Why Gen Y Yuppies are unhappy

[kenny]

Interesting read.
Comments too.

http://www.waitbutwhy.com/2013/09/why-generation-y-yuppies-are-unhappy.html

 

[JulieN]

Generally speaking, the trend for a U bend of happiness (starting young adult hood very happy, then gradually decreasing into middle age, a minimum point in the mid 40s, and then gradually going back up) occurs across countries and generations.

 

[Dancing Fire]

B/c they don't own a Octavia..

 

[LaraOnline]

Generally speaking, the trend for a U bend of happiness (starting young adult hood very happy, then gradually decreasing into middle age, a minimum point in the mid 40s, and then gradually going back up) occurs across countries and generations.

Not just humans, it seems, but our genetic cousins too lol

http://www.theaustralian.com.au/new...ife-crises-study/story-fn3dxix6-1226520061909

 

[missy]

Thanks for sharing that Kenny-good read.

I agree with much of that. It's good to dream big and expect the world but that doesn't just fall into one's lap. Hard work, time and lots of determination, energy and ambition is what can make your dreams come true. No one is entitled to be successful and I find many of the younger generation that I know (no one at PS that I know comes to mind at all so please don't take this personally) has this sense of entitlement. Perhaps the baby boomer parents are in large part responsible for this but in any case the advice at the end of that article/blog is good. Dream big, work hard and keep your expectations in check. And stop comparing yourself to others.

 

[JewelFreak]

That is so good, informed, & well presented, Kenny.

Realizing everyone else feels just as unsure, insecure, as you do is truly key. Some just cover it up better than others. Even Elizabeth Taylor, Oprah Winfrey, Donald Trump -- people who seem supremely confident -- meet obstacles with some self-doubt, stomach knotting. But each obstacle you climb over -- & climb you will, rather than skate -- gives you a bit more confidence deep down inside.

Never compare your inside with others' outsides. Bending & tossing in the winds actually helps trees grow taller & stronger. Ditto with people. They feel the same trepidations you do.

--- Laurie

 

[justginger]

This was an excellent read - it is SO true that people are very affected by what they see on FB. I am thankful beyond words that FB didn't come about until I was past my teenage angst years.

This made me laugh out loud though, because it's EXACTLY what I was doing it when I read it: "Even right now, the GYPSYs reading this are thinking, "Good point...but I actually am one of the few special ones"—and this is the problem."

 

[dragonfly411]

A friend shared this on FB yesterday and I responded with "I ain't no yuppie girl, so I'm Happy happy happy, but I throughly loved the unicorns barfing rainbows!" LOL

 

[yennyfire]

What an interesting article Kenny, thanks for sharing it! I too, am glad I got past my teenage years before social media was created. Even now, I'm amazed at my "friends" (i.e. people I knew in grade/high school but haven't spoken to in 15+ years who seem to feel that they have to "friend" everyone they've ever known!) who seem to think that they have to post every little detail about their life of their kids life on FB....who cares???? Please, hearing that your kid blew his nose by himself at the age of 8 doesn't interest/impress me!!

Sadly, I think the whole "I'm so special" attitude is being perpetuated among those of us with young children. I can't tell you how many times I hear parent's saying "good job Joey" when all their kid did was draw a circle on a page. Why not say "I really like your yellow circle" or saying "I can see you worked hard on your drawing"...by telling our kids that every single thing they do is amazing, we are setting them up for failure, IMHO. My DH and I work hard to praise the effort that our kids make, even when they don't necessarily succeed. We've just moved our son (who's to a new baseball league where he is no longer the #1 draft pick and where most of the kids are as good, if not better, than he is. It's been quite the eye opener for him and I'm glad that he's seeing that he's going to have to work extra hard to keep up/excel in this league. Learning you're not always going to be top dog is a valuable life skill.

Now, do I tell my kids that they are special? Yes, of course....I'm their Mom...but I tell them that they are special to ME, not that they are special to every living, breathing creature in their midst.

While I am convinced that we are raising our children in the way that will produce valuable, contributing members of society, I do worry about how they'll manage in a world of peers who seem to feel entitled to everything and who think that Mom and Dad *should* sweep in and fix everything that's wrong in their personal universe.

