Will you allow your kid to hit back?

[TravelingGal]

On the heels of the spanking thread, here''s another Q for you.

If your child was being physically bullied, will you permit your kid to strike back? Only in self defense, of course. Or, do you believe there is never a good reason for hitting another kid?

 

[joflier]

I was a kid who always stood up for myself. And I did hit back. I can''t say I''m too proud of those moments, but I wasn''t going to be a little playground pansy, either. Once the kid figured out I was a tough little thing, I got left alone. So it solved the problem.
I guess, I''d probably encourage my kids to do the same. Stand up for yourself when your being mistreated. But the only muddled area for me, is if it''s a boy that''s being physically bullied by a girl. Double standard, but I wouldn''t want my son to retaliate physically against a girl.

 

[yssie]

I don''t have kids, but I confess I''d probably turn a blind eye to it if it was a recurring event that the parents of the other kid were unable or unwilling to control.


I was a great target when I was little ''cause I was pretty much always smaller than other kids my age. I was taught never to hit another child so I retaliated by biting instead, and I was never bullied by that person or group again. Not that many of the adults were happy with me, mind!


Tough question, I guess it would really depend on the situation.

 

[Allison D.]

Not actually being a mother, I can only speculate as to what I think my approach would be, and it would be this:

If you are being hit and there is an adult or person in charge nearby, go tell the adult and get help. It is *always* ok for you to tell an adult when something's happening that you don't like, and I will never be upset with you for coming to tell me that something isn't ok with you.

If there is no nearby help and it's not possible for you to walk away from the altercation, it is ok for you to defend yourself. Spanking notwithstanding, it's never ok for someone else to hit you and I don't expect you to tolerate being hit.

 

[janinegirly]

Hmm interesting. In self-defense, absolutely! Although hitting back might lead to escalation so might not be the best solution. But in the larger sense of defending oneself even if this might mean not taking the highest road..then yes. Until mommy can deal with them, haha.

I had a cousin who was a big time brat. I was always told by other family members (not my parents) to let her transgressions pass since she was a child of divorce (I am not saying anything about children of divorce, just that this is what I was told was the excuse for her behavior). Anyway she was a big time brat..and about the same age--slammed doors, yelling, not sharing, pinching me. One time she was just being nasty to me and my mom whispered "bite her" and I did! Left a nice set of teethmarks on her arm. Then my mom said out loud "OH! Why did you do that?!" since there were other people around. But you know, even at my young age I got it and stayed silent. Heh Heh.

 

[february2003bride]

We''ve told our kids that if they are ever bullied physically (verbally and emotionally is a different story) go to the nearest adult. If there isn''t for some reason and a kid hit them first, slug ''em back and to not tuck their thumb inside their fist

.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

My child will be taught that in instances of self defense where someone hits you first they may retaliate, but only to protect themselves. My husband is a boxer and trained in martial arts. My child will be enrolled in MA in part because it's a great way to teach defensive retaliation versus offensive attacks as well as discipline.

ETA: Just want to add that this is something that the concept of only hitting back to defend oneself can only be effectively implemented when the child is old enough to understand the concept of defense.

 

[Mandarine]

you know...my FIL (passed away when DH was little) would tell him that "he should never start a fight, but if someone started a fight with him, he needed to finish it". Meaning, he should never hit someone, but he should defend himself. I think kids should be taught that they should defend themselves. I dunno..I would just hate for my babies to get bullied and for them to run to the teacher rather than defend themselves...I think that would just add fire to the bullies and it''s a vicious circle. Unfortunately.

 

[Aloros]

Gosh, this is a tough one. I think it depends on the kid, too. My stepson has some issues, and I don''t think is mature enough for me to tell him it''s ok for him to hit back under extreme duress - I know he''d take that and run with it because he just wouldn''t understand. He''s also in middle school. I think by high school he might be mature enough to be able to discern the difference between when it is ok to defend oneself and when it is not ok to hit back.

So for now, we tell him to go to the nearest authority figure and discuss ways to avoid a fight. Sometimes that''s us, and we do take it up with the other parents. If he''s able to successfully avoid a fight that someone else is trying to start, he gets a ton of praise.

The vast majority of the time it''s an issue of one kid insulting the other, poking that escalates into hits, shoving someone that''s cutting line, etc. etc. And in these cases, two wrongs don''t make a right.

