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Why did he do that?!?!

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bubbly1126

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Sep 6, 2007
Messages
969
FF and I were talking about getting engaged. I''ve been really anxious the past couple days about it and so I told him I needed some reassurance. This is how the convo went:

Me: Babe, I need some reassurance.
FF: You want some reassurance? I wanted to do it on the cruise.
Me: (Totally shocked at WHAT he just said and that he would even TELL me it.) What?!?! Are you serious?!
FF: Yeah. I figured it''d be a perfect time and this way we''d have a lot of time to ourselves to really celebrate.
Me: Are you serious? Why would you even tell me that?
FF: Well I figured that it was completely out of the question since I was supposed to ask by the end of April. I thought you''d be really mad.
Me: If you had sat down and talked with me and told me that you really wanted to wait a little longer, I probably would have understood. All you had to do was tell me.
FF: Well, again, I thought you''d be really upset over it. But now it''s totally out of the question because I just said it.
Me: (Really bummed) I don''t even know why you would tell me that. I don''t get it.

Now, for one thing, he has had a couple beers so he just might not have been thinking but seriously? Come on, now I totally feel bad. I feel bad that that idea is totally out now and I feel bad that he is very upset that he even told me about it.

AND I am upset b/c all this time he''s said he had a plan and we JUST decided to take this cruise like 2 weeks ago... so I guess he never had anything planned at all? I said that to him and he said that he does have something planned and it doesn''t matter where he does it. That can change if he decides to do it somewhere else.

Whatever. Now I''m just bummed all together and not even looking forward to it. He went and ruined it by saying he wanted to do it on the cruise. I didn''t ask for him to tell me ANYTHING, just that I wanted reassurance that it was coming soon like he said.

Ugh.
 

jcarlylew

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 27, 2008
Messages
3,899
im sorry -

maybe he did not have a plan, but knew he wanted to do it at a special time where its just the two of you, as in, a vacation? Don''t worry to much about having a plan or not - not all proposals are perfect, and remember the most important - you two want to share a life together!!
 

fieryred33143

Ideal_Rock
Joined
May 18, 2008
Messages
6,689
Date: 2/15/2009 8:13:59 PM
Author:inhisarms17
FF and I were talking about getting engaged. I''ve been really anxious the past couple days about it and so I told him I needed some reassurance. This is how the convo went:

Me: Babe, I need some reassurance.
FF: You want some reassurance? I wanted to do it on the cruise.
Me: (Totally shocked at WHAT he just said and that he would even TELL me it.) What?!?! Are you serious?!
FF: Yeah. I figured it''d be a perfect time and this way we''d have a lot of time to ourselves to really celebrate.
Me: Are you serious? Why would you even tell me that?
FF: Well I figured that it was completely out of the question since I was supposed to ask by the end of April. I thought you''d be really mad.
Me: If you had sat down and talked with me and told me that you really wanted to wait a little longer, I probably would have understood. All you had to do was tell me.
FF: Well, again, I thought you''d be really upset over it. But now it''s totally out of the question because I just said it.
Me: (Really bummed) I don''t even know why you would tell me that. I don''t get it.

Now, for one thing, he has had a couple beers so he just might not have been thinking but seriously? Come on, now I totally feel bad. I feel bad that that idea is totally out now and I feel bad that he is very upset that he even told me about it.

AND I am upset b/c all this time he''s said he had a plan and we JUST decided to take this cruise like 2 weeks ago... so I guess he never had anything planned at all? I said that to him and he said that he does have something planned and it doesn''t matter where he does it. That can change if he decides to do it somewhere else.

Whatever. Now I''m just bummed all together and not even looking forward to it. He went and ruined it by saying he wanted to do it on the cruise. I didn''t ask for him to tell me ANYTHING, just that I wanted reassurance that it was coming soon like he said.

Ugh.
That statement is wrong.

You wanted reassurance. He gave it to you. Now, stop asking him for reassurance and let him do his thing.