Gee Kenny, can you tell that this subject hit a nerve with me????

 

[Circe]

I think the comments raise some good points. I think the post is ... well.

If the Boomers mock Gen Y, and Gen Y mocks the Millenials for more or less the same reasons (see also, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sz0o9clVQu8), who will the Millenials mock?

It's a cycle. The established generation apparently always resents the entitlement and know-it-all-ness of the younger generation. The younger generation apparently always holds the established generation in contempt for failing to solve all the problems of society and also, stealing all the oxygen.

I do think that what the Boomers called "keeping up with the Joneses" and what we call "Facebook" can exacerbate the cycle, but, c'mon. A lot of the Gen Y/Millenial plaints aren't actually that outrageous, are they - affordable education and jobs with a living wage?

 

[rubyshoes]

I am Gen Y. And I could 100% relate to that article. I actually emailed it to a lot of friends... so thanks for sharing it kenny. I also believe Facebook is one of the most destructive things one could introduce in one's life esp if one is suffering from low self-esteem. Everything there is in fact "crafted" and all it does is encourage comparison-itis. (I abhor FB and I cannot see any good in it, sorry.) I do have tremendous respect for my parents' generation. They weren't perfect but I do think they had their head in the right place compared to my generation... and I am at least trying to become more like them.

 

[rubyshoes]

Never compare your inside with others' outsides. Bending & tossing in the winds actually helps trees grow taller & stronger. Ditto with people. They feel the same trepidations you do.

--- Laurie

LOVED this thought. Thanks Laurie.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Sadly, I think the whole "I'm so special" attitude is being perpetuated among those of us with young children. I can't tell you how many times I hear parent's saying "good job Joey" when all their kid did was draw a circle on a page. Why not say "I really like your yellow circle" or saying "I can see you worked hard on your drawing"...by telling our kids that every single thing they do is amazing, we are setting them up for failure, IMHO. My DH and I work hard to praise the effort that our kids make, even when they don't necessarily succeed. We've just moved our son (who's to a new baseball league where he is no longer the #1 draft pick and where most of the kids are as good, if not better, than he is. It's been quite the eye opener for him and I'm glad that he's seeing that he's going to have to work extra hard to keep up/excel in this league. Learning you're not always going to be top dog is a valuable life skill.

Now, do I tell my kids that they are special? Yes, of course....I'm their Mom...but I tell them that they are special to ME, not that they are special to every living, breathing creature in their midst.
:

Yes, if a kid is really skilled in a particular area, it's important to give them a reality check, so-to-speak. My younger son has never had to try at anything, then was tested and off-the-charts results, so had him moved into a program at the school and now he has to actually WORK on his homework and is being challenged. He's only been back in school for 1 1/2 weeks, but he already turned in an assignment where he had to leave a couple of the answers blank b/c he didn't know them. I've helped him/given him hints on the other stuff, but decided his teacher needs to know his skill level and it won't do him any good if I give him the answers to the two math problems he couldn't figure out. What is funny is I never took many math classes, but my husband has a physics degree and him and my son couldn't figure the third problem out, but I did. hehehehe

 

[yennyfire]

Sadly, I think the whole "I'm so special" attitude is being perpetuated among those of us with young children. I can't tell you how many times I hear parent's saying "good job Joey" when all their kid did was draw a circle on a page. Why not say "I really like your yellow circle" or saying "I can see you worked hard on your drawing"...by telling our kids that every single thing they do is amazing, we are setting them up for failure, IMHO. My DH and I work hard to praise the effort that our kids make, even when they don't necessarily succeed. We've just moved our son (who's to a new baseball league where he is no longer the #1 draft pick and where most of the kids are as good, if not better, than he is. It's been quite the eye opener for him and I'm glad that he's seeing that he's going to have to work extra hard to keep up/excel in this league. Learning you're not always going to be top dog is a valuable life skill.