 

[crown1]

for those who suggest telling the adult in charge, how do you feel about teachers and others in charge who punish for tattling? i know this happens in my area. i even know a parent who doesn''t tolerate her own children telling on each other. i don''t condone this but i think children have to be armed with the knowledge on how to deal with such a situation. nothing like being punched or kicked and getting scolded or punished for telling.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 4/26/2010 2:38:43 PM
Author: Mandarine
you know...my FIL (passed away when DH was little) would tell him that ''he should never start a fight, but if someone started a fight with him, he needed to finish it''. Meaning, he should never hit someone, but he should defend himself. I think kids should be taught that they should defend themselves. I dunno..I would just hate for my babies to get bullied and for them to run to the teacher rather than defend themselves...I think that would just add fire to the bullies and it''s a vicious circle. Unfortunately.

It''s this for me. Many instances of bullying take place off the school grounds. And many times, school authorities just don''t care enough.

My brother in the 4th grade was bullied for no real reason by a boy (there never seems to be a good reason anyway!) He challenged my brother to a fight at the nearby ballfield. My brother did not want to go...he was scared. He came home and told me about it and we knew even at that age that if he didn''t go, the torment would just continue. We decided to go...because either this kid would be finally put in his place, or he would get out his aggression and hopefully move on.

I''ll never forget the fight. I was my brother''s only support. From a distance we saw the boy coming down the street with at least 20 other kids on bikes. In my mind I saw a scary cloud of dust stampede like in those westerns.

Long story short, my brother kicked his butt (he was a purple bet in Taekwondo and I don''t think the other kid took into consideration that my brother knew how to jump kick...the boy could not get a punch in.) I was also surprised how fickle kids were...all the kids cheered for the bully at first, but then the tide turned and they cheered for my brother. My brother was never bullied again.

Bullies pick on kids who they think aren''t a threat or can''t fight back. One time two boys called me chink from their screenless window. I marched right over and told them to come out and call me that to my face. They mocked me and I reached in through the window. They slammed the sliding window nearly catching my hand. I hit the window, only meaning to bang on it before I walked away. Well, my hand went right through it and all I remember was everything was "O''s". Their eyes, mouth, nostrills...everything was round, and probably including mine.

I just said, "Yeah, see, that''s what you get and don''t mess with me!" and turned around and ran. Later the cops did come to my house and seemed pretty amused by it all. My dad came home and I thought I was in deep doo doo (because my dad WAS scary) but he quietly told me I did fine by him and to never let people say things like that to me again. He fixed the window and those boys never said another word to me.

So yeah, I''m pretty much in the camp that if you don''t defend yourself, bullying continues.

 

[mrssalvo]

my girls were in this situation a couple of weeks ago. they had a friend who spent the weekend with us and this little girl hit Lily several times over the course of the weekend. Lily never hit her back and always came and told an adult but It was so frustrating to have to constantly correct our guest and not really have any authority to punish her. We would talk about how hitting is wrong and try to work through it but she''d forget and hit again. I remember thinking to myself that I wish I could have told Lily to just haul off and hit her back after the multiple attacks. I was very proud that my girls didn''t retaliate but I also don''t want them to just suck it up and take being hit if there isn''t an adult present. they do need to be able to know the right time to fight back.

 

[Mandarine]

My husband is very Spanish looking and has a very Spanish name. He grew up in the midwest and got bullied a LOT. He said it always took just one fight at the beginning of the new school year or sport season, for teh bullying to end.

The school would call his mom and she would ask if someone hit him first. They would say yes, and she would back him off saying she didn''t teach her son to just take being bullied...and so if they didn''t want him to fight, they should talk to the parents of the kids doing the bullying.

I will probably be the same way with my boys. Hopefully because it''s two of them people bullies will stay away!

 

[elrohwen]

I don't know what I would do yet - this is one of the situations I haven't thought through for my future kid. But I can tell you what my mom did with me.

I was always a shy and fairly passive child. Also, as an only child, I never learned to defend myself from obnoxious siblings or roughhouse - I was used to being around adults who didn't hit or call names. In preschool a boy was bullying me and hitting me. My mom told me to push him back and he would leave me alone, but I said I didn't know how. Lol. So we had practice sessions where I had to push her

Apparently the preschool teacher didn't like this change in behavior and told my mom who just said that I needed to learn how to stand up for myself and clearly it worked because the bully backed off after the first push. If the preschool teacher had been able to keep him under control in the first place it wouldn't have come to that.

So with certain kids in certain situations, I think it's valid for them to hit back as long as it's defensive. Though I would prefer for the kid to go to a teacher or adult first if there was someone around.

eta: I think it's different between girls and boys. Boys are more likely to physically bully other boys and self defence may be necessary. Girls, after and early age, are far more likely to bully with words, which needs a totally different defence.