P.S. I''m not saying this to be mean. I ruined my proposal too by talking to much garbage all the time. He had plans to propose on a romantic trip, I ruined it by asking too many questions and figuring out the plan. So my advice, you have your reassurance now don''t ask anymore questions.
 

meresal

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 13, 2007
Messages
5,720
Date: 2/15/2009 8:47:15 PM
Author: fieryred33143


Date: 2/15/2009 8:13:59 PM
Author:inhisarms17
FF and I were talking about getting engaged. I've been really anxious the past couple days about it and so I told him I needed some reassurance. This is how the convo went:

Me: Babe, I need some reassurance.
FF: You want some reassurance? I wanted to do it on the cruise.
Me: (Totally shocked at WHAT he just said and that he would even TELL me it.) What?!?! Are you serious?!
FF: Yeah. I figured it'd be a perfect time and this way we'd have a lot of time to ourselves to really celebrate.
Me: Are you serious? Why would you even tell me that?
FF: Well I figured that it was completely out of the question since I was supposed to ask by the end of April. I thought you'd be really mad.
Me: If you had sat down and talked with me and told me that you really wanted to wait a little longer, I probably would have understood. All you had to do was tell me.
FF: Well, again, I thought you'd be really upset over it. But now it's totally out of the question because I just said it.
Me: (Really bummed) I don't even know why you would tell me that. I don't get it.

Now, for one thing, he has had a couple beers so he just might not have been thinking but seriously? Come on, now I totally feel bad. I feel bad that that idea is totally out now and I feel bad that he is very upset that he even told me about it.

AND I am upset b/c all this time he's said he had a plan and we JUST decided to take this cruise like 2 weeks ago... so I guess he never had anything planned at all? I said that to him and he said that he does have something planned and it doesn't matter where he does it. That can change if he decides to do it somewhere else.

Whatever. Now I'm just bummed all together and not even looking forward to it. He went and ruined it by saying he wanted to do it on the cruise. I didn't ask for him to tell me ANYTHING, just that I wanted reassurance that it was coming soon like he said.

Ugh.
That statement is wrong.

You wanted reassurance. He gave it to you. Now, stop asking him for reassurance and let him do his thing.

P.S. I'm not saying this to be mean. I ruined my proposal too by talking to much garbage all the time. He had plans to propose on a romantic trip, I ruined it by asking too many questions and figuring out the plan. So my advice, you have your reassurance now don't ask anymore questions.
I have to completely agree with Fiery. It is not fair to blame him, when you are the one that brought it up in the first place. He didn't ruin anything. It sounds like no matter what he were to say you probably would have been dissapointed. This time it was too much reassurance, and I'm guessing the last time it wasn't enough, or you wouldn't have had to ask again?

It's hard but you have to try not to think about it and ask questions. It will only cause you dissapointment.

ETA: Does he know this upset you? Maybe he did this to try and get you to stop asking questions? Just a thought.
Cheer up. At least you know he's going to propose.
 

LaraOnline

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Feb 24, 2008
Messages
3,365
I can't believe all the expectations for a fancy, ott proposal. It must be a cultural thing.

Sounds like your guy is getting a lot of mixed messages! Not just from you but from others as well, perhaps...?

anyway, all the best, I hope you have a happy proposal soon!
 

JulieN

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jul 25, 2005
Messages
13,329
Maybe he had an idea, but then he decided the cruise was better than his other ideas?
 

Haven

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Feb 15, 2007
Messages
13,166
I''m sorry you''re upset about this, but honestly, you are going to foil every plan of his if you keep pushing him about it and asking for reassurance.

Instead of being vague, which is a language most men don''t speak, tell him exactly what you would like to discuss. It sounds like you were looking to hear something specific from him, but instead he told you when he was planning on proposing, and that''s not what you wanted to hear. Do you need reassurance because you aren''t sure that he''s planning to propose, so you''d like to make sure the two of you are on the same page? Or, have you already discussed getting engaged and you need reassurance that it will happen soon? Whatever it is, be clear about it, and if it''s the latter, maybe there are other issues going on that you really need to talk about that could explain why you''re in a rush.
 

ckrickett

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Joined
Jul 26, 2008
Messages
5,348
Date: 2/15/2009 8:47:15 PM
Author: fieryred33143

Date: 2/15/2009 8:13:59 PM
Author:inhisarms17
FF and I were talking about getting engaged. I''ve been really anxious the past couple days about it and so I told him I needed some reassurance. This is how the convo went:

Me: Babe, I need some reassurance.
FF: You want some reassurance? I wanted to do it on the cruise.
Me: (Totally shocked at WHAT he just said and that he would even TELL me it.) What?!?! Are you serious?!
FF: Yeah. I figured it''d be a perfect time and this way we''d have a lot of time to ourselves to really celebrate.
Me: Are you serious? Why would you even tell me that?
FF: Well I figured that it was completely out of the question since I was supposed to ask by the end of April. I thought you''d be really mad.
Me: If you had sat down and talked with me and told me that you really wanted to wait a little longer, I probably would have understood. All you had to do was tell me.
FF: Well, again, I thought you''d be really upset over it. But now it''s totally out of the question because I just said it.
Me: (Really bummed) I don''t even know why you would tell me that. I don''t get it.

Now, for one thing, he has had a couple beers so he just might not have been thinking but seriously? Come on, now I totally feel bad. I feel bad that that idea is totally out now and I feel bad that he is very upset that he even told me about it.

AND I am upset b/c all this time he''s said he had a plan and we JUST decided to take this cruise like 2 weeks ago... so I guess he never had anything planned at all? I said that to him and he said that he does have something planned and it doesn''t matter where he does it. That can change if he decides to do it somewhere else.

Whatever. Now I''m just bummed all together and not even looking forward to it. He went and ruined it by saying he wanted to do it on the cruise. I didn''t ask for him to tell me ANYTHING, just that I wanted reassurance that it was coming soon like he said.

Ugh.
That statement is wrong.

You wanted reassurance. He gave it to you. Now, stop asking him for reassurance and let him do his thing.

P.S. I''m not saying this to be mean. I ruined my proposal too by talking to much garbage all the time. He had plans to propose on a romantic trip, I ruined it by asking too many questions and figuring out the plan. So my advice, you have your reassurance now don''t ask anymore questions.
I agree. Patience is so hard as a LIW, but it will come!
 

BlueSki231

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Apr 21, 2008
Messages
855
Reassurance would be him letting you know that's it's on his mind and that he's in the process of planning..
Asking for reassurance is not asking for details - it's asking to be reminded that he DOES in fact want to marry you and is actually planning on asking.. we're only human. And being LsIW you kinda start to wonder what's going on in your guy's head when he's taking so long to propose! So I think it's perfectly normal to need reassurance once in a while (especially around Valentines day
!!) I think some were being kinda harsh in implying you kinda asked for this..

I can understand how you'd be upset that he told you he wanted to do it on the cruise, that would make me feel awful as well.
But it almost seems like he said it just to make you feel bad about it. If he really did intend to ask you on the cruise why would he have said that?
 

AdiS

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Joined
Jul 17, 2008
Messages
1,337
Date: 2/16/2009 1:43:26 AM
Author: Namaste
Reassurance would be him letting you know that''s it''s on his mind and that he''s in the process of planning..
Asking for reassurance is not asking for details - it''s asking to be reminded that he DOES in fact want to marry you and is actually planning on asking.. we''re only human. And being LsIW you kinda start to wonder what''s going on in your guy''s head when he''s taking so long to propose! So I think it''s perfectly normal to need reassurance once in a while (especially around Valentines day
!!) I think some were being kinda harsh in implying you kinda asked for this..

I can understand how you''d be upset that he told you he wanted to do it on the cruise, that would make me feel awful as well.
But it almost seems like he said it just to make you feel bad about it. If he really did intend to ask you on the cruise why would he have said that?
Well, ''cause he''s a guy. She asked for reassurance and he gave her reassurance. They are pretty simple, men. They usually don''t understand the nuances, the lights and shades of expression or they simply don''t care about them. You want proof that he still wants to marry you and he thinks about it? Well, he gives you the proof. Sorry you''re feeling bad right now but next time just ask him a specific question and be sure you want to hear the answer. Or, as Fiery said, just let him do his thing.
 

strmrdr

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 1, 2003
Messages
23,295
I would have said never if you keep hounding me so your lucky he said what he did and not what I would have said.