Now, do I tell my kids that they are special? Yes, of course....I'm their Mom...but I tell them that they are special to ME, not that they are special to every living, breathing creature in their midst.
:

Yes, if a kid is really skilled in a particular area, it's important to give them a reality check, so-to-speak. My younger son has never had to try at anything, then was tested and off-the-charts results, so had him moved into a program at the school and now he has to actually WORK on his homework and is being challenged. He's only been back in school for 1 1/2 weeks, but he already turned in an assignment where he had to leave a couple of the answers blank b/c he didn't know them. I've helped him/given him hints on the other stuff, but decided his teacher needs to know his skill level and it won't do him any good if I give him the answers to the two math problems he couldn't figure out. What is funny is I never took many math classes, but my husband has a physics degree and him and my son couldn't figure the third problem out, but I did. hehehehe

Good for you MC! Both for allowing you son to figure some things out of his own and for solving a tough math problem! I'm so impressed!

 

[yennyfire]

our son (who's

Ok, I'm not sure why that happened?? I wrote the number 8, not a smiley face...

 

[Circe]

our son (who's

Ok, I'm not sure why that happened?? I wrote the number 8, not a smiley face...

Heh, I think the system reads it as code - so many smilies end with end-parenthesis that it seems to be a coding default and once it a while you get, um, unexpected results.

 

[yennyfire]

our son (who's

Ok, I'm not sure why that happened?? I wrote the number 8, not a smiley face...

Heh, I think the system reads it as code - so many smilies end with end-parenthesis that it seems to be a coding default and once it a while you get, um, unexpected results.

Ahh, thanks for the explanation! I'll have to watch my parentheses from now on!

 

[rainwood]

That was a very interesting read, Kenny. Thanks for the link.

I am a boomer and I feel a big divide sometimes with younger generations, both Y and millenials although the truth is I hate every one of those labels because they turn everyone into a generalization for that age range. I don't think everyone is special, I don't think I'm special (except to a select few)l, but I also don't think everyone is the same and within any generation there is wide spectrum of expectations and reality and happiness. So I'll only speak for me and not other people of my generation.

I found the first comment to be a good example of the divide. The commenter has what I'll call the Gen Y view of what it was like for boomers when they were young, and it's both skewed and wrong. The notion that a college degree was cheap, guaranteed a job, and offered a springboard to a life-long successful career wasn't true then either. I graduated from college without a penny of debt because I went to the local university, lived at home, and worked all 4 years (plus jobs in high school). I didn't have the expectation of moving away for college, junior year abroad, or taking longer than 4 years because I COUDLN"T AFFORD IT. I went where I could pay for it. So maybe that's a boomer thing. Is school more expensive now? Yes, but there are ways to afford it on more modest means if you're willing to make the same kind of tradeoffs I did. I don't think many are.

At college, I got a business degree because it increased my chances of getting a job out of school. Were there other things I was more interested in? Yes. That's what electives are for. Plenty of our friends who pursued their "dreams" ended up with a degree that provided nothing in the way of a logical career path, and ended up doing whatever they could find or got drafted and went to Vietnam. A college degree doesn't guarantee you anything. It never has.

My husband and I both pursued the same kind of strategies for grad and law school, and came out with little debt. There were tradeoffs along the way, but for every college experience I missed out on, I have a life experience that's as good or better because I don't have a huge debt to pay off. And I've worked most of my career in something that wasn't my dream, but has allowed me to pursue those as hobbies. When I hear people wanting to quit because they don't love their job, my reaction is always "They don't call it work for nothing.' So maybe that's a boomer thing too.

Same with housing. We started with a really awful house where we felt lucky to have a second bedroom and a stove that worked. We fixed it up and the next place was a little better, but not much. There wasn't any expectations of buying a place with a master suite or granite countertops or stainless steel appliances. So again, different expectations. People see what my husband and I have now and think we had it easier, but nothing was handed to us and we worked hard for every bit of it. I don't think my generation had it harder or easier than the Greatest Generation and I don't think Gen Y or millenials have it harder or easier than us. Different, certainly, but comparing the generations is the same as trying to compare to your peers on Facebook. It's a game you can't win, and it doesn't make your generation more special than any other.

Geez, what a lecture. I have to go outside now and tell those kids to get off my lawn.

 

[Maria D]

Rainwood, considering the length of time you've been a member you don't have very many posts on PS - but each and every one is a true gem! I really enjoy reading your posts (wish I wrote them).

