Why do weddings bring out the crazy in people?

[Nov2109]

We sent out our invitations about a month ago...we could not do +1s unless there was actually a +1, girlfriend/boyfriend, spouse, traveling a far distance, etc.

We have had 7 requests for people to bring dates. We very nicely asked, oh I''m sorry I didn''t know you were seeing someone/had a girlfriend/boyfriend. They said oh well, I''m not/don''t, I just don''t want to go solo. In return we nicely responded, well, we are paying for this ourselves and are expecting to already go over the room minimum (which is 125 and our plates are well over $100/pp this was not disclosed to the guest asking), to try and keep costs down we just can''t afford that. We''ve gotten "oh, ok, I was just asking, I was confused"...I''m not sure what was confusing about the invitation, it only had your name on it and you are single( I didn''t say that, even though I wanted too!),"I wont have anyone to slow dance with", wtf? and many more ridiculous reasons. Last night was the final straw, where I ranted to FIs mother because I couldn''t take it anymore. FIs 23 year old cousin asked to bring a date. We in return asked, "does he have a girlfriend or something?" No, he just doesn''t want his grandmother to think he is a failure because he never brings girls around. I just flipped out. This cousin''s and his family are horrid, they are selfish, they steal money from the grandmother to live a lavish lifestyle, they didn''t give a wedding gift to either sister, when they have 3 children and two of them, not even a card, and now these people want to make their family of 5 a 6 so grandmama doesn''t think he is a failure? WHAT?!!! I''ve come to the conclusion that people are just nuts.

If you aren''t invited with a guest, there is nothing wrong with going solo, I''ve had some of the best times at weddings being single, not that I don''t love my FI and being with him, weddings are always fun, regardless if you have a date or not! People are so rude and tactless when it comes to a wedding.

I just dont understand people and how unbelievable rude they are. I wish things were the way they used to be when it was an honor to be invited to someones wedding. FI now wishes we would have had the small intimate reception I originally wanted, he had no idea how much trouble a 160+ person wedding is...I wish people would just think before they speak...

My rant is done now. I know many of you ladies have experienced this as well....how did everyone handle it?

 

[caribqueen]

I hear ya sister!

It's annoying how many requests we've had for people to bring guests. And I'm not just talking about dates. I'm talking about friends who are their rides or a distant cousin who's never been to the state where the wedding is being held and they just want to see it, or even parents who feel guilty because they never take their kids out and want them to experience a wedding. They can experience a wedding when the bride and groom want kids there, geeze!

People seem to see it as a concert or family reunion where there's a blank check attached and don't think about what they're asking and whether there are 10 others asking the same thing.

Some posters previously wondered why my rsvp date was in April, well because there are still 40 people who I will have to track down over the next 2 weeks and we knew that. We had to build in padding for the people who don't bother to respect the process and return rsvp cards at all.

It's a pain!!

For those who asked nicely and didn't inform us that they were bringing a guest, we simply said, we'll try to accomodate, but only after we have an idea of how many people drop out. I even plan to accommodate an annoying cousin who kept bugging me about it like if she was paying for her own seat. But we're not going outside of boyfriend/girlfriend.

 

[decodelighted]

Weddings do bring out the crazy. I have no idea why. However I am a FIERCE believer in allowing people to bring dates even if they don''t have a serious boyfriend/girlfriend etc. Even same sex dates if they are not same-sex-oriented. Why? Half the world is introverted. Its not easy for everyone to just "come alone" to a celebration of coupleness. Everyone has the right to do what they want at their own wedding -- but expect that your no-shows are likely because of this "rule". People are how they are and they can''t just get over it because its most convenient for your big day.

 

[Treasure43]

I ask myself this every day. And have yet to come up with an answer that fully makes sense. I''m sure it has something to do with how much money is spent and how emotional the day is. Also, people seem to have very strong opinions on weddings and as much as they tell you "it''s your day" (if I hear that one more time I"ll scream), they''ll create drama when something doesn''t go as they wished it would.

