WHY DOES THIS CRAP KEEP HAPPENING?!?!?

[PearlDahhhling]

One of my fiances groomsmen just bailed on us. 3 days before the wedding. I AM SO ENTIRELY PISSED OFF!!!!!!!

He and the best man are in a band and they''re on tour and their plan was to take a break from shows to fly back here for the wedding. Well FI just got a call from said groomsman saying that he can''t make it.

He can''t afford it.

Umm sorry but "I can''t afford it" isn''t an option when you''ve agreed to be in this wedding, and you''ve known about it since AUGUST OF LAST YEAR! You couldn''t have been saving!?!? You couldn''t have called us months ago if you knew you couldn''t afford it???

OH I''M SO MAD!!!!!!!

 

[wannaBMrsH]

Pearl!

I am so sorry this is happening! I send you big hugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Is it possible, he was thinking that flights would be cheaper or that he would get paid closer to the wedding?

Maybe he delayed telling you because he was hoping to be able to come through...

I know it doesn''t make it better, I am just trying to give you another alternative....

Is it possible for another groomsman to walk 2 bridesmaids down the aisle? or for one to walk alone?

I am just tossing suggestions!

Sorry you are going through this! Many, many HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[cocolaw]

oh wow...that means he didn''t even buy his ticket yet!! do you think this was his plan all along?

 

[sunnyd]

Oh. Hell. No.

Did your FI yell at him? Because he should!

 

[Blair138]

Wow Pearl that really sucks, I am really sorry.

Can you ''promote'' an usher? Have one GM walk 2 BM? Sorry!

 

[Italiahaircolor]

I know this isn''t going to sound comforting...

But sometimes people can''t afford to save for a "luxury" item, like going to someone elses wedding. Maybe he hoped for the best, a shift in his financial standings...something that would make it doable...but clearly he couldn''t pull it together. Right now, when it comes to money matters, I think the economy and all that needs to be considered. I don''t know this guy, nor do I know his situation...but I cannot imagine anyone intentionally screwing with you or being that vendictive--esspecially someone you considered close enough to stand up in your wedding.

I think it needs to be said...your wedding is never as important to anyone, as it is to you. The mature, responsible thing would have been to of course let you know ahead of time...or declined the invitation...but young guys are young guys, sometimes they are incredibly short sighted.

You can be angry, and rightfully so...but you also have consider the source...he obviously isn''t a bad guy, he just made a miscalculation...try and forgive him.

 

[rhbgirl24]

OMG! He should have bought a ticket LONG ago.... forethought people, its a wedding!!

I''m so sorry - I''m so mad for you! URG.

 

[mrscushion]

Oh my gosh, Pearl, I am so sorry! How awful of the groomsman. Honestly, all of these people just seem really, really young to me -- this is very immature behavior!

Would you considering loaning him the money and having him repay (though whether he would repay is questionable)?

 

[Amanda.Rx]

Take a deep breath honey! Life is 10% what happens & 90% how you react/respond. Don''t let it stress you too badly. Things will work out just fine! Get creative- let your wedding party walk out in groups of 2-3. Nobody is going to think badly of you for this & I doubt people will care if his name is left in the program. The best thing you can do is look past it and move on. There are worse things that could happen! This is pretty small in the grand scale. I know you are upset but don''t dwell on it- you are only making it worse for you. Who knows if he had a different reason or maybe he was saving then had a financial emergency- you never know!

So sorry about your frustration & anger, but the sooner you let go, the more at ease you will be.
E

 

[tlh]

I agree w/ Italia and Amanda. You never know what happened, shoot, in the past week, I''ve had to buy 4 new tires for my car, take a dog to the vet, buy a battery for the OTHER car, etc. Granted, I''m a worrier. A planner. I never would have waited until the last minute to have purchased plane tickets for something I''d already agreed to coming to. But there are things that happen in life that make things difficult, esp those that live from check to check and dont plan for the future.

That said - still doesn''t make it suck any less for you though. I''m sorry and wanted to give you a huge hug. Was this the same groomsman that you agreed to pay for his tux rental too? The whole thing stinks, as does the timing. I hope you and your hubs can get creative w/ the groomsmen, and arrangements to still make your day perfect. After all... the groom will still be there.

Again, I''m sorry to read this. You''ve already dealt with enough irritating and irresponsible people during this process.

 

[PearlDahhhling]

Well thank goodness FI's family is gigantic. FI just asked his cousin to stand in and his cousin is delighted to do so. THANK GOD! I'll be spending a good chunk of the day re-doing the programs...

because I'm a perfectionist, and I also want to honor FI's cousin by having his name listed. I'm so thankful he's willing to step in. Oh and now I have to go get another engraved flask for the cousin (groomsmens gifts).