 

[justginger]

That was a very interesting read, Kenny. Thanks for the link.

I am a boomer and I feel a big divide sometimes with younger generations, both Y and millenials although the truth is I hate every one of those labels because they turn everyone into a generalization for that age range. I don't think everyone is special, I don't think I'm special (except to a select few)l, but I also don't think everyone is the same and within any generation there is wide spectrum of expectations and reality and happiness. So I'll only speak for me and not other people of my generation.

I found the first comment to be a good example of the divide. The commenter has what I'll call the Gen Y view of what it was like for boomers when they were young, and it's both skewed and wrong. The notion that a college degree was cheap, guaranteed a job, and offered a springboard to a life-long successful career wasn't true then either. I graduated from college without a penny of debt because I went to the local university, lived at home, and worked all 4 years (plus jobs in high school). I didn't have the expectation of moving away for college, junior year abroad, or taking longer than 4 years because I COUDLN"T AFFORD IT. I went where I could pay for it. So maybe that's a boomer thing. Is school more expensive now? Yes, but there are ways to afford it on more modest means if you're willing to make the same kind of tradeoffs I did. I don't think many are.

At college, I got a business degree because it increased my chances of getting a job out of school. Were there other things I was more interested in? Yes. That's what electives are for. Plenty of our friends who pursued their "dreams" ended up with a degree that provided nothing in the way of a logical career path, and ended up doing whatever they could find or got drafted and went to Vietnam. A college degree doesn't guarantee you anything. It never has.

My husband and I both pursued the same kind of strategies for grad and law school, and came out with little debt. There were tradeoffs along the way, but for every college experience I missed out on, I have a life experience that's as good or better because I don't have a huge debt to pay off. And I've worked most of my career in something that wasn't my dream, but has allowed me to pursue those as hobbies. When I hear people wanting to quit because they don't love their job, my reaction is always "They don't call it work for nothing.' So maybe that's a boomer thing too.

Same with housing. We started with a really awful house where we felt lucky to have a second bedroom and a stove that worked. We fixed it up and the next place was a little better, but not much. There wasn't any expectations of buying a place with a master suite or granite countertops or stainless steel appliances. So again, different expectations. People see what my husband and I have now and think we had it easier, but nothing was handed to us and we worked hard for every bit of it. I don't think my generation had it harder or easier than the Greatest Generation and I don't think Gen Y or millenials have it harder or easier than us. Different, certainly, but comparing the generations is the same as trying to compare to your peers on Facebook. It's a game you can't win, and it doesn't make your generation more special than any other.

Geez, what a lecture. I have to go outside now and tell those kids to get off my lawn.

I find it interesting that you point out that kids expect to move away from home for college. I think this societal expectation is a very GOOD thing! In Australia, uni is almost considered an extension of high school. Everyone stays at home with their parents for those 3-4 years, as there is no on campus housing available to anyone except international students. This creates a population of youngsters that take FOREVER to grow up! The cost of living is high, so none of them want to move out with friends and pay -- so they stay home where Mum and Dad keep footing all the bills. Apparently in Perth the average move out age is now 28. It clearly results in kids more slowly, as I've evidenced continuously over the last 8 years.

 

[rainwood]

Justginger -

I'm not saying that moving away for college isn't a good thing. I'm just saying it comes at a high cost and there are some of us who couldn't or can't afford it, and that taking out loans to pay for it may not necessarily be the best choice either.

I also think if you pay for your own college education as I did, it's different. You take school more seriously and grow up faster. I didn't horse around at school because it was my own money I was spending. I picked a major, got the prerequisites done to get into B-school, and finished in 4 years. And I didn't expect my working mother (single parent household) to do anything for me as far as cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc, because I was already doing that long before I hit college.

I can see where living at home, then having the parents pay for everything and do all your household chores would lead to an extended childhood. But the real problem is not living at home. It's living at home without any responsibilities other than going to class. That's not good either.

 

[rainwood]

Rainwood, considering the length of time you've been a member you don't have very many posts on PS - but each and every one is a true gem! I really enjoy reading your posts (wish I wrote them).

Thank you! I don't post very often because the combo of not usually being able to post during the day plus being on the west coast means the train has usually left the station by the time I get around to it. My speciality is having the last post in any given topic so I feel like I'm just talking into the wind.