 

[FutureMrsMRS]

Wow. People never cease to amaze me.

Starting this wedding planning makes me question how many women are *really* bridezillas and how many just refuse to accept all the randomness that people say/do!

Yesterday I made calls to fet addresses for STD''s. Aside from being asked when, where, what (that''s what the STD & invite are FOR!)...my cousin asked since we were doing "so soon" (in 6 months) - how are we paying for it.

WHAT?!?!!!!!??? None of your effing business!

 

[caribqueen]

Date: 4/20/2010 11:17:17 AM
Author: decodelighted
Its not easy for everyone to just ''come alone'' to a celebration of coupleness. Everyone has the right to do what they want at their own wedding -- but expect that your no-shows are likely because of this ''rule''. People are how they are and they can''t just get over it because its most convenient for your big day.

If guests are sincerely interested in celebrating with the bride and groom, and they can make it, they will, regardless of whether it''s convenient for them to bring a date.

Nov, in the end it comes down to your pocket and what you can afford. I say stick to your guns.

I have a bunch of girlfriends coming without dates because they''re dear friends and they want to be there to support me on my day. Same for FI and his unmarried fellas.

 

[purselover]

Date: 4/20/2010 11:17:17 AM
Author: decodelighted
Weddings do bring out the crazy. I have no idea why. However I am a FIERCE believer in allowing people to bring dates even if they don''t have a serious boyfriend/girlfriend etc. Even same sex dates if they are not same-sex-oriented. Why? Half the world is introverted. Its not easy for everyone to just ''come alone'' to a celebration of coupleness. Everyone has the right to do what they want at their own wedding -- but expect that your no-shows are likely because of this ''rule''. People are how they are and they can''t just get over it because its most convenient for your big day.

I agree, although I will say it is really rude for people to ask since you seem to have made the invites clear!

 

[TooPatient]

Date: 4/20/2010 12:07:22 PM
Author: purselover

Date: 4/20/2010 11:17:17 AM
Author: decodelighted
Weddings do bring out the crazy. I have no idea why. However I am a FIERCE believer in allowing people to bring dates even if they don''t have a serious boyfriend/girlfriend etc. Even same sex dates if they are not same-sex-oriented. Why? Half the world is introverted. Its not easy for everyone to just ''come alone'' to a celebration of coupleness. Everyone has the right to do what they want at their own wedding -- but expect that your no-shows are likely because of this ''rule''. People are how they are and they can''t just get over it because its most convenient for your big day.

I agree, although I will say it is really rude for people to ask since you seem to have made the invites clear!

I agree too.

I''m one of those introverted people (so is FI) who is terribly uncomfortable around groups of people. Having a date (FI)allows me to relax a bit and enjoy myself. I know a number of people this is true for.

HOWEVER -- your invites were clear and people should not be pushing the issue. (I would understand someone in a relatively new relationship asking in case you didn''t know they were seeing someone). It is your wedding, you know how many people can fit in your venue, and you know your budget.
If they don''t like it, they can do it differently when they have THEIR wedding.

 

[monarch64]

All you had to say to the people who went so far as to blatantly ASK you if they could bring a date was this: "due to budget constraints, the answer is no, however please know that there will likely be plenty of other singles there who are not bringing dates either." Problem solved. Let the matchmaking begin.

I don''t think people intentionally are rude or crazy. I think that people maybe aren''t as etiquette savvy as others or they just don''t understand why they''re not allowed to bring a date to your wedding if that probably hasn''t been the case at other weddings they''ve been invited to.

 

[Haven]

Date: 4/20/2010 12:49:08 PM
Author: monarch64
I don''t think people intentionally are rude or crazy. I think that people maybe aren''t as etiquette savvy as others or they just don''t understand why they''re not allowed to bring a date to your wedding if that probably hasn''t been the case at other weddings they''ve been invited to.

