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Why is BF so cute about weddings, yet engagement so far away? :P

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Brown.Eyed.Girl

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Last night, we celebrated my birthday (it's today) at a nice restaurant, and while eating, BF and I had a conversation about our future. Now, these convos about our future wedding, my ring, etc. aren't unusual. BF is really good about talking about all this and we're set on getting married - just not right now (we're poor students right now, whereas in a couple years, we'll be (hopefully not so poor) attorneys). Anyway, tonight was one of the most detailed wedding convos we've ever had! Literally, we took our first and second year incomes when we start working, figured out how much we'll get back after taxes, rent, living expenses, monthly debt repayment, and we figured out how much we would be putting into our wedding fund (and my ring fund!).
Which meant figuring out how much we actually wanted to spend on my ring, our wedding, and our honeymoon - so exciting! (not so much the prospect of spending all that money, but you know what I mean
). Small things, but it made me very excited!
 

Honey228

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Happy birthday!

Bf and I are the same way. He''s very cute about talking about our future, engagement, wedding, etc. But we''re also sensible people and we discussed a budget and a timeline for that budget. While we''d be more than willing to get married sooner, it''s just smarter to wait until later. Just think how much happier you''ll be not starting off your new life together in debt! It''s exciting though, isn''t it? I try not to get too far ahead of myself by doing specific "ring shopping" and wedding planning, but thinking about those things in general is fun. :)
 

tlh

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It is good to be on the same page on a lot of levels, I think these little conversations build that foundation. It is great to be excited! The courting phase is soo much fun!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
 

Phoenix

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Happy birthday, Brown Eyed!

Brown-Eyed and Honey, you''re so lucky your FI''s are so involved in finance planning, budgeting etc. My DH basically leaves it all up to me. Granted, we''ve done ok with our investments (though like everyone else, we''ve been watching their values drop these last few months). However, I feel sometimes that the burden is basically on my shoulders, which means if I make a bad move, we''re stuffed! I guess the other way (the positive way) to look at this is that he trusts me enough to put me in charge of our finances. I guess everyone is different.
 

mrscushion

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That is really great that you are having these conversations. You guys sound really level-headed and also right for each other! Kudos!
 

WistfulAurora

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Happy Birthday!!! That is really exciting! I need to sit down with my SO and have the same conversation... It''s nice to have everything "sketched out" so to speak!
 

Brown.Eyed.Girl

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Thanks Honey, TLH, Phoenix, MsCushion, WistfulAurora and MissKitty!

Honey I know what you mean. I would much rather have engagement and wedding happen sooner (like NOW! haha) but it''s definitely more prudent to wait. And I''m way ahead of you - I think by the time we actually do get engagement, everything will already be planned! BF and I have already decided where we want to get married, when, what type of ring I''m getting, tentative guest list, everything
It''s fun planning!

TLH definitely. And I hope it will help us later when wedding planning stress hits us, along with job business and such - maybe having talked about it now, it''ll ease the way when we start planning seriously.


Phoenix haha when in some ways, it''s good to have the major decisions right? I told BF we''d plan everything together, and I''d leave music up to him (we both love oldies fortunately, and really, who doesn''t? lol) but he doesn''t get right of refusal over my dress, shoes and accessories. Actually BF and I had a long discussion last night over dinner in which he was trying to teach me about investing and types of mutual funds (he''s as interested in finance stuff as I am in jewelry!). It was interesting...but fortunately he''ll be taking care of my investments when we start working
I think it''s great that you and your FI are in a good place!

MsCushion thanks! Well BF is way more level-headed than me
I follow along because he''s making sense!

Wistful you should! I like knowing (even tentatively) a timeframe and budget, so I can narrow my wedding planning research [;}] What can I say, I''m a planner!
 

Honey228

Shiny_Rock
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I''m a planner too! Haha, well I''ve been envisioning my dream wedding forever (before bf and I started dating), so I have a basic idea of what I would like already. I love the fun details of wedding planning (budget, attire, types of venues, color scheme, type of menu, cake, flowers, music, invitations, rings, guest lists, etc.) It''s a good thing that bf is either incredibly laid-back about accommodating my vision and/or has remarkably similar tastes. I think it''s a little of both. But I like having a mutual guideline for the major decisions, because I''m hoping that will make the actual wedding planning easier and less stressful. When it comes time for it, we pretty much just have to find vendors and work out the nitty gritty details. But we have to wait until we''re at least engaged first! Can you imagine if I called vendors now to ask them questions? "Hi, we''re getting married in 578 days..." They''d probably hang up on me.