 

[lili]

Date: 4/26/2010 2:38:43 PM
Author: Mandarine
you know...my FIL (passed away when DH was little) would tell him that ''he should never start a fight, but if someone started a fight with him, he needed to finish it''. Meaning, he should never hit someone, but he should defend himself. I think kids should be taught that they should defend themselves. I dunno..I would just hate for my babies to get bullied and for them to run to the teacher rather than defend themselves...I think that would just add fire to the bullies and it''s a vicious circle. Unfortunately.

That''s my thought too.
We would teach DD to walk away from the situation when possible, but if the bully is relentless, by all means fire back.

 

[partgypsy]

When I was a kid I wasn''t physical at all, even with my sister we would have screaming fights but never physically touch each other. So I was surprised with my two kids (one''s 7 one''s 3), they do get into it physically with each other (blaming my husband''s genes on that). At this time stressing 2 wrongs don''t make a right, and not to retaliate physically; the subtlies of who started what is rather lost on them.

My older daughter has already had this situation, (she''s tall, but thin and waify) where a boy was very rough and when she was on the ground stepped on her hand, so she turned around and immediately kicked him in the chest. Got a call from the teacher, and had to explain to her that wasn''t the right "choice". So, for whatever reason neither of our girls seem to have a problem with physically defending themselves, so don''t want to encourage that. Funnily, my older daughter reliishes saying if a "bad guy" breaks into our house she would "kick him in the wee wee", and I say, "no, you run away!"

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 4/26/2010 3:08:40 PM
Author: elrohwen
I don''t know what I would do yet - this is one of the situations I haven''t thought through for my future kid. But I can tell you what my mom did with me.

I was always a shy and fairly passive child. Also, as an only child, I never learned to defend myself from obnoxious siblings or roughhouse - I was used to being around adults who didn''t hit or call names. In preschool a boy was bullying me and hitting me. My mom told me to push him back and he would leave me alone, but I said I didn''t know how. Lol. So we had practice sessions where I had to push her

Apparently the preschool teacher didn''t like this change in behavior and told my mom who just said that I needed to learn how to stand up for myself and clearly it worked because the bully backed off after the first push. If the preschool teacher had been able to keep him under control in the first place it wouldn''t have come to that.

So with certain kids in certain situations, I think it''s valid for them to hit back as long as it''s defensive. Though I would prefer for the kid to go to a teacher or adult first if there was someone around.

eta: I think it''s different between girls and boys. Boys are more likely to physically bully other boys and self defence may be necessary. Girls, after and early age, are far more likely to bully with words, which needs a totally different defence.

And much harder to combat. I was only bullied once in the 4th grade by two 5th grade girls who had no reason to dislike me (except that one of their friends did...and sadly that friend was a family friend of ours). They did it by whispering "behind my back" when I was around, looking at me, pointing and giggling. Not exactly reasons you can haul them to the principal''s office. I was really confused as to why they did this and didn''t know what to do about it. I was really lucky in that one day, they came to me and were so nice, and then said that they had asked one another why they were mean to me and neither could come up with an answer. They said they would not ever be mean to me again.

I''ll never forget it because I was surprised, relieved and thankful. And true to their word, they were so nice to me going forward. I wish every bully could be so self aware, and now as an adult, I actually marvel at what they did once they realized they were in the wrong. They actually apologized to me! But I know that I was lucky that it only lasted a short time and no girl every bullied me again. Most girls aren''t so lucky and the psychological warfare that girls put each other through is scary.

 

[elrohwen]

Date: 4/26/2010 3:19:21 PM
Author: TravelingGal
And much harder to combat. I was only bullied once in the 4th grade by two 5th grade girls who had no reason to dislike me (except that one of their friends did...and sadly that friend was a family friend of ours). They did it by whispering 'behind my back' when I was around, looking at me, pointing and giggling. Not exactly reasons you can haul them to the principal's office. I was really confused as to why they did this and didn't know what to do about it. I was really lucky in that one day, they came to me and were so nice, and then said that they had asked one another why they were mean to me and neither could come up with an answer. They said they would not ever be mean to me again.

I'll never forget it because I was surprised, relieved and thankful. And true to their word, they were so nice to me going forward. I wish every bully could be so self aware, and now as an adult, I actually marvel at what they did once they realized they were in the wrong. They actually apologized to me! But I know that I was lucky that it only lasted a short time and no girl every bullied me again. Most girls aren't so lucky and the psychological warfare that girls put each other through is scary.