His thinking went something like this: What is the best way to stop her bugging me about it..blurt out answer out loud... and still get put in the doghouse while grumbling Women what a pain.,, while thinking I hope the next 40 years arent like this...
 

bee*

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
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Messages
12,170
Date: 2/16/2009 12:43:03 AM
Author: ckrickett
Date: 2/15/2009 8:47:15 PM

Author: fieryred33143


Date: 2/15/2009 8:13:59 PM

Author:inhisarms17

FF and I were talking about getting engaged. I''ve been really anxious the past couple days about it and so I told him I needed some reassurance. This is how the convo went:


Me: Babe, I need some reassurance.

FF: You want some reassurance? I wanted to do it on the cruise.

Me: (Totally shocked at WHAT he just said and that he would even TELL me it.) What?!?! Are you serious?!

FF: Yeah. I figured it''d be a perfect time and this way we''d have a lot of time to ourselves to really celebrate.

Me: Are you serious? Why would you even tell me that?

FF: Well I figured that it was completely out of the question since I was supposed to ask by the end of April. I thought you''d be really mad.

Me: If you had sat down and talked with me and told me that you really wanted to wait a little longer, I probably would have understood. All you had to do was tell me.

FF: Well, again, I thought you''d be really upset over it. But now it''s totally out of the question because I just said it.

Me: (Really bummed) I don''t even know why you would tell me that. I don''t get it.


Now, for one thing, he has had a couple beers so he just might not have been thinking but seriously? Come on, now I totally feel bad. I feel bad that that idea is totally out now and I feel bad that he is very upset that he even told me about it.


AND I am upset b/c all this time he''s said he had a plan and we JUST decided to take this cruise like 2 weeks ago... so I guess he never had anything planned at all? I said that to him and he said that he does have something planned and it doesn''t matter where he does it. That can change if he decides to do it somewhere else.


Whatever. Now I''m just bummed all together and not even looking forward to it. He went and ruined it by saying he wanted to do it on the cruise. I didn''t ask for him to tell me ANYTHING, just that I wanted reassurance that it was coming soon like he said.


Ugh.
That statement is wrong.


You wanted reassurance. He gave it to you. Now, stop asking him for reassurance and let him do his thing.


P.S. I''m not saying this to be mean. I ruined my proposal too by talking to much garbage all the time. He had plans to propose on a romantic trip, I ruined it by asking too many questions and figuring out the plan. So my advice, you have your reassurance now don''t ask anymore questions.
I agree. Patience is so hard as a LIW, but it will come!
I agree. Don''t bring it up with him anymore and let him do it.
 

gwendolyn

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 4, 2007
Messages
6,770
Date: 2/15/2009 8:13:59 PM
Author:inhisarms17
FF and I were talking about getting engaged. I''ve been really anxious the past couple days about it and so I told him I needed some reassurance. This is how the convo went:


Me: Babe, I need some reassurance.

FF: You want some reassurance? I wanted to do it on the cruise.

Me: (Totally shocked at WHAT he just said and that he would even TELL me it.) What?!?! Are you serious?!

FF: Yeah. I figured it''d be a perfect time and this way we''d have a lot of time to ourselves to really celebrate.

Me: Are you serious? Why would you even tell me that?

FF: Well I figured that it was completely out of the question since I was supposed to ask by the end of April. I thought you''d be really mad.

Me: If you had sat down and talked with me and told me that you really wanted to wait a little longer, I probably would have understood. All you had to do was tell me.

FF: Well, again, I thought you''d be really upset over it. But now it''s totally out of the question because I just said it.

Me: (Really bummed) I don''t even know why you would tell me that. I don''t get it.


Now, for one thing, he has had a couple beers so he just might not have been thinking but seriously? Come on, now I totally feel bad. I feel bad that that idea is totally out now and I feel bad that he is very upset that he even told me about it.


AND I am upset b/c all this time he''s said he had a plan and we JUST decided to take this cruise like 2 weeks ago... so I guess he never had anything planned at all? I said that to him and he said that he does have something planned and it doesn''t matter where he does it. That can change if he decides to do it somewhere else.


