Widow''s ring?

[fisherofmengirly]

A dear friend of ours lost her husband recently and she''s been thinking about having her engagement ring and wedding ring and her husband''s wedding band put into a widow''s ring. Her engagement ring is a narrow yellow gold band with (I''m approximating here) .75-.80 marquis cut diamond, and she has a wide wedding band, probably around 4mm. Randy''s band is about 5-6mm. All in yellow gold (they were married before white gold and platinum was so popular).

Any ideas or sites I could point her to?

Her husband very recently passed, and I don''t think she''ll be doing anything with any of the rings at this point; she''s still wearing her wedding and engagement rings now, but she does think that eventually, she''d like to make them into something she could always wear, without having it be a wedding set.

 

[sparklyheart]

What if she added a some diamonds and made a pendant? That seems like a lot of gold to use for one ring. If it were a pendant then her DH would always be close to her heart.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I have never heard of a widow''s ring. Can you describe it?

 

[MichelleCarmen]

I''ve never heard of a widow''s ring, either. It would be a shame to do anything with her husband''s band.

After my dad died, my mom took out the diamond from her setting and put a colored stone (garnet) in its place. I think it made for a good way of transitioning the ring with still having meaning.

 

[KimberlyH]

When my aunt''s husband passed she wore her rings around her neck; it''s been 12 years, she is engaged to someone new and she still wears them as a pendant. Perhaps she could have them reshaped into a pendant with her stone or something along those lines.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I agree with putting the diamond in a pendant and keeping his ring intact. Not sure all that metal put together would make a very attractive ring. If this happened to me, I''d probably put my center round in a setting with two side sapphires and make a 3 stone ring, but that wouldn''t work well with a marquise.

 

[fisherofmengirly]

Date: 6/29/2009 2:30:28 PM
Author: Tacori E-ring
I have never heard of a widow's ring. Can you describe it?

I've not seen what she's talking about, either. What she described to me was that some people have the husband's band and the wedding band of the woman sort of molded around the engagement ring, so that all three fit together and become one ring. I'm confused because to me that sounds like an engagement ring that is stacked between two bands, which a lot of women do without it symbolizing being a widow.

What I found when I did a search for widow's rings was a lot of bands with black stones with truly horrible names like, "my broken heart," "circle of tears," and "widow's sorrow."

I think a lot of what she's dealing with right now is everyone's advice as to what she should do. Her husband just barely died a month ago and she has people telling her she shouldn't be wearing her ring anymore. I think that's ridiculous, and it's up to her and only her when she's ready (if ever) to stop wearing it.

I will keep looking for sites that go over options for her, because I think that eventually, she will be interested in finding a way to carry her husband's love with her in the form of jewelry that's no longer represented as a wedding band and engagement ring. If anyone finds anything interesting, feel free to post it here. I'll pass it on to her in the coming months when she expresses feeling like it's time for *her* and not because others have told her what she should be doing.

(She said she read somewhere that the longest a widow is *supposed* to wear her wedding band and ering is a year. Has anyone heard that before? I didn't know that there were "rules" out there about things like this... seems like such an emotional thing that rules can't be applied to time frames in this arena...)

**ETA: She has also thought about putting all three rings up when the time comes that she feels comfortable with that, for her sons some day. At the time, they are only 8 and 2 years old, so it'll be a while...**

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Oh how sad that the children are so young. My mother, who obviously old, is still wearing her rings 9 months after my dad died. She''s certainly not looking for a new man, so I think she can wear them as long as she wants. I suppose your friend is much younger and will return to single life and will eventually transition to not wearing the rings as they are. But agree that I don''t think people should be telling her what to do about the rings this soon!

 

[icekid]

Date: 6/29/2009 7:50:23 PM
Author: diamondseeker2006
Oh how sad that the children are so young. My mother, who obviously old, is still wearing her rings 9 months after my dad died. She''s certainly not looking for a new man, so I think she can wear them as long as she wants. I suppose your friend is much younger and will return to single life and will eventually transition to not wearing the rings as they are. But agree that I don''t think people should be telling her what to do about the rings this soon!

Seriously! How rude people are. She should wear her rings for as long as she wants to wear them.

 

[fisherofmengirly]

DiamondSeeker, (I''ve missed you; I''m rarely in the same places you are around here, it seems!!!)

Yes, my friend is 40 and her husband was 40 as well. He was hit by a train. Very scary and totally not expected. He was her friend through high school and they fell in love after college, and really was her only boyfriend, other than a few casual dates that didn''t go anywhere. She figured why date someone if you couldn''t see them as your life long love, so she didn''t.

Thankfully, Randy was a man of great faith and there is a significant amount of reassurance and relief in that, for Cindy and the whole family. She and her boys came to visit this weekend and it was amazing the level of thought she has put into things. April was their 15 year anniversary (he died in May) and during their night out, somehow the topic of if one of them should pass away came up, and both agreed they wanted the other to find another person to love and enjoy life with, and to help with the boys'' upbringing. She said she can''t imagine growing old with anyone other than Randy, but she can''t imagine growing old alone, even more so. If that makes sense. She''s such a gentle soul and is one of those people who likes to make sure everyone is happy, and in a situation like this, everyone has an opinion and they''re all too pleased to share them with her, and it''s overwhelming her. She has people telling her to never remarry (and seriously, it''s WAY too soon to even be talking about that with her right now), to remarry right away so the boys will have another dad (which is also absurd, since the 8 year old clearly remembers and will always remember his father, and the baby keeps saying, "Daddy in heaven," and also has a pretty clear vision of his father, considering his age), to wear her rings forever in honor of the commitment made to God and Randy, and to take them off immediately, as it''s hindering her healing process. It''s so crazy how everyone thinks they know the best....

I think having a "project" in the coming months could be very healing for her, and I''m hoping to help her find some ideas on the ring topic, but I have no intention of telling her what or when to do a thing... I knew everyone here was so resourceful in finding sites of a sparkly nature, that I''d ask if anyone had heard of a "widow''s ring..." it''s a foreign topic to me.

Good to see you around, DS... hope you''re doing well. (How is your mom doing?)

 

[Diamond*Dana]

What a sad situation for your friend and their sons

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I have not heard that a widow should only wear wedding rings for one year, that is just ridiculous IMO. She should do whatever makes her happy...as far as how long she wants to wear them and what she choses to do with them.

 

[DiamanteBlu]

My heart aches for your friend. I could not imagine being in her situation.

As far a wearing her rings, I think she should wear them as long as she likes. She will know when she is ready to take them off. Nobody can make that decision for her.

 

[DiamanteBlu]

I am not familiar with widow''s rings but I am familiar with mourning rings. In fact, I have one from the early 1800''s. I posted it on a thread which I still have to find.

In looking for my post I came across this thread by LittleGreyKitten in which she posted an article she had written on mourning jewelry: https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/history-of-mourning-jewelry.91486/.

Hope this helps.

 

[DiamanteBlu]

Found it! Here is a pic and what I wrote:

"This is also an estate piece. It is a mourning ring. When a husband went out to sea and didn''t come back the widow would wear a "mourning ring". This is yellow gold with 3 rose cut diamonds [the middle one does not look yellow in person - not sure what''s up with the pic] and black enamel. The engraving on the inside is tough to read but the bottom line says "Nathaniel Wells Sept. 17, 1818". I''ll have to loupe the rest to see it."