Typically, it''s a "ladies first" rule. However, if you''re taking his name and you want a more formal return address, you''d use "Mr. and Mrs. John Doe. If you want it more informal then you could use "Mary and John Doe". And if you''re keeping your name it would be "Mary Smith and John Doe".
The basic rule is that the man''s first and last names should never be separated. When he and his wife share a last name it is ladies first if you''re using her first name as well as his -- so depending on the level of formality and use of professional titles, you''d have "Mr. and Mrs. John Doe," "Jane and John Doe," "Dr. Jane Doe and Mr. John Doe," "Drs. Jane and John Doe" ad nauseum. And also ladies first if they have different last names.
There''s a chart on the Emily Post website that I found once (I used to address tons of letters and invitations for my old job, so it was important), it was pretty informative!
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