Whatever. Now I''m just bummed all together and not even looking forward to it. He went and ruined it by saying he wanted to do it on the cruise. I didn''t ask for him to tell me ANYTHING, just that I wanted reassurance that it was coming soon like he said.


Ugh.
Sorry, hon, but I agree with the others who say your man isn''t really to blame for ruining his plans. If it''s only February and the previous agreement for a proposal deadline was April, I''m not really sure why you needed to have another talk to reassure you that it was coming in the first place. I''m also not sure why you thought talking to him about it when he''d been drinking was a good idea. Even if a few beers isn''t much for him, it''s probably enough to make his tongue at least a little looser than it would be otherwise, therefore increasing the risk he''d spill any beans he had.

I don''t know what came before this incident to make you feel the need to get more reassurance, but unless he said something like, "Oh man, I''m having second thoughts about you!" I think you let your worries get the best of you (which can happen to the best of us from time to time) and asked him even though there was already a time line in place. By you asking him again, it sounds a bit like to me you don''t trust he''ll come through for you. Has he set a deadline before and broken it?
 

bee*

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
May 14, 2006
Messages
12,170
Date: 2/16/2009 4:55:53 AM
Author: strmrdr
I would have said never if you keep hounding me so your lucky he said what he did and not what I would have said.


His thinking went something like this: What is the best way to stop her bugging me about it..blurt out answer out loud... and still get put in the doghouse while grumbling Women what a pain.,, while thinking I hope the next 40 years arent like this...
lol Storm!!
 

jcarlylew

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 27, 2008
Messages
3,899
Date: 2/16/2009 4:55:53 AM
Author: strmrdr
I would have said never if you keep hounding me so your lucky he said what he did and not what I would have said.


His thinking went something like this: What is the best way to stop her bugging me about it..blurt out answer out loud... and still get put in the doghouse while grumbling Women what a pain.,, while thinking I hope the next 40 years arent like this...
very true...
 

tlh

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 31, 2008
Messages
4,511
The situation SUCKS. But men or women aren''t mind readers. He maybe didn''t know what you meant by reassurance... and so he figured, well it wasn''t within her timeline... but now it is all romantic... and what not.

Or he could be f*cking with you... and propose at the end of April... like you wanted... and this way you won''t even suspect it....
 

bubbly1126

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Sep 6, 2007
Messages
969
Thanks everyone!

I know I probably pushed too far. What I wanted when I asked for reassurance was just for him to tell me to relax and that he loves me and it''s definitely coming soon. I''m having a hard time understanding why ANY guy takes so damn long when they insist they can''t wait to marry you and they HAVE the ring in their possession. I know, I know. He must be waiting for something really special but I''m sure I''m not the only LIW who gets very impatient and just doesn''t want to wait anymore. If that were the case, then there wouldn''t be this site. I was having a very emotional day yesterday, which I know is NO excuse. I''m not mad at him, I am more mad at myself for being so impatient.

We did talk again last night and he told me that no one ruined anything. That he was going to surprise me. And I hope he does. I hope with everything in me that I can be patient enough. I''m gonna try.

Thanks again for making me see how stupid I was. I know I can always rely on you ladies to put me in check!
 

gwendolyn

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 4, 2007
Messages
6,770
Honey, you''re not stupid! You''re human. Don''t put yourself down for having a weak moment.

Maybe it would help to think about this from his perspective. First of all, he KNOWS you want to be engaged soon. But, he ALSO knows you want to be surprised. Those two make things potentially difficult for him, because he wants to do it soon-ish to not drive you mad, but if he does it right away, maybe you''ll expect that? So he has to find some sort of a happy medium where he can plan something that he thinks you''ll love, without you knowing, soon enough that you don''t go bonkers. Not to mention the fact that society if not you personally puts considerable pressure on a guy to have an amazing proposal! Add all those factors together, and you''ve got a guy who''s juggling a few important things and trying to find the best way of coming out on top all ''round.

I guess my point is that you feel the time pass by more slowly as the one just waiting for it to happen to you. He''s got a lot of stuff going on in his head that he can''t let you in on, because you want it to be a surprise! So try to let him have that time to get things sorted--after all, he''s doing it because he loves you and wants to make you happy.
 