I agree with Monnie. I thought my husband''s family was flat out crazy AND rude when we first started the wedding planning, and it took a while for me to realize that we''re just very different. His family does things in ways that my family thinks are over-the-top or just plain gaudy, and my family is completely old school in their eyes. It took a bit of adjusting, but once I let go of the notion that *my* way of doing things was the right way, everything became much easier.

I think weddings bring out the crazy in people because everyone has such different ideas about what *should* and *shouldn''t* happen at a wedding, and that, mixed with the high emotions that accompany wedding planning, just seems like a recipe for disaster in some cases.

 

[Nov2109]

Carib...maybe its our wedding date? Hah! Who knows. People are just rude and I feel the same way, I know weddings are expensive, if you dont know they are expensive, get your head out of the clouds!

Deco...I did extend the invite to a friend of mine who is single from out of town, she is traveling half way across the country, she''s bringing one of her girlfriends to travel with etc...the people who have asked to bring dates will know TONS of people some, their entire family/siblings will be there. Who knows! We are paying for virtually the whole thing ourselves, I''ve been to 3 weddings solo, wasn''t invited with a guest because I was single...I went and had a blast at all 3!

Treasure...this has not really been "my day" from day one. Its been everyone else''s day and I''m just there to make decisions after their STRONG opinions have been voiced. The one thing no one was going to tell me what to do with was the guest list, thats my money...we added good friends of our parents without them asking because we also wanted them there and we knew it would be important to our parents. That made everything MUCH easier!

FutureMrsMRS...i think some girls get called Bridezillas because they get so frustrated with the people who are involved...I know my FI has seen me in rare form because of my BMs and my dysfunctional family(they have actually made requests to not sit near certain people...geee thanks, that wont be obvious you big jerks!) A friend of mine asked me how much FI makes, what we paid for our house and how much I make that we are able to pay for a wedding, buy a house and go on a honeymoon...its called none of your business what we make, did you ever think maybe we are just responsible with our money and SAVE?

Purselover...the invites had their name on them and nothing else...i have no idea what was confusing about it. I just think its rude, this isnt a house party, or a Facebook invite where it says guests allowed! lol You should be there to have a good time and celebrate...

Toopatient...If I knew someone would be extremely uncomfortable I would probably have invited them with a guest. I just dont understand where people get off asking if they can bring a date. Thats why we started every conversation with...oh, we didnt know you were seeing someone/had a gf/bf...if they did, then we would extend an invite to their SO....but they just WANT to bring a date, not that they NEED a date...their reasoning for asking was also just ridiculous...not, I really want to be there but I won''t really know anyone or, I dont want to travel alone etc.

Monarch...that was pretty much our response. We did let a few of them know if for some reason our guest list is not as high as we thought, we would let them know...but right now we need to stay on budget.(who wouldnt want to come in under budget either? We need furniture!

) As of now we are 30+ over the room minimum and are still right around what we budgeted for. I agree that some people aren''t as etiquette savvy as others...but I also believe that ignorance is not an excuse, in today''s day and age, look up etiquette if you aren''t sure...

Haven...I completely agree with everything you have said...I try and go with the flow as much as I can, but when it comes to poor manners, from family and friends who know we just bought a house and are paying for virtually the entire wedding ourselves to ask if they can just bring someone who isn''t a SO, it gets my blood boiling!


By the way, none of these people asked to bring dates to FIs 30th surprise party, which was pretty fancy...why the wedding? I really feel like the word "wedding" makes people go nuts.

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

I agree. I think people feel that it is both something sacred and a status symbol and you make yourself, and them by extension look bad by messing with it.

