Why oh Why wont he propose!

[SuperStarManda]

Hey Everyone.
My boyfriend and I were high school sweathearts (I''m still only 19 but we''ve been together since I was 15 and we love each other very much)
So we''ve been together for 3 almost 4 years and last April we went and looked at rings. We picked one out so we have the ring but he wont propose! We''ve been living together since August. (He''s in the military so for a while he didnt live at home and we had a long distance relationship) But as I said, we''ve been together for almost 4 years, living together for about 7 months, had the ring for almost a year. We''ve talked about getting married and he wants to and he wants to have kids (9 boys and maybe 1 girl, go figure) and I feel the same way. I want him to propose and he knows I do but he doesnt. He''s not romantic type but I just want a little tomance, nothing big like sky writing but something sweet so I have a story to tell! I''ve been waiting for this for a ling time! Help I need advice
Any help would be great! thanks all!

 

[mike04456]

Just a thought: maybe it's because you're both still very young to be getting married, and he wants to get to a more secure position in his life (trust me, marriage and the military are a very difficult mix).




Why not just ask him?

 

[Matata]

There's only one person who can answer your question and you need to ask him. Communicate with the one you love, if his response makes you unhappy attempt to understand his perspective and work toward a compromise.

 

[Nicrez]

Law Gem is right. you are so young! but it's not your age or maturity that worries me, it's the fact that there are things to experience together that at your age you may not have. Like are either of you in college or a career.

Sad to say, but I know lots of people who don't feel like adults, who have "adult" lives, with mortgages, cars, homes, careers, degrees and even the age to prove it. Maybe you two need to enjoy eachother's company and enjoy the great thrill of being young and together just the two of you, before you rush ahead so quickly into the world of "adults".

Let his timing and your timing coincide, because if he gets rushed, you both may regret it. Before you do get engaged, my suggestion is to go out there and make your mark on the world. Travel, learn things, meet people and enjoy eachother's company. Five years is a long time, but the time youve been together as true adults is still developing. Don't rush it. You'll get there, and when you do, you'll look back and want to do all the things you can do now!!!

 

[weemodin]

I know you probably don't want to hear this, but...

I agree with LawGem and Nicrez. This is the ONLY time in your life you have to be selfish and to find yourself! Use it wisely or you will resent having given it up -- if you two are meant for each other, your relationship will last through your teenage years, engaged or not.

I, too, thought I was totally grown up and ready for everything adult as soon as I got out of high school. Upon further reflection, I realize that I was not.

I would strongly re-evaluate the marriage thing here. If you feel the need to be engaged, then talk to him, but perhaps you could make it a 3-4 year engagement? That way, you'll be really sure that you're ready, but you'll still have that extra level of commitiment that you seem to want. Plus, then you'll be able to have a real champagne toast at the wedding. If you get married too soon, it'll be grape juice for you, my dear!

But, if I were 19?
Hmm. I think I'd shop at forever 21, wear Ugg boots with miniskirts, hang out with bunches of girls, and flirt. In short, I'd be single and LOVING it. Perhaps I'm just nostalgic in my old age?

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Hi,

I agree with everyone, but have a bit to add. I've been with my husband since I was 17 and he was 18 and we waited to get married. In fact, we waited eight years before we finally committed with wedding rings and paperwork. We were committed in spirit before and this is what truely matters. . .but still, being young we had to experience life on our own. We both attended college, had our own jobs and our own apartments before running off to Vegas at ages 27 and 28. It was worth the wait and worth the additional challenges of paying the bills on our own and learning about life because all this added fundemental dynamics to our bond.

PLEASE don't rush! Enjoy yourself, travel and kick back a bit.

Good luck.

Michelle

PS I wanted to add that we became engaged in our early 20s but still waited for four more years before marrying. There's nothing wrong with a long engagement. For some it's not the way to go, but you've got to do what's right for you and you might be amazed at what you'll learn over the years. My husband and I have a great marriage and I credit this to the fact that we've encouraged each other's growth.

 

[nc2tarheels]

maybe he's doing like i am. I'm 21 and my gf is around your age. I'm going to propose in the next few weeks. She has been wanting me to but i don't really say much. That way it will TOTALLY SUPRISE HER!!!! That's my goal.

 

[SuperStarManda]

I hope your right! I'm not saying that we have to get married right away. We are just starting off and I do want to wait, but I dont want to wait to get proposed to. Maybe I'm just a silly kid who doesnt know everything about the world but I know that this is what I want, so I'm a little impatient

I just wanted some advice as to what I should do and I've talked to him and he's not the romantic type and he implies that he wouldnt know what to do/doesnt have any ideas, and I'm scared that he wont do it and I'll get fed up and just start wearing the ring (which would probably suit him fine, gets him off the hook for proposing and he gets to be engaged)
Its funny because he wants to just be married and I just want to GET married

Anyway thanks for your ideas/advice

 

[sumi]

----------------
On 2/5/2004 6:27:21 PM SuperStarManda wrote:


Its funny because he wants to just be married and I just want to GET married

Anyway thanks for your ideas/advice----------------

In that case, I think it's for the best that he hasn't proposed yet.