SailorsSweet<3

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Sep 10, 2008
Messages
723
Youre not being stupid. You just need to learn that you can be your own worst enemy. I do the same thing with reassurance over the ring SO is picking out. But I know how I can get and once SO tells me to calm down thats it - I do it for my own good.

In the end you need to ask yourself if you really want to be the kind of wife who nags their husband every time they''re unhappy with a situation. Down the road when youre trying to get pregnant are you going to nag him on nights he may be too tired? When youre buying a house are you going to whine if you dont put down a deposit on what you feel is your dream home if he disagrees? Hes human just like you and he deserves respect for his judgement and his personal hesitations or reservations whether thats a timeline for an engagement, the color suit he wants to wear at your wedding, the type of furniture he wants to put in your living room or the name he wants to give your first born son. But please dont misunderstand, respect is not the end all be all. It doesnt mean he gets what he wants everytime but that also doesnt mean you get what you want everytime. If you dont start to respect him in that way now youre setting yourself up for a very hard marriage.
 

LilyOfTheValley

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Messages
142
Date: 2/15/2009 8:47:15 PM
Author: fieryred33143
Date: 2/15/2009 8:13:59 PM

Author:inhisarms17

FF and I were talking about getting engaged. I''ve been really anxious the past couple days about it and so I told him I needed some reassurance. This is how the convo went:


Me: Babe, I need some reassurance.

FF: You want some reassurance? I wanted to do it on the cruise.

Me: (Totally shocked at WHAT he just said and that he would even TELL me it.) What?!?! Are you serious?!

FF: Yeah. I figured it''d be a perfect time and this way we''d have a lot of time to ourselves to really celebrate.

Me: Are you serious? Why would you even tell me that?

FF: Well I figured that it was completely out of the question since I was supposed to ask by the end of April. I thought you''d be really mad.

Me: If you had sat down and talked with me and told me that you really wanted to wait a little longer, I probably would have understood. All you had to do was tell me.

FF: Well, again, I thought you''d be really upset over it. But now it''s totally out of the question because I just said it.

Me: (Really bummed) I don''t even know why you would tell me that. I don''t get it.


Now, for one thing, he has had a couple beers so he just might not have been thinking but seriously? Come on, now I totally feel bad. I feel bad that that idea is totally out now and I feel bad that he is very upset that he even told me about it.


AND I am upset b/c all this time he''s said he had a plan and we JUST decided to take this cruise like 2 weeks ago... so I guess he never had anything planned at all? I said that to him and he said that he does have something planned and it doesn''t matter where he does it. That can change if he decides to do it somewhere else.


Whatever. Now I''m just bummed all together and not even looking forward to it. He went and ruined it by saying he wanted to do it on the cruise. I didn''t ask for him to tell me ANYTHING, just that I wanted reassurance that it was coming soon like he said.


Ugh.
That statement is wrong.


You wanted reassurance. He gave it to you. Now, stop asking him for reassurance and let him do his thing.


P.S. I''m not saying this to be mean. I ruined my proposal too by talking to much garbage all the time. He had plans to propose on a romantic trip, I ruined it by asking too many questions and figuring out the plan. So my advice, you have your reassurance now don''t ask anymore questions.
I agree. He sounds confused/troubled. In this case I would just sit back and let him do his thing.
 

Dreamgirl

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 25, 2008
Messages
5,070
Sorry to hear about that sweetie! Keep your chin up. Maybe he just didn''t know what to say because you asked him. I still can''t believe he said that too though. I mean, way to ruin it guy.....

Anyhow on that note, maybe he was just playing with you? Even if he wasn''t...ok...so he will do it on the cruise but you don''t really know when, or how. So it would still be a surprise. And he''s still going to ask you.....
 

Blackpaw

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 26, 2008
Messages
2,469
oh thats a pain inhisarms, im sorry for you for this. Dont stress though, he''s your FF and im sure he''ll make it special and surprising for you
 

bubbly1126

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Sep 6, 2007
Messages
969
Date: 2/16/2009 11:41:46 AM
Author: Dreamgirl
Sorry to hear about that sweetie! Keep your chin up. Maybe he just didn't know what to say because you asked him. I still can't believe he said that too though. I mean, way to ruin it guy.....