 

[JewelFreak]

You never talk into the wind, Rainwood. You are eloquent enough that there's usually nothing more to add. I agree with every word you wrote here.

No generation sails along without pain. Boomers were no more guaranteed college & a job than any other group & didn't expect it; like you, I worked every summer from the age of 16. Many grown-up years spent filing & typing, excellent education notwithstanding; not until my 40s did I earn my dream job managing an int'l marketing dept -- and then paid less than equivalent men. My 1st apartment after college in NYC was one room with the "kitchen" on one wall & a tiny bathroom, furnished with gigantic cockroaches. I had one pan, a frying pan -- for spaghetti I cooked the sauce, cleaned the pan for the pasta. But I paid for it myself: the pride of earning your own way has no substitute. Resent not being given more? Hardly. I learned. I'm stronger.

Life on this planet is supposed to be difficult. Humans grow not through easy things, but by facing challenges so hard, they make us cry and sweat. Only then to we become wise, patient, compassionate -- finally adult. Who goes for help to someone who has never confronted troubles?

Aeschylus wrote: "God, whose law it is that we who learn must suffer...even in our sleep, pain that cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart, and in our despite, against our will, comes wisdom to us by the awesome grace of God." Good motto.

--- Laurie

 

[missy]

You never talk into the wind, Rainwood. You are eloquent enough that there's usually nothing more to add. I agree with every word you wrote here.

No generation sails along without pain. Boomers were no more guaranteed college & a job than any other group & didn't expect it; like you, I worked every summer from the age of 16. Many grown-up years spent filing & typing, excellent education notwithstanding; not until my 40s did I earn my dream job managing an int'l marketing dept -- and then paid less than equivalent men. My 1st apartment after college in NYC was one room with the "kitchen" on one wall & a tiny bathroom, furnished with gigantic cockroaches. I had one pan, a frying pan -- for spaghetti I cooked the sauce, cleaned the pan for the pasta. But I paid for it myself: the pride of earning your own way has no substitute. Resent not being given more? Hardly. I learned. I'm stronger.

Life on this planet is supposed to be difficult. Humans grow not through easy things, but by facing challenges so hard, they make us cry and sweat. Only then to we become wise, patient, compassionate -- finally adult. Who goes for help to someone who has never confronted troubles?

Aeschylus wrote: "God, whose law it is that we who learn must suffer...even in our sleep, pain that cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart, and in our despite, against our will, comes wisdom to us by the awesome grace of God." Good motto.

--- Laurie

Rainwood I love your posts and also agree with every word you have written here. And ditto to Laurie's post as well. Great quote.
(Though it would be nice to have the suffering kept to a minimum once we reach the compassionate and sort of wise stage lol).

 

[MakingTheGrade]

I wonder how much being an immigrant (and child of immigrants) shielded me from all the typical generation Y mindset, lol. While I got the "you're a special snowflake" speeches at school, at home my parents were very clear that I had to work my butt off if I wanted to get anywhere. My parents are probably more comparable to the grumpy grandparents in that cartoon, a hard life growing up with a lot of economic instability, and they made it to america by virtue of hard work and lived under the belief that as immigrants they would have to work harder to earn their way here. So I definitely didn't get any "you can be anything you want to be" at home, I got "you will be a lawyer or a doctor..and then you will buy us a BMW", haha.

 

[charleston1]

I found that I related to much in the article. I am in my mid fifties with 2 kids in their 20's. Honestly, my parent's lives did not revolve around their children like we have made our lives revolve around our children. Maybe we created the monsters.

The whole "entitlement thing" is very evident with weddings today. It is no longer a wedding, it is a Hollywood production starring the "bride" (and groom in brackets!) complete with a wedding planner (when did that job even become a job? 1990s?). The $2,000 party limo for the wedding party. The bachelorette / bachelor party in Las Vegas! Yes Las Vegas! Jeez when did that become a "destination trip" complete with costs for airfare, hotels, meals, etc. Oh and maybe two wedding dresses, yes, two. One for the church and one for the reception. Then there is the pressure for the most unique (read expensive) reception party "grand entrance". It just goes on and on...BARF.