 

[Nicrez]

What is the meaning on engagement? That's a promise to eachother to spend the REST OF YOUR LIFE with someone, doing things you don't always want, taking care of eachother, respecting eachother, etc. It's not just about a ring and about telling people you're "engaged" to sound adult. If you want to sound like an adult, start talking about mortgages and good credit, further schooling, or fixing things you make mistakes in. Sad to say people will be so impressed by status of "egagement" but it's not about that.

Marraige is such a HUGE committment. It is for LIFE (yes, you know that), but then why do so many people get divorced? Stop for a moment and think about what that ring on your finger would mean. It's a wonderful thing when you know your partner, his limitations, you know yourself and your limitations, and can effectively work with all those things with love and respect. not just when you have a ring! Please, relax, enjoy being "single", and if you know you two will be together "forever", then why the rush? Wait as long as it takes. It's his choice to propose, so give him that freedom.

 

[Trisha1503]

I completely understand how you feel. I am also 19 years old and I have been with my boyfriend since I was 15, We love eachother and we talk about marriage all the time. I know he is going to propose to me but i just dont know when! It is so annoying because I want to know. He is very stubborn and wont give me any clues to when or how he is going to do it! I just want to know if it is coming soon. We already know when we want to get married- Feb 2006 but its just not official because he hasnt asked me to marry him yet. I guess when he is ready, it will happen..

 

[Mara]

I could never imagine getting engaged at 19. I'm turning 30 this year and getting married as well, to my fiance who I have been dating for 3.5 years. I feel like I've done so much independently and now am finally ready to commit to someone else for the rest of my life.




I had a very serious relationship when I was 16 for 2 years, and we talked about marriage, he was older by 3 years. We were so in love. He even gave me a promise ring. However, things just did not work out and now I look back and think..OH MY GOD...what if?! So much has changed since then, I am such a different person. I am sure we'd be divorced.




I personally think you are too young to get married, but some couples can make it work. I love seeing high school couples that make it to old age. However, in reality, the divorce rate is 65%...so just don't rush into anything. "Just wanting to get married" at your age makes sense, I recall how in love I was with my boyfriend then and how sure we were. However, I thank my blessings now...but back then I couldn't see the forest through the trees.




Good luck wherever life takes you, above all, be patient and wait for this very important next step in your life. NO RUSH!! You have so many years ahead of you!

 

[VAgal13]

I agree with the majority on this one...there is no rush. I am 24, and have been dating my boyfriend for 3 years. We are just now talking about getting married. I wanted to finish school first and know what it was like to live on my own. I have done both of these things and now feel like I am at a point in my life where I can think about seriously settling down.

At 19, I thought I wanted to get married too. I was in a LONG (4 year) relationship and truly believed that getting married was the right thing for me at that time. We even went as far as getting engaged. But, luckily, I called it off. I had too much growing to do and now looking back...it was the best thing I could have done.

I am now with a man who is perfect for me. I could not imagine myself without him. But, sometimes I think "what if?" I had married that other guy. I know I wouldn't be as happy now and I would not have experienced life like I have.

But, no one can tell you what to do. Trust your gut on this one. Just remember:Everything happens for a reason.

I know that's not the answer you probably were looking for. But good luck in which ever path you take!

Cheers!
-S.F.

 

[angela]

I agree with most of the posters here. I made the mistake of getting married when I was 20 (to a guy I'd been with for 3 years - he was 24, and we'd lived together for most of that three years). We were very in love and excited about it, but our relationship eventually fell apart because we wanted different things.

It was very painful, but....

I got my life back together and went back to school, and did things for me. I found out who I was (again) and learned about being independent. I've been living by myself for about 7 years now, and have been in a long distance (about 90 miles apart) relationship for the last 5 years. I'm 28, he's 35, and we're planning on getting married in the summer of 2005. It's an exciting, but overwhelming step though since there is a lot more to getting married than just being in love.

You have to have the same values and goals, and the same level of commitment to making the relationship work. Pre-marital counseling can be a big help as well because it gets issues out BEFORE you get married, not after you've taken that big step! Enjoying your time together as a couple before having children is important as well because then you have a solid foundation before adding a family to the equation.

My advice, from my own experience, is similar to others posted here... take your time. If you are to get engaged, make it a long engagement and get to know each other all over again. Think about the things you really need in life to make you happy (things, NOT people). Think about what your goals are and where you see yourself in 5 years, or 10 years. Marriage can be a big roller coaster. It's not always fun and romantic - it gets boring and sometimes the person you love the most can drive you more crazy than anyone else can. Heck, planning a wedding can even break couples up!

I'm not trying to sound completely negative, just trying to be realistic. Marriage isn't always romantic, fuzzy, cutesy love stuff. It's two people working together as a team, and sometimes you need more than love to make it through!

Sorry for the long post, just something that I've been thinking about soooo much lately with our engagement ring being made and trying to figure out how to plan a wedding that will accommodate everyone (and our budget). It's scary no matter how old or mature you are because it's a major step. It's the beginning of your life together as partners. Plus, if you have the rest of your lives to spend together, what's wrong with waiting a little longer to make sure it's right?

Okay, I'm stepping down off the soap box - LOL