Wow, that's extremely self-aware of them!

I was actually bullied by boys far more than girls growing up, but it was all verbal after age 4 because they weren't stupid enough to hit a girl. I was made fun of a lot through elementary school and junior high (they kind of knocked it off by high school) and had to learn to come up with some sharp comebacks to shut them up. It's tough! Though the boys were stupid enough to use the same insults every time, so it gave me time to come up with an insult. It was only a matter of time before they would say the same thing again and I could hit them with a zinger

I wish it was as easy as just pushing them back though!

 

[packrat]

I bullied a girl in HS who was bullying my brother, and by then, he was into weight lifting, so guys pretty much quit any teasing where he was concerned. I never had an issue w/guys, it was always w/girls and it was never physical. Well, once I grabbed a girl by her shirt and slammed her into her locker-but she was bullying a guy friend of mine so I felt justified.

My brother and I were always told to let things go and ignore everything, and there comes a time when enough is enough. I don''t recall a lot of problems in the smaller grades..boys would shove each other and stuff but nothing real major. If someone shoved my brother and he shoved them back, that would be the time the teacher turned around, so my brother would be the one in trouble. And the teachers didn''t so much like tattle tails either. One of the grades had a tail you had to wear pinned onto the back of your pants. One had a chair in the corner you had to sit in and face the corner.

Neither of us have a problem w/our kids fighting back. If that doesn''t make the problem go away then I guess mean old mom and dad will take care of it.

 

[charbie]

Date: 4/26/2010 2:04:06 PM
Author: janinegirly
Hmm interesting. In self-defense, absolutely! Although hitting back might lead to escalation so might not be the best solution. But in the larger sense of defending oneself even if this might mean not taking the highest road..then yes. Until mommy can deal with them, haha.

I had a cousin who was a big time brat. I was always told by other family members (not my parents) to let her transgressions pass since she was a child of divorce (I am not saying anything about children of divorce, just that this is what I was told was the excuse for her behavior). Anyway she was a big time brat..and about the same age--slammed doors, yelling, not sharing, pinching me. One time she was just being nasty to me and my mom whispered ''bite her'' and I did! Left a nice set of teethmarks on her arm. Then my mom said out loud ''OH! Why did you do that?!'' since there were other people around. But you know, even at my young age I got it and stayed silent. Heh Heh.

totally think your mom and i would get along great. i''d like to think i''d be the same way.

i think if it was in self defense, and it was done at the time that my kid was being bullied, i''d be ok with it. but i''m not going to let my kid get hit, then a week later walk up and kick someone and say it was for what the kid did the week before.

i once remember being in 5th grade and having a crush on this boy who lived in my neighborhood and was in my class at school. i was sort of a tomboy and played with all the boys in our neighborhood, so they all started calling me by my last name, just like they did with one another. i got upset because to me, it meant they just thought i was a boy, and the boy i had a crush on must just think of me as "one of the guys." i would get mad and tell them to stop, but it just made them do it more often and they wouldn''t stop.
well, the "ringleader" of the pack kept calling me by my last name, and butchering it, making up other names based off my last name, and i got fed up. i told my dad about it, and he said, "so tell him you''re gonna chop off his weiner." stupid thing for him to say, but the next day, i told the kid, "my dad said if you keep calling me by my last name, i''m allowed to cut off your weiner." it made the kid cry. and i got sent to the principal''s office. it turned into this whole ordeal, and the kid kept saying, "she told me she was going to chop off my weiner! her dad told her it was ok!" everyone who was there had to go to the office and tell their side of the story, and the boy i had a crush on said, "i never heard her say that. she asked him to stop making fun of her last name." he became my first boyfriend. oh memories.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Yes, I would permit my boys to strike back.

A few years back on my kids'' bus there was a bully who punched two friends of my kids (2nd grade at the time) and neither boy fought back. The parents of the two beaten up boys complained to nearly everyone: principal, counselor, bus depot, etc, and nobody intervened. I''d think that if one of the kids did hit back, the bully would have learned his lesson!

My boys are so passive though. . .I can''t imagine either hitting back. They''re not aggressive toward other kids. They do hit each other though. . .ugh. Not sure if all siblings do that since I''m an only child.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 4/26/2010 4:27:22 PM
Author: charbie

Date: 4/26/2010 2:04:06 PM
Author: janinegirly
Hmm interesting. In self-defense, absolutely! Although hitting back might lead to escalation so might not be the best solution. But in the larger sense of defending oneself even if this might mean not taking the highest road..then yes. Until mommy can deal with them, haha.