Anyhow on that note, maybe he was just playing with you? Even if he wasn't...ok...so he will do it on the cruise but you don't really know when, or how. So it would still be a surprise. And he's still going to ask you.....
Date: 2/16/2009 11:58:45 AM
Author: Blackpaw
oh thats a pain inhisarms, im sorry for you for this. Dont stress though, he's your FF and im sure he'll make it special and surprising for you
Thanks ladies. I truly appreciate your support. I don't know what's wrong with me lately. I'm having such a hard time waiting. With every day that passes I just feel more and more as though he just doesn't really want to do it. I know it can't be the case b/c then why would he be with me. (He knows I would end this relationship if marriage weren't something we BOTH wanted.) He's always maintained he wants to get married and HE was the one who said it would happen by the end of April. Now if he does do it on the cruise, I have to wait until June. I just feel like it's an excuse to push it back further. I am just so frustrated with the whole thing.

I'm trying so hard not to focus on it and focus on the gym since I've been going every day since the end of December and also dieting. (I've lost 8 pounds!) But that doesn't even seem to distract me anymore. I'm just bummed.
 

ckrickett

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jul 26, 2008
Messages
5,348
Date: 2/16/2009 12:34:20 PM
Author: inhisarms17

Date: 2/16/2009 11:41:46 AM
Author: Dreamgirl
Sorry to hear about that sweetie! Keep your chin up. Maybe he just didn''t know what to say because you asked him. I still can''t believe he said that too though. I mean, way to ruin it guy.....


Anyhow on that note, maybe he was just playing with you? Even if he wasn''t...ok...so he will do it on the cruise but you don''t really know when, or how. So it would still be a surprise. And he''s still going to ask you.....

Date: 2/16/2009 11:58:45 AM
Author: Blackpaw
oh thats a pain inhisarms, im sorry for you for this. Dont stress though, he''s your FF and im sure he''ll make it special and surprising for you
Thanks ladies. I truly appreciate your support. I don''t know what''s wrong with me lately. I''m having such a hard time waiting. With every day that passes I just feel more and more as though he just doesn''t really want to do it. I know it can''t be the case b/c then why would he be with me. (He knows I would end this relationship if marriage weren''t something we BOTH wanted.) He''s always maintained he wants to get married and HE was the one who said it would happen by the end of April. Now if he does do it on the cruise, I have to wait until June. I just feel like it''s an excuse to push it back further. I am just so frustrated with the whole thing.

I''m trying so hard not to focus on it and focus on the gym since I''ve been going every day since the end of December and also dieting. (I''ve lost 8 pounds!) But that doesn''t even seem to distract me anymore. I''m just bummed.
wow congrats on your weight loss! That''s awesome!
 

sammyj

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Aug 28, 2008
Messages
1,247
Date: 2/16/2009 12:34:20 PM
Author: inhisarms17


Thanks ladies. I truly appreciate your support. I don''t know what''s wrong with me lately. I''m having such a hard time waiting. With every day that passes I just feel more and more as though he just doesn''t really want to do it. I know it can''t be the case b/c then why would he be with me. (He knows I would end this relationship if marriage weren''t something we BOTH wanted.) He''s always maintained he wants to get married and HE was the one who said it would happen by the end of April. Now if he does do it on the cruise, I have to wait until June. I just feel like it''s an excuse to push it back further. I am just so frustrated with the whole thing.

I''m trying so hard not to focus on it and focus on the gym since I''ve been going every day since the end of December and also dieting. (I''ve lost 8 pounds!) But that doesn''t even seem to distract me anymore. I''m just bummed.
Aww....*hugs!* Many of us go through these slumps where our anxiety is through the roof and like SailorSweet said, we really are our own worst enemy. I also don''t think it helps that it was V-day this past weekend and we have been inundated with sappy Hallmark commercials, teddy bear displays and big fluffy hearts coming out the wazoo.

