why i give up on my family.

[charbie]

just a vent. i''m upset, not really mad, just sad.

there''s been a strained relationship with my dad''s family since my parent''s got divorced 10 years ago. but i''ve been really strong, put it all behind me, and have even worked on making sure things have improved with all of his immediate family.

my closest cousin on that side got married in july. i was told how important it would be for us to be there, even though it was over 4th of july, 4 hours away, plus we had to stay in an expensive hotel. FI has a huge annual 4th of july party that was cancelled due to their wedding. FI and I both took a day off work to be there for the Friday wedding. i did it because it is family, and again, i didn''t really want the wrath of my grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins to come back.

fast forward to my wedding. i invited that entire side of the family, even though out of spite i really really didn''t want to, they all got their save the dates months ago, etc. i have been told time and time again how they are excited. i get my RSVP''s back, and none of the cousins are coming.

my cousin who just got married just said, "oh, i''m sorry. we are bummed, but we totally forgot about another wedding we are going to! must have spaced about it!" what a crappy feeling to know i tried so hard, and now i''m just shoved aside.

i know we all have talked about how people''s true colors come out at weddings, but this just took the cake for me. my mom has had recent issues with her family, and only a few are coming. i don''t even know if my own grandparents are coming since my mom isn''t talking with them and my sister just started some more drama with them.

maybe i''m being selfish, i just am sad that FI has his entire family and extended family coming, and i can''t even get my own grandparents to come. i never did anything wrong to the relationship, its just beyond my control.

i like to see the positive in everything...so my positive spin is that at the very least, i''m gaining a new family that day who really cares about us and are going to be there to watch our important day, so even if my own family is making me really sad and upset, my new family is there to support me.

ok. i''m done. i''ll cry my tears and get over it, but it just plain sucks.

 

[panda08]

**HUGS** Sorry your family is disappointing you, that is really awful.

 

[MagsyMay]

***HUGS***

I''m so sorry your family is disappointing you like this, especially when it likely has nothing to do with you personally. It is really unfair of your family members to "take it out" on you by not attending your wedding, especially when you went out of your way to attend your cousin''s this summer.

Hang in there, and like you said, think of the wonderful supportive family you are gaining through marriage!

 

[Haven]

I''m so sorry you''re family is disappointing you like this. My father''s family is similarly disappointing, and I know how much it can hurt even if you''ve already partially written them out of your life.

Perhaps it is a good thing that they won''t be there. I know my own strained family relationships caused me some discomfort on my wedding day, so at least you will be spared of that.

So sorry!

 

[elrohwen]

{{hugs}} I''m so sorry

You''re lucky that your FI has such a great family and that they will be there to support you! They''ll be your family now too.

 

[Londongirl1]

Date: 9/5/2009 2:42:54 PM
Author: Haven
I''m so sorry you''re family is disappointing you like this. My father''s family is similarly disappointing, and I know how much it can hurt even if you''ve already partially written them out of your life.

Perhaps it is a good thing that they won''t be there. I know my own strained family relationships caused me some discomfort on my wedding day, so at least you will be spared of that.

So sorry!

Ditto - maybe it''s a blessing in disguise. I''m not close to my dad''s side of the family so I''m just not inviting them - I''m perfectly happy with that decsion and know that the people who come to my wedding are the people that matter.

 

[Luckyeshe]

{{{HUGS}}}

I am sorry that you''re going through this. It''s sad how things have worked out on your dad''s side of the family. Knowing that you''ve done everything though to be close to your dad''s side shows that you''ve done everything you can. If they can''t meet you half way specially on your special day just makes you the better person. Though their actions hurt you, try not to think of it too much. Family will always be family whether or not we like what they do. We can only control our own actions and no one elses. At least now you have a new family to look forward to! And if you think about it, isn''t it better to be only having people at your wedding that supports and loves you two. Plus, this may help with not going over budget for the head count See...I''m thinking of other positive things for you to add to the glass being half full!

 

[D&T]

I''m so sorry about this situation. For our wedding, my own brother didn''t even show up and we don''t even have a strained relationship

just over some material dress and decided to give to his wife (because she mentioned she didn''t have anything to wear to the wedding) it was dress too "trendy" for my mom and I let it slipped out that I originally bought it for my mom(not really but it somehow came out that way) I just bought an extra dress thought my mom could wear it but it was too young and trendy for her and then gave it to my SIL, but my brother was offended that I gave her a second hand dress

(It was brand new!) anyhow whatever.

But just remember that its your Happy Day and ITS YOUR DAY! so please enjoy it.

 

[Kaleigh]

Can you tell your grandparents how important it is for them to be there on your special day?? Coming from you directly, that would mean a lot to them?? I dunno, just a thought...

HUGS!!

 

[bee*]

I''m sorry to hear that. It does hurt a lot when family can''t be bothered to make an effort. Sending hugs

 

[honey22]

Date: 9/6/2009 4:04:42 AM
Author: bee*
I''m sorry to hear that. It does hurt a lot when family can''t be bothered to make an effort. Sending hugs

Ditto. As hurtful as it is, try not to let it upset you. Enjoy your special day with those that made the effort to be there.

 

[charbie]

thanks ladies, sooooo much for making me feel better and helping me see the positive. i am such a passionately positive person, so i need that.

thank you panda, MagsyMay, elrohwen, bee, and honey for the kind words- it seriously does help. i feel much better today than i did yesterday.

Haven- that''s kind of what i''m hoping for, too. sadly, if anyone from that side of the family could be there, i would hope it was this cousin. so that''s part of why i''m sad. even tho its a crap situation, its comforting that others have been there.

London- i tried not inviting one of my aunts/cousins. i was put on a plane that took me on the worst guilt trip of my life from my grandmother and father. at least she''s been super nice since finding out she almost wasn''t going to be a guest at the wedding! good for you to be able to stand your ground!

Lucky- my thoughts exactly. its nice to "hear" them from someone else, so at least i don''t feel like i''m crazy! i appreciate what you''ve said so much!

D&T- how rude (and silly)! my sister and i never had a stressed relationship before, but i swear there are days she is bound and determined to make my life

over this wedding. obviously your brother missed out on your wedding, but you''ve turned out ok, so i have hope! that''s a crazy story, but it looks like things were great either way. thanks! that helps.

Kaleigh- my mom is calling them to see what''s the story. i could start a whole new thread on that situation, but my evil step-grandmother (and my mom''s step-mother) is causing

. i wish so badly my grandfather could be there (he''s 85!) but not sure my step-grandmother will go for it. he''s the most wonderful man, and just lets her rule the roost. since i''m not "her grandchild" i''m not sure how the conversation would go, and my poor grandpa won''t say anything that goes against her wishes. but my mom has pretty much laid the groundwork that their missing out on the wedding will mean an end to their relationship. they drove 1000 miles to be at "her" grandchild''s wedding this spring. but may not make it 120 miles to mine? my mom could probably get more from a phone call than i can, since she can lay into her father more than i can. i wish i had the relationship where i could call and question them on it though. if they are not there, at least it won''t be the stress with my step-grandma as everyone has mentioned.

 

[gwendolyn]

Aww, hon, that sounds like a sad, stressful situation to be in. I''m sorry.