I had a cousin who was a big time brat. I was always told by other family members (not my parents) to let her transgressions pass since she was a child of divorce (I am not saying anything about children of divorce, just that this is what I was told was the excuse for her behavior). Anyway she was a big time brat..and about the same age--slammed doors, yelling, not sharing, pinching me. One time she was just being nasty to me and my mom whispered ''bite her'' and I did! Left a nice set of teethmarks on her arm. Then my mom said out loud ''OH! Why did you do that?!'' since there were other people around. But you know, even at my young age I got it and stayed silent. Heh Heh.

totally think your mom and i would get along great. i''d like to think i''d be the same way.

i think if it was in self defense, and it was done at the time that my kid was being bullied, i''d be ok with it. but i''m not going to let my kid get hit, then a week later walk up and kick someone and say it was for what the kid did the week before.

i once remember being in 5th grade and having a crush on this boy who lived in my neighborhood and was in my class at school. i was sort of a tomboy and played with all the boys in our neighborhood, so they all started calling me by my last name, just like they did with one another. i got upset because to me, it meant they just thought i was a boy, and the boy i had a crush on must just think of me as ''one of the guys.'' i would get mad and tell them to stop, but it just made them do it more often and they wouldn''t stop.
well, the ''ringleader'' of the pack kept calling me by my last name, and butchering it, making up other names based off my last name, and i got fed up. i told my dad about it, and he said, ''so tell him you''re gonna chop off his weiner.'' stupid thing for him to say, but the next day, i told the kid, ''my dad said if you keep calling me by my last name, i''m allowed to cut off your weiner.'' it made the kid cry. and i got sent to the principal''s office. it turned into this whole ordeal, and the kid kept saying, ''she told me she was going to chop off my weiner! her dad told her it was ok!'' everyone who was there had to go to the office and tell their side of the story, and the boy i had a crush on said, ''i never heard her say that. she asked him to stop making fun of her last name.'' he became my first boyfriend. oh memories.

LOL, sorry, this story made me laugh.

MC, I never hit anyone else except my little brother. But he also knows how to make me mad like none other. He totally was that kid who drove his older sister crazy - I still remember he permanent markered my favorite doll with a mustache, goatee and a tattoo on her butt.

 

[aliceinwonderland]

Date: 4/26/2010 2:52:21 PM
Author: crown1
for those who suggest telling the adult in charge, how do you feel about teachers and others in charge who punish for tattling? i know this happens in my area. i even know a parent who doesn''t tolerate her own children telling on each other. i don''t condone this but i think children have to be armed with the knowledge on how to deal with such a situation. nothing like being punched or kicked and getting scolded or punished for telling.

Hi Crown,

I am a teacher.....you cannot imagine how much of my day is taken up with tattling. If I let them air every problem we literally would never get a lick of work done! My rule in my classroom is if it''s not something that is hurting you physically you must 1. try to ignore 2. ask them to stop and ONLY then are you allowed to come tell me. I don''t punish for tattling but I don''t let them run to me with every single thing, part of school is learning how to deal with those problems on your own when possible.

Alice

 

[elrohwen]

Date: 4/26/2010 5:54:13 PM
Author: aliceinwonderland

Date: 4/26/2010 2:52:21 PM
Author: crown1
for those who suggest telling the adult in charge, how do you feel about teachers and others in charge who punish for tattling? i know this happens in my area. i even know a parent who doesn''t tolerate her own children telling on each other. i don''t condone this but i think children have to be armed with the knowledge on how to deal with such a situation. nothing like being punched or kicked and getting scolded or punished for telling.

Hi Crown,

I am a teacher.....you cannot imagine how much of my day is taken up with tattling. If I let them air every problem we literally would never get a lick of work done! My rule in my classroom is if it''s not something that is hurting you physically you must 1. try to ignore 2. ask them to stop and ONLY then are you allowed to come tell me. I don''t punish for tattling but I don''t let them run to me with every single thing, part of school is learning how to deal with those problems on your own when possible.

Alice

I agree that kids should learn coping skills, but I think punishing them for tattling, as crown mentioned happing in her area, seems ineffective. I''m sure I told on other kids when I was getting picked on, but I was an only child who was used to going to adults so this seemed like a far better idea to me than punching the kid back or calling names. To me, this was the peaceful solution. However, since I was shy and a passive kid, getting punished for telling (which I thought was the right thing to do) was very hard for me. I felt far more helpless than before because the adult didn''t care to help me and I remember being very upset in these situations and feeling helpless. It would have been nice if those teachers are either brushed it off or taken the time to teach me how to handle it.