Heh, it is kind of completely unromantic that we''re openly discussing our future ring, engagement, and wedding? It totally takes out the element of surprise. But bf is self-admittedly not romantic and I am not a fan of surprises. We both tend to agree that major life-altering decisions that involve lots of money should be mutually discussed in advance. He even put me in charge of picking my own ring. Maybe I''ll let him "surprise" me by planning the proposal. And even if we don''t see each other before the wedding, he''s still probably going to know what my dress looks like. Man, we kinda suck at this keeping secrets and romantic surprises thing.
 

Dreamgirl

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First- Happy belated Birthday to you!!! And second- I love moments like that! I''m glad the two of you are planning ahead...FF and I just had a similar discussion happen to us on Saturday
 

Brown.Eyed.Girl

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Date: 2/2/2009 12:50:42 PM
Author: Dreamgirl
First- Happy belated Birthday to you!!! And second- I love moments like that! I''m glad the two of you are planning ahead...FF and I just had a similar discussion happen to us on Saturday
Thanks Dreamgirl! And yay - that''s fantastic that you also had the conversation. It makes impending engagement seem so much more real (not that it isn''t real without a conversation, but it just feels nice and planning-in-advance-y - terrible word, lol).
 

Brown.Eyed.Girl

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Date: 2/2/2009 10:23:27 AM
Author: Honey228
I''m a planner too! Haha, well I''ve been envisioning my dream wedding forever (before bf and I started dating), so I have a basic idea of what I would like already. I love the fun details of wedding planning (budget, attire, types of venues, color scheme, type of menu, cake, flowers, music, invitations, rings, guest lists, etc.) It''s a good thing that bf is either incredibly laid-back about accommodating my vision and/or has remarkably similar tastes. I think it''s a little of both. But I like having a mutual guideline for the major decisions, because I''m hoping that will make the actual wedding planning easier and less stressful. When it comes time for it, we pretty much just have to find vendors and work out the nitty gritty details. But we have to wait until we''re at least engaged first! Can you imagine if I called vendors now to ask them questions? ''Hi, we''re getting married in 578 days...'' They''d probably hang up on me.



Heh, it is kind of completely unromantic that we''re openly discussing our future ring, engagement, and wedding? It totally takes out the element of surprise. But bf is self-admittedly not romantic and I am not a fan of surprises. We both tend to agree that major life-altering decisions that involve lots of money should be mutually discussed in advance. He even put me in charge of picking my own ring. Maybe I''ll let him ''surprise'' me by planning the proposal. And even if we don''t see each other before the wedding, he''s still probably going to know what my dress looks like. Man, we kinda suck at this keeping secrets and romantic surprises thing.
Honey, you sound just like me! Of course, PS doesn''t help either - I see so many beautiful wedding pics, color schemes, dresses, flowers, cakes, etc. that it''s hard not to mentally plan, you know? Harriet mentioned a while back that it''s really hard to plan a wedding while working in NYC in law (which is what BF and I will both be doing while planning our wedding), so I told BF I was going to plan everything out now, and just leave specific vendors until then


And I think it''s cute that he wants you to pick your own ring! I think that''s actually gaining in romance nowadays, just because we know so much more about ring preferences and such. And it''s really really smart to make those major financial decisions together! (BF has a checklist of exactly what I want in a ring, lol - but I draw the line at him knowing what my dress looks like before the wedding!)
 

ringless

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Mar 31, 2008
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481
It sure is nice to be able to talk openly about your future and know for sure that is the person you get to spend the rest of your life with... I know how you feel, and it''s absolutely wonderful! yey!
 

Brown.Eyed.Girl

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Date: 2/2/2009 4:55:49 PM
Author: ringless
It sure is nice to be able to talk openly about your future and know for sure that is the person you get to spend the rest of your life with... I know how you feel, and it''s absolutely wonderful! yey!
Aww good for you too - it is a wonderful feeling!
 
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