Wishing I'd eloped

[kelpie]

Please forgive the following self indulgent rant but I have no other outlet.

I'm getting married in 3 weeks and I am so traumatized by all the drama executing a wedding has brought. I feel constantly bombarded with questions, decisions, and other people's harsh judgments about my choices, people calling out my etiquette mis-steps. The two people who were excited about my wedding so much they ASKED me to be in it (a bridesmaid and a nearly 30 year old who wanted to be a flowergirl) RSVP'd NO! Actually only of them RSVPd "No" but the flowergirl in Alaska said she "would not be able to come east this fall" in her facebook status. WTH? I have been so chill about the whole thing and what I have expected others to help me with. I had to plan it nearly all by myself because FI was in freaking IRAQ most of the year we have been engaged. Now I'm getting judgment from inlaws for hinting I don't like giftcards and people who bought them are sure to be offended (didn't register because I'm moving). We are moving to Tanzania in 6 weeks and trying to pack up my home and my farm and rent it out. I have to make accommodations for my unusual pets (donkey, pig, geese, cat) and it breaks my heart. I'm worried they won't be taken care of or won't remember me when I come back. Worried I owe them better (which I do). I am so overwhelmed. I spend 5 hours commuting a day and was in 2 graduate courses I just took an incomplete in. I don't even have the ceremony planned. Welcome to the pity party. Wow it is stressful to be a bride.

I just want to be married. I wish I eloped (and right now, a little bit, I wish I had denied my MIL the joy of seeing her son be married).

 

[Miss Sparkly]

Such a bummer to be going through all of that I don't have any advice as I eloped. Eloping was difficult as we pissed quite a few people off and it felt like I was back in high school with the behind the back comments for the next couple of years. I honestly think no matter how you do it (eloping or having a real wedding) that it's very difficult. Everybody seems to think that they know what's best and is quite willing to share their opinion. Good luck to you and I hope all goes well with your pets!

 

[rosetta]

Argh, you have SO much going on!

here's what i would do (feel free to ignore):

1.forget the two who no longer want to be in the wedding. Just plan everything without them. If they come begging back, do NOT bend over backwards to let them back in.

2. do the best you can for your animals, then trust god/krishna/buddha with their welfare. you have done all you can

3. make a list of all the planning you can do WITHOUT help from anyone else, and do that first. this will make you feel more in control

4. ask help from those you trust, and who have a track record of coming through for you only. remember that your wedding is not as important to anyone else but you. i ALWAYS keep this in mind.

5. take time out to do something you love, and that's not wedding related. allocate specific time to wedding tasks, and don't overrun on this. do the most important things first.

6. know that, no matter how much you plan, something WILL go wrong on the day. weddings seem to heighten emotions, and everyone suddenly has an opinion. ignore them all to save your sanity.

7. come back and vent with us

This day is about you and your fiance. Do what makes you happy. You can't make everyone else happy too.

 

[that_someone_special]

Kelpie. I am sorry you feel stressed out, but it's almost over!

 

[Clairitek]

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this right now. Not sure what advice to give, but I wanted to send some hugs your way.

 

[sillyberry]

Yikes! It sounds like you have a whole lot on your plate. Do you best for your pets, try to get through moving without too much stress (and moving is the WORST), ignore the judgment of the future in-laws, and remember that you get to marry your guy!!!

On a practical point - are you having a traditional ceremony? Is that something we can help with?

Big big hugs. It'll be over soon and you'll be MARRIED!

 

[missjaxon]

Please forgive the following self indulgent rant but I have no other outlet.

I'm getting married in 3 weeks and I am so traumatized by all the drama executing a wedding has brought. I feel constantly bombarded with questions, decisions, and other people's harsh judgments about my choices, people calling out my etiquette mis-steps. The two people who were excited about my wedding so much they ASKED me to be in it (a bridesmaid and a nearly 30 year old who wanted to be a flowergirl) RSVP'd NO! Actually only of them RSVPd "No" but the flowergirl in Alaska said she "would not be able to come east this fall" in her facebook status. WTH? I have been so chill about the whole thing and what I have expected others to help me with. I had to plan it nearly all by myself because FI was in freaking IRAQ most of the year we have been engaged. Now I'm getting judgment from inlaws for hinting I don't like giftcards and people who bought them are sure to be offended (didn't register because I'm moving). We are moving to Tanzania in 6 weeks and trying to pack up my home and my farm and rent it out. I have to make accommodations for my unusual pets (donkey, pig, geese, cat) and it breaks my heart. I'm worried they won't be taken care of or won't remember me when I come back. Worried I owe them better (which I do). I am so overwhelmed. I spend 5 hours commuting a day and was in 2 graduate courses I just took an incomplete in. I don't even have the ceremony planned. Welcome to the pity party. Wow it is stressful to be a bride.

I just want to be married. I wish I eloped (and right now, a little bit, I wish I had denied my MIL the joy of seeing her son be married).

I am so sorry! *BIG HUGS* ! You do have a lot going on and I could have written the highlighted part myself about my own wedding. Weddings definitely bring drama in some way or another. I hope you find a safe home for your animals, I can't imagine the stress of dealing with that alone but add a big move, school, MIL drama and a FI in Iraq wow, you must be ready to get to your big day and just enjoy it. I hope you take some time for yourself so you don't have a complete break down and just keep your eyes on the prize, you are in the home stretch now girl! Look how strong you are, you can do this!!

 

[kelpie]

Thank you all for listening to me vent. I feel like it was really selfish but I needed to get it out.

Sparkly Blonde, you make an excellent point. No matter what you decide for your wedding there will be harsh judgments and hurt feelings. Really sad since it's supposed to be a time of joy and about the two of you. I hope my wedding day is like what they say giving birth is like, once it's there you forget all the pain and just feel the joy.

Rosetta, Thank you so much for the excellent advice that I will definitely follow up on. I have been trying to do unrelated activities that really make me happy and relaxed like boating. Any advice for shaking the guilt that I should be doing something on my mile long task list?

Bean and Clairitek, thanks for the support!

SillyBerry, Yes moving is awful! and emotional too. I need a simpler life though and it's forcing me to downsize. I have my officiant and good friend working on the ceremony (it will be his first), but he just started Harvard divinity school, is expecting a baby in a few weeks and we have had trouble following up with eachother with all the craziness. One thing that would be nice is examples of programs, like do you list the people in the bridal party? The musicians are all composed of friends and family, should I credit them and make a note of their selections? Is it appropriate to state how someone is related to you like, Jane Doe on cello, Aunt of the bride?

MissJaxon, I'm so glad you can relate! I just want to be free of the drama, but it rears its ugly head no matter what! The weird thing is I have a good relationship with my friends, family, and inlaws but when emotions run this high issues come out of the woodwork.

 

[missydebby]

just *hugs*

 

[sillyberry]

Yeah, practical help!

Parents and members of the bridal party are listed. If the ceremony musicians are people you care about, as opposed to someone you hired, I would definitely include them in the program, along with the musical selections. I probably wouldn't list their relationship, but I don't think it would be inappropriate if you wanted to.

Here are some examples of program wording, and here are some guidelines.