Alice, I like your system. Just lay down rules for when they can come to you, but don''t punish them for legitimately feeling like they need an adult''s help with a situation.

 

[princesss]

Date: 4/26/2010 2:38:43 PM
Author: Mandarine
you know...my FIL (passed away when DH was little) would tell him that 'he should never start a fight, but if someone started a fight with him, he needed to finish it'. Meaning, he should never hit someone, but he should defend himself. I think kids should be taught that they should defend themselves. I dunno..I would just hate for my babies to get bullied and for them to run to the teacher rather than defend themselves...I think that would just add fire to the bullies and it's a vicious circle. Unfortunately.

While I was never hit, I can tell you from painful experience that it does really only make things worse. I wish I'd known how to stand up for myself and that it was okay to do it as a kid. Childhood and the preteen years would have been a whole lot better for me.

So yes, I will definitely teach my (future) child to defend themselves. But I will also make sure they're clear that they should ONLY be defending themselves, never instigating.

 

[vespergirl]

When my son has been hit by his friend (they are both 3) he has come running to me instead of fight back. Ideally, since they are little, and there have been authority figures nearby, I would prefer him to report the bullying/fighting to an adult to put a stop to it.

If there were just a bunch of older kids alone on a playground or something, though, I would definitely want him to defend himself, even if that meant by fighting back.

 

[Laila619]

My uncle was all about this. My cousin would run in the house crying, "Dad, this kid hit me!" and my uncle would instruct him, "Well punch him back!" LOL.

 

[Kaleigh]

I can tell you what we did, since our kids are grown now... Me?? So not into hitting back... BUT there was this kid that bullied my son, we called him Terrence the terror. Terrance was known as a violent kid in PreK... Anyway fast forward to 1st grade, he flat out punches my son in the chest!!!! My son couldn't catch his breath, he had severe asthma...
The teachers didn't see it, but the kids did, and spoke up the next day to say my son was really hurt...

I am reasonable right?? I am thinking, I'll call the Mom to discuss this??

She cursed me out !!!

I have never been cursed out in my life!!
Funny thing, if she had gotten to know me, she'd know I am the most down to earth person and am all for what she was trying to do for her son...

So after that? I said to DS you defend yourself bar none...

The school did nothing...

Karma did come back to the kid later on, he got expelled for bullying..

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 4/26/2010 6:40:11 PM
Author: Kaleigh
I can tell you what we did, since our kids are grown now... Me?? So not into hitting back... BUT there was this kid that bullied my son, we called him Terrence the terror. Terrance was known as a violent kid in PreK... Anyway fast forward to 1st grade, he flat out punches my son in the chest!!!! My son couldn't catch his breath, he had severe asthma...
The teachers didn't see it, but the kids did, and spoke up the next day to say my son was really hurt...

I am reasonable right?? I am thinking, I'll call the Mom to discuss this??

She cursed me out !!!

I have never been cursed out in my life!!
Funny thing, if she had gotten to know me, she'd know I am the most down to earth person and am all for what she was trying to do for her son...

So after that? I said to DS you defend yourself bar none...

The school did nothing...

Karma did come back to the kid later on, he got expelled for bullying..

My son and girl in his class spent months bickering with each other w/out me even knowing about it. The teacher finally told me about it during parent-teacher conferences and she said that the school generally waits until things reach a breaking point before they do anything simply because the parents become so defensive not wanting to admit their child might be part of the problem. I'm still a bit confused about what the situation was between that girl and my son because the teacher approached it so delicately! I'm not even sure if the girl's mom knew because she waved at me every day. lol Who knows. The kids have worked through it now.

 

[PumpkinPie]

Date: 4/26/2010 1:59:55 PM
Author: Allison D.
Not actually being a mother, I can only speculate as to what I think my approach would be, and it would be this:


If you are being hit and there is an adult or person in charge nearby, go tell the adult and get help. It is *always* ok for you to tell an adult when something''s happening that you don''t like, and I will never be upset with you for coming to tell me that something isn''t ok with you.


If there is no nearby help and it''s not possible for you to walk away from the altercation, it is ok for you to defend yourself. Spanking notwithstanding, it''s never ok for someone else to hit you and I don''t expect you to tolerate being hit.

I agree completely with this Allison - I think you explained my thoughts wonderfully! You should always live in my head and help me be more succint and eloquent !