Yeah.....hey kids get off my lawn!

 

[monarch64]

I found that I related to much in the article. I am in my mid fifties with 2 kids in their 20's. Honestly, my parent's lives did not revolve around their children like we have made our lives revolve around our children. Maybe we created the monsters.

The whole "entitlement thing" is very evident with weddings today. It is no longer a wedding, it is a Hollywood production starring the "bride" (and groom in brackets!) complete with a wedding planner (when did that job even become a job? 1990s?). The $2,000 party limo for the wedding party. The bachelorette / bachelor party in Las Vegas! Yes Las Vegas! Jeez when did that become a "destination trip" complete with costs for airfare, hotels, meals, etc. Oh and maybe two wedding dresses, yes, two. One for the church and one for the reception. Then there is the pressure for the most unique (read expensive) reception party "grand entrance". It just goes on and on...BARF.

Yeah.....hey kids get off my lawn!

The wedding industry is such a gigantic machine now, though...I have trouble blaming any one group involved. There is so much marketing and with the advent of social media it's hard to get away from. I mean, you used to have to go out and buy a Brides magazine and that was your window into the wedding world. Now, you're constantly bombarded with online advertisements, pop ups on social networks, reality television shows based on weddings/dresses, etc. A lot has changed just in the past 10 years.

 

[cygnet]

double post

 

[cygnet]

B/c they don't own a Octavia..

Hey! I do (and for the most part I'd say I'm pretty happy).

Funnily enough, I tend to think all those other things to be true of my peers, but I don't really feel that they apply much to me, which makes me one of those to consider herself "special," and therefore just like everyone else.

I'm 25 years old and I'm doing okay so far. I'm engaged to another Gen Y-er and he is one of the special ones, or close enough, given that he's already "made it" and earns more than my father did at the height of his career and we are financially comfortable. I try to count my blessings and not measure my success in relation to his, since I'm at a pretty normal place as far as career advancement goes at this stage in life and he's just ahead of me (and everyone else our age). I have the luxury of being financially comfortable due to my partner's paycheck, but if I were on my own, I'd almost certainly be considerably less happy. Money doesn't buy happiness, but it does pay for things that make life a whole lot easier, such as food, rent and other expenses. The price of higher education these days is absolutely outrageous and to be honest, I don't think I'd be able to even pay off my student loan bills if I didn't have my partner's income as a crutch to lean on. I didn't exactly horse around in college, but I did struggle with learning disabilities and ended up spending an extra year in college (and before someone calls me a "special snowflake" for saying that I have learning disabilities, please let me point out that I am autistic).

So I think my general sense of contentment with life is due partially to the fact that I am okay with working hard for the things I have, but that I also acknowledge that I got lucky financially and that things could be a lot harder for me.

We are in the process of buying our first house together. We are not looking for the nicest house on the market. We are looking for something that makes sense at this point in our lives and we can comfortably afford. The houses we are looking at are decent, but certainly not as nice as the house in which I was raised. We aren't looking to buy something that will outdo our parents, but a house that's about on par with what each of our parents had at about this stage in life. Sure, I'd love a house with a lovely walk-in closet and an oversize bathtub and updated kitchen, but those things can wait. We will buy a fixer upper and with hard work we will turn it into the house we want.

I'm okay with working for the things I think I deserve.

 

[rosetta]

I don't feel like life owes me a thing, so I'm grateful for anything it gives me. My parents taught me that. I cringe when I see my SIL boast about her baby holding his head up earlier than other babies (he isn't btw, he's plumb average) because I see the beginnings of the "special snowflake" upbringing taking hold already.

I'm not special in any way, I think my career is a way of putting food on the table at the end of the day and I expect nothing more from it. All I want to do is help some people along the way, that's enough for me.

We are so fiscally responsible that we haven't bought a house yet or had children because we can't afford to get the house we want, or spend what we want to on our kids' education. Sure, we could buy a very small house, and have kids anyway but I believe in delayed gratification for what you truly desire.

I find it sort of funny that although we are living longer, young people seem to want more NOW NOW NOW these days. I sound like an old fuddy duddy but I swear, I'm only in my early 30s!