You just need to remind yourself that April is very soon and whether or not he waits until the cruise, it sounds like your BF is doing his best to plan something sweet and special for the both of you. It does however sound like he knows how important the April deadline is to you. I won''t give suggestions on how else to distract yourself (congrats on your 8 lbs but the way!) because my favourite means of distraction is shopping and I only ever wrote in a journal if I kissed a new boy. The one suggestion I have is to maybe join an 8-week program at your gym (like, pilates or something?) and April will have arrived before you know it. I just wanted to let you know that we are here to read/listen and to provide as much perspective as possible. Keep your chin up.
 

bubbly1126

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Sep 6, 2007
Messages
969
Date: 2/16/2009 12:52:19 PM
Author: sammyj
Date: 2/16/2009 12:34:20 PM

Author: inhisarms17



Thanks ladies. I truly appreciate your support. I don''t know what''s wrong with me lately. I''m having such a hard time waiting. With every day that passes I just feel more and more as though he just doesn''t really want to do it. I know it can''t be the case b/c then why would he be with me. (He knows I would end this relationship if marriage weren''t something we BOTH wanted.) He''s always maintained he wants to get married and HE was the one who said it would happen by the end of April. Now if he does do it on the cruise, I have to wait until June. I just feel like it''s an excuse to push it back further. I am just so frustrated with the whole thing.


I''m trying so hard not to focus on it and focus on the gym since I''ve been going every day since the end of December and also dieting. (I''ve lost 8 pounds!) But that doesn''t even seem to distract me anymore. I''m just bummed.
Aww....*hugs!* Many of us go through these slumps where our anxiety is through the roof and like SailorSweet said, we really are our own worst enemy. I also don''t think it helps that it was V-day this past weekend and we have been inundated with sappy Hallmark commercials, teddy bear displays and big fluffy hearts coming out the wazoo.


You just need to remind yourself that April is very soon and whether or not he waits until the cruise, it sounds like your BF is doing his best to plan something sweet and special for the both of you. It does however sound like he knows how important the April deadline is to you. I won''t give suggestions on how else to distract yourself (congrats on your 8 lbs but the way!) because my favourite means of distraction is shopping and I only ever wrote in a journal if I kissed a new boy. The one suggestion I have is to maybe join an 8-week program at your gym (like, pilates or something?) and April will have arrived before you know it. I just wanted to let you know that we are here to read/listen and to provide as much perspective as possible. Keep your chin up.
Thanks so much! You have no idea how much that means to me. I''m going to look for something to join to keep my mind off of it. I was thinking to just go to the gym every time I started dwelling on it. But I''m afraid there would be nothing left of me if I did that! Haha!
 

pyramid

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Nov 10, 2002
Messages
4,607
Maybe his plan is about saving for the ring and not the actual proposal, so when he gets that done it could happen anywhere. Just another train of thought maybe? Oh and now he has told you about the cruise it means he has given himself even more time to save.
 

Porridge

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 27, 2008
Messages
3,269
He was probably just excited and couldn't keep it in. Now you know...so enjoy the preparations! Buy a nice dress, get your nails done...this is supposed to be fun!
ETA: I just read over that and it sounded a little flippant. I didn't see the part about the cruise not being until June. That is annoying...I hate not knowing stuff! Anywho, you do want a romantic surprise proposal, and you know it will happen soon, so try to enjoy the wait, get a kick out of calling him your boyfriend before that term is lost forever. As the most impatient person I know, I understand your frustration...but you will have a lovely proposal and a beautiful ring soon, don't worry
 

musey

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Sep 30, 2006
Messages
11,242
Date: 2/15/2009 10:39:27 PM
Author: Haven
I''m sorry you''re upset about this, but honestly, you are going to foil every plan of his if you keep pushing him about it and asking for reassurance.

Instead of being vague, which is a language most men don''t speak, tell him exactly what you would like to discuss. It sounds like you were looking to hear something specific from him, but instead he told you when he was planning on proposing, and that''s not what you wanted to hear. Do you need reassurance because you aren''t sure that he''s planning to propose, so you''d like to make sure the two of you are on the same page? Or, have you already discussed getting engaged and you need reassurance that it will happen soon? Whatever it is, be clear about it, and if it''s the latter, maybe there are other issues going on that you really need to talk about that could explain why you''re in a rush.
I was going to post, but Haven already did, so I don''t need to say anything at all now!
(needless to say, ditto every single thing Haven said...)
 
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