Just wanted to comment to those saying I may not know what is going on with him.... Well I do know unfortunately. I wish he had a good excuse for having no money but... He's a big stoner and spends his money on alcohol and weed and probably other drugs too. He's really immature and I spoke to him about all of this over the phone and he showed not even an ounce of remorse. He was really nonchalant about the whole thing, acting like it's not a big deal. UGH!

Oh well. FI's cousin will stand in. I'm trying not to stress about it, but there are SO many little things I have to change now that he's not coming. Not to mention that FI bought a suit for this GM and it's altered for him and hanging in out closet. GM was supposed to be paying FI back but who knows if that's going to happen. UGH!

 

[wannaBMrsH]

Date: 6/23/2009 12:36:14 PM
Author: Italiahaircolor

I think it needs to be said...your wedding is never as important to anyone, as it is to you. The mature, responsible thing would have been to of course let you know ahead of time...or declined the invitation...but young guys are young guys, sometimes they are incredibly short sighted.

Ditto! I''ve discovered this the very hard way. I''ve been to 3 of 6 weddings this season including my own (in 7 weeks!) and no one else is going to stay up all night printing and putting the programs together; no one else is going to ensure that all GMs and BMs have complete outfits, not even the GMs and BMs!

I am glad that you were able to resolve it, and how sucky that he can''t even feel remorse, but forgiveness is not something that you do for others, you do it for yourself...so forgive him if for no other reason than obviously your FI values him, and move on with the knowledge that he can''t be counted on.

 

[House Cat]

Lesson learned: Never ask a drunken stoner to be a GM, no matter how much FI loves him!!

Pearl, take a deep breath. Your wedding is going to be fantastic, probably better, now that the dud isn''t showing.

 

[Lauren8211]

Date: 6/23/2009 12:14:34 PM
Author: cocolaw
oh wow...that means he didn''t even buy his ticket yet!! do you think this was his plan all along?

I hadn''t even thought of that!

Pearl, I''m so sorry! That is crappy!

 

[Loves Vintage]

Date: 6/23/2009 2:40:48 PM
Author: House Cat
Lesson learned: Never ask a drunken stoner to be a GM, no matter how much FI loves him!!

Pearl, take a deep breath. Your wedding is going to be fantastic, probably better, now that the dud isn't showing.

Ditto. Don't rely on an "immature" "big stoner [who] spends his money on alcohol and weed and probably other drugs too" to take part in important events in your life, and you will probably find that this sort of thing happens a lot less often.

It sounds like you are delighted to have your FI's cousin taking his role. Seriously, be glad this guy is out. And, have a wonderful wedding!!!

 

[lala2332]

glad that it worked out. I bet in 20 years you will be so much happier to have a family member in your pictures than the immature dude, who clearly isn''t a very good friend.

 

[galvana]

ughhh pearl that sucks! im sorry - this is happening to you - i hate to be so negative when i post on threads like this but people suck! They really really do.
I lost a bridesmaid about a week or so ago and its my sister no less.

just know you are not alone - i know that doesn''t help but i dont know what else to say

 

[swingirl]

Aww. That''s too bad. But things happen and any one of your BM or GM could come down with the flu on the day of---so go with what you have and it''ll all turn out fine. You are too close to let ANYTHING spoil the day for you.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

All is well that ends well...right?

Chalk it up to bad judgement and don''t let it cause you any more stress. It''s just not worth it. You''re getting married in 3 days...and if this is the worst thing that happens, you''ll still have a happy marriage.

 

[tlh]

Date: 6/23/2009 2:54:48 PM
Author: lala2332
glad that it worked out. I bet in 20 years you will be so much happier to have a family member in your pictures than the immature dude, who clearly isn''t a very good friend.

HUGE DITTO!

 

[Dreamgirl]

Oh that''s just terrible. I''m sorry to hear about that! I''m glad however that the cousin can stand in. I think that''s better than a friend who bails on you anyway.

 

[dcgator]

Hey Pearl,

I am really sorry to hear that. Actually, the same thing happened to my husband about two weeks before the wedding. I think I can one-up you though. This guy had his mom call and say that he couldn''t be a GM because he didn''t have the money, and btw, she wanted him to work for her that weekend too (they have a family business). Seriously, who does that? Could he not be a big boy and call my husband himself? How old are we, 10?

So, I totally understand you being pissed, and in response to some people, saving is easy if you really want something and you have time. It simply shows a lack of committment/friendship to the other person to pull something so low.

Funny enough, I think I was more pissed off than my husband, but he had got more pissed when the guy bailed on the bachelor party.

Oh well, I think everything works out for a reason, and in my case, I think our wedding was just fabulous without him