An art nouveau ring with opals rather than diamonds, he doesn''t really love me, I can always upgrade later, were you rushed, etc

A green dress. EVERYONE other than my DH looked at me like I was nuts. I kept being told tradition. I kept telling them it is residual leftovers of celebrity worship from Queen Victoria''s wedding and that traditionally brides wore their best dress, whatever the color. The green was actually a joke because that was the one color you did not wear in the tudor period because it suggested promiscuty or an Irish bride (botrh questionable things

).

Having a judge preside at a ceremony with nothing religious whatsoever. This one really got my MIL, which baffles me. She is not religious, never goes to church and is always deriding organized religion. Plus neither DH or I are religious.

It was worth all of the fights to get what I want, but no one told me my graduation wasn''t real if I wore a necklace I made rather than a gift, etc.

It was odd, and I am glad that part is over.

 

[Blackpaw]

i commiserate

people are stupid...and you can bet that the same people who want a +1 will be the first to blab on when they get married about how they dont want people they dont even know from adam at their weddings....

im not even engaged and this behavior annoys me

also, i was raised to believe that when you go to a wedding the appropriate gift would be equal + a bit to the cost of your being at the wedding - and i feel like people who insist on random +1s dont consider the significant extra cost to the couple...

grr

anyhoo yes i feel your pain

 

[Gypsy]

I see Deco''s point. But everyone I wanted to be comfortable I invited plus one (for a total of 5 people, 3 first cousins 2 friends), outside of that there was no one I wanted there badly enough to pay an extra $200 a seat. That''s a lot of money so that a few people who know at least 2 other people attending have someone to slow dance with. I was fine with people staying home if they really had that big an issue over it. Consideration goes both ways... my guests needed to understand that our budget wasn''t unlimted. And we made sure that anyone who didn''t know at least two people (our two friends) were invited plus one.

 

[hawaiianorangetree]

Here''s a doozy...

We only invited partners if they had partners and i made sure that the single people would know the other single people (work mates as a group, my school friends as a group).

The day after i sent my invites out i was getting text messages telling me how lovely they were.. etc etc

Then one of my school friends had sent me two texts. The first one said "Do u reckon im being a bitch if im shitty if my wedding invite just has *name not & partner???''''

The second said "so sorry HOT, that text wasn''t meant for you"

Naturally i was upset. I tried really hard to make sure that no one on the guest list would be on their ''own'' even if they didn''t have a date to bring. This girl in particular hasn''t had a boyfriend in a very long time and she knew that she would know at least 5 other people from of friends group who would be at the wedding.

I replied with "*name, you are not the only person invited to the wedding without a partner so don''t feel alone. X, Y and Z weren''t either. We can''t afford the extra $100 per person just so people can bring someone along that we have never met before, especially when there are so many of our friends that we haven''t invited because we can''t afford to. We hope you understand the difficult situation we are in"

She did, and she apologised. She said that she was sorry for being so selfish and that she hadn''t really thought about the ''other side'' of the situation. I told her that i knew where she was coming from too and it was all good after that.

I guess people just don''t think about the other side you know? They are only concerned with what problems it will cause them.

 

[ilovesparkles]

I feel your pain Nov. Although I haven''t posted much about it, we have had a really rough time with family and friends during the planning of the wedding. FI has replaced 3 groomsmen, including his best man due to fall outs of friendships, both of his ketubah signers, and the two ushers he had chosen. Not to mention his own god-parents are not coming because they believe I have turned him into a bad son. And his mother won''t stop meddling, telling me what to do and how horrible the decisions I am making are. What will people think?! But refuses to offer a penny to make the wedding up to her standards. Weddings do bring out the crazy in people. And whoever said that bridezillas really aren''t, but just driven to it by everyone else, spot on!

 

[princesss]

.

 

[mrscushion]

Date: 4/21/2010 5:31:40 AM
Author: hawaiianorangetree
I guess people just don''t think about the other side you know? They are only concerned with what problems it will cause them.

Yup. Isn''t this at the root of nearly every interpersonal conflict out there? Everyone thinks they are at the center of the universe. It''s human.