Wedding why not to plan your wedding in 4 months

[rockzilla]

Let me preface this by saying I love my friend and will definitely be going to her wedding...

She and her fiance have been dating for 10 years (yes, since HS!) and very recently got engaged. From engagement to wedding day will be about 4 months total (August 2nd, they just set the date a few weeks ago).

It is a small, nontraditional, backyard wedding. The only friends of hers invited are myself and one of our mutual friends. Both of us currently live in CA, the bride lives in Boston.

I really want to share in her wedding, I just WISH she had given us more advance notice. My fiance and I put a deposit down months ago for a week at a beach house (well, its pretty far from the beach, and more of a large cabin) on cape cod. Turns out, the week we picked is three weeks before her wedding. If we had just known about the wedding and when it would be, we would have coordinated our vacation to coincide, and the travel would have been no problem.

But, since they are doing things so quickly and gave us almost no advance notice, I will have to fly out again (by myself, fiance coming is cost probative,flights are over $500) and basically fly across the country just for a weekend - I''ll be in town for the wedding less than 24 hours. It is really tough to pull together $1000 for trips that are so close to each other. Not to mention extra vacation time and the stress and hassle of travelling. Especially when I am trying to save for my own wedding next year! Our other friend who lives in CA is feeling pinched as well - she is a schoolteacher and that is a lot of $$$.

Is it ok that our wedding gift is not as expensive as we otherwise might usually give? I bought a really beautiful $40 platter off their registry from crate and barrel - usually we would do $100 in cash or registry gifts. Its just so hard to make the finances work and not over extend yourself!

So, for all of you brides planning well in advance and sending out those STDs - you go girls!

 

[iwannaprettyone]

There is never a good time for everyone for someone to get married.

 

[rockzilla]

I guess what I''m talking about is not the time/date - it is a perfectly fine date, it is just the amount of notice given to people who have to come from very far away.

 

[cara]

No, but notice helps. I think that is the OP''s point.

And yes, a $40 gift is OK, especially for a single guest. Do what you can, and what you can is be there and help her celebrate. I might try to get 36 in Mass if you can swing it - leaving Thurs. night, return Sun am? If possible, that will make it a little easier to relax

 

[iwannaprettyone]

Date: 5/15/2008 5:19:26 PM
Author: cara
No, but notice helps. I think that is the OP''s point.

And yes, a $40 gift is OK, especially for a single guest. Do what you can, and what you can is be there and help her celebrate. I might try to get 36 in Mass if you can swing it - leaving Thurs. night, return Sun am? If possible, that will make it a little easier to relax

Yeah well, I was planning a destination wedding for September 2009 in August 2007 and it was still apparently too short notice.

 

[Rhea]

More notice isn''t always possible. No matter what there are always people that can''t come. Several couples don''t do STDs, just send out the invitations 6 weeks in advance.

It''s fine if the wedding gift isn''t what you''d usually spend. I imagine it would mean more to her that you''re there rather than getting an expensive gift.

 

[musey]

I get what you're saying. For weddings that will have a largely out-of-town invite list, especially, more advance notice is definitely a must! Unless it doesn't bother the bride & groom that their attendance rate will be lower than if they'd given more notice.

Is it ok that our wedding gift is not as expensive as we otherwise might usually give? I bought a really beautiful $40 platter off their registry from crate and barrel - usually we would do $100 in cash or registry gifts. Its just so hard to make the finances work and not over extend yourself!

Regardless of your "usual," I think gifts should always be about what you are comfortable and happy to spare. In this case, for multiple reasons, that amount is less than your usual. And that's okay, IMO. If she happens to know your usual gift cap, then she should hopefully understand that it's not a slight (I would, in that situation--but then I don't think it'd occur to me to question the amount someone spent on a gift, unless it was obscenely high!). Besides, if you really think about it, your gift is actually $540 (plus the cost of lodging). Don't feel so bad now, do you?

Different people will of course react different ways, but I'd handle it the way you are.

 

[pjean]

Is it ok that our wedding gift is not as expensive as we otherwise might usually give? I bought a really beautiful $40 platter off their registry from crate and barrel - usually we would do $100 in cash or registry gifts. Its just so hard to make the finances work and not over extend yourself!

We''re planning an away wedding, and we''re already trying to think of tactful ways to tell our friends and family that we''d be happy to consider their presence at the wedding their gift to us. I''m sure your friend is well aware of the cost and time required for you to be at her wedding, and that''s the best gift you could possibly give her. I would have left it at that, and so any additional gift is above and beyond, in my opinion.

 

[onedrop]

I guess I have to apologize (to our guests) after the fact because DH and I planned our wedding in 4 months and we had a DW. Despite the short notice, nearly everyone we wanted to be there came. However...we began to drop hints a few months before we started the formal planning, so maybe that helped attendance wise. That said, I do know what you mean about the short notice. It can be a drain trying to get everything arranged and get the finances together on a short time frame. I think $40 for a gift is fine, especially if you are traveling to the wedding.

 

[[email protected]]

gulp!
I am sure people are saying the same thing about me. All I can say is it is totally ok if people skipped the gift or got me a very inexpensive gift. I registered from 6.99 up for that reason. There is no perfect date, especially if you are not planning a year out. I am sure your friend will really appreciate your presence.