip that went with our invites i had directions, parking instructions and a map to the venue. Underneath all of that i put..

''When thinking of a gift for us we ask that you
please consider contributing to our honeymoon
fund to make it all the sweeter.''

and then

''If you prefer to give a traditional gift, please find
enclosed details of our registry at Myer.''

Then we included a myer registry details card. I made a small registry up for those that didn''t like to give money as i knew that there was at least one couple who prefered to give a gift, and if people didn''t want to give money, there was an alrenative option for them.

Now for the BONUS of a registry!!!!

Did you know that by simply registering certain brands you can get free gifts??? I didn''t!!!!!! At Myers, when i registered a certain amount ($$) of Royal Doulton, Vera Wang (waterford crystal) and Le Cruset I immediately qualified for the free gifts!! People didn''t even have to buy them off the registry!!

Here is what i got..
1 set of toasting flutes from Royal Doulton
1 set of ingflutes from Vera Wang
1 Casserole dish from Le Cruset

That was nearly $500 worth of free stuff just for registering!!!!! Totally worth it!! The flutes are to die for!! (great way to get them if you still need them for your wedding!!)

HOT--That''s very cool that you were given free gifts just for registering! I''ve never heard of that happening before.

I''m confused by your post, though--at first you said that you didn''t ask for money, but then it seems like you included a slip of paper asking people for money for your honeymoon? Am I misreading?

 

[galeteia]

If wishing wells are so common in your area, I think the most polite option is just to say "In lieu of gifts the couple will have a wishing well" as it was posted earlier, but add the bit about "If you prefer to give a traditional gift, please find enclosed details of our registry at XXX"

Honestly, I am not likely to go poking around a wedding website hunting for registry details. If I can''t easily find it, I''ll just ask someone in the bridal party what to get them. The poems trying to cutesy up flat-out mentions of CASH is just uggggh.

The differences in wedding traditions fascinate me! I''d never heard of giving cash at a wedding before my Italian roommate explained what a Busta was, and I found it pretty horrifying at first. What if I can only afford a $30 gift? What if I can find them a $100 gift on sale for $40- instead of being worth $100 it''s now only worth the $$ I would have spent on it.

Asking for cash, IMO, pressures people to give more to avoid being embarrassed by the low amount they can afford. I know that''s basically what people do for registries as they''re picking out things they know the price of, but in fact, none of the weddings I went to growing up had registries at all, people just bought gifts and slipped the MOB the gift receipts for returns!

Now I''m worried what my FBIL and his fiancee are expecting for their wedding this summer ...

 

[legallyspoiled]

I read in an etiquette book somewhere that it is inappropriate to put ANY gift information in the formal wedding invitation...including registry information. Since every woman who is invited to the wedding is SUPPOSED to be invited to the bridal shower, registry information MAY be included in the shower invitation. The proper method is word of mouth.

 

[Haven]

HOT--I just came back to say that I didn''t mean my earlier post to sound snarky, but I think it came off that way. I''m just curious about the differences in the way things are done in the US (where I''m located) and Australia. I don''t see a distinction between a honeymoon registry and asking for cash, so if that''s what you''re talking about I find it pretty fascinating that there''s a distinction. That''s all!

 

[Nov2109]

A wishing well in the states is usually small gifts, kitchen gadgets, hand towels etc. Some people put twists on them, a friend of mine had a wine well(which now she has 60 bottles of wine and no where to put them!), ive seen so many different things.

I think it varies from culture to culture. It is very tacky and poor etiquette in the states to ask for money, it should be spread by word of mouth, ie, the couple is saving for a house, they just bought a house and need furniture etc.

If it is commonplace in Australia then I don''t see anything wrong with it, but I did receive an invite to an engagement party that said " monetary gifts are appreciated". I gave them a card that had a money print...I had known the couple pretty well...for about 10 years so she got a kick out of it. She told me after the party she was so embarrassed and her mother made her do it. I told her it was tacky and I''m sure everyone else thought it was too...she was mortified, but loved my card.

Needless to say they didnt get very many "monetary gifts" and they had a very small turnout at their engagement party, probably because people were so put off by their invite.

 

[andex23]

I''ve never heard of a wishing well, but if realistically you want CASH instead of stuff, register at a place that gives back cash instead of store credit.

Here in the US, Crate & Barrel and Bed Bath & Beyond will give you CASH for your returned wedding gifts, versus Macy''s who will give you store credit.

Register for a whole bunch of stuff you may want or not want in different price ranges, then return it. That way, people can get you "stuff" and you can get "cash